Hash Trash 1690

The Hash was hosted by Horny Ho and Odette at the Samoa Marina Hotel by the wharf. No trail had been set by the time we were ready to run, so Rufie (and Swinger where local knowledge was sorely needed) set off as Live Hare. We swept around past Palolo Deep, and on to the Apia Park road for a Hash Pause, before setting off past the UN offices. The Hare took us in towards then past Apia Park and into the village beyond. After some hesitation, the Hare arrived back at the main road, whence Swinger took the pack on a scenic route by the river and back through town then on home. There were just about enough sweet nuts to go around.

SOTB is off on his own personal Alcatraz in Savaii, so Princess of Darkness stepped in as GM. Calling the circle to order, our long past GM invited the newbies to step forward. There was Renee (working at MCIL), who when asked said she had been brought by Ali, Tom (from Apia) and they were joined in the down down by Blowfish and Lewinsky who had mislaid his hearing aid. The rethreads were Julia Gillard and Julia Gillards Wife, Horny Ho, Jess, and Matt and Jenny (German couple on holiday). The rethreads were joined by latecummer Xavier.

Swinger was appointed Shoe Inspector, and zoomed in on Jess. The shoe-drink was repeated as it was discovered that Blowfish had cleaned the shoes to drop her in it, so she drank from the other shoe. More latecummers arrived, so Nicola and 9’er joined the awards, while Nicola did a double for non-removal of a hat accoutrement. 

Celebrity Awards went to reps from Nafanua for being in the paper (Xavier, Odette, 9’er, HH and Nicola) and a double for Blowfish (paper and TV).

This Day in History Awards went to Matt and Jenny (1939 Canada declares war on Germany, bet that scared them, and when one German drinks, all Germans drink), Seismic, taken by closest living relative Poumuli (1999 – A 5.9 magnitude earthquake rocks Athens, rupturing a previously unknown fault, killing 143, injuring more than 500, and leaving 50,000 people homeless), Eveready (Grandparents Day), and Godfather (World Suicide Prevention Day, as a key supporter of FLO).

Getting to the GM’s awards she started on about Hashers with very suspect injuries, namely what looked like carpet burn on Jess and the mysteriously cut lip on Eveready. As this is family publication, we will not go into the f’ing details. Further, the GM had received reports that two anti-social Hashers had gone fishing Saturday, but had parked their boat in the water by the Teuila concert and enjoyed the concert for free – Rufie and Lewinsky.

Finally, a Living Up to Hash Name Award was given to Crime, who somehow had gotten himself a Perimeter Relay shirt without participating or assisting any teams. Opening up for nominations, Sassygirl BJ was quick off the mark and described in gory details how a Hasher had been misbehaving, to the point of tattooing his sister-in-law with a marker pen up to her thigh while she was asleep. A Marks of Polynesia Award to Rufie.

Sassy also nominated Snake for coming to the rescue of the sound system for the Teuila concert, and by acclaim this Superhero Award was doubled. Quickly thereafter Nicola and 9’er were dobbed in for constant chit chattery.  Snake had observed that at the end of the run, one Hasher had sauntered in muttering that he had woken up in time for Hash. Bedhead Award to Lewinsky.

Horny Ho had volunteered to host at the last minute, only to receive the Hash BBQ in a state of disgusting grease and gristle, with no gas. Crash Bandicoot’s closest living relative Lewinsky stepped in, had to be helped by POD, and quickly left the circle to expectorate in a heaving fashion.

We often have quick reversals of fortune in the circle, and Swinger delivered a doozy, in accusing Pamela Anderson of forcing his partner to stay home and type up his job applications while he went to Hash, and in turn getting a false accusation for this obvious Hashman-like behaviour.

Sassy had been incensed by the new rules from MCIL sent via Chamber of Commerce, that in a state of emergency workers could stay at home and treat it as a public holiday, which meant that those who show up get time and a half. This confused the shit out of the circle, because if you stay at home you just get regular pay??? Anyway, MCIL rep Renee took the Social Security Net Award. 

There were two lovely new Ford Rangers in the yard, and Pamela Anderson noticed that one of them had been a bit banged up (Poumuli and Wahoo held their breaths on this one), but when he said it was for a Bad Driving Instructor Award it was clear – Julia Gillard. Rufie then wanted a Losers Award for the Ozzies for their South Africa game which went to POD.

Pamela Anderson had been thinking on this one all night methinks, as he spoke about the Australian election, and the need for someone with a politicians name to get an award…

The good news that Imelda da Welda is doing better was brought to us by Sassy, who opined that this must be the results of Witch Doctor’s intervention, spells or incantations. So a Witch Doctor Award went to Witch Doctor, I suppose…

Godfather then had a confession to make, and regaled the circle with how pleased he had been Saturday with the concert, and how a lady in red had appeared before him, replete with a sizeable balcone and most well-endowed, and had asked if she could complain to him. Shook rigid, GF could but mutter, so she told him she had paid the tickets but had been late, and had been turned away by a palagi woman. She  then told him her life story of being lured onto a boat by a yachtie and abandoned in Kiribati, where she had lived naked. We can all imagine GF’s imagination going into cyberspeed. Upon asking him do you know who I am, no, she said Sally. Apparently she had worked for Do Me Twice, and closest living relative Xavier was tasked with the Godfather Fantasy Island Award, doubled for leaning.

Eveready had been bursting to interrupt and was given the floor, whence he too confessed to such a dream. He had looked up and there was a woman in red, but with no panties on. When the apparition asked if he knew who she was, no, and the reply was Cindy of Samoa, Eveready freaked and leapt out of the dream as well as the bed – apparently receiving his cut lip in the process, or alternatively, through the medium of a clenched fist after telling Karaoke he was dreaming of Cindy. Matt was chosen as being as tall as Cindy to take the award, and he was joined by the horny Godfather.

Having hurled his late breakfast, Lewinsky was lucid enough to recall the Sunday party for kids at Rufie’s place, where he had set clever traps to maim the little ones. There were fish hooks, lines everywhere ready to entangle and cause cries. Quickly Pamela Anderson came to his defence, having seen him try to fish the previous weekend, and in his opinion was such a shit caster there was no wonder there were hooks everywhere. The defence rested on getting his client doubled.

We then had a birthday toast for HH and Sosene, we saluted the chefs, and then the Hosts and the Hares.

Sassy announced that the price of a keg was rising so from October we would move to a $20 fee. She explained we had been on $15 in living memory so we needed to live within our means. Plans will also be made for the 1700^th run, which will coincide with the 75^th Anniversary of Hash worldwide.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Julia Gillard in Apoula Heights. Watch the blog for details.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit