Hash Trash 1660

The Hash was hosted by Tallyho at his Palais de Siusega. Hashers had probably got the notice late so they arrived in dribs and drabs, but not to worry, Tallyho was nowhere to be seen. He had been spotted out on the drive there setting the run, and the time consumed should have been a concern to all around, which it was. A message was sent to the GM, and off the pack went, through the bushes outside the drive, down someone’s entryway, past angry dogs and out onto the back of the sports fields at Faleata. We then meandered down past the Fire Station and the inter-section, where after numerous false trails we found our way into the thickest bush. This part had been used in the other direction for a previous run, but that was before Evan had decided to play bowling with the trees and undergrowth. It was a mad scramble to get over all the fallen branches, and numerous cuts were administered to bare legs and shoulders. In addition, some of the Hash Meres had acquired the company of a small black puppy that miraculously followed the pack for the rest of the run all the way to Tallyho’s! After the scramble there was a Hash Halt called, and while we waited said puppy showed its nous for character by refusing Dawn Raid’s entreaties. Off again down to a paved road we returned up to the sports fields, and a circuitous path was taken on those dull straight roads. Some carefully extrapolated where the route must take us and decided that enough was enough and cut across a back road to get back early. So for the full run this was indeed an arduous one, with heat, bugs and various  obstacles – so many thanks Tallyho!

SOTB the GM called the circle to some sort of ordure, and found that there was not a single new person to Apia Hash! The rethreads were many – Fang (on parole), Seismic (working), Xavier (not sure) and 9’er (eating ice cream). Snake was Shoe Inspector for the day and found Pearl to be wearing a distinctly shiny and non-smelly pair. She bravely took the award.

Celebrity Awards went to Prince (in Observer, CLR Transformer), Lowrider (in paper for emerging as a leader), Cockblocker (for looking like some transgender person), and Poumuli (father-in-law in the paper). This Day in History Awards went to AC/DC (Bob Marley’s birthday), SOTB (1870 US establishes Weather Service), Sexpot and Desperate Housewife (1879 England cricket team attacked by rioting Aussies), Screamer (1994 Munch’s The Scream stolen, CLR Snake) and Seismic (2013 Solomon Islands earthquake).

The GM’s Awards are usually evil and cruel, but this time he gave a Valentines Award to birthday boy Sexpot. And that was it!

Opening up the floor, Sassygirl BJ was quick off the mark to recount the fabulous tale of a Hasher who had been playing with four tits and then nearly been run over by a car. Bovine Fondling Award to Snake.

Snake had heard that Transporter was going to learn the Ukrainian alphabet and demanded to hear this as well as to see Dumbas do the Ukrainian folk dancing, but sadly he had slipped away. Transporter actually did it, so поздоровлення нагороди to Transporter.

Keeping it in the family, Sexpot had been observing the BBQ and how Lowrider had so demurely and clumsily handled the large sausages, so she got the Haven’t Seen Them That Size Award. SOTB suddenly remembered that Sassy had written a letter to the Editor and this required a further celebrity award (this should be raised at the next hash – there is an order to the madness!).

Sexpot had been watching the 7’s avidly, and congratulated the Poms for winning Wellington, and then performing like some girls blouses in Las Vegas. Tallyho countered that England was always in favour of giving the underdog a chance (tell that to the various tribes colonized), but to no awail – a Whingeing Pom Award was agreed by vote.

Generosity in the Hash is always welcomed, especially marketing gimmicks pilfered at company functions. But Transporter was incensed that SOTB had finally brought something useful from Bluesky but not enough for everyone. After some back and forth this became the Mumbled Explanation Award.

After the run Sassy had almost had an accident slipping on a loose rug and demanded that Tallyho be given the Residential Unsafety Award. Au contraire said Tallyho, he was a tenant and not responsible, but the landlord should be accountable and he is a relative of Godfather. Snake had also gotten a very up close and personal view of Sassy’s derriere, and felt aggrieved, but Sassy wanted his skin for ogling the moonrise. This proved all too much for the GM to keep track of so he engineered a vote for all four to take this award.

Transporter then engaged in some FBI story about not being able to rely on the GM – yes we know – but SOTB took it anyway, quickly joined by AC/DC and Ring Ring for leaning, and Pearl and Xavier for smoking. Witch Doctor nominated Poumuli for locking his Mum out of the house, or the I Cant Remember That Award. 

In the annals of Apia Hash there have been many strange costumes and accoutrements worn, but nobody had noticed that Godfather was wearing pyjama shorts, even having told Sexpot about it. CB had apparently said something rude, so in the end Titty Galore got the award for bringing the pyjamas and CB because.

Sassy nominated Karen for not bringing her little piglet Murdoch’s Girlfriend on the run, while the GM called her housemate Witch Doctor for getting the premise of Amsterdam wrong with her t-shirt – get stoned, drink wet cement. Having heard complaints that the circle at YNot last week had been too long, Sassy proceeded to make this week’s circle equally long by nominating Weathercock for a Whingeing In The Circle Award, which went to CLR Snake.

Poumuli had picked up on the allusions in the GM’s award to Witch Dr and noted that the Hash was always a substance abuse free organization, or not AC/DC and Dawn Raid, hows about a Just Say No Award?

Punting the Hash Shrine into the circle, Tallyho presented us with a bundle of twigs, or kindling, which he had placed strategically on the run to guide us all safely if darkness came. He was joined in the Who Carries Matches On the Run Award by CB for leading the way.

Lowrider gave a Sneaky Award to DH for helping them with the phonetics of the Ukrainian alphabet, although all it was in fact were Ukrainian Muppets. We were all astounded that Lewinsky’s hounds had been abducted, and Poumuli opined that this must be the fault of the breeder of these dogs, hence a Best In Show Award to Fang. Finally, an obscure one to 60 for wearing Fijian style shorts in the pattern that Air Pacific is trying to patent.

Tallyho as Hare and Host was saluted and the BYO feast was devoured.

Watch the blog for next week’s run, and we’ll need a Scribe for next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit