Hash Trash 1481

Apologies for the late arrival of the trash, as your Scribe had to deal with his 5 year old brother’s birthday. (I know – no whining.)

The run was hosted by RingRing and Insecurity out at Alafua. It was a nice day, not too hot, and while many were smarting from the road switch, we were able to assemble a decent pack for the run. Keneti had set the run on paper, but he had run short during the setting so it was with a bit of trepidation that we set out. Showing intolerable competitive spirit, Larry bounded to the front out of the gate. The paper bits were extremely small, but we did get some hints as Keneti cracked up when we took the wrong trail, then he simply pointed out the basic direction. He had been good to his word and we avoided roads for the most part. Into some rough bush sections, twice over dried creeks, and once up a dry creek. Getting to that one involved s rather steep drop, but being amongst the last down Poumuli found a nice hand-hold to avoid the knee-jarring experience of other hashers. At this point we lost most of the slower runners and walkers, and as we passed below Chanel College, many of these had to turn back because of evening prayers curfew. The trail took us down the road from Chanel, past angry dogs and finally back to the home stretch where the beer was finally being delivered by Lewinsky and SOTB. The latter should have got an award for trying to trick hashers into chariot-riding. As mentioned the walkers were a bit behind, but we avoided a search party as they ambled through the gate. So an all-round good run set by Keneti that gave us a good variety of trail.

Greg stepped in (it) as Acting GM. After a few false starts the circle got formed and newcomers to Apia Hash were welcomed – Aroha from Auckland and Monique from Hamilton – or at least they were both from NZ. They had been brought by Probona who must have explained the rules well. Rethreads were Hobbes, X-rated and Keneti. Feeble excuses were offered ranging from a trip to Germany, a pulled quadriceps (yes, your Scribe knew the answer to the GM’s question) and being too busy.

The GM appointed Zsa Zsa temporary shoe inspector, but first he got the name wrong and had his own award. Zsa Zsa tried to deflect attention from his own shoes, claiming they had been to three hashes (we will have to check the photo page on that one – a false accusation OR lying to the hash – both serious offences). After slowly gulping his award he again tried to get a pair of more feminine shoes into the circle, but the circle over-ruled him. Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (wedding page in Woman’s Time, waving royally), Wahoo (grand-dad in the Observer, plus a sister and a cousin), Dawn Raid (TV appearance, although no-one got him for belittling the female runners) and SOTB came in late for one of Sassygirl’s numerous Observer appearances.

When the GM called for nominations Poumuli offered the They Won’t Let Her Return To Her Own Country Award for Seema, as she had been given a very non-Bula reception by Air Pacific. SOTB, on a point of order, got the chattering mob of Dawn Raid, Chilindria, Zsa Zsa and Selena a down-down, which Tony Blair had to assist with otherwise we would still be there now. Chilindria pointed out that the GM had used her real name, after having told him many times her hash name, but after a vote they both got the award. Larry nominated Dawn Raid for being the Fast Runner Who Smokes Award, but later SOTB and Poumuli got him a double for his competitiveness and unhashlike behaviour (people will think we are some sort of sporting club!).

SOTB nominated Captain Mortein for the Hard Man Award, which was nearly doubled for shaking a baby rattle at the GM. Eveready took the floor to describe disgraceful behaviour of a hasher who came home late, found the doors and gates locked and slept in the car all night instead. Crash Bandicoot living up to half his name, then.

Dawn Raid most unfairly picked on Poumuli for waking him up to fetch Wahoo, but as Dawn Raid was by this point incoherent (medical term – blitzed) he got Wahoo’s name wrong and had to join in. Tony Blair nominated Goer for the Dutch Radio Celebrity Award (apparently she had been on twice; lucky no one listens to the On the Mat programme on Radio Oz), but Bits and Pieces had to assist. SOTB could not be stopped and nominated Lewinsky for the Hero Award for getting the keg. Insecurity joined in, but got Dawn Raid an ancillary award for profanity. At this point Poumuli got the For Absolutely No Reason Award, Gordon Ramsey the Sitting Down Award, and Insecurity nearly got the Can’t Finish The Story Award – but it got so confusing that SOTB took it instead. There was some further profanity and something about hashers running hand in hand that your Scribe missed, the result being Dawn Raid inside the circle for the final touches on what was to become a very loud, burpy trip home.

The GM thanked the hosts RingRing and Insecurity and Keneti the Hare, but as the foam on the beer made awards impossible a Non-Award was given. The hash was then treated to a very nice spread of food.

Next hash will be Selena’s Birthday Hash at Selena and Tony Blair’s house.

On On,

Poumuli.