Hash Trash 1659

The Hash was hosted at YNot Bar by Dumbass and Jordan. As it was the final ticks on the Super Bowl time clock the start was somewhat delayed. Nevertheless a trail had been set on flour and off we trotted. Across the intersection we ran down a well familiar trail along the Vaisigano river, only to be turned back at a false trail marker. The trail was reacquired and led past Aggies and turned in just past Apia Protestant Church, which made some wary of heading further. Indeed another false trail was spotted. At this stage the FRBs and the SCBs were suitably mashed up, and finally we ran down the road by the Cop Shop, with some further confusion along which way to take. Tallyho headed up to the hospital, for some “treatment” no doubt, but swiftly returned to the centre of the pack. As we hit the Cross Island Road, some opted for a longer run up towards NUS, while the rest of us headed across the destroyed bridge, past the UN complex and over to Vaiala beach for the on home past the wharf. There were numerous SCBs at this point. Shortish run, complex falsies and a need for finding new trails in this oft-used locale. 

No coconuts were to be found so we headed straight for the keg, with the usual consequences.

SOTB the GM called the circle to order and requested those new to Apia Hash to present themselves, so we met Sosene (brought by Horny Ho), Todd, Luke and 2 other med students who had been brought by some geezer masquerading as Lewinsky – hence a down-down for their gracious patron. Rethreads were Brent, Skunk, Snake, Jordan, Tribal and Stripper. The Shoe Inspector, much to his excessive delight, found two shiny victims in Transporter and Karen, who dutifully obliged after a sniff test had been completed. 

Celebrity Awards went to Tomorrow (was in the paper), Sexpot (on TV), Lowrider (forget) and Poumuli (Minister of Forestry urging locals to plant more poumuli). This Day in History Awards went to SOTB (1884 – first volume of Oxford English Dictionary (A to Ant) published), Twin Peaks (1918 – Twin Peaks Tunnel opens in San Francisco, longest in the world, then), Witch Doctor (1942 – Quisling installed as Minister President – she had a dog with the same hairstyle), Lewinsky (National Wear Red Day) and Gayboy, 60 and 9’er (LGBT History Month).

The GM launched into his various awards for the day, starting with a Chariot Rider Award to Cougar, followed by a Birthday Award for Eveready. In a rather convoluted story, a hash car had been broken into on the weekend (well it had been left open) and a search party dispatched found the thief to be a 12-year old. Age being no concern to Lewinsky he recommended and commenced a complete removal of said thief’s crap through the application of the medium of clenched fists. A Crime and Punishment Award to Lewinsky and the owner of the vehicle – Godfather.

The GM then decided to blame his piss-poor email service for the late arrival of last weeks history lesson, so Poumuli had to step in. This was quickly followed by a Sore Loser Award for Brent for yelling at Gayboy, which was accompanied by several derogatory catcalls. Continuing the weekend stories, a Safe Driver Award went to Cougar for dropping off two comatose Hashers, Lewinsky and Crash Bandicoot.

At the start of the run there had been an eager hasher ready to dash off, but  Godfather was held back by the non-arrival of his running gear. Titty Galore got the Disorganized Award. Opening up for nominations, Sassygirl BJ was quick to spot Horny Ho leaning. We were a bit amused at Godfather not striking up the tune, but as he had been rightfully so distracted by AC/DC, he was let off – not Ac/DC though – it was doubled for his sunnies.

Brent wanted to congratulate Gayboy for the Ravens win, but wanted to ask two questions – in which state is Baltimore and why the Ravens. The incomprehensible response was put to a vote, which was then voted as a double. Poumuli noted that there had been a plethora of SCBs, but that this time we also had some who ran extra long. For bringing Hash into disrepute (we are not a sporting organization) Tallyho got the LCB Award.

Lewinsky wanted to get Poumuli for wearing Argentinean garb during the 7’s, as he claimed to have seen him on TV. This False Accusation was quickly rebutted. Tooth Fairy showed up late and was given a double in honour of his birthday.

Eveready had been wanting to get something special in honour of last weeks announcements, but his present, a g-string, had been purloined by Tallyho. Claiming that this was a lost and found item bound for the Hash Shrine, it was eventually decided that Tallyho gets the down down. Quoting the famous “it takes a village”, Poumuli had seen a whole village in Leone grind to a halt in their volleyball activities as a small dog took a crap right outside their field. Owner of said canine, Karen, got the Murdoch’s Girlfriend Award.

Cougar nominated Lewinsky for sending his poor wife to pick up the keg in the rain. While we all know POD is a good sport, she rebutted that she would not be addressed as the poor wife, and made Cougar take the Slipped Tongue Award. Sassy called in 9’er for having a private circle, while Cougar successfully got Tooth Fairy the Knight in Shining Armour Award for taking her to the hospital. Presumably this was during Crash’s comatose phase.

The Apia Hash Mad Monk, sans her official uniform, called forth Jordan, who for being a bit of a Mummy’s boy henceforth shall be known as Bugsy. His naming award was doubled so we could all appreciate the speed again.

Gayboy arranged for a special gift to be drawn, namely two pairs of sneakers, from which the winners then had to drink. Your Scribe missed this, but one was Ozzie Osbourne. Tallyho then officially added the little man from Crime’s run, while Witch Doctor added an NFL ball from this run. He also led the Hash in farewelling Gayboy and Bugsy with the Hash Anthem, complete with lugubrious gestures. 

Gayboy thanked the Hash for being his 2^nd family – well he does get to eat well when he is with us – and donated the Ravens shirt to the Hash Shrine. Finally Poumuli got Lowrider the Eminent Persons Award for being selected by no less than the US Ambassador to attend a Pacific Emerging Leaders meeting in Pago.

The hosts and the hare were saluted. Watch this space for next week’s run.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit