Hash Trash 1556

The Hash was hosted by Bruce and Annie at their home in Vailima, opposite Le Manumea. It was a nice sunny day and not too hot, although waiting for the run to start there were a few perspiring. The Hare was Ring Ring, and she had excelled yet again. The trail set off to the left down the unpaved road, then straight into the bush. It was a slippery descent down the track, and several used a bit too much caution. Your Scribe was stuck behind and as soon as the opportunity arose sprinted ahead, but down a false trail. Back on track, we came down to a lovely waterfall and dam, then up through some taro patches and gardens until we reached a new access road. This was just a track in the past, and will need a lot of work to become a proper road, but it was a nice slippery and steep challenge. As we reached the Cross Island Road there was a check mark, but this had been ignored by the front running bastards, who just went straight home. Tallyho, Wane and Poumuli took the longer route, leading to a false trail by the Stevenson Museum. A great trail and good sweat, plus entertainment from the hollering Tallyho. Back at the house Godfather’s sweet nuts awaited.

Tallyho was roped in as guest GM, which he took to with his usual aplomb. Calling the circle together by appealing to our gentle souls, actually he called us a bunch of no-good lazy bastards, he welcomed us to run 1556. New to Apia Hash we had Robert and Tina from Switzerland, here for 3 weeks who had been brought by someone called Yoe. A double down down was shared by Godfather and nearest kin Swinger. (Wonder if we will see the newbies next week!)

The rethreads was only Hot Nuts, who had been travelling all over. He had not overseas hashed as the timing was off. He tried to clarify about a previous award about forgetting his nationality, trying to dob in Pussysnatcher for getting him lost. The GM retorted that he couldn’t have been properly lost as the bastard was back home again, and decreed that both Hot Nuts and PS take the award.

New shoes had been observed earlier, but none of the Shoe Inspectors were present, so the GM asked PS to do the checking, which he failed. Grumbling that this wasn’t his job, PS took another award. The GM called for comments on the run, to which Do Me Twice stated that Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had been at that waterfall on their second date. A Romantic Award was given, sealed by a chaste kiss. Sassygirl BJ pointed out that the Captain hadn’t removed his sunnies but this was overlooked, as he was busy stopping his daughter flying off the balcony.

The GM called forth the sundry front running bastards who hadn’t done a proper check on the Cross Island Road – Jeff, PS, Dan and Hot Nuts – who should know better or at least learn the rules. He made them demonstrate their On On calls before drinking. Dan raised his hand to say that in all honesty it was Hot Nuts fault! The GM then magnanimously ordered those who had done the check to take a Congratulations Morons Award for running the extra bit.

Celebrity Awards went to Snatch (article in Observer), Cockblocker’s closest relative (for being quoted in article) somehow escaped, Sassy (in paper), Godfather (huge photo with PM Key), Wane for Brazilian Wax (something about a Brazilian clown elected to Parliament), Wahoo (Aunty Tala is in town with the Laughing Samoans) and Ophelie (I forget why), and Screamer for her SPREP boss and for being a pain in the butt for the Scribe that day.

This Day in History Awards went to Swinger (King James of Scotland died 1437), Dan, Spanky, PS and Wane for US Presidents Day and for the shooting of Malcolm X, and Poumuli for Norway using Shetland and Orkneys as dowry for marrying off Margaret of Denmark to the Scottish Crown Prince (which somehow Captain Mortein managed to sneak off from). The International Mother Language Day (used to be Mother Tongue, but some say this was changed after Clinton) was somehow also lost.

Calling for nominations, the GM recognized Poumuli with a yes I thought you would have one, and DMT was nominated for the If Its On The Internet It Must Be True Award for circulating scam articles to the Hash email list. DMT nominated someone called Fren who would be leaving us on the va’a (not vaka, DMT), and joined Kiss My Butt in the award. Sassy nominated Tooth Fairy for the Checking Orifices in Savaii Award, while Screamer felt obliged to nominate Captain Mortein for leaning (after numerous warnings) and for stealing from Bruce’s garden.

Swinger chimed in that he had narrowly prevented previously mentioned daughter from siphoning off her own beer, but as the Captain was by now incoherently mumbling and growling, Pirate Princess reluctantly accepted. The GM had been watching the depressing news on TV from the Middle East, and had only found entertainment in the ongoing travails of the Italian PM. Calling forth Carin to take the award, he told her to lay back and think of Berlusconi. Ophelie then caught Sassy smoking in the circle.

Hot Nuts wanted to set the record straight about his trip to Pohnpei with PS, that he had received the wrong suitcase from lost luggage, which he found to contain women’s clothes. PS he felt had let the side down by not recounting the full juicy details. The GM had quite enough of juicy details, and all agreed that the vision of Hot Nuts wearing women’s tights warranted him joining PS in the award.

Sassy was by now out for revenge, and called on the last people to use the garden hose to own up for wasting water – Ophelie, Carin and Screamer got the Useless Non-Opposable Thumbs Award. Sassy tried one more, in that she had been speaking earlier to the GM, but he was busy rearranging his buttocks in his shorts. The GM ruled that 1(b) took precedence, and that Sassy take the award, which she said should be annotated on the blog as being on behalf of Single Desperate Brit lost in Paradise.
The Hosts and the Hare, Bruce, Annie and Ring Ring were saluted. Some great food had been prepared and many thanks to all who brought goodies.

Next week’s run will posted on the blog, as there is some confusion as to whether Eveready and Karaoke offered to host that week. Your Scribe will be absent so Snatch has been appointed Associate Assistant Trainee Intern Scribe.

A final note – please remember to bring your own drinking cups to Hash so we can reduce the number of plastic cups that get wasted, per order of Ms Spanky.

Finally a warning video relating to disturbing Hashers watching Super 15.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit