Editors note - apologies for late posting and many thanks to Tallyho.
On On from Aoteara
Poumuli, IKA Slit
As usual on Monday morning the
hash-o-sphere was filled with plaintive exhortations from the GM for someone,
anyone, to offer to host or provide a venue for the afternoon’s run. But after
the previous week’s run-of-the-year to-date set at the swallow-of-a-hashman’s
beer by Tallyho no-one offered. What a miserable bunch of lazy hashmen and
meres you lot are. So this week it was back to AHHH HQ at OTR for another
live-hare around the town. Much to everyone’s relief it was rumoured that CB,
our usual live-hare, was incapacitated having stubbed his toe on his baby’s
rattle and had gone lame. Fortunately since everyone seems to have got a taste
for real lame-horse meat, CB had not been turned into a meat pie, well not yet
anyway.
So the GM turned to the next best thing for
a live hare, that ageing but still dashing pommy stallion Tallyho, nothing lame
about him, feel his fetlocks anytime if you don’t believe the Scribe. So taking
his lead from that old nursery rhyme about The Grand Old Duke of York the pack
set off across the Police parade-ground cum car park and up towards Malifa. A
right turn took the pack through some muddy bits round the old cemetery and out
into Togafuafua. Out onto the airport
road, left at the old exchange at Lalovaea, and up towards Palisi and the
masts. At this point several of the pack
(reportedly led by Godfather in his over-size shorts – see below for the full
story) decided that uphill hashing was not their thing so they ducked right
down into Vaimea while the more intrepid headed higher and higher past the
prayer house, past a game of touch and up to the first mast. By this stage the
pack had thinned to comprise Tallyho, Swinger, Ozzie, DawnRaid, the two new
footprints Rory and Megan and a couple of others. Looking at the top mast,
still several hundred feet higher and disappearing into cloud, and thinking of
all the other SCB hashmen who were probably already getting stuck into the keg,
discretion was the better part of more uphill slogging, so the hare turned-tail
and headed back down and on-home. The top mast could wait for another day.
DawnRaid was off like a flash and that was the last to be seen of him, a clear
case of over-exuberance and failing to stick with the hare. His name was in the
book.
And so like the Grand Old Duke of York who had
ten thousand men, Tallyho marched them up to the top of the hill and marched
them down again, and when they were up they were up and when they were down
they were down and when they are neither half way up they were neither up nor
down. So on this occasion the pack was only ever half-way up, and that’s not a
good place to be for any hashman.
And so the GM called the circle to order, as
usual the pack had difficulty arranging itself in any semblance of a circle, it
was more like one of those petrie dishes they show on tv when something slimy
is growing and moving around in circle, bits split off, swallow other bits and
reform again into one big blob. But of course as with every hash there is a
good deal of swallowing going and not a few who might loosely be described as
blobs… but enough of this… we had three new footprints this evening: Rory a
fine pommy chappy working with UNESCO, Megan from LAX doing something with
microfinance, and hashman Julia Gillard from Moresby Hash here to set up yet
another car dealership.
A regular crop of regular failures was
next: Crash.. is he a failure or just a perennial late-cummer; Swinger back
from an asset inspection and servicing visit to BB in Fiji; Johnno had been
fishing… for what was not specified, and finally Pirate Princess who had been
working, n waiting for the Captain to return. In the absence of either Lewinsky
and Snake the GM has been busy looking for new shoes and had spotted staka this
evening, bright orange ones (Julia Gillard), bright blue ones (Prince) and
shiny white ones (Megan).
Poumouli had managed to send some history
and first up was Fang as Snake’s nearest living relative for something to do
with a cow in a plane in 1930; then it was Da Head and Transporter for the end
of prohibition in 1933, and Da Head was doubled-up for leaving the empty keg at
Tallyho’s place all week; the signing of Kyoto in 2005 brought DawnRaid to the
centre as the NLR of Poumouli who was, as usual, creating his carbon footprint
to add to global warming and his self-fulfilling prophesy, unfortunately
DawnRaid was getting over-excited and forgot to remove his sunnies and was also
doubled-up. The GM demonstrating his dictatorial and megalomaniac tendencies
then brazenly stepped forward to celebrate the birthday of Kim Jon Ill, clearly
a person who he aspired to be like.
There were no celebrities in the circle but
Transporter was the NLR of Low-rider who appeared yet again, and he had one for
himself in the report of a Ukrainian Gangster gate-crashing some celebrity
award ceremony; and Ring Ring got the non-celebrity award for failing to get
her picture in the paper as a trinket seller when the cruise ships were in
port.
On to the GM’s awards; Godfather had
arrived to find that TTG had forgotten his shorts so he had to borrow some
shorts from the GM, this left many pondering how could a slim and fit looking
Godfather have managed to stop the GM’s shorts, at least three sizes too big
for him, falling down, this is maybe why Godfather was slower than usual on the
run. Nicola was next on the GM’s hit list for complaining about the pair of fancy
shoes she won the previous week in GayBoy’s farewell raffle.. non-alco DD.
HotFlush was spotted coming in late and Sassy had a Phonus-interuptus before
DawnRaid and Ozzie got the Lazy-Bastards-of the Week award for getting one of
the OTR staff to pour their beers from the hash keg, it was murmured by others
that the award should have been for the perverts-of-week as they had been seen studying
her techniques closely as she bent over the pull the fluid for them. But the
latter award went to Swinger who had difficulty in looking Irene in the eye
while having a deep and meaningful discussion about the finer points of the plumage
of the greater spotted booby, and this after spending three weeks conjugating
with BB. (In case BB is reading this we have it on good authority that he went
straight home to a cold shower).
Throwing the floor open for everyone to dob
their mates, Witchdoctor was the first to try her luck with a
Poofter-of-the-Week dob on CB for calling DawnRaid on Valentine’s Day asking
him if he would like to meet for a drink, but the circle noted a touch of
jealousy in this as Witchdoctor had not received any valentine’s calls from
anyone, male or female and so Witchdoctor and DawnRaid took it together like
bro & sis.
Tallyho then pointed the shrine-stick at
those who had left their belongings at his place the previous week, Sassy’s
shoes and Witchdoctor’s water bottle. In the same breath DawnRaid was dobbed for
showing undue-athleticism on the run by getting ahead of the hare and not
following the trail. Fang and Pirate Princess were called to the centre for
gossiping and not paying attention, and Zsa Zsa joined them as ever-the-late-cummer,
this time complaining of a sore toe….. Sassy dobbed Johnno for doing good work
on cyclone relief and then Megan, Rory and Sassy were done for some false
accusation which your scribe failed to note. This was followed by a very confusing dob, at
least confusing to your scribe, from HotFlush and something to do with
Hornithologist leaving, bird-shit, Kiwis not being able to fly and ended with
Prince, Johnno and Karen in the circle. And finally the hare and hosts,
Tallyho, GM and Crash.
Toodle pip and On On
