Hash Trash 1795

The Hash was hosted by Claudia and Aaron at the Casa del Italianos on Bank Street in Vaoala. It was a great day for a run, not too hot, but the trail was one that the regulars knew regularly. We have run it a hundred times. This time we went down the cross island road first then cut in above Mynas. There was some confusion as to where we should cut through to the river, but it was found in a sort of hash like organised way by POD and Poumuli. The hard slog up that bloody hill to Bank street was sufficient for many to become walkers. Someone had forgotten to chill Godfather’s nuts, so they were less glistening than usual.

POD opened the circle, and invited the newbies forward. There was Kat who had come from Melbourne to be with Daz. A cellphonus interruptus started Twin Peaks on his early demise.

Retreads were Wet Pussy, Offspring, Aaron and Katy. Useless explanations not annotated. Speedhumper was appointed Shoe Inspector, and while she was on to a good thing with Offspring’s taped up boots hiding new shoes underneath, this was an overall fail. Starting early on her down down, she demonstrated an albatrossic spit back with alacrity.

Celebrity Awards went to Crime for the Tafaigata prison story, and Poumuli for finding about 8 celebrities who were not even present.

This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1872 – King Oscar II accedes to the throne of Sweden–Norway), Titty Galore (1893 – Women's suffrage: In New Zealand, the Electoral Act of 1893 is consented to by the governor giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote), Eveready (2011 – The United States military ends its "don't ask, don't tell" policy, allowing gay men and women to serve openly for the first time), Daz (International Talk Like A Pirate Day) and Twin Peaks (World Car Free Day).

The GM’s Awards are always inventive, and no less so this night. Cunning Linguist was given an Impersonator Award for trying to look like Strap On and for not declaring his new straps. Offspring was brought in to celebrate South Africa’s loss to Japan, along with proxy Japanese Strap On, in the absence of the disgruntled Korean housewife.

Daz was called forward for the explanation of how, when Heloise had given him a hug that resulted in a face plant in his crotch, he had exclaimed watch out you might take your eye out. This was described as a Twin Peaks Award. Cunning Linguist wanted to include POD in this award, as he had overheard her say that she was going so fast she didn’t know she was coming. While much chuckling at Lewinsky’s grin was making the rounds, POD decreed that CL should have an award for going to the podiatrist for the sheer pleasure.

Opening up for nominations, Alex had been at Home Café and seen POD and Lewinsky, when Lewinsky had introduced himself. After how many hashes? Strap On then nominated the Ozzies for listening to his prophetic words last week to get rid of Abbot – Jill, Daz and Twin Peaks.

Poumuli then related an incident that had befallen Twin Peaks at On the Rocks, involving his lost wallet and phone, the fruitless search and questioning of waitresses, the offer of a reward, and the miraculous finding of said treasures. Lewinsky for Hiring the Stupidest Women on Earth Award, Crime for the No Crime Committed Award, and Twin Peaks for Sheer Spite Award.

There was no Mad Monk of the Apia Hash present, but POD did the honours. Beckoning Aaron to assume the position, she related how he had complained of his tendency to start out too fast and self-injure. Henceforth he shall be known as Too Hard Too Soon.

Godfather was saluted for his birthday, and a Slow Learner Award went to Twin Peaks for yet another cellphonus. The Hare and Hosts, Claudia and Too Hard Too Soon were saluted before we feasted on Italian treats, er, pizza and couscous.

Next week’s run will be at Wet Pussy’s.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit