Every journey begins with a first step. And so it was that
the time came for everyone to stand up and be counted. One, I am one. And
because we don’t want to find ourselves like the blind man in the dark room,
looking for the black cat, that isn’t there, POD called the circle and instructed
us to bugger off out the gate before the lights were too low. Perhaps she knew
something. Was there a cunning plan. Iapi was hosting the Hash at his place in
Vaivase-uta, which roughly translates as “where the fuck are we”, and Crime had
set the trail. Miffed at not being recognized for his trailblazing trailsetting
he had devised a revenge of Bloofeldian proportions. So we started down
Settlement Road, and rejoined the Vaivase-uta Road. Sometimes a hill is just a
hill, but this road is so deceptively not flat that you only notice the incline
because of the sweat pouring off Lewinsky’s back. Some climbed it, because it
was there. Others decided that a walk was more suited. Ever up, we finally hit
the point where “oh no we cant go any further up” and we turned right. Now we
had the long way down into Maagiagi, when several had an o woe me moment. This
was going to be a long one. Lo and behold, the trail veered suddenly right up
someone’s driveway. Pausing for the occasional malo, we meandered through a
group of houses that miraculously opened up to the gates of NUS. This saved us
about a mile, but when the chips are down the salt and vinegar are close by.
Turning right by the cemetery we followed the road past Samoa College, into
Fagalii-uta and on back to Iapi’s house. Measuring some 7 km this was a rather
hefty run by most standards, even those of Crime. Unfortunately there were so
many non-runners who had helped themselves to the engorged nuts that your
Scribe, being last, got none.
POD called the circle to order and asked the newbies to step
forward. These were Noel and Amanda friends of Iapi, Joe, Edwina, Amelia all
brought by Alcatraz, Jeremy and Dylan brought by Lewinsky, Josie brought by Top
Shelf, and JICA volunteers Kenta and Naoko. The retreads were just as manifold –
Top Shelf, Slim Shady, Rufie, Blowfish, Mr Whippy, Captain Mortein, Pirate
Princess, The Box and Stiletto.
Celebrity Awards went to Mr Whippy (photo in paper), Damien
(tourism statistics), Crash (closest living relative to Da Head, who looked
like the robber caught on camera) and Lewinsky (Monica in Norwegian paper), and
Poumuli for insulting the memory of the Mau leader Nelson by comparing his
visage to that of SOTB.
This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker and Iapi (1815
– Prince Willem proclaims himself King of the United Kingdom of the
Netherlands, the first constitutional monarch in the Netherlands), Lewinsky (1997
– Alleged last sexual encounter between Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton),
Crash Bandicoot (2013 – Pope Francis is elected, in the papal conclave, as the
266th Pope of the Catholic Church) and IRA (St Patrick’s Day).
The GM had a whole bunch of awards, but limited herself as
the keg was now floating. Overstayer go the Inappropriate Quote of the Week
Award, as Full Moon and Manwhore were debating the merits or not of child
rearing, her advice on family planning was “just rape her”.
Rufie and Godfather got the joint Lack of Support to Meres
Award, as some of the hashers had told Blowfish she “was growing a friend”, and
for when Titty Galore had an allergic reaction to some lipstick GF had said “well
if we miss the boat we can float back on those””.
CB then brought out the Angry Bird, and this went to a
Hasher who was so angry with his missus he dragged her back to the fale and
broke the bed – Crash. Poumuli attempted to get Swinger for the Worst Tourguide
Award for basically abandoning his charges on Namua. SOTB pointed out that
Poumuli had had difficulty even finding Namua, so both took this one.
Latecummers Kiwi and Gayboy were awarded and Gayboy returned
the Hash Shrine. Godfather was quick to enquire about a certain item being
still there as a lot of stuff had gone missing, probably now being served in
someone’s chop suey.
Sassygirl BJ self-nominated for the Rocking Mother-in-Law
speech, while CB regaled us with tales of Sexpot rocking the dance floor, which
thus went to his Ukrainian brother Transporter. Alcatraz nominated Lewinsky and
POD for the awesome venue for their wedding.
Slim Shady had been to Namua and there had been a women’s
circle during which various topics of lady talk came up. Swinger had also been
present and had claimed to have “no sexual regrets”, thus earning the Biggest
Bullshit Award, alternatively the Honorary Ovary Award.
Sassy wanted to nominate the person who had travelled the
furthest for the wedding, but ended up with a Failed Geography Award. Alcatraz
nominated Sunny Side Up for the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Award, for helping
trucking people to the ferry.
The Hash then saluted the Sassanid Empire – aka SOTB and
Alcatraz, who had brought the top tier of their wedding cake. The Hash Anthem was
solemnly sung and enacted.
The Hare and Host, Crime and Iapi were saluted and the food
was eventually brought out – lovely!
Next weeks at Screamer’s in Siusega.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
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