The Hash was hosted by Crime, Godfather and Titty Galore behind Apia Park. It was deemed to be a need for a Hash Sports Day, so after a run around the block and into Apia Park, warming up with a lap on the track, Crime has arranged for a touch rugby match. This became the usual Hash mismanaged event, with great hilarity, cheating and grabbing of privates. We even had the attention of other teams playing, as Tallyho cried out “get a grip on it, Gayboy”. At his usual decibel level, this must have made them wonder what sort of team was playing in their midst. The overall score can best be described as inconclusive. It was on back to Crime’s place, where the sweet nuts of Godfather awaited next to the keg. The chefs were quick off the mark in cooking up a storm on the BBQ, and SOTB called the circle to order.
Those new to Apia Hash were called in – these were Maurie, Nicole and Margaret, brought by Pussysnatcher. All got a taste of the down-downs. The rethreads were Frances and Anita. Celebrity Awards went to Lezzie (in the Observer, Crash Bandicoot took it), Weathercock (in Observer for the cyclone meeting) and Lewinsky (clipping describing Clinton Licking Beavers, and for being on a fishing show on TV – hence a double).
This Day in History Awards went to Transporter (1807 – first patent for an internal combustion engine, used for transporting a boat), Ladyfinger (1922 – League of Nations mandate of Samoa given to NZ), Swinger (1484 – Battle of Lochmaben Fair where James III defeated the rebels), Crime (1934 – Public Enemy Number 1 Dillinger shot by FBI), Tallyho (Ratcatcher’s Day – he had let one escape), Snake (St Margaret the Virgin’s Day) and Poumuli (1304 – Stirling Castle falls – family ties).
The GM turned to his awards, and had noticed that the sports day had been graced by the world’s best ref (surely shome mishtake), which went to Dumass, who will no doubt be hired by the IRB. Snake as Shoe Inspector found one set in the dashing rugby boots of Sione, during which Weathercock complained that Vailima had released the glue from his boots the last time.
We had all noticed a certain Hasher being a bit rough on the field, pushing meres and being cheeky to the ref. As the accusations flew, it was agreed that both Cockblocker and Lewinsky should get the Intentional Foul Groping Award. Tallyho wanted to add to this that there was another hasher who had also been groping the meres, namely Swinger. Tallyho was made to join for jumping the gun.
Quick off the mark as nominations were opened, Poumuli reminded how SOTB had invited Witch Doctor to come to Ynot for a last drink, and then not showing up. A No-Show Award to SOTB.
Sassygirl BJ wanted to nominate those Hash Meres who had been enjoying the gropiness of the game, namely the Doctor, Hornithologist and Frances, so they got the Are You Just Happy To See Me Award.
Tallyho nominated Gayboy for not being able to hold on to the ball, obviously not Living Up to His Hash Name Award. Sassy quickly turned on Tallyho for his admission that no Viagra would get him up – a Weak At The Knees Award.
In a complete miscarriage of justice as usual, Tallyho managed to twist the facts surrounding the run back into an event whereby Poumuli had been eyeing up the local totty. This resulted in a Sleeping on the Couch Tonight Award for Poumuli. Hot off his success, Tallyho nominated Ozzie Osbourne for driving his chariot to and from the sports day, also joined by SOTB for giving rides in the VERTS vehicle.
During the game, Sassy had observed one Hasher sitting on the sidelines, not joining in and muttering that he was not abled. So since Today must have done something to Tomorrow, they were both given a down-down. Tallyho nominated Hot Flush and Strangler for staring at buxom circus performers, and in their absence this went to Ozzie.
Poumuli had been in a meeting with two other Hashers, one of whom (Screamer) was prolonging the meeting, while the other (Weathercock) was prompting it to shut down so he could go to Hash. A Dedication to Hash Award was therefore given to Weathercock, and a note taken to punish Screamer next week.
Finally, the hosts were saluted before we gobbled up the delicious BBQ spread.
Next week will be hosted by Slim Shady and Frances from the Australian Compound. The theme will be the Olympics, so watch the blog for map and details. Tallyho will be the Scribe.
Poumuli, IKA Slit