Monday, September 07, 2015

Hash Trash 1792

Superstition is a funny thing, and this day started out with me taking Happy to the vets. I watched like a Roman augur as her guts were opened and the ovaries laid out. Predicting omens is not my forte but it moved me to think about how that was done in the olden days. There are of course several candidates for being chosen as the supplier of guts to be opened for the superstitious to satisfy their curiosity. But enough of that. The Hash was hosted by Elle McJr and Da Head, who superstitiously neither of whom had arranged for food, softies or a Hare. We showed up at Palusami thinking that this was going to be a good one, but alas we had to settle for Cockblocker as a Live Hare. According to POD rule 24 would be in effect, thus giving CB the incentive to run very slow, knowing his penchant for the Full Monty. There were no, er takers however. We set out right around Vaiala  Beach, up to the UN offices, into town and back along the Beach Road. We had a high turnout so there was a dearth of coconuts unfortunately.

POD as GM called the circle to order and the newbies introduced themselves, well only Jill, a volunteer from Melbourne here for a year, brought by Daz and Alex. The retreads were numerous – Mr Whippy (drunk), Eveready (organising), Blowfish (in NZ), FBI (babysitting), Hornithologist (?), Potu (Oz), Strangler (doctors orders to avoid), Transporter (making babies – with whom?), Faumuina and Aaron.

Gayboy was a latecummer and a retread, who claimed he was trying to make a baby too, but sorry wrong hole.

This Day In History Awards went to Nicolas (410 – The sacking of Rome by the Visigoths ends after three days), Poumuli (1314 – King HÃ¥kon V Magnusson moves the capital of Norway from Bergen to Oslo), Twin Peaks and Jill (1835 – Melbourne is founded), Tallyho (1883 – Eruption of Krakatoa: Four enormous explosions destroy the island of Krakatoa and cause years of climate change), Sunny Side Up (1901 – Silliman University is founded in the Philippines. The first American private school in the country), FBI (1957 – U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond begins a filibuster to prevent the Senate from voting on Civil Rights Act of 1957; he stopped speaking 24 hours and 18 minutes later, the longest filibuster ever conducted by a single Senator), Wahoo (2013 – The new eastern span of the San Francisco–Oakland Bay Bridge opened to traffic, being the widest bridge in the world) and Lewinsky (Feast Day of St Monica of Hippo).

Celebrity Awards went to AC/DC, Swinger, Sassygirl BJ, Faumuina and Slim Shady – they all had photos in the paper, with Swinger also taking one of the photos. Poumuli suggested that the award be renamed the Slim Shady Award, given her proclivity for appearing in all and sundry editions of the paper.

Turning to the GM Awards, Swinger was first asked to name some key incidents from his team on the Perimeter Relay. First of was the Irrational Exubarerance Award to Cunning Linguist, who after reaching the top of the mountain had jumped up with joy and fallen flat on his face. Then there was the Bad Supporter Award to Crime, who had gotten paralytic on tequila and Drambuie – who in their right mind drinks that combination?

Next up was Daz, who gave the Dumbass Driver Award to Kristiane for missing 4 out of 5 checkpoints. Speedhumper thought she was being discrete when she went in the bush for a pee, but instead she got a Public Urination Award for doing her business in front of a flabbergasted family. Alex got the Sacrilege Award for not spotting a speed bump and spilling all the beer in the back, while Strapon got the Lazy Award for walking during the first leg.

POD for her team nominated Nessa for loosing Lewinsky (would have thought that would have made her happy), and drove over Blowfish and CB. CB got the Irate Bastard Award for getting totally insane when a kind soul sprayed him with a water gun, yet he threw a banana peel at POD. Finally Rufie, who hadn’t trained, and needed to take a pain killer to go for his recovery massage, living up to his chemically induced name.

After all that a Heartfelt Thanks Award went to Swinger for his efforts at getting the teams organised. At this stage we had collected 10k tala for FLO.

The night after the relay, Prince had been dispatched by his wife to get some loud bastards to shut up, but when he realised it was the Hash he earned the Cant Beat Them Join Them Award. Godfather had of course left the party early with Titty Galore, who fell asleep in the ride home. Godfather promptly left her to sleep in the car and earned a Hashmanlike Behaviour Award.

On the Sunday, Godfather had held a bbq at his house, and the GM had been told that ardent environmentalist Poumuli had burned plastic on the grill. This was a blatant lie, but as Lewinsky backed it up there was no choice.

Cunning Linguist was joined in the Titillation Award by IRA who had gotten all excited when she had to write his name down in the Hash Cash. Slim Shady had been talking avocadoes with Eveready, whose current crop was small and hard, but would, he claimed, get bigger when it rained. Said with a leering wink, this was too much for Slim Shady who nominated him for the Dirty Man Award. CB opined that perhaps this was a case of Dirty Mind, and Eveready vigorously defended that he had only complimented her on the photos in the paper. When this brought the response that “my tits look too huge” the circle voted for the Dirty Mind Award for Slim Shady.

Sassy nominated Strangler for doing the whole island on his bike, and Sunny Side Up for most Vociferous Supporter Award. Strangler passed a Very Demotivational Award to Godfather for announcing he was throwing a morning party for the night crew when Strangler had another 100 km left to ride. FBI took it for Godfather.

Poumuli nominated Lewinsky. When asked is there a cause, well no, but Lewinsky lied, they both took the down down. Sassy nominated Rufie who pissed on her when she was trying to ice her down. Slim Shady told all that some people paid good money in Thailand to be pissed on, but in the end Sassy joined Rufie for putting ice where its not supposed to go. Lewinsky joined for having pissed on Sassy for no obvious reason.

Tallyho called for the Hash Shrine to be placed in the centre and after finding Soft Landing, got a down down for losing his bauble and for putting a blue ribbon spoon on the Shrine that he actually found last week.

Swinger gave a Hash Loyalty Award to FBI for pulling out of running for the Hash Team a week before, then through the enormous persuasive powers of Swinger was brought back to the team, so of course both of them took the award.

Speedhumper nominated Daz for using up all the talcum powder on his balls on the run, while Daz nominated Claudia as the only user of the team 1st aid kit – she cut her finger on a coconut!
Eveready expressed his appreciation on behalf of the US Vets Association, and was glad that he could count on the Hash for volunteers and support. Thus the GM drank. Godfather also thanked the Hash for the tremendous efforts and was really proud, and after a soliloquy to rival Shakespeare noted that maybe Hash should take over the effort in coming years. Er, what, we organise something???

The Hare and the Hosts, Da Head, Elle McJr and CB were saluted. Then we fed on a scrumptious meal prepared at Palusami.

Nicolas and Nessa will host at Swinger’s house next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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