Thursday, February 05, 2015

Hash Trash 1762

Street Talk
Last week the Apia Hash House Harriers were hosted to a run in Letogo. This worldwide phenomenon has been in Samoa for a long time, but what impact has it had on the local population, and what do they know of the Hash. Your Scribe took to the streets of Apia to see what people knew and what their reactions to the run were.

Alifereti, taxi driver, Valea-uta
I am against it. Why are these people running? It is bad for business. I was confusing when I passed them and one shouted on on. What is that – do you want to get on or not? There is just one on, and that is on. Not on on. Get on, or leave me alone. Why run when you can go in my taxi for just 5 tala, depending on where you are going. It would have been extra to go up that hill and through the mud.

Peni, labourer, Manutagi
These are signs that show us that Jesus Christ is coming back. When people run up a hill and down a hill for no reason, surely these are signs as written in Holy Scripture. Those who have the holy spirit in them will surely know. Just last week our Pastor told us the story of the rich man and the beggar, and how it was easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a camel to. So we must all repent. Actually, I have not heard of this Hash.

Sina, maid, Lei
Thank you for the question. It is important to us as a country founded on God – Sa-Mo-A – to make sure that even as our world changes, rapidly and in so many ways, we can still, all of us, give thanks and praise and rejoice. In Samoa we don’t want our leaders to equip us with weapons of mass destruction such as this Hash that you said. We need the Government to step in and I support them in what they do, as they have been put in their place by the Lord. Something needs to be done.

Pule, bargirl, Beach Road
I don’t support it. We should not be changing the way we were founded. Its like these people are using their power to control and do whatever they please. This is against the sa, and these concerns must be listened to by our Member of Parliament so our voices are not strip away, and what are they running from. I support the Government, as we are progressing because of Government, which is more that I can say for this Hash. They ended up exactly where they started. I have a bad feeling about this Hash. I am sure that the next time there will be drinking involved, and all sorts of bad things happen. I know this is true, as I work in a terrible place where loud old men sit and drink beer until dark, and my boss beats me.

Basically, we ran out of the house, down the slippery slope, up a farm track, down a slipperier slope, on home.

There were no newbies, but the retreads were Iapi (freezing in his Netherlands), Screamer (too drunk) and Hot Nuts (in demand paddler/piddler). Celebrity Awards went to Sam for Ring Ring (in paper at Oz Day), Gayboy for Lezzie (some donation celebration in the paper) and Titty Galore for looking like the new Disney character Moana. A special had been on TV for World Wetlands Day, so for Being Wet Award went to Swinger and Screamer.

This Day In History Awards went to Wahoo (1966 – The Soviet Union launches the unmanned Luna 9 spacecraft as part of the Luna program), Godfather (2004 – Janet Jackson's breast is exposed during the half-time show of Super Bowl XXXVIII, resulting in US broadcasters adopting a stronger adherence to Federal Communications Commission censorship guidelines. This he opposed!), Sassygirl BJ (2004 – Facebook, a mainstream online social networking site, is founded by Mark Zuckerberg) and Swinger (World Wetlands Day).

There was no need for a shoe inspector as Iapi’s shoes were gleaming even after that mud bath on the way home. He gamely took his Award. The GM then turned to a diving trip that had occurred on the weekend, with Cockblocker, Swinger and Hot Nuts. Apparently Hot Nuts, always a stickler for efficiency and neatness, had forgotten everything. In addition, one hasher did a bathroom stop off the front of the boat, number 2s, and Swinger happened to snorkel through it! Alzheimer Award to Hot Nuts, Don’t Swallow Award to Swinger and WTF Award to CB.

Since Westpac is deserting us for BSP, Tia got the Bankers Award. Crash Bandicoot was called up as his beloved South Sydney Rabbitohs (WTF are those?) won the Auckland 9s. He narrowly avoided a double for his hat. While on sports, the Super Bowl had just been won by the New England Patriots, so token Yank Rachael was called on, as well as Gayboy who thought he could hide being a Seattle Seahawks aficionado.

Everyone had noticed how well dressed Cougar and IRA were and neither had done the run, thus the GM turned her attention to their reasoning, which Cougar summed up as Keeping Her Man Interested Award. And last week the GM had gotten a text that Hot Nuts was in the hospital. Which he was not. Misleading the GM Award to IRA.

Opening up for nominations, Screamer had been looking in abject wonder at the lack of parking abilities from one of the Hashers, and it turned out that Cougar hadn’t even been assisting Crash with directions. A Lady Driver Award to Crash, doubled as this time he did forget the hat.

Sam had of course twisted his ankle on the run last and thus gave a Florence Nightingale Award to Rachael. The story reminded the GM of Hot Nuts on the run, who had done a bit of an environmental study of the horrendous landfill by the beach. Tia had stopped to stretch, whereupon Hot Nuts had basically been blown away. Tia joined for provococating and Godfather said he was proud of Hot Nuts.

Rachael then, as self appointed medic, nominated the apparently sick Lewinsky for effortlessly carrying boxes up the steep drive to Sassy’s. POD unfortunately had to take this one. In responding to the check email on who was coming to Hash, Godfather had responded that he would be present with bells on. Immediately Titty Galore responded that this would be acceptable as long as he didn’t give them away! Another version of the Chinese Wallet Award.

BB was serenaded with the farewell song, and the hosts and hare were saluted. BB did her down down in neat whiskey. A fabulous meal awaited us. Many compliments to the chef!

Check the blog for next week’s run

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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