Hash Trash 1688

The Hash was hosted by Granny Smith and Mel at their house in Vaoala. After some complicated parking manouvers we were able to get everyone situated, although this eventuated in a major car movement after the run. It was a lovely afternoon, reasonably cool, and all were concerned when Granny Smith returned from setting the run in a state of disarray, if not disrepair. We set off down the hill, and were first led into the narrow road opposite the Kiwi compound. False trail spotted after 150 metres. Back onto the Cross Island Road, we ventured into the next road before Mynas. False trail again, but provided the FRBs with the joy of seeing the GM being a FRB for a change. Past Mynas we finally turned in past SPREP, waved at the security guards, past the Forestry Station and on down towards the dormant creek. Here Tallyho called a Hash Halt, before Swinger explored to the right and Pamela Anderson to the left. Left it was, so up the creek we lumbered, until the fluorescently marked trail took us over and across and up a shite of a hill. No quotidian run this, as we realized that we were in the old GIZ compound that is now overgrown. We also realized where we were – and had the two bastard hills up to Bank Street to contend with now. After much wailing and huffing the pack made it up and over, then it was down the hill and on home. There were not enough sweet nuts, but first come first served.

The GM, SOTB, had taken a shortcut so was in fine form for the circle. He first invited those new to Hash to introduce themselves. There was Elizabeth who is Granny Smith’s mother-in-law, and for some reason he chose to speak for her! There was Richard who had been invited by someone named Courts, Tracey from Manganui who had been invited by Darr-something and Jane invited by Ring Ring. Rufie and Lewinsky joined Elizabeth (she insisted on having one, and beat Lewinsky).

Rethreads were Poumuli, Gayboy, Flash Gordon, Stiletto, Anthony and Slippery. Snake the Shoe Inspector then performed his usual ophidian routine, but found none except Gayboy for leaning. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (double for being in both English and Samoan version of Observer) and Alcatraz and SOTB (also in the Observer).

This Day in History Awards:

1896 – Anglo-Zanzibar War: the shortest war in world history (09:00 to 09:45) between the United Kingdom and Zanzibar. – Tallyho and Gayboy (Zanzibar is on the spice trade route, and of course Sunrise uses lots of spices to hide the putrid meat.

1946 – Bill Clinton’s birthday, and we know how he celebrated that back in 1998 - Lewinsky

1991 – Ukraine declares itself independent from the Soviet Union. - Sexpot

International Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade and its Abolition – any Aussies due to blackbirding stories in press. Was taken by?

Feast Day of St Gregory – Hot Nuts and Snake

Feast Day of St Monica of Hippo – Lewinsky – double entry!

The GM then turned his attention to the various misdeeds of the week. He had learned that a Hash Mere had been attacked by a Seeing Eye Dog on the plane, and by attacked meaning more like seeking an attachment. Stiletto received the Canine Carnal Knowledge Award. She was quickly joined by Overstayer who was dripping blood all over the place. 

In celebration of the Bledisloe Cup, token Kiwis and Aussies were called up. Despite his protests that now he was Ukrainian, Sexpot joined Blowfish for this One Sided Contest Award. Then there was the Husband of the Week Award. Apparently this Hashman had been promising to fix up the house, and when he finally has time he goes and builds a boat ramp instead. Sleeping on the Couch Award to Lewinsky.

A Red Carpet Award went to Alcatraz for leaving the door wide open as an invitation to thievery, of course joined by Crime. Slippery made a big announcement about having dived at Bikini Atoll, where he had held the inaugural Bikini Hash as a Red Dress Run – by himself! This somewhat convoluted and slightly schizo story resulted in a Glowing in The Dark Award.

Overstayer had been talking to Russel and Kate about their dogs, and that Lewinsky had offered to put them down by shooting the puppies. While we would not put this beyond Lewinsky, he countered that he had been offered beer to shoot them, thus Overstayer and Russel got the How Could He Possibly Have Refused Award.

Tallyho recounted that on the run the siblings who were new to Hash had not been shown any correct instructions by their sponsors, to the point that they had run UP the hill towards the Shrine (of the broken hearted according to Tallyho). Rufie and Blowfish got the Bad Instructions Award, and were joined by Tracy and Richard for the Misunderstanding Gravity Award.

Poumuli then complained to the GM as he had missed a lot of that jolly repartee as Gayboy and Swinger had been talking non-stop. About what we shudder to think, at least your Scribe. Sassy thanked all who had supported the Commodore’s Ball and in particular the Hasher who had paid into the auction. His tightwad boss had not fronted up, to which Sexpot demanded a False Accusation for Sassy. But it seemed that Sexpot had been watching the rugby and got Granny Smith to work for him (which he does). In any event both of them took the award.

Speaking about the same Ball, Poumuli nominated Sassy for That Other Woman Award for the front page photo of her hubby. Godfather then passed on the Angry Bird Award to Mel for being angry with Granny Smith. (Ed note: Godfather had merely picked up the Bird after it was flung in Cockblockers angry display last week).

Sexpot nominated SOTB for receiving the Best Dressed Male at the Ball, in a suit that Gayboy would have loved. Stiletto dobbed in Flash Gordon for buying the suit. The rules of Hash being invoked Flash Gordon joined SOTB for the No Poofters At Hash (which man buys another man a suit), and also Lewinsky as he has the same suit (was for the wedding but nevermind). Poumuli tried to get the Hare for a road safety and toxic paint award, but this backfired hopelessly and a painted leaf was added to the Hash Shrine.

Sassy lamented the state of the Manu Samoa finances and picked on someone who looks like a rugby player, Pamela Anderson, to take the Mismanagement Award, joined by the Manu bankers Westpac in the form of Granny Smith. The latter then nominated Houdini for the Houdini Award as she had managed to sneak in to the house to steal a brownie.

Flash Gordon nominated Wahoo and Poumuli for the strange noises that Amalia had been making – no comment! Witch Doctor got a Latecummer Award while Tallyho gave the Hash Inclusiveness Award to Ring Ring, Jane and POD. Sexpot had been surfing the news only to find that the English Cricket Team had celebrated the Ashes victory by pissing on the turf, so a Shameful Award went to Tallyho.

The Hare and Hosts were saluted and a wonderful meal was consumed.

Next week will be at Karaoke and Eveready so wear pink. Desperate Housewife will scribe.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit