Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Hash Trash 1531

Bula from Suva, where your Scribe is having a brief sojourn. The Hash was hosted by Ring Ring at her house in Alafua, a great venue for our runs in the past. A bit of rain in the afternoon didn’t dampen spirits and it was a clear and bright afternoon as we set off on the run. Too many lazy bastards meant that Poumuli had to lead the way for the first part, but was eventually joined by Strangler and Swinger. After the first false trail, many of the newbies were in the lead. The trail was a variation on a past run, that took us up several back roads, across a ditch until we reached the Chanel College Campus. Then it was an easy roll down the hill until we cut back across to the main road and back in for the on home. Some thought it was a bit on the long side, but this will be good exercise for those of us who will be taking part in the Samoa Perimeter Relay in Hash Team Tsunami. Hashers participating in other teams are traitorous nincompoops who will be suitably abused when the opportunity arises. But well done to Ring Ring for setting another excellent trail.

Our gloriously sweaty GM, Princess of Darkness (POD) called the circle to order, and needed support from Lewinsky and Poumuli to assemble the chattering throng. There were many who were new to Hash – Marcus, Caleb, Tom and Steve from NZ here on holiday, Slava from Russia (working for APS), Andrew from Oz (cricket development), and Tinoy on an expensive Pro Bona booty call. The Kiwis had been brought by Godfather and Titty Galore and had disappointingly bee well-coached (not quite as well, as you will see later).

The rethreads were Slippery, Mr Whippy, Marc, Brazilian Wax, Zsa Zsa, Spanky and Godfather. Kiwi aka Tiger Woody somehow escaped. Your Scribe would have been in, but as the lame hare raiser had not set up a run for last week, also escaped. The GM took a look at the gathering and decided that she needn’t hear any measly excuses. There were no new shoes and no inspector either to take that award.

The Celebrity Award went to Godfather (being in the paper with two photos), while the GM made Zsa Zsa join in for a Lazarus Award since it had been announced on BBC that Zsa Zsa Gabor had received the last rites that morning (a bit morbid, but no one argues with the GM. Neither does anyone expect the Spanish Inquisition...)

The GM demanded that Ring Ring step forward, and with all her local knowledge, could she not have set a run that wouldn’t have half the slackers in the pack have to run through Chanel during Sa! The GM also called forth Crash Bandicoot for a Not Doing His Job Award, having a) not brought the Hash Mugs, and b) no clue where they were. Crash tried to blame Everready but Spanky delivered some feisty repartee with Everready that silenced that avenue. The GM then called on the Hare Raiser, BB, for the Worst Award, since she hadn’t set a run last week. Poumuli, in a fit of enthusiasm, tried to get it doubled since his frantic emails to BB had ended up in her Trash Emails, but for having interrupted the GM Poumuli received an Adding Insult to Injury Award.

The GM wanted to recognize the newly minted grandparents Karaoke and Everready, but superstition decreed that this award needs to await a few more days, at which point we readily agreed that it should be a triple!
In full flow now the GM called forth Marc, or Saint Marc as he had such an influence on the meat-eating Tokelauan Brazilian to turn him into a chick pea eating yoga practitioner after his stint on the va’a. The GM, having been duly notified by amateur historian and dilettante Poumuli that today was National Acadian Day in Canada (when the French were finally regurgitated out of the US for Canada) – Spanky took that one, and Victory in the Pacific Day in the US – our lone US vet Everready took that one, under protest, but he was wearing camouflage cut-off BDUs.

Everready announced that this was also another important anniversary, the Death of the King, Elvis Presley, and called for a moment of silence. Er, well he called for 3 seconds, and then that was that. Bits and Pieces had been informed that SOTB was now safely in India, but had arrived there with no shoes, and called forth any friends of SOTB who had so poorly prepared him for his travels to the sub-continent. Being a non-Gandhian, Mia was called forth for the Shoe Thief Award. A congratulatory Family Expansion Award was given to returning Mr Whippy for the impending arrival of a Whiplet.

The GM spotted a rebel circle sitting at the back nattering away and called forth Captain Mortein and BB for Verbal Diarrhoea (Outside Circle) Award. Opening up for further floor nominations, Everready noted how the paper had called for more sailors to volunteer for the va’a, but since when did sailors have to eat chick peas because fishing skills were of such paucity. Brazilian attempted a counter attack that they did indeed eat fish (but was it just the bait?), and a vote was taken that both should receive the award.

Most of the newbies were now spotted leaning on a car, so while they had been brought by Titty G they obviously had not absorbed all the Hash rules. Titty G joined the newbies in the Leaning Award. Mia, thought she had the Hash rules down pat by now – NOT – and an attempt to get the Hat Rule (General Accoutrements) expanded ending up with a Backfire Award of her own.
The GM asked Tinoy to step forward, and do a little twirl, which revealed that he had some eyes printed on his arse. Since only Pro Bona is allowed to have eyes on his behind, this was deemed to be an Advertising Award.

Poumuli nominated Slippery for his services to Hash Photography (Really Graphic Section) Award, having had to sift through so many wet t-shirts and cleavage photos it had shook him rigid. Swinger added in that this should be a Generosity Award as well, since Slippery had paid the Hash Team entry fee to the Perimeter Relay (Slippery let slip that the funds had come from his wife’s account!).
Calling for final nominations, the GM recognized Mia, who having done dishes under the influence with no hot water, had flooded the SOTB Hovel. Andrew had to join in as he let slip that SOTB is also known by another name.

The Host and Hare Ring Ring was saluted in the customary fashion before the ravenous multitude descended on the lavish spread that had been brought by several Hashers. The chilli Pork teriyaki was particularly pleasing to the palate. A great run, a great day and a wonderful evening was had by all.

Next weeks run will be at Slippery’s place close to the NUS. Your Assistant Blogmaster will post the map as soon as he is sober.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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