Hash Trash 1553

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli on the grounds of the Paul Compound in Vaoala. Dawn Raid was the Hare, assisted by Cole, and they set a run that would be familiar to many. Up towards Bank Street, down to the cow pastures, into the ravine and up through the bananas until we hit the Cross-Island Road above Mynas for the long slog up the hill on home. Godfather was absent but had graciously arranged for Brazilian Wax to bring the sweet nuts.

Princess of Darkness was GM, and due to the rain arranged the circle on the balcony, more in the form of a boomerang. There were three newbies – Necro from the Tajikistan Hash, but a Yank visiting, Jeff from Oz who is an AYAB, and Petelo from NUS. There were many rethreads – Ring Ring (sick from the weather), Shelly (none), Mustang Sally (in NZ as a, erm, street worker), Slippery (none) Patrick (in Savaii), Anton (at Uni in Auckland), Brazilian (IN Germany) and Crash Bandicoot (busy with baby, yeah right).

The GM couldn’t spot any new shoes, but Shelly’s daughter had spied her Mother’s bright shoes hidden in the car, so Shelly had to do a big one. Greenie was leaning right in front of the GM. Sassygirl BJ interjected that Ring Ring had her cap on during the rethreads award, but Slippery’s camera had been in action, and a quick zoom resulted in a False Accusation Award to Sassy.

Celebrity Awards went to Wahoo (closest relative to famous diplomat on front page), SOTB (trying to sneak out of VERTS award photo), Cockblocker (closest relative to AC/DC – another VERTS story), Snatch (Mum in the paper again!) and Crown of Thorns. Since the circus is in town, Sassy told of how a hasher had went to look, yet could only describe the huge pendulous breasts he had seen. Perving Award to Swinger.
The GM had a few Traffic Offenses Awards, first of all to Lewinsky for apparently putting COTs life at risk trying to get out of a diner, and Do Me Twice for talking on a cell phone while driving, gesticulating wildly. In her absence, employer Jay took the award. Lewinsky’s was doubled as an incident with the unsafe transportation of roofing irons was added to the long list of why he should not be allowed on the road.

This Day in History was a remarkable one, in that on 31st January, the US had managed to free the slaves (1865), force the Native Americans onto reservations one and all ( 1876), sent a monkey into space (1961) and opened a McDonalds in Moscow (1990), so all the Yanks drank. SOTB demanded that Poumuli join as he was the closest living relative to the monkey.

The GM had been informed that the Dome of Silence had been lost in CBs car. In her defence Ophelie retorted that she had only been trying to shut him up, but took the award none the less. Pussysnatcher had been on a trip to Pohnpei with Hot Nuts, who when asked where he was from said Australia, no New Zealand. While he claimed to have been ill and lost the plot, Mistaken Identity Award to Hot Nuts.

COT, who is here to organize a conference, was told by the wife of the conference chair that she had booked her hotel through the Samoa Hotel Association, only to be told upon arrival that there was no booking. Upon complaining to both the hotel and SHA, who claimed no recollection, the wife said that she had spoken to someone called Nynette! Sassy got a Drunk At the Desk Award.

SOTB tried to get Poumuli for not doing his job in bringing the clipping of Godfather to the circle, but it was pointed out that he should have raised that during the Celebrity Awards – both had to endure. Zsa Zsa told of how he had gone kite surfing with Dawn Raid, only to find him later being dragged at high speed down the beach, sans trunks. Dawn Raid got a big one for the Ball Dragging Award. Zsa Zsa kindly supplied the photo below.



Sassy, who has had extensive bar training, called attention to the cracked hash mug she had been given. Crash stated that it had been perfectly fine when he had given them to Lewinsky. In the confusion, both of them took the award for Shoddy Hashmugmanship.

Getting back to the trail, Snatch described her dangerous descent into the ravine and how she had fallen when crossing the river, and her accompanying Hash Mere, Jo the Doctor, had merely laughed. In her Solomonic wisdom, the GM decreed that Snatch should get a Whingeing Award, Jo a Hapless Doctor Award, and SOTB for not being present to show off his new VERTS skills. Startled from his dreams of pendulous circus breasts, Swinger demanded an Environmental Award to the Hare for the liberal use of paper on the trail.

Sassy brought to the Hash’s attention the extremely high IQ of Shelly’s daughter River, for passing exams at an astronomically high score, although Sassy’s explanation of said scores was fairly confusing – a somewhat different IQ score perhaps? Shelly took the award for Maternal Brilliance. On this note, CB wanted a Fertility Award given to COT, as since she returned to the island there has been a massive outbreak of Crown of Thorns around the south. Poumuli noted that the fertilization may have been caused by Dawn Raid free-balling his way around those beaches, and Dawn Raid joined Greenie as COT’s whipping boy.

Jeff the newbie, complained at the poor signage on the trail (shurely shome mistake?), as he had gotten lost in the bush. Rather incredulously the GM enquired who had brought him to Hash, which was Josh, and then berated both of them for not knowing the rules and for obviously needing the services of an optometrist. SOTB wanted to give another Wannabe Kiwi Award to Poumuli for wearing Auckland Blues shorts. When it was pointed out that Poumuli’s Brother-in-Law plays for the Blues, SOTB had to join. At this point Greenie’s son dropped the chip bowl, so a Parental Supervision Award was given.

COT was at a ceremony for Crash and Delicious’s Baby, when the one person who shouldn’t bungle his job did so, namely Lewinsky. For the Baptism Bubu Award he was joined by Mustang and Crash. Pussysnatcher had been at the beach at Lupe’s only to see Brazilian sneak into a fale with a big smile on his face. A Honeymoon Award went to Brazilian and Wax. Finally, after having been berated on the blog for changing the venue twice, Poumuli described how he had looked up the appropriate patron saint for safer weather, only to find that this was St Antonius of the Desert. SOTB and Anton got the Saintly Award.

The hosts and the hare, Poumuli and Cole were saluted and the hashers descended upon the bbq that had been provided.

Next week’s hash will be at Y-Not. Be advised that the Hash Monk has threatened to be there, so we should have some fun.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit