Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Hash Trash 1763

Made from 100% recycled electrons

Hello boys and girls and welcome to story time. Today we are going to hear a fabulous funny tale about a little panda called Lewinsky and his adventures with the Hash. Does anyone know what a panda looks like? Yes Ari, they are cuddly. No Antony they are not fat little pricks. Ok we’ll get back to that one. Anyway, Lewinsky was so excited because all his friends from the Hash were coming. Yes Antony he has friends, and stop molesting Chi. Yes I know he probably likes it, but this is a children’s show. So Lewinsky was very excited about, crap I said that already. His close friend Crime was coming around to help him. Crime is a hare – has anyone seen a hare? Yes Nyn, they have long fluffy ears. No Antony they are not bouncy little bastards. Crime was going to set a trail for the Hashers to follow, by putting out white paper in a line for them to follow. No Antony why would the Hashers sniff the trail just because it’s a white line? Stop interrupting. So Crime went out of the gate, and down past Apia Park. No Antony Chi does not hang out in the toilets there, not anymore. He went past the UN building and around the back to Apia Park. Antony one more word from you and you’ll get it. Crime laid his trail into the little village of Vini and followed the track until he got to the Vaivase Road. Here he had planned to go all the way to the Fagalii golf course, but instead went straight down over the causeway in the Moataa wetlands. No Antony they are not wet because he pissed himself there. Then it was on home to the Lewinsky house, where all the Hashers would enjoy the succulent nuts brought by Godfather. What was that Antony? Allright, that’s it, I’ll get you you little bastard, they don’t pay me enough to put up with your shite. Beep beep beep beep…

POD the GM called the circle to order, when Poumuli made a Point of Order and handed the GM a rather devilish insignia of office that he had found in a Halloween store in Peru. This act earned him an instant down down. The GM continued finding no newbies, but retreads in ProBoner and Prince. Murray was appointed Shoe Inspector, but was so slovenly that he missed Godfather’s spanking new Nikes. While Godfather guzzled from the shoe, Murray took a large one.

Celebrity Awards went to Prince (story about some nightime stabbin’ in Siusega), Murray (NZ doesn’t rank Samoa higher than 8 out 10 for tourism) and Godfather (robbery at an Annandale brothel).
This Day In History Awards went to Prince (1840 – Signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, establishing New Zealand as a British colony) and Slippery (Feast Day of St Richard the Pilgrim).

Last week there had been some drama with a Hash couple, Gayboy and Tia, the latter becoming tired and emotional (that is, blisteringly drunk) and broke a wine glass. There was some back and forth whether this led to an attack of the Sudden Horniness Syndrome, but in the end, Tia took this award. Following on from this, Gayboy had nearly crashed Godfather’s car, and it had somehow ended in the ravine. He also nearly ran over Godfather, hence a Don’t Mess With Titty G’s Stash Award. Poumuli nominated Sassygirl BJ for the Humanly Inaccessible Residence Award.

Godfather did acknowledge that there were scratches, but that the honesty of the culprit would prevent him from handing a huge bill to the Hash. He did mention overhearing Tia at the time say, who let the Chinaman drive, so Tia was back in the middle.

Before the Hash one of the Hash Meres had shown off her malu, and fearful of a re-enactment the GM called forth Rachael for a Culturally Inappropriate Award, whereupon said feared re-enactment was enacted.

We then welcomed Lucas, and ProBoner did the down down on his behalf. Well he is only an infant. Fearing a further re-enactment, the GM called on Iapi for scaring the meres with his budgie smuggler, and sure enough, re-enactment followed. Iapi got his revenge in through an Incompetence Award to Poumuli for not checking the Sunday Observer for celebrities. Poumuli repeated the gesture with a Spiritual Concern Award, as Iapi had expressed worries that the hash trash was becoming too blasphemous.

Sassy gave a Beautiful Conniving Bitch Award to IRA for tricking her hubby to go to Las Vegas, with the ulterior motive of a similar trip for herself. Gayboy nominated Crime for grunting encouragement to Tia on the drive home after the last Hash. Not sure but a bit of a voyeur is or Crime, who claimed he was merely cheering on Gayboy.

Poumuli nominated Lewinsky. What for asked the GM? Dunno, but it was a good charge, as Godfather picked up on this and stated that he couldn’t keep up. Lewinsky countered that he had seen something inspirational on the run, meaning by the bathing pools, thus a Self Nomination Award.

We were all aware that the BBQ had arrived from Crash without gas, but not that Sassy had offered to cook the sausages by sitting on them, well one at a time. Hot Dog Award.

Godfather then nominated Titty Galore for a Wannabe Award, as she had been holding Lucas with a happy face, not knowing that he is firing blanks!

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, and then we enjoyed the bangers and mash.

Watch the blog for next week’s run. And here are some new songs Your Scribe is proposing for the Hash:

Melody – Do, Re, Mi (Sound of Music)
Dough the stuff that buys me beer,
Gay, the Boy who buys me beer, (Thanks Gayboy!),
Me, the guy, he buys beer,
Far, a long way for a beer
So, I think I’ll have a beer!
La, la la la la la la,
Tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer,
And that brings us back to Down, Down, Down, Down…

Melody – Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Down Down Down your beer,
To pay for your crime.
Quit complaining about the taste,
There’s no cum this time.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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