Friday, February 11, 2011

Hash Trash 1554

The Hash was hosted at Y-Not by Jay and Patrick. It was a cool day for the season, what with all the rain and clouds, but that didn’t deter a good sized crowd from turning out. The trail had been set on flour, a bit of a risk in this area with all those pigs around, but it turned out alright. Didn’t catch any of them snuffling around to see what it was. Over the bridge at Vaisigiano with Cockblocker in the charge, the trail looked like a sea wall run for a while. But we broke off down Ififi Street, where there were a few false trails and eventually a circled sign at the four corners. After a bit of searching by the pack the trail was found on Faatoia Road, but the trail just stopped. Quick minds found the trail again along the Vaisigiano river, and they were quickly overtaken by CB, who was not at the start of this sentence. Then it was an easy run back to Y-Not. Some more dedicated runners took an extra loop around the Vaiala/Matautu block. Good hard run, but definitely a short one.

Eveready stepped in as GM for the evening, noting that Lewinsky and POD were at a family emergency and that we should all hope and pray for them.

The GM called forth those new to Apia Hash, and that was Jay from Eire, who has no idea how long he will be here, and was made to show Irish skills on the down down. The Rethreads were Spanky (in Minnesodar), Crime (working, huh?), Popeye (back here on a UN contract). The Shoe Inspector was absent, but CB had clearly witnessed some new shoes on Jay, but for some reason he was let off the hook.

Celebrity Awards went to Zsa Zsa (for speedy recovery from illness as reported in American Samoa News), Sassygirl BJ (smiley face in Chamber of Commerce training ad), Swinger, Crown of Thorns and CB (smiley faces in a crowd of Whale Group Meets in Samoa – Swinger should have been doubled for the va’a ad, but escaped).
As we had to have a quick change of venue which the GM gratefully acknowledged, he did also point out that the intended occasion was to celebrate Happy Feet’s birthday. So in honour of the little people present, he requested Captain Mortein to take this one, but he was accompanied by a reluctant Pirate Princess who was trying to hold Y-Not up. It was also COT’s last run with us for a while, and she was asked if she had any words of wisdom for us. Not! Spanky had to help her.

For the On This Day in History Awards there were many. In 1554 (25 Jan) Sao Paulo, Brazil was founded, so that one was for Brazilian Wax. 7 February 1497 was the original Bonfire of the Vanities when a bunch of religious freaks burned books, cosmetics, art etc in Firenze, Italy – Carin of course. On 6 February 1685, James II was crowned King of England and Scotland – Swinger, 1840 was of course the signing of the Waitangi Treaty – Popeye as token Kiwi. And finally it was the International Day for Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation – obviously CB is doing a good job.

Opening up for nominations, the GM recognized CB, who had had a bet on rugby with someone called James – a Foolish Gamble Award to Swinger and CB. Pussysnatcher nominated the Hare for the Worst Warm-Up Run Ever Award (oh, getting close to competitive sportsmanship here!).

At this point the Apia Hash’s Mad Monk appeared, having swum to her plane in Queensland, to punish some naughty people here at the Apia Hash. She called forth Anton, man of hot metal, loves cars, who shall now be known as Hot Rod. Patrick was called forth, who tells girls to open wide. He shall henceforth be known as Tooth Fairy. Finally, Jay was dragged before the Mad Monk, Jay who brags and talks about hisself, shall now be known as Dumass. The Mad Monk is not leaving yet and will be back next week for the naughty girls with no names!

At that point latecummers Crash Bandicoot and Delicious arrived with Baby Desirable, and while they blamed SOTB on the Hash Mugs absence, still took the down down. Swinger returned us to the normal Hash practice of ridiculing authority, which could take on a whole new meaning if Greenie wins the Parliamentary seat he is seeking – Cash/Beer for Votes Scandal Award!

Sassy nominated CB for being a good mate to a fellow hasher, getting him home and ready for his flight. This should probably be the Belligerently Stinky Puking Swearing I-Know-What-Time-It-Is Rescue of SOTB Award. Kiss My Butt had been kept awake by a lot of ukulele practicing last week, since we all knew Godfather would be away. Non-Duelling Ukulele Awards to Zsa Zsa and Josh.

The Dome of Silence was awarded to COT who couldn’t stop talking even after the song started! Another latecummer Do Me Twice got hauled up for another Traffic Violation Award by Sassy, this time for gyrating (yes!) while driving and talking on the cellphone. Pirate Princess nominated Vulture for Chariot Riding. Sassy claimed that a theme was supposed to be posted by Poumuli (what, me?), so a Dumbo Award to Poumuli.

The GM had been watching what he claims is an actual sport, the Super Bowl that is and got Spanky to do the honors for the Green Bay Packers. Sassy though Strangler was back, instead it was PS who got the Stranglers Tone Deaf Award. Dumass nominated PS for a Fidelity Award, by choosing to send Snatch in a taxi to the airport instead of driving her. Poumuli got Sassy back for advertising SOTB’s IT skills on the blog, which Brazilian put a dent in by reminding us that today was also Bob Marley’s birthday, and the only one wearing reggae colours was Poumuli (the Bob Marlin in Key West actually).

The host and the hare – Dumass and Tooth Fairy – were saluted appropriately, and they were warmly thanked for their generous hosting. It was a tremendous feast of bbq and roast pork with lots of trimmings.

Next week’s Hash will be hosted by Screamer in Siusega. Your Scribe informed that she had indicated that a theme would be announced, but that no way in hell would it be a Valentine’s Day run. The GM took this information as the delicately balanced information that it was, called for a vote, and guess what, next week’s run will have a Valentine’s Day theme! It’s a miracle! Jehovah, Jehovah!
The GM had to take one though for forgetting what Screamer’s name was.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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