Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Hash Trash 1482

The hash was hosted by Selena and Tony Blair at their lush garden in Tuaefu. The run had been set by RingRing on flour, which caused some visually impaired hashers a problem – apparently birdshit, old dogshit and dried road paint can take on the same visual qualities. But as Eveready pointed out, it was lucky nobody tasted it to check. The pack set out from the yard led by Captain Mortein, who was sure we were going up the river creek way. After finding a cross at that gate we carried on over the bridge, where we thought we had found the trail, but no (see above). The trail was picked up going the other way towards Faleata golf course, now clearly having been set from a chariot. We followed the road up to the left, where another false trail sent us scurrying back to a side road. Greg was continually leading at this stage, showing undue athleticism, but not as much as Larry. We found the only off road part of the trail led us past some angry dogs and bemused gardeners, and a few young kids outran us. At the cross-road (sorry I didn’t get the name) we were led off to another false trail, and most of us took the road down for the on-home. Godfather led the last of the pack up the false trail again to check, so there were a few latecomers back to the house. All in all, a nice jomp along country roads, with the odd diesel belch making one nauseous.

Eveready stepped in as Acting GM, a role he has polished to a tee. Having observed that there were two kegs, he ordered large mugs for the awards, only to be given a lame excuse from Crash Bandicoot as to their whereabouts. The GM used his military intelligence skills to zoom in on the real culprit – Tony Blair – who got the Stealing Hash Property Award, decrying his innocence the whole mug down.

There was one newcomer to Hash, Emi, who had not been told by Flash Gordon about the procedures. That was the first one for Flash Gordon, who joined Snake and Fang as rethreads. New Shoes had been spotted from the very start of the run – Flash Gordon living up to his name indeed.

Celebrity Awards were given to Godfather (a double for that huge photo in the Observer) and Team Desirable with support (full page photo in the Observer) – Swinger, BB, Delicious, SOTB and Crash Bandicoot were those in attendance.

The GM recounted the festivities of the past weekend and how the hosts had only provided for one diet Coke, so the No Respect Award went to Tony Blair. Other hashers who said that they would not be turning up, then did, were given the Last To Leave Award (Crash Bandicoot and Delicious). On the same subject the GM said he was told by Karaoke to go home for the diet Coke, only to hear later that she was dancing on tables. She got a repeat award through Lewinsky who recounted the excessive advertising of flashing assets during said table dance, so Karaoke took the Flaunt It If You’ve Got It Award.

Slippery was doing his usual paparazzi thing, except Delicious and Probona caught him taking boob shots. Slippery claimed he was shooting the t-shirts, so after the vote the girls joined him in the award. Tony Blair nominated Bits and Pieces and Poumuli for the Emancipation Award for also dancing on the table. That got SOTB on a roll – first was an unfortunate usage by the Scribe of a real name for a hasher, second the fact that Underrated had used the wrong hash name on the blog. Oh well, a double award had to be taken by Poumuli. (We have now ascertained that the hash name for last week’s hare is Buzzer, according to Sassygirl and SOTB) SOTB spotted Captain Mortein leaning.

Sassygirl reported that Kamikaze had come to her office after a run, stank it up so he got the Lack Of Deodorant Award. When asked what he was doing, he immediately got himself a Lost in Translation Award (I know he meant he was looking for a fax, but that is NOT how it sounded!). SOTB continued tormenting Poumuli, having spotted him breaking Wahoo’s coconut by cracking the wrong end. Also Selena was called for the Spiked Drinks Award, as no one but Eveready could remember anything from Saturday.

As this was run number 1482, Poumuli had done some research on what happened that year, only to find an anniversary for the Flemish artist Hugo van der Goes, so of course our only Dutch hasher with a similar name got this award – Goer. (Tony Blair has since vowed a payback as he claims that the Dutch are not Flemish – need to research that one).

Larry attempted to get Bits and Pieces for spilling beer, but it backfired. Delicious and Probona were nominated for the Moving Out Without Telling the Parents Where Award, and SOTB got Lewinsky a Hero Award for bringing adequate diet Cokes. Sassygirl was disappointed that Greg had not been wearing his standard hot pants attire, and he was awarded what must now be the Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t Award.

The GM had been asking the runners about the hash, and what had transpired only to find that Lesbian Vampire Killer had set her own run. She dobbed in her accomplices Lewinsky and Probona. SOTB also nominated BlowMe for confusing flour with paint and setting off in the wrong direction. Lewinsky nominated Gordon Ramsey for the Why You Not Cooking Award. Captain Mortein wanted it doubled as Gordon Ramsey had avoided the rethreads, but your Scribe did a quick check to verify that this was a false accusation (more revenge and payback was vowed). BB recounted her blissful meditation on Namua island during the switch being disturbed by a loud Kamikaze, who then proceeded to collapse during his award. Probona wanted SOTB to get the Misleading Advertising Award for claiming the apartment they were moving into was spic and span.

Delicious nominated Crash Bandicoot for nearly giving her a heart attack with his driving, but this should really have been a Living Up To His Hash Name Award. Our newcomer Tammy never got an award before so the GM gave her one for practice. Poumuli got Larry the Competitiveness Award (and even more revenge promised). The GM decided he wanted to give Special Awards to all those who had avoided it, so forward Sassygirl, Strangler, Mad Hatter, Sergeant Major, Slippery, Wahoo, Mr. Whippy, Hobbes.

SOTB recounted how last week’s hash had ended too early for his liking, but that he had been taken to a hotel bar by Gordon Ramsey for what became a very late night. He was joined by Wahoo as a representative of the proprietor, as well as by SOTB. Sergeant Major nominated Crash Bandicoot for not giving a ride to Kamikaze on the way to hash. The GM gave the No Reply Award to Mr. Whippy for not returning his calls, and the You Got Me So Worried I Called the Cops Award to Delicious (she went to see Crash Bandicoot instead of the gym). The GM completed the ceremonies by calling for the Hosts and the Hare. The Hare was absent, so he asked for closest relative. Since it was RingRing, he decided it should be any Samoan who works for a phone company – SOTB, in other words. The Hash then sang the birthday song for Selena.

Great food was served and a lot of shenanigans happened with the pool.

Check the blog for next week’s run.

On On,


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