This is the first formal submission of the Hash Trash from your Assistant Trainee Scribe, so please bear with me. The run was hosted by Salsa and her Tito at Tony Blair and Selena’s house. Kiwi had gone out ahead to set the run and off the pack went in pursuit. The nice steady climb up the wooded path by the river was not a harbinger of things to come. A long way up we all of a sudden came to a cross, but only after several hashers had missed it and were checking across the river. We all turned back, and in an uncharacteristic display of macho bravery, Lewinsky even crossed the narrow dam to look for the trail, which he could not find. Convinced that Lewinsky was dumber than that, Snake set off to see for himself, only to find the trail possibilities to be too limited. Unbeknownst, Greg and Dawn Raid had set off up into the trees to scout out a possible trail, but returned before reaching the top. Poumuli and SOTB tried the same trail a few minutes later, but the paper was at least a 100 metres up according to Kiwi. All except SOTB received an Incompetence Award as a result later. At this stage the sun was going down, and a few other possible trails were explored, as the beautifully red and golden coloured light dappled through the leaves, creating a rather stunning setting for an ignoble return to the house for the baffled hashers.
Trouble was literally brewing. The keg kept giving off a foamy substance that was only minimally reminiscent of beer. Tino from Vailima had to be called in for an emergency operation, which was successful. However, he was wearing a Wadadli shirt – that is a sister brewery from Antigua in the Caribbean. Bit odd that…
Talk about slaving over a hot stove – Gordon Ramsey had been slow roasting a pig over coconut coals for 8 hours! That is true dedication to the Hash and the feeding thereof.
The hash circle was started with Bolivian precision – no one outside the circle, and a circle it had to be, as Selena ordered people to move. There was one newcomer – Misti who was a guest of Snake. Retreads included Farmer Joe, Mr. Whippy and Dawn Raid. There were no new shoes, so BB had to get a down, although she was later heard muttering dark curses at Dawn Raid for conveniently locking his shoes in the car. The Celebrity Award went to Sassygirl for telling the Government it was stupid on the front page of the Observer. She was joined by BB who had to act in proxy for Swinger – whose mum was also in the photo. She protested vigorously that this was unfair, as there was no official linkage. Whatever…. Sassygirl and SOTB got a second award because of Mr. Sass also being in the paper.
The GM recounted a story of a hash mere who lost her bikini at the Sinalei beach run , so both Selena and Tony Blair got a Stripper Award. This was compounded later, when it was discovered that Selena had also left her pistachio green socks in Gabor’s shoes that day. Gabor himself got the Bulging Tightpants Award.
Crash Bandicoot arrived late, and was brought up on charges for making Delicious cry on the phone from NZ. In addition to the Incompetence Award, Hobbes was awarded for getting his bulk stuck in the fence on the way home.
There was much hilarity and comment regarding the failing wardrobe of the GM, who eventually got the Tarzan Award for his bared nipple, courtesy of SOTB. The award that is, not the …
Sassygirl was on a roll at this point, calling and award for Bits & Pieces for his lack of sailing skills and endangerment of the public through a Hobie Cat, Tony Blair for his Narnia shirt, and she contributed to Dawn Raid getting a “What’s the point in talking to someone with their I-Pod on full blast” Award. Skankanavian was given the Hostile Takeover Award for stealthily acquiring boyfriends whose girls were absent.
At this point the Hash Monk miraculously appeared. Tito’s full name apparently has something to do with avocadoes, so he shall now be known as Guacamole. After blessing him with the traditional dowsing of flour, beer, paper and pig fat, the Hash Monk encouraged him and Salsa to go forth and make nachos. The GM called for the Hosts and the Hare, and then added a down down for Lewinsky on pure spite.
After the sumptuous feast or roast pork, Russian (yes, I wondered too?) curry, spicy chilli and salads, a birthday cake was brought out for Salsa and Tony Blair. The birthday songs were rendered in Spanish (well the Bolivian version at least), Dutch, Hungarian, English, Norwegian and Samoan.
A note to the Hash – FBI better show up with the Chicken Hat next time.