The Hash was hosted by ProBoner, Lewinsky and Princess of Darkness at the extended compound in Taumeasina. The run had been set by Buzzer who warned of several obstacles on the route. It was on out the gate, false trail to the left quickly found by Poumuli, then off we went down along the coast past the fales and over a dead canoe. The trail then followed the rocks on the poorly constructed seawall, which was a bit tricky at times. Many nearly did a Slippery, as the foliage was covering the holes between the rocks. In some places the paper had been blown inland by the wind, but the trail was easily reacquired. As we neared the other side of the fake peninsula, it was clear that some swimming would cut the run by a lot – so Lewinsky and SOTB did their best seal impersonations – I mean the wallowing types, not the bin Laden fixers. Others followed, while the rest took the hard but dry route back. A good run for those who did the lot.
Back at the compound SOTB as GM called the circle together in a voice not hazed over as is often the case. He called forth those new to Hash. They were Brett and Micheline, brought by Lewinsky, and Taulili Ete who had been brought over from Savaii by someone called Bolu – Pussysnatcher’s first of many.
The Rethreads were Screamer, Orgy Georgie and his sons David Tui and Taulolo, Snake, Crash Bandicoot. The Shoe Inspector Snake had observed a shiny new set of boots on one of Orgy’s sons, but as he was underage, his brother gallantly drank it for him (you would NEVER see me do that for my brother!).
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (someone had faked a letter to the Editor in his name) and SOTB (Sassygirl BJ in a full colour picture in the Observer). This Day In History we had the Queen’s Birthday and the Feast Day of St. Anthony of Padua. The GM decided that Cockblocker was our only Queen, so he joined him in the award.
The GM had been hearing stories about the Hen’s and Stag parties over the weekend. Starting with the Hens, a Hash Mere ended up in jail for abusing a cop. Spanky had nothing to say, and had to take her award using a penis-shaped straw – this took a loooong time. Afterwards Eveready exclaimed that he had never seen such a display and demanded a re-naming to Wanky. While Spanky was about to languish in jail she was rescued by three intrepid Hash Meres, Horny Ho, Slim Shady and legal beagle ProBoner, who all got the Jailbreakers Award, even though they were entirely responsible for getting her into that state in the first place!
Turning to the Stag, Godfather had stayed up all night, and had even done a strip for the boys to show off his budgie smuggler, after which he needed to fend off the ladies at the beach. (Methinks he went to the wrong party – should have gone to the Hens). Also during the Stag, PS had to carry out a number of Samoan tasks. One was the grating of coconuts, during which he also grated his hand. Then there was the killing of the pig – rather than the more traditional strangulation in Samoa or vein-opening elsewhere, PS deftly reversed the axe and smashed the porkers brains out – through its eye. Check out the photo page if in doubt!
Then there was a Hasher who was incoherently drunk and disorderly, constantly disappearing and sitting down with strange women. I have no idea what they were talking about!
Moving to nominations from the floor, Poumuli nominated Screamer for a Usury Award for having a Tongan bodyguard to housesit for her, and charging him rent. CB wanted to know in which “currency” was he paying her. Chilindrina got a name wrong, while Crash got a Rabbit Award for getting Delicious pregnant again.
Poumuli nominated Snake for the Dog Training Award, as anytime a beer was opened in the house, Murdoch became all agitated. After a vote it was agreed that Snake was an excellent Hash House Hound trainer. Snake managed to get Lewinsky a disrespect award for chatting excessively with his mate Brett. Slim Shady nominated Eveready and Karaoke for the fabulous cake for the Hen’s night (see the photos – its shaped like a willy). Eveready countered that in 20 years of cake making he had never made one that took so long to eat – apparently it was being licked! Questioned about the model for the cake, Snatch said he would not be standing like that.
ProBoner nominated Crash for advertising. Godfather cleared up the Speedo situation, as they had been bought for him only for swimming, and he was asked by Titty Galore to wear them on a dare. Titty G for the Stripper Enticement Award.
Horny Ho produced some Hash Shit that had been left behind at 1569, which all belonged to Slim Shady! A few leaners were caught – Crime and Snatch’s sisters Omega and Judy. Do Me Twice turned up late, had no excuse so down down. ProBoner had been accused by Hot Nuts of stealing a hard drive, which she refuted, but as Hot Nuts had left, Captain Mortein was deemed to be the closest living relative.
Lewinsky revenged the earlier Chatty Award by catching Snake talking with Brett, and this time both of them got the award. Slim Shady nominated Snatch for not covering the susu (not sure about this one, but no details were given). Our chefs, Alfred and Tiger Woody were thanked, and the GM reminded that from now on this would be a shared duty. We then saluted the Hosts and the Hares – Buzzer, Ring Ring, ProBoner and Lewinsky.
Check out the new webpage for the 1600th run arrangements.
Next week will be at Dave and Therese’s place in Vailima. Map on the blog.
Poumuli, IKA Slit