Thursday, April 25, 2013

Hash Trash - 1670

This week’s Hash Run was hosted by Transporter and his brother Jesse at Vaitele with the valiant help of Prince and Lowrider.  There was no set run so Prince was the live Hare and everybody was out to catch him.  So on-out of Saleki motors they went and on left up towards the playing fields.
According to those that went on the run, it went up and up, then round and round, then up again, pause to watch CB get mauled by a local dog at a Hash Halt, before going back down and then up again.  What the! Apologies for the lack of detail, but I didn’t run as I was guarding the keg with Sassy Girl and Lowrider.
Anyway, not long after many a golden ale and Godfather’s sweet cool nuts were being consumed, the Hash circle was called to order by GM.  First up the newbies were called up.  For such a big crowd, over 50! there was only one new Hashman, Paul, whose partner is Ladyfinger and Dried Nuts’ daughter Claire.  He followed the correct Hash protocol by naming his potential father-in-law by the name Ladyfinger, but unfortunately took his down down (with much gusto) too early, in fact way before Godfather had even strummed a string on his ukulele (maybe also because GF was still pottering about in his pick up looking for it).  So therefore Ladyfinger had to then take a down down to our lovely singing voices (as Godfather was still rummaging around in his pick up - where is TTG when you need her!).
Retreads were then called up – they were trying to call them up 5 at a time as there were quite a few until we realised that Dawn Raid was not actually a retread at all (having in part hosted Hash 1668) and was trying to weasel his way in for an extra down down.  The GENUINE retreads included Dried Nuts, Ladyfinger, Claire, Hornothologist and Phil.
Ozzy was the nominated shoe inspector and although he could not find any new shoes, he did notice that Lewinsky and POD’s daughter, Happy Feet had a lovely new pair of gumboots.  He also mentioned that as it was Hot Flush’s last Hash here before heading back to Australia and that Hot Flush always complained because he never got to drink out of his shoe (sicko!), so Ozzy said that Hot Flush should have a down down from his shoe and, because they were best buds, Ozzy will drink from the other.  As Happy Feet had those flash gumboots, Lewinsky was made to have his down down from one of them leaving POD to console their daughter after her beautiful boot was ruined by Vailima (and dad’s backwash!).
This day in history was next on the agenda with Sexpot announcing those moving times of our past.  In 1910 Samuel L Clemens (aka Mark Twain) died today – Transporter (who’s also known as Sam).  In 1984 Advance Australia Fair is proclaimed as Australia’s national anthem – Ozzy took the down down.  1960 – Brazil inaugurated its new capital Brasilia – this award was given to our newly crowned King of the Brazilian Wax – Eveready.  April 23, 1564 – was the birthday of none other than William Shakespeare – our usual whinging Pom repesentative Tally ho was called up.  1996 – Monica Lewinsky’s superiors transferred her from the White House to The Pentagon because they felt she was spending too much time around Clinton – Lewinsky.
The Celebrity Award was next and Wahoo’s name was mentioned due to her step mum being in the paper – as Wahoo was overseas, the next closest living relative, Witchdoctor was called up.  POD’s dad the good judge was also in the paper.  Transporter’s name was called out on the Radio on Friday for his birthday, and finally Julia Gillard’s photo was in yesterday’s paper for the launch of kayak4youth.  As Julia Gillard (aka Brian from Ford) was not available to accept the award of a down down, Xavier took it as closest living relative.
GM Awards were next and his first nomination went to myself, DH, as someone leaked it out to him (not mentioning any names Sexpot!) that I might have fallen out of the fale at Transporter’s birthday bash at Tafatafa. 
Next went to the Parents of the Year, Darren and Ally whose baby son Jack was spotted with beer in hand in a blow up tube also at Tafatafa.
CB got an award for getting a Hash Tattoo – the dog bite.
Swinger got one for not realising he is allergic to penicillin and his face blew up (not literally) but it did get swollen.  Swinger was still in Fiji so his brother Phil had it for him.  Hot Nuts then piped up to tell the circle that he in fact gave Swinger the medication and was the true culprit.  So Hot Nuts had a down down too.
Hot Flush was also called up as it was his last Hash run due to leaving Samoa to return to his family in Australia.  At this time Slippery presented Hot Flush with a gift of an Angry Birds T-shirt and then also nominated himself to have a down down with Hot Flush. Not sure about all these self-nominations going on!
After the GM awards nominations from the floor opened.  Tallyho was first calling Prince up for being a live hare, having everyone follow him including his dog, but then having to stop as he had to send the dog back home.  He also called a Hash pause at one stage but then didn’t pause long enough for some of the runners.
GM got a chariot riders award for hitching a ride with Dumbass.  Seema awarded the “Gentleman’s Award” to Snake who brought Sassy’s car to her so she didn’t have to get her shoes muddy from the pouring rain.
Hot Flush nominated Transporter for not being in the circle as he was seeing to the bbq.  The Antisocial award went to Jesse – again through no fault of his own as he was overseeing the bbq too.
Karyn nominated Ozzy due to Ozzy Osbourne saying he has not split up with Sharon, he had just been an arsehole for a few years.
Snatch tried to call any Kiwis up to congratulate NZ for instilling same sex marriage laws but then that broke the Hash’s No.1 rule, so she had to have a down down and to make it fitting with the theme of her nomination, she had to pick another girlfriend to have a down down with and so she picked Lowrider.  We’ll just call this the Letsbefriends Awards.
Sexpot nominated CB for expelling the contents of his stomach on the beach in front of Sexpot and DH’s son which lasted 5 or so minutes.  This again was at Tafatafa on the weekend.  Speaking of this same weekend, SOTB nominated Sexpot for betting his son to get his gear off and streak in front of 7 full busloads of tourists who had come to see the beautiful beaches of Samoa, and not a little Ukrainian with his kit off.  This in turn led Transporter to nominate Eveready who was trying to offer Lowrider $500 to do a strip around the same time.  Eveready said that the story was actually wrong and he wanted Sexpot to strip.
Transporter offered a thank you down down to 3 of his boys who helped prepare the food and were cooking the BBQ.  Sam wanted to give his dad a down down but he had to take it due to a bad case of liver illness his dad had in the past (Mmm...I wonder how he got that).
Tallyho then called up a certain hashmere who was complaining in the Hash circle that she never gets called up for a down down – so Nicola was given a token down down to stop her whinging.
Hot Flush nominated Irini for going for the run but not staying for the Hash circle – as Irini had already left, Alcatraz was given the Vailima.
Transporter was called up for a birthday beer, while Hot Flush was called up for his last down down and was also rewarded with a few Hashmen singing the Hash Anthem – Swing Low Sweet Chariot.
Tallyho then bestowed upon us the Hash Shrine which we all bowed to and then showed us the new token he found on his run – a piece of the quarry or what he like to call it a moon rock from a meteorite that landed many years ago.  CB also contributed one of his bandaids from the dog bite he acquired following the run.
The Hare and Host, Prince and Jesse then went up to accept their thank you down down and that brought the Hash Circle to a close.  We were then spoilt with a sumptuous feast courtesy of Jesse and his gang.  The keg ran out but another two crates miraculously appeared and the night kicked on.
There is no host as yet for next week’s run.  So keep your eye on the website to check out the details closer to the date.
On On.

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