Editors note - apologies for late posting and many thanks to Tallyho.
On On from Aoteara
Poumuli, IKA Slit
As usual on Monday morning the hash-o-sphere was filled with plaintive exhortations from the GM for someone, anyone, to offer to host or provide a venue for the afternoon’s run. But after the previous week’s run-of-the-year to-date set at the swallow-of-a-hashman’s beer by Tallyho no-one offered. What a miserable bunch of lazy hashmen and meres you lot are. So this week it was back to AHHH HQ at OTR for another live-hare around the town. Much to everyone’s relief it was rumoured that CB, our usual live-hare, was incapacitated having stubbed his toe on his baby’s rattle and had gone lame. Fortunately since everyone seems to have got a taste for real lame-horse meat, CB had not been turned into a meat pie, well not yet anyway.
So the GM turned to the next best thing for a live hare, that ageing but still dashing pommy stallion Tallyho, nothing lame about him, feel his fetlocks anytime if you don’t believe the Scribe. So taking his lead from that old nursery rhyme about The Grand Old Duke of York the pack set off across the Police parade-ground cum car park and up towards Malifa. A right turn took the pack through some muddy bits round the old cemetery and out into Togafuafua. Out onto the airport road, left at the old exchange at Lalovaea, and up towards Palisi and the masts. At this point several of the pack (reportedly led by Godfather in his over-size shorts – see below for the full story) decided that uphill hashing was not their thing so they ducked right down into Vaimea while the more intrepid headed higher and higher past the prayer house, past a game of touch and up to the first mast. By this stage the pack had thinned to comprise Tallyho, Swinger, Ozzie, DawnRaid, the two new footprints Rory and Megan and a couple of others. Looking at the top mast, still several hundred feet higher and disappearing into cloud, and thinking of all the other SCB hashmen who were probably already getting stuck into the keg, discretion was the better part of more uphill slogging, so the hare turned-tail and headed back down and on-home. The top mast could wait for another day. DawnRaid was off like a flash and that was the last to be seen of him, a clear case of over-exuberance and failing to stick with the hare. His name was in the book.
And so like the Grand Old Duke of York who had ten thousand men, Tallyho marched them up to the top of the hill and marched them down again, and when they were up they were up and when they were down they were down and when they are neither half way up they were neither up nor down. So on this occasion the pack was only ever half-way up, and that’s not a good place to be for any hashman.
And so the GM called the circle to order, as usual the pack had difficulty arranging itself in any semblance of a circle, it was more like one of those petrie dishes they show on tv when something slimy is growing and moving around in circle, bits split off, swallow other bits and reform again into one big blob. But of course as with every hash there is a good deal of swallowing going and not a few who might loosely be described as blobs… but enough of this… we had three new footprints this evening: Rory a fine pommy chappy working with UNESCO, Megan from LAX doing something with microfinance, and hashman Julia Gillard from Moresby Hash here to set up yet another car dealership.
A regular crop of regular failures was next: Crash.. is he a failure or just a perennial late-cummer; Swinger back from an asset inspection and servicing visit to BB in Fiji; Johnno had been fishing… for what was not specified, and finally Pirate Princess who had been working, n waiting for the Captain to return. In the absence of either Lewinsky and Snake the GM has been busy looking for new shoes and had spotted staka this evening, bright orange ones (Julia Gillard), bright blue ones (Prince) and shiny white ones (Megan).
Poumouli had managed to send some history and first up was Fang as Snake’s nearest living relative for something to do with a cow in a plane in 1930; then it was Da Head and Transporter for the end of prohibition in 1933, and Da Head was doubled-up for leaving the empty keg at Tallyho’s place all week; the signing of Kyoto in 2005 brought DawnRaid to the centre as the NLR of Poumouli who was, as usual, creating his carbon footprint to add to global warming and his self-fulfilling prophesy, unfortunately DawnRaid was getting over-excited and forgot to remove his sunnies and was also doubled-up. The GM demonstrating his dictatorial and megalomaniac tendencies then brazenly stepped forward to celebrate the birthday of Kim Jon Ill, clearly a person who he aspired to be like.
There were no celebrities in the circle but Transporter was the NLR of Low-rider who appeared yet again, and he had one for himself in the report of a Ukrainian Gangster gate-crashing some celebrity award ceremony; and Ring Ring got the non-celebrity award for failing to get her picture in the paper as a trinket seller when the cruise ships were in port.
On to the GM’s awards; Godfather had arrived to find that TTG had forgotten his shorts so he had to borrow some shorts from the GM, this left many pondering how could a slim and fit looking Godfather have managed to stop the GM’s shorts, at least three sizes too big for him, falling down, this is maybe why Godfather was slower than usual on the run. Nicola was next on the GM’s hit list for complaining about the pair of fancy shoes she won the previous week in GayBoy’s farewell raffle.. non-alco DD. HotFlush was spotted coming in late and Sassy had a Phonus-interuptus before DawnRaid and Ozzie got the Lazy-Bastards-of the Week award for getting one of the OTR staff to pour their beers from the hash keg, it was murmured by others that the award should have been for the perverts-of-week as they had been seen studying her techniques closely as she bent over the pull the fluid for them. But the latter award went to Swinger who had difficulty in looking Irene in the eye while having a deep and meaningful discussion about the finer points of the plumage of the greater spotted booby, and this after spending three weeks conjugating with BB. (In case BB is reading this we have it on good authority that he went straight home to a cold shower).
Throwing the floor open for everyone to dob their mates, Witchdoctor was the first to try her luck with a Poofter-of-the-Week dob on CB for calling DawnRaid on Valentine’s Day asking him if he would like to meet for a drink, but the circle noted a touch of jealousy in this as Witchdoctor had not received any valentine’s calls from anyone, male or female and so Witchdoctor and DawnRaid took it together like bro & sis.
Tallyho then pointed the shrine-stick at those who had left their belongings at his place the previous week, Sassy’s shoes and Witchdoctor’s water bottle. In the same breath DawnRaid was dobbed for showing undue-athleticism on the run by getting ahead of the hare and not following the trail. Fang and Pirate Princess were called to the centre for gossiping and not paying attention, and Zsa Zsa joined them as ever-the-late-cummer, this time complaining of a sore toe….. Sassy dobbed Johnno for doing good work on cyclone relief and then Megan, Rory and Sassy were done for some false accusation which your scribe failed to note. This was followed by a very confusing dob, at least confusing to your scribe, from HotFlush and something to do with Hornithologist leaving, bird-shit, Kiwis not being able to fly and ended with Prince, Johnno and Karen in the circle. And finally the hare and hosts, Tallyho, GM and Crash.
Toodle pip and On On