Hash Trash 1640

Woe unto us when we cannot find a host for the Hash, and we are reduced to mingling with the clientele of Lewinsky’s place! Anyhow, no one manned up, so we had to go to HQ 1 – On the Rocks. Anyhow. The GM rapidly appointed Tallyho to be the Live Hare, but decreed that there would be no debagging if he was caught. Huge sighs of relief as his shorts look like they have been around since Shakespearean times. Off he went at a rather steadily brutal pace, initially only followed by Poumuli, but soon Strangler, Zsa Zsa, Gayboy, Ozzie and Hornithologist caught up. Tallyho had some good ideas for the trail so we hung a left then a right, then through someone’s backyard, up on the airport road and into Palisi, or the Bronx, before we ended up at a dry river bed. At this stage Tallyho required the Sherpa-like qualities of Gayboy, who enticed a willing young lad to reveal the secrets of the path ahead. Tallyho being of advanced frailty allowed other FRBs to surge ahead down the pebbled embankment, and we ended up at the 4 corners before Farmer Joes where the big morm building is. It was on home as it started pissing cats and dogs, making the accumulated saliva from countless harkings a rather slippery affair. Back at HQ1 there was no Godfather, so no scintillating cold beady nuts to savour.

Well as far as a live run is concerned this was amongst the best, and it was certainly inventive use of what town has to offer in terms of trails. 6.9 out of 10.

The GM, SOTB had taken various shortcuts and was of course in an early stage of extreme inebriation. Staggeringly calling the crowd to order, much of a problem because of the horrendous din emanating from Lewinsky’s patrons, he asked those new to Hash to step into the circle. These were Blue Virgin and A-blue-Shin from the Mt Manganui Hash (recommended to come here by Bin Garden – he was here for the jazz and hash some years ago), Shari (brought by Tooth Fairy). The GM decided it was an opportunity to christen the new Hash Mugs brought from Bangkok by Poumuli, who reluctantly had to join them.

Blue Virgin then revealed that she had even further contacts with the Apia Hash and brought forth the Angry Chicken hat that the Christchurch Hussies had stolen in December, now lovingly embroidered with said facts. Some Kiwis were invited to do a proxy down down, namely the Manganuis. The rethreads were Poumuli, Strangler, Pirate Princess, Tina, Wahoo, Today, Tomorrow and Karaoke. The large number involved required too much mental calculation from the GM, so no explanations have been recorded.

As per usual, the Shoe Inspector Lewinsky failed and tasted the first of many. Celebrity Awards went to Pirate Princess and Deidry for the full on advertorial about Cappuccino Vineyard. Strangler joined them for a carry-over from the Perimeter Relay.

And in This Day In History, we had Brent and his wife (1814 – words to Star Spangled Banner composed), Tallyho (Battle of Britain Day), Sassygirl BJ (Feast Day of Our Lady of Sorrows – well look at the GM, he causes no end of sorrows!), Today (Respect of the Aged Day in Japan), Bruce (1987 Montreal Protocol signed – he has spent years trying to improve it), and Lewinsky (for POD – St Ariane’s Day).

Before the GM could introduce his awards, Tallyho wanted the Hash to be aware of all the letters to the Editor about broken down ambulances. Yet at the last run we had seen heaps of them up on whatever-those-things-are-called, so he strongly suspected that the proprietors of the last host establishment were doing some self-advertisement. Transporter, who could not follow what the hell Tallyho was saying, took the Reverse Ambulance Chase Award anyway.

As he shook himself out of his fog the GM finally got to his awards. He regaled the Hash with a tale of hashers lost and needing the services of a translator to get directions, and how one had bravely stepped into the fray, much like a sheep in New Zealand, and had brought the trail back on track. Sherpa Award to Gayboy. There was some muttering that Tallyho was only grumpy because he then only had Gayboy behind him.

Adding to this tale of the trail, Poumuli noted that Strangler, Hornithologist  and Ozzie had run ahead of the Hare, thus technically being on a false trail. Strangler tried to rebut this, but as he was leaning this failed. Sassy then caught two of our newcomers, James and Joel for leaning so they too joined in the down downs.

As mentioned, we had some crap weather towards the end of the run, and since our resident weather man Weathercock was absent, the GM needed to turn his ire at the lack of communications with the weather gods on someone. He decided that since Lowrider is employed at the Met Office that she should have been more perspicacious in imploring the lords above for better running weather.

Opening up for nominations, Strangler quickly jumped in and recounted his experience in a local comestibles shop, where he had found a can of fish that stated that it “tasted just like wahoo”. Opening up the can he demanded that Poumuli prove or disprove this statement. While admittedly the can tasted like crap, Poumuli decided that it was the more prudent course of action to take the award, take down names for future reference, and chive on.

In a moment of intense poetic justice, Joel caught Sassy leaning! Keeping it in the family, Poumuli nominated the GM for dereliction of duty, since he had charged Lowrider with a crime that should have been passed to Poumuli, him being Weathercock’s boss.

We sometimes have our Vailima reps join us for the circle, and this time Fred had stayed from the time of delivery of the keg. Transporter had observed what this securing of the gear entailed, namely inhaling several gallons of the lovely nectar. Poumuli added that Fred had tried to leave before the circle started, so he gamely took a double down down, smilingly calling his tormentors a bunch of mother#%#%s.

Gayboy, not normally coherent by this stage in the proceedings, did not dissuade us from our illusions, and made some screed about Prince Harry and Afghanistan. Boomerang Award. Tallyho then dobbed in Hornithologist for being too quiet. For the Tourist of the Year Award, Sassy nominated A-Blue-Shin for paying a taxi driver 300 tala for a ride from the airport. A few more of that and the economy will be in good shape.

Adam, who is leaving us, was dobbed in for a farewell toast, but this was doubled when it was found that he had been dabbling in burnt sausages.

As mentioned, the Angry Chicken Hat is back, and the GM decided that he wanted to award this to the grumpiest old bastard he could find, so that said grump could be bitter all week until he could pay someone back. After Poumuli explained the rules of the hat (bring it back next week and award it to anyone who is chicken, grumpy or altogether undesirable), Tallyho was asked to don the finely embroidered un-amused avian cap.

The Hare and the Host, Tallyho and Lewinsky were saluted. We then embarked on a sausage and chicken fest, only interspersed with some finely marinated teriyaki pork brought by Your Scribe.

Next week is at Eveready and Karaoke’s, so must wear pink!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit