Hash Trash 1685

Ah, the lazy dozy bugger virus was still in effect from last week so we had no hosts and no hares. Thus we were again privy to the hospitality of Lewinsky at On the Rocks, privy being the operative word. Again the services of Tallyho had to be cajoled. He led us out of the gate past his fellow grumpy old gits, into the Fire Station parking lot and around and about a bit. When he decided to take the back road of Apoula, your Scribe could hardly breathe, but was told the trail went past the mission house and back down to Palisi, then on home. So it was quite a long town run this one. Good that Godfather had left us some sweet nuts.

SOTB called the circle to order. New to Apia Hash were Ruby (Do Me Twice’s cousin), Steve from Wollongong, Josh from San Diego, all brought by and coached well by DMT, who then joined them for the down-down. The rethreads were Overstayer, DMT, Chilindrina, Titty Galore, Russel, Mel, Granny Smith and latecummer Sassygirl BJ.

The Shoe Inspector Snake initially thought he had found none, but was egged into accusing Russell and Rufie, Overstayer playing the part of Mata Hari, but this backfired, so both Snake and Overstayer took the award.

This Day in History Awards went to Tallyho (1763 – Pontiac's War: Battle of Bushy Run – British forces led by Henry Bouquet defeat Chief Pontiac's Indians at Bushy Run. – this was NOT a bushy run), Lewinsky (1971 – The first Pacific Islands Forum (then known as the "South Pacific Forum") is held in Wellington, New Zealand, with the aim of enhancing cooperation between the independent countries of the Pacific Ocean. – SG is Lewinsky’s Godfather) and Poumuli (not enough history!).

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (secret sex tapes leaked in US), Granny Smith (for Westpac spam emails) and SOTB (closest living relative to AC/DC, in Observer with his new tats).

The GM started his awards with a lurid tale of a Hasher being up to no good and seducing a young lass to come home with him for some dirty dancing, only to end up lecturing her on the immoral ways she was pursuing. Elle McJr should have taken this Being A Dick Award but closest living relative Prince took it, confirming that this was indeed a horrible speechification by EMcJr.

Then there was the dinner being hosted up the hill, with a Hasher complaining about sweating over a hot stove, but burned the food. Granny Smith took the Not Gordon Ramsey Award. Starting off the nominations, Sassy wanted a Bathing Beauty Award for Pamela Anderson, but had to join in for leaning. POD then wanted the resident Poms to have a Royal Birth Award, but this backfired as we had already done that one.

DMT requested that the GM tell her and her visitors the history of the Hash, which the GM managed to stuff up – right year, wrong city, wrong reason why Hash is called Hash, etc. The GM gamely took the down-down but had DMT join him for being a nosy know-nothing. At this point Tallyho had had enough of the muttering around his starting of the Hash song with a heart mi-mi-mi-mi, and making reference to the Parliamentary discussions around whether pussy was feline, suggested that Transporter should get this Worthy of Westminster Award. Granny Smith interrupted by calling Tallyho a dirty old man for this dirge, but the GM took umbrage at this and gave GS the Don’t Take The GM’s Job Award.

Getting back to more normal incriminations, Rufie nominated sundry Ozzies for the Loser Award for the Brumbies performance on the weekend. This was taken by Steve, Russel and Pamela Anderson. Poumuli gave Karaoke the Michael Jackson Award for dangling Amalia over the balcony of the bar.

The GM had a juicy tale, but was demurring from sharing all the details. Suffice it to say, Anthony had been sexting a 16 year old, and was joined by Lewinsky for encouraging this, in what the GM called the Confucius Award.

Mel finally got to hand over the Rooter Award and this went to Transporter, who is now the Hash Shit Rooter, as he could not come up with a solid accusation. As we reeled with laughter, Tallyho asked Lowrider to make her presentation to the Hash Shrine, which was a Japanese version of Superman, except that it was female and had a pussy.

The Hosts and the Hare, Lewinsky and Tallyho were saluted and joined by the chefs Snake, Rufie and Crime. Next week’s Hash will be on the Father’s Day Weekend in Savaii. Watch the blog for details.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit