Hash Run 1533 - at Vaoala with Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess

Hi everyone, next week's run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house.

This will be a BYO food, so please bring along something for the BBQ or some chickpeas if you're like Brazilian Wax. Also a reminder that Mia will be the Assistant Trainee Scribe for this run and run 1534!

As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully there will be enough for all the thirsty Hashers...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs

I will be thinking of you in Brisbane!

Map posted for Directions

On On

Hash Trash 1532

The Hash was hosted by Slippery and Frances out by the National University of Samoa. It was a warm day, with just a minor threat of rains over the hillsides as we gathered. As it turned out though the weather stayed clear and the run was a hot one. POD ordered the pack out the gate and we were led quickly astray by Suva-visitor Tallyho. This was the first of many confusing moments as the Hare had been short on paper (“she used a single A4 page for the whole run” thundered Tallyho). So instead of following the road we went through someone’s front yard, across a small plantation and onto the back road. Here we followed a familiar trail along the water pipes, some brave souls running on top of these. Across the pipes, back through some jungle to the road again, which after a few hefty inclines and more losses of the trail, eventually took us back down to the Vailele Road and on home along and through NUS. Kiwi reckoned the whole run must have been 10km and Your Scribe is not arguing!

Tallyho was press-ganged into service as Guest GM, and after the crowd had been stilled by a bone jarring shriek from Slippery, rolled into the task with his usual aplomb. And cursing, and yelling and so forth. He said he had been on a run in the exact same spot (run 969 – I am sure he made that number up), when there was no smooth road and just track, shaggy, jungle and shit. So for his part he welcomed us to run number 1532 (969, smooth version). Calling forth those new to Apia Hash we were introduced to Ninja, Mrs Ninja and their son (from Japan). Then there was Murray and Robbo from two doors down (that’s a reggae band, methinks) who are guests of Slippery (they had been well-briefed).

The rethreads were FBI (working on his plantation, yeah right), Trina (in Savaii), and Pussysnatcher (working on his internal plantation of assorted flu bugs). They all took their down-down. Tallyho didn’t need the services of the shoe inspector (both missing), as he was being blinded by the shine from Screamers new boots. No resistance, griping or protesting, she drank the unholy mixture of beer, sweat and foot-mushrooms straight down. Well done.

The GM was informed by Poumuli that today was National Sponge Cake Day in the US, and do we have any bakers in the Hash – to which Slippery produced the latest creation from Karaoke. Pro Bona and Trina joined the award for present and impending birthdays. The Celebrity Award went to Godfather again, although Poumuli pointed out that he had obviously been trying to get out of the picture. But then a second picture was produced. Poumuli also noted the massive and impressive show of testosterone from a certain Spanish bull, and called for a Not-Doing-His-Job Award to Cockblocker (closest living relative was deemed to be PS).

Poumuli also managed to get an Environmentally Friendly Award given to Ring Ring, for being able to set a trail with the near absence of paper. The GM demanded that Slippery join in this one as he was supposed to have purveyed the paper. Through his twisted brainstem the GM also decreed that a trail as mucked up as this one could only have been set through help from a mountain biker, the only such owner present being Hot Nuts – who protested wildly.

The GM noted that Hash etiquette when there was such paucity of paper required one to keep an eye on the front-runners, who missed a cross, and he also deemed to be short-cutters. Swinger, Strangler and PS were brought forth on those charges.
Psychadelic had spotted three Hash Meres hiding in the bushes so that they wouldn’t have to tell Hot Nuts which way to go. Not knowing what else might have been going on, the GM gave a Bushwhacking Award to Screamer, Ring Ring and Mad Hatter, to be joined by Psychadelic for being a tattle-tale.

FBI spotted Captain Mortein leaning. Mia tried to get the GM for leaning also, which is by now a familiar scene – the Mia Award Backfire Award. Cellphonus Interruptus Award was given to Crime, while Screamer informed that BB was leaving us to go make a fine pair with Bananarama. BB struggled with her cup (“ooh, its so big” she said while looking to hand it off to Swinger).

At this stage Ninja jr was up to something with the baby girls, and ended up disrespecting the GM, who told Ninja “whatever it is you are feeding him – stop!”. The GM also pointed out that there was a scarcity of Hash Official Gear in the circle, so he awarded the Proper Hash Attire Award to himself, Poumuli, Lewinsky and Strangler, and gave a Default Award to Slippery for dabbling in haberdashery and not taking it seriously.

Brazilian Wax nominated Wahoo for the Changing Room Award, for having managed to lock herself in – big cup for that one. Wahoo sought to retaliate that there was no sign on the door to warn of its malfunction, to which the GM retorted “but you are not blond?”. Closest relative to that was decided upon in the form of Frances, although Slippery took most of it. Swinger brought Skunk up for the Greg Taylor Identity Theft Award.

BB tried to get the GM on a Dishonesty Award for not stepping forward for his celebrity status to be acknowledged, as he had been spotted in the televised church service. The GM found this most amusing , and commended the whole of Hash to go to church, but then he was interrupted as Lewinsky had spotted Captain Mortein leaning AGAIN.


The Hosts and the Hares, Slippery, Frances, Kiwi AKA Tiger Woody and Ring Ring were saluted, before we gorged ourselves on the assorted dishes that Slippery et al had produced for us.

Check the blog for next week’s run. Mia will be Assistant Trainee Scribe for the next two hashes, so keep an eye on her!

Many thanks to Slippery for all the photos - the censored ones have been posted!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Samoa Perimeter Relay

Hash team running the extra mile

This weekend the Samoa Perimeter Relay will be held once again. Many teams have entered for this gruelling race that takes place from Sinalei all the way along the coast and around to Apia, past Poutasi, Lalomamu, Saleaaumua and Laulii. Many will be participating in memory of the 2009 Tsunami victims, but one team is going the extra mile - literally.

The Apia Hash House Harriers are fielding a team that will run a total of 143km, in honour of each life lost in the Tsunami. One part of the team will cover the distance from Levasa to Sinalei, with the main part of the team continuing on from Sinalei with the other teams in the relay. Speaking for Hash Team Tsunami,Godfather said that it was the wish of the club to make an extra effort in remembrance of all those who perished and to fund-raise for Faataua le ola (FLO). He will complete the last leg of the extra section, and hand over the baton to the rest of the team at Sinalei.

The Apia Hash House Harriers meet every Monday, rain or shine. The runs are varied and interesting, catering to all sorts of fitness levels in the club, ranging from walkers to serious runners, and is well known for its boisterous camaraderie.

Run sites are announced each week on www.apiahash.blogspot.com and all are welcome to join the club, which will complete its 1532nd run this week.

So if you see Team Hash Tsunami on Saturday, please encourage them with a hearty “On On”.

Hash Run 1532

This Hash will be hosted by Slippery.

Venue - House Number One (Top or Fourth House above the Main National University of Samoa (NUS) Gate, off Vaivase Road, Opposite Magiagi Primary School), see map.

Limited parking on grounds - parking on grass verge in front of houses.

Run (or walk) starts as usual at 5.30, so bring your old shoes, Hash Cash, good cheer and prepare for a great run in the back woods around NUS.

Assistant Blogmaster's note: Apologies for the map. Basically, to get there, take the Cross-Island Road from town, take the second left (Vailele Street), go up a hill, bear left and there will be a big sign on the right with National University of Samoa. Turn right there, pass the NUS gates and there will be cars parked outside the house.

Hash Trash 1531

Bula from Suva, where your Scribe is having a brief sojourn. The Hash was hosted by Ring Ring at her house in Alafua, a great venue for our runs in the past. A bit of rain in the afternoon didn’t dampen spirits and it was a clear and bright afternoon as we set off on the run. Too many lazy bastards meant that Poumuli had to lead the way for the first part, but was eventually joined by Strangler and Swinger. After the first false trail, many of the newbies were in the lead. The trail was a variation on a past run, that took us up several back roads, across a ditch until we reached the Chanel College Campus. Then it was an easy roll down the hill until we cut back across to the main road and back in for the on home. Some thought it was a bit on the long side, but this will be good exercise for those of us who will be taking part in the Samoa Perimeter Relay in Hash Team Tsunami. Hashers participating in other teams are traitorous nincompoops who will be suitably abused when the opportunity arises. But well done to Ring Ring for setting another excellent trail.

Our gloriously sweaty GM, Princess of Darkness (POD) called the circle to order, and needed support from Lewinsky and Poumuli to assemble the chattering throng. There were many who were new to Hash – Marcus, Caleb, Tom and Steve from NZ here on holiday, Slava from Russia (working for APS), Andrew from Oz (cricket development), and Tinoy on an expensive Pro Bona booty call. The Kiwis had been brought by Godfather and Titty Galore and had disappointingly bee well-coached (not quite as well, as you will see later).

The rethreads were Slippery, Mr Whippy, Marc, Brazilian Wax, Zsa Zsa, Spanky and Godfather. Kiwi aka Tiger Woody somehow escaped. Your Scribe would have been in, but as the lame hare raiser had not set up a run for last week, also escaped. The GM took a look at the gathering and decided that she needn’t hear any measly excuses. There were no new shoes and no inspector either to take that award.

The Celebrity Award went to Godfather (being in the paper with two photos), while the GM made Zsa Zsa join in for a Lazarus Award since it had been announced on BBC that Zsa Zsa Gabor had received the last rites that morning (a bit morbid, but no one argues with the GM. Neither does anyone expect the Spanish Inquisition...)

The GM demanded that Ring Ring step forward, and with all her local knowledge, could she not have set a run that wouldn’t have half the slackers in the pack have to run through Chanel during Sa! The GM also called forth Crash Bandicoot for a Not Doing His Job Award, having a) not brought the Hash Mugs, and b) no clue where they were. Crash tried to blame Everready but Spanky delivered some feisty repartee with Everready that silenced that avenue. The GM then called on the Hare Raiser, BB, for the Worst Award, since she hadn’t set a run last week. Poumuli, in a fit of enthusiasm, tried to get it doubled since his frantic emails to BB had ended up in her Trash Emails, but for having interrupted the GM Poumuli received an Adding Insult to Injury Award.

The GM wanted to recognize the newly minted grandparents Karaoke and Everready, but superstition decreed that this award needs to await a few more days, at which point we readily agreed that it should be a triple!
In full flow now the GM called forth Marc, or Saint Marc as he had such an influence on the meat-eating Tokelauan Brazilian to turn him into a chick pea eating yoga practitioner after his stint on the va’a. The GM, having been duly notified by amateur historian and dilettante Poumuli that today was National Acadian Day in Canada (when the French were finally regurgitated out of the US for Canada) – Spanky took that one, and Victory in the Pacific Day in the US – our lone US vet Everready took that one, under protest, but he was wearing camouflage cut-off BDUs.

Everready announced that this was also another important anniversary, the Death of the King, Elvis Presley, and called for a moment of silence. Er, well he called for 3 seconds, and then that was that. Bits and Pieces had been informed that SOTB was now safely in India, but had arrived there with no shoes, and called forth any friends of SOTB who had so poorly prepared him for his travels to the sub-continent. Being a non-Gandhian, Mia was called forth for the Shoe Thief Award. A congratulatory Family Expansion Award was given to returning Mr Whippy for the impending arrival of a Whiplet.

The GM spotted a rebel circle sitting at the back nattering away and called forth Captain Mortein and BB for Verbal Diarrhoea (Outside Circle) Award. Opening up for further floor nominations, Everready noted how the paper had called for more sailors to volunteer for the va’a, but since when did sailors have to eat chick peas because fishing skills were of such paucity. Brazilian attempted a counter attack that they did indeed eat fish (but was it just the bait?), and a vote was taken that both should receive the award.

Most of the newbies were now spotted leaning on a car, so while they had been brought by Titty G they obviously had not absorbed all the Hash rules. Titty G joined the newbies in the Leaning Award. Mia, thought she had the Hash rules down pat by now – NOT – and an attempt to get the Hat Rule (General Accoutrements) expanded ending up with a Backfire Award of her own.
The GM asked Tinoy to step forward, and do a little twirl, which revealed that he had some eyes printed on his arse. Since only Pro Bona is allowed to have eyes on his behind, this was deemed to be an Advertising Award.

Poumuli nominated Slippery for his services to Hash Photography (Really Graphic Section) Award, having had to sift through so many wet t-shirts and cleavage photos it had shook him rigid. Swinger added in that this should be a Generosity Award as well, since Slippery had paid the Hash Team entry fee to the Perimeter Relay (Slippery let slip that the funds had come from his wife’s account!).
Calling for final nominations, the GM recognized Mia, who having done dishes under the influence with no hot water, had flooded the SOTB Hovel. Andrew had to join in as he let slip that SOTB is also known by another name.

The Host and Hare Ring Ring was saluted in the customary fashion before the ravenous multitude descended on the lavish spread that had been brought by several Hashers. The chilli Pork teriyaki was particularly pleasing to the palate. A great run, a great day and a wonderful evening was had by all.

Next weeks run will be at Slippery’s place close to the NUS. Your Assistant Blogmaster will post the map as soon as he is sober.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1531

Next Weeks Run 1531 will be at Alafua. Ring Ring has kindly offered to host the run next week at her home in Alafua. Drinks will be provided but it will be a BYO meat for the BBQ, as Ring Ring will provide salads, so bring your running shoes, some BBQ or otherwise to share and your hash cash and be prepared for another fun run! Run starts at 1730Hrs so be on time!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1530

Assistant Blogmaster’s notice: Apologies to all for late posting. Also apologies for no run site being posted for the 9th of August – never received anything from the Hare Raiser. I would like to encourage the Hare Raiser to contact me regarding the 16th August run so that I can post it.

The Hash was hosted by Strangler and Mad Hatter at their home on Bernard St in Vaoala. There were (apparently) two trails – one for runners and one for the walkers. The run, set on paper, involved a meandering route uphill, then downhill, uphill again, then along the river bank through some grazing land, downhill (straight downhill), more uphill, through people’s taro patches and back yards and finally up through some rocky forested landscape that brought you back out onto Bernard Street and on home - a good workout for all.

GM POD invited those new to AHH to introduce themselves. There was David (brought by Greenie) who had been in Samoa 6 years ago (and never come to Hash), Lizzie (invited by Hot Nuts), Angela (Psychadelic). Unfortunately for Greenie, CB had struck surreptitiously, confusing poor David who said he had been invited by someone called “Steve”. So that was the first down down for the evening, closely followed again by Greenie for failing to remove his cap.

Rethreads Black Adder and Kat were welcomed back while two additional new boots (Pierre and Antonia) were brought into the middle for failing to front up during the first call.

New David had new shoes so he drank out of them. .

Angela and Fang received celebrity awards. Fang was especially honoured for becoming the first qualified female electrician in the country.

Lewinsky was charged for chariot riding along with SOTB and Sassy.

Captain Mortein was called up for blaming his lack of action in the bedroom on his sore leg while Pirate Princess was also awarded by GM for failing to put out.

SOTB is heading to India for 3 months so he was farewelled by the group.

David had a case of telephonus interruptus but Greenie was charged for failing to explain the basic rule of hash to a newcomer.

Crash Bandicoot and Everready were awarded for their brightly matching elei shirts and GM considered this may have something to do with their plans for the evening since both were temporarily single.

Strangler was nominated for not having the right tools for the bbq while Mad Hatter quipped that he never has the right tools.

Sassy nominated Mia for the stupidity award (that is a new one, thinks co-scribe) for managing to sprain her ankle while running on the flat.

Captain Mortein received a deafness award…something to do with a nomination for chariot riding.

SOTB launched into a nomination (for what, co-scribe never did find out) but was shouted down by the circle which conferred on him a “Boring Bastard/FBI” award instead.

Screamer having first asked for reprieve from an FBI award, nominated Greenie for the stamina award for first paddling to Savaii on Saturday in rough environs then coming back and paddling back to Apia from Mulifanua. The award was unanimously changed to the Crazy Bastard award.

CB was off on some sort of 3-week work stint off a catamaran in remote parts of New Caledonia so he was farewelled appropriately.

Captain Mortein again came into the fold late, reminding everyone of SOTB’s imminent departure. He was handed yet another deafness award.

SOTB and Lewinsky had apparently been spreading rumours about someone’s pregnancy…we never did find out who…so they were up for rumour mongering.

Mad Hatter alleged that Hot Nuts had been “fondling the foliage” during the circle but Judge Pierre jumped to his defense claiming something about this being acceptable since HN was living with a married woman. No-one fully understood this line of defense but this somehow resulted in a vote being taken that seemed to require every married man present to raise his hand in an “aye”. Lewinsky got brownie points for having his hand up first. Alan failed to heed the call and was nominated by wife Mana for unhusbandly conduct.

Bbq maidens BB, Sassy and Mana were thanked while SOTB received a false accusation for something. David, Everready and Crime had also assisted in the bbq process and were also recognized.

Sassy Girl was apparently fondling herself so she was appropriately awarded.

The Hare (Strangler) had led the pack through people’s plantations resulting in squashed taro plants – he was alternately thanked and reprimanded for his services as Hare.

Mad Hatter was thanked for her services as Hostess but not before she addressed Psychadelic’s complaint that the walking trail was not well-marked. Turns out Psychadelic hadn’t paid much attention when she was given insider information on that walking trail. Psychadelic joined MH in the drinks.

SOTB again tried to make an intervention but was instead punished for swearing consistently at a family hash.

Alan’s phone went off and Judge tried to defend this unfortunate rule breaking so they both took a final down down.

The circle broke up to enjoy a beautiful meal organized by the hosts and contributed to by all.

On On

Screamer