Hash Trash 1542

Kia orana Hashers and thanks to all for the best wishes for the wedding, which turned out to be a memorable event. Your Scribe is now back from the honeymoon well rested and restored.

The Hash was hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. Ring Ring was the Hare which promised a tough run as usual, particularly since she was quite sweaty after setting the trail. It was on out the gate and down towards Tafaigata, turning off the main road, off some false trails, meandering through the back roads, through several people’s gardens and yards (did you all say thank you?), before returning us back via the main road to Tafaigata. It was a very hot day and due to the shimmering brilliance of the decision to introduce daylight savings time we were all over perspiring and desiring of Godfather’s sweet nuts. No one commented on the fact that we crossed our trail at one short point, but never mind.

Princess of Darkness was GM for this run, and she called on those new to Apia Hash to step forward. They had all been well-coached by their friends. They were Joe from NZ, on holiday with Cockblocker (recipe for disaster), Will from Oz, guest of Godfather, Wendy from Canada with Fang, Stacy from Bulaland with Screamer, and Lucy from British Columbia (that’s in Canada) here with Godfather as well. The Rethreads were SOTB (back from Bollywood sans 10 kg), Screamer and Just David (been to Japan), and they were joined by the non-confessing Alan and Mana.

No shoe inspector was needed to see the gleaming from Wahoo’s new shoes. Unfortunately they were so new the beer didn’t even drip out so it was a bit of hard struggle. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (front page Observer, taken by SOTB) and Snatch (TV and Observer, taken by closest living relative, or closest relatively living, CB).

The GM had a doozy of a nugget from this day in history. 8 Nov 1959 was the date of birth of infamous US pornographic film director Chi Chi Larue, whose credits included one called Do Me Twice – DMT front and centre! As she was wearing her sunglasses she came back for another one.

The returning honeymooning Hashers Wahoo and Poumuli looked too well rested according to the GM, who felt they should have looked more shagged out like her and Lewinsky, so a Gentle Enjoyment Award perhaps. The moment was shattered when Wahoo nominated Poumuli for a Injuring the Wife Award, for his careless manoeuvring of an airport trolley. A Leaning award went to Karaoke, Mana, Ring Ring, Fang and Tasha.
Poumuli noted that DMT had kindly offered her services as Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2 for last week’s run, however the Trash had arrived late. Being of a forgiving sort, this was not what the nomination was for, rather that this should be the Best Excuse Ever Award in that her reason for the delay was that her boat sank.
The GM spotted Will and Lucy smooching in the circle, which became a double for Will for starting too soon! The GM also had it in for the swimmers who had jumped in the pool before the circle (this is one of those rules that emanate from rule number 1 – the GM is always right). She called in a representative group of Angela, David, Dawn Raid, Wayne and then there is a beer stain on the notes.

CB nominated SOTB for the Extreme Weight Loss Award for shedding 10 kgs in India (actually with the amount of tummy bugs you can contract there its a miracle there was anything left of him). SOTB responded by getting a Slacker Award for Poumuli and Dawn Raid as he had beaten them back for the first time. The attempt to get this overturned on the technicality that we are not a sporting club was overruled by the GM.

Brazilian Wax was then nominated for Hammering His Own Finger Award (well he is a carpenter), which he had managed to do three successive times and turning his thumb a lovely putrescent shade of purple. DMT had forgotten to bring the Chicken Hat Award, but claimed she had been distracted by CB in order to bring the BBQ, which he vigorously countered, and to which DMT exclaimed in exasperation “Oh thanks Meow”, so it became a double. She will have to remember to bring it next week so it can be properly passed on.

The Host and Hare, Screamer and Ring Ring, were saluted before we descended on the BYO feast. Apparently loads of Hashers stayed on at Screamer’s past 2 AM, so this would need to be investigated for suitable awards next week.

Next week’s run will be up at Malololelei, hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli, with Dawn Raid as the Hare. Hopefully we will have cooler temperatures for the run up there!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit