Hash Run 1640 - On the Rocks Bar with Lewinsky

Good Morning All,

As we haven't had any luck finding a host for today's run, we will now have a BYO run from HQ1 (On the Rocks Bar). We will have the BBQ there at the bar, so please bring something to throw on the BBQ to contribute to the spread. We will also have our Keg and Softies.

We're looking for anyone that is keen to be the hare, either a set trail or a live hare, up to you :)

Run will start at 1730Hrs and don't wimp out because of a little rain!

No Map Today..you should know where to find OTR or "The Hole in the Wall"

On On

Hash Trash 1638

Who let the dogs out; Who let the dogs out!!! The words of this completely inane one-hit-wonder song rang through your Scribe’s head as we fought our way, with pockets full of rocks, through the packs of mad-dogs in Vaitele. What the hell had Snake and Skunk got us into today…….

But as the pack had earlier gathered in the front yard of the Snake Pit 2 there was no sign of either Snake or Skunk, this evening’s hares. Then in a cloud of dust the Snakemobile screeched to a halt and out gets Snake in working boots and Skunk in a pair of runners…. Hmmm….. just a hint of suspicion that the run had been set at least in part from Snake’s chariot... With the (late) arrival of the GM the pack were milling-about like headless chooks waiting for a leader; finally Snake yells out “it’s set on paper out the gate and turn right”; and so off the pack shambled. Down the hill the shambles picked-up a bit of speed towards the sea led by FRBs Tallyho, Neil, and assorted new boots who were trying to understand what the hell it was we were all looking for.  Checking left, right and back-and-forth, and finally hanging-a-right and heading east, only to find that Godfather and Crime were already on the trail…. With a bit of zig-zagging we then turned left into an area that must be the mad-dog centre of Apia. Either that or the residents here are so threatened by burglars that they keep dozens of snarling-dogs to deter any would be intruders. One particular mutt took a particular dislike to Tallyho, but was sent into retreat by a well-aimed rock and it then proceeded to snap vigorously at the heels of Ozzie, who was surprisingly un-phased by the prospect of having his leg chewed. As the whole pack filed past just about every dog in the country seemed to be barking at once. Having reached the end of the cul-de-sac the trail went into the bush and finally, much to your Scribe’s surprise, we ended up in Vaiusu. It was then clear why there were so many dogs on the road, this trail had been used by all the rock-throwing youths in Vaiusu, Vaigaga and Vailoa for their recent raids into each-others villages and it had been on this bush-track that the police had nabbed several of the rock-throwers last weekend. Up Vaiusu road and right into a newly cleared area of subdivision at the top of which there was a magnificent view over the whole of Apia. In the middle of this plot was a large brown bull trying very hard to be frisky with a somewhat disinterested looking cow, which was standing contentedly chewing-the-cud and admiring the view. Eyeing Toothfairy and Tallyho, who were clearly looking for tips on mounting techniques, the bull decided it would demonstrate how it should be done……. green with envy the two voyeurs decided to beat a retreat before the bull decided it didn’t like being watched while getting its leg-over. Following paper through the bush brought everyone into the road somewhere at the back of Vaitele Primary. Here the pack seems to have lost the paper and there was checking in every direction. Although the paper was eventually found heading out onto the main road running past the race-course others including Owen, Brent and Tallyho disappeared in sundry other directions finally meeting-up with the rest of the pack at the top of the hill above Snake Pit 2. And so ended another long and eventful Apia hash run. There was no doubt that much of the run had been set from the Snakemobile (fresh tyre tracks in the sub-division) with Skunk being sent to scatter paper in the bush.

At the command of the GM the pack actually formed-up in a semblance of a real circle for once inside the Fale. It was fairly clear that the older more-experienced hashmen and meres stood pace-or-two inside the railings so as avoid any suspicion of leaning; the new-comers on the other hand all saw the posts and rails as the easy option. Some were to soon learn the error of their ways.

This week we had three new-boots in Charlotte, Joel and James a threesome from Oz all here to minister to the sick and suffering at the hospital; all introduced by Brent and Annie both of whom were perimeter runners the weekend.

A staka retreads were then called or dragged into the circle: Flash Gordon had been working; Stiletto had been on-the-job with FG; Frances, aka Obama for this evening by virtue of her very un-hash t-shirt, claimed to have been working in the OzHighCom; Slim Shady had been doing something with/for women and Neil had been holding-the-fort at SPREP while all the rest of the staff had been enjoying themselves in Noumea and other places on their usual travels.

The GM next anointed Snake as this evening’s shoe inspector. Usually a thankless task unless there are some unsuspecting retreads or new-boots, which fortunately (or unfortunately in Snake’s case cos he is known to appreciate a DD for any reason), he spotted Stiletto’s very clean flip-flops and Joel’s newish looking runners. Stiletto being a game hash-mere ready to take whatever a hash-man offers took her DD using the flip-flop as a funnel, and thanks to the steady hand of the GM and Stiletto’s amazing swallow not a drop was spilt.

This week’s press had yielded no celebrity foto’s but the tv was more promising with Transporter, Lewinsky and the GM all spotted trying to hide as the tv cameras panned the crowd at the celebrity boxing event at the weekend. Next the well-publicised near-miss (or not depending on the story-teller) between Samoa Air and Polynesian gave the GM the chance to get his revenge; Crime (Samoa Air ground control??);  Flash Gordon (ex-Poly pilot); Sassy & Skunk (ex-air traffic control) all featured as being accessories in some vague way. Sassy having had her tonsils lubricated by the DD then called on Snake for leaving the coconut tree full of brown nuts that could be dangerous and fall on unsuspecting hashman or pikinini at the Senese school. Snake’s right of reply digressed in pointing out that his nuts weren’t brown but they could be dangerous, witness his brood of snakelets that had accumulated over the years.

This day in history brought Slippery in the circle representing all the bankers for the anniversary of the first ATM machine (1969); Brent was happy to stand-in for Geronimo who had finally surrendered to the cavalry in 1886 and Transporter commemorated the production of the first tank and the nickname of “Uncle Sam” for the USA (1813). In 31BC Mark Antony and his mere Cleopatra were defeated at the Battle of Actium bringing an end to their period of lust and debauchery together, needless to say our own GM “Antony” was in the circle to celebrate this, although he was still available for the lust and debauchery stuff. Newboot James was keen to take the role of the Hobbit to mark the death of Tolkien, Ozzie took one for the anniversary of Michael Jackson’s last No1 hit in 1996 and Swinger took it for the poms, who on this day in 1752 changed their calendar by 11days, not just the miserly one-day as was the case here at the end of last year.

Pro-Boner was next in the circle to celebrate her 30^th birthday. The GM then called Sassy back into the circle for leaving the fire-truck’s lights on during the regatta in the afternoon so that they had to push the fire-truck to get it started; this proved more difficult than usual since Sassy had not put it into gear. Women drivers… so much for a fast response.

The Gasman Hashman Hero of the week then went to Transporter for rushing home to “borrow” his parents’ gas-bottle as Hash BBQ had forgotten to bring the gas.

The hash had been well represented in several teams & support crews in the perimeter run on Saturday; the hash team had completed the run in just under 10 hours which was a great achievement and had also raised more than $2300 for the Fiamalamalama Society; Swinger, Owen, Brent, Annie, Toa’i, Slim Shady, Slippery, Lucy were all involved in one-way-or-another in the run and Eveready was one of the organisers. Congratulations to all involved. But as in all events involving hash-mismanagement there always residues, or in this case dirty-linen, to be exposed. Slippery reached into his sporran and pulled out a pair of underpants and asked the owner to step forward to claim them; although blushing, Swinger was quite adamant they were not his as he only wore Y-fronts, it soon transpired that such skimpies could only belong to Zsa-Zsa, he will wait his fate when he next returns to a Monday run.  Obama was next with a dirty-linen story, apparently she had invited all the hash team back to her place to have a shower where some had also left items of clothing. This admission of having staka blokes soaped-up in the family shower caused something of a domestic with Owen who claimed to have been unaware of his missus entertaining the hash team in this way. Hornithologist got into the fray with another dob on Obama for putting ice down the underwear of Zsa-Zsa; your Scribe thinks there was a touch of envy in Hornithologist’s tone in making this dob……. But Obama claimed that this treatment had certainly perked-him-up, so-to-speak, as Zsa-Zsa’s time over the last leg was his best of the day. Maybe some ice down the jocks of all hashmen before the regular runs would raise their performance…..

From the start of a “domestic” to the commencement of domestic-bliss was next-up; this brought Stiletto and Flash Gordon into the circle again to celebrate their first hash after their nuptials. James and Charlotte nominated Joel for the same reason although his new bride was apparently resting at home preparing herself for his return from the run….. could be their first “domestic” too.

A congratulatory was next for Toa’i who is now apparently in charge of disasters, and the way things were going with DDs this evening Transporter could be her first disaster management case.  In the same congratulatory mood Sassy nominated the GM for the Captain Pugwash Seamanship award for rescuing a canoe full of little boys who had capsized, but according to the GM it was Gayboy who was first in the water to get to at the boys…  A Special Desperate Husband award went to Flash Gordon who had apparently hijacked a plane to get back to Samoa to have a deep and penetrating conversation with Stiletto.

There was then a hissy-fit between Hornithologist and Slim Shady over some girly thing which ended with Hornithologist being dobbed Whineging Mere of the week. Sassy followed this with a pissy-fit over the dunny light that she claimed Snake had not repaired since the last time the hash was at this venue. Snake took advantage of being centre stage to point the bone at Tallyho for losing the trail when he was watching the bonking-bull on the new house-site in the Vaiusu sub-division.

Whoa! My love, my darling,  I hunger for your touch,  Alone.  Lonely time.  And time goes by, so slowly,  And time can do so much,  Are you still mine?  I need your love.  I need your love.  God speed your love to me.  Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,  To the open arms of the sea.  Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me,  I'll be coming home, wait for me.  Whoa! My love, my darling,  I hunger, hunger!, for your love,  For love.  Lonely time.  And time goes by, so slowly,  And time can do so much,  Are you still mine?  I need your love.  I need your love.  God speed your love to me. source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/r/righteousbrotherslyrics/unchainedmelodylyrics.html

In his right of reply Tallyho accused Snake and Skunk of endangering the lives of all hashmen and meres in taking the trail through packs of baying hounds in Vaitele and then down into Vaiusu village where the pack could have been arrested for being disorderly. Tallyho produced a rock from his pocket to demonstrate the necessity of being protected. During this altercation Godfather and Obama claimed to have become bored and had started to sing hymns or something. This disrespect for hash protocol made the GM very cross so Tallyho’s counter-dob to the hares was forgotten and Godfather and Obama were in the circle instead. Normal service was soon resumed with Lewinsky nominating Transporter for the FBI Fast-n-Furious-Noisy-Chariot Award for waking-up POD and offspring when delivering Lewinsky onto the front lawn after Saturday night. The previous week it seems Slim-Shady had asked Eveready if he could show her his “avocados” in the plantation at Tapatapa’o, but then she had not turned-up for their assignation, leaving Eveready to admire his avocados alone. Slim Shady tried to talk her way out of this Hussy-of-the-week award but the pack would have none of her lame excuses and both she and Eveready were in the circle. Lewinsky was in full dummy-spitting mode and again dobbed Transporter, this time for trying to sell him over-priced tickets for the boxing. At this point it looked like the keg was beginning to float so the GM called proceedings to a close with Hare and Host, Snake and Skunk doing the final DDs for the evening.

Next week the venue will be Transporter’s wrecking yard in Vaitele.

And on Saturday 15^th the Yacht Club will be holding a Fancy Dress Fund Raiser for Junior Sailors and Old Salts. Dress-up as your favourite Screen Super-Hero, your favourite Hash-Hero or just turn-up as yourself. Music by DJ Cory, with nibble and prizes. Tickets at $30 per adult& $15 per ankle-biter available from Tallyho & Ring Ring or on-the-door. Come and have fun on Saturday as well as Monday.

This week’s lyrics “unchained melody”; sing-along with Godfather and Obama

Tallyho and toodle pip

Hash Run 1639 - Transporter @ Vaitele

Good Afternoon All,

Hope you have been enjoying your Teuila week and that youve all stayed sober much like the GM.
Next weeks run is being hosted by Transporter in Vaitele, next to his workshop where we had the last run there. This will double as his House warming party and a hash run.

There is also word that the Monk will be there on Monday. The host has kindly offered to put on the spread and we will get our Keg, softies and sweet nuts.

Transporters place is up behind the Vaitele Markets. Look out for Saleck Motors and you should see the workshop and house...if all else fails, look for paper or flour.

See you all then.
On On

Hash Trash 1637

Delving into the archives of hash-words of runs from the distant past your Scribe discovered that probably the last time we ventured into the heights of Tapatapa’o was on run 884, in March 1998, set by Greenie. On that evening the hash covered a good deal of this trail when the river was a raging torrent of “greenie”-brown water rather than the scenic scramble over the large dry boulders that we enjoyed this week. Well of course that doesn’t include TTG who managed to almost drown herself in the two inches of very smelly stagnant water that pretended to be a stream. Even hashmen who normally flock to perve any hashmere in a wet T-shirt were put off by the monster-from-the-marsh apparition that was TTG as she lay spread-eagled in foetid water. But more of that later. First a succession chariots roared up the long-winding road to Tapatapa’o, no-doubt leading many of the usual residents to think that either someone very important had died or that there was to be big function at Dave Barkers Cloud 9 bar. But the chariots raced past the entrance to Cloud9 screeched to a halt and did a hard left-hand-down-a-bit to Toa’i and Cecilia’s parent’s garden. The pack sniffed the cool, clean mountain air, listened to the birds in the trees and thought how wonderful it would be to live up here – until they remembered that it was probably 10km to the nearest shop selling beer, fags or bread. Anyway a large crowd of hash chariots had made the journey and even Today and Tomorrow found their way to the start which was something of a miracle since they were lost in Vaitele last week.  Finally the GM called the pack to order and the instructions were to follow paper out of the gate and on-right. Well that was clear enough, certainly there was plenty of paper as we headed towards Cloud9 where the trail to a right through the hedge and through a newly cut bush area and down into the stream-bed. And that was about a clear as the trail got. No paper anywhere but than a whisper passed up the long line of hashmen vainly looking for some sign of the trail, that the trail was now set on red ribbons!!!  Red ribbons!! What are we, a Morris Dancing team or hashmen….. maybe the hare thought there would be a sudden flood to wash away the paper but by the looks of the grass growing between the rocks in the stream there had been no water in it for weeks… finally a piece of red ribbon was spotted on a fallen tree we plodded, scrambled and stumbled over the rocks and boulders. Toothfairy was seen clutching his ankle and we thought we might have to call Sam the Fireman to come and rescue him, but the thought that the ESA response time was probably several days he gamely staggered to his feet and pressed on. Finally we came upon some water which seemed to just disappear into the ground leaving us to wonder where it might reappear since there had been no sign of any water in the stream so far. TTG obviously decided to make a closer inspection and promptly fell flat on her face in the water which turned out to be exceedingly smelly and probably full of all sorts of nasty bacteria. Even the prospect of hashmere in a wet T-shirt could not stop nearby hashmen from backing away from the ghastly apparition that was now TTG. Those of the pack who have been watching the endless replays of MIB on tv3 will have some idea of what TTG looked like. After another few hundred metres of slipping and sliding and trying to avoid putting feet, let alone bodies in the stagnant water, we came to a broken weir and finally some paper again. The paper led up the right but then was no more, Swinger, Owen and sundry other FRBs disappeared up the hill, while the rest of the pack checked around the various other trails; and then from the back of the pack appeared Transporter strewing paper hither and thither and calling on on as he too headed up the hill. There were serious mutterings about live hares, failing to set clear trails, leaving bits of Cecilia’s knicker-elastic tied to tree roots and sundry other offences that would need to be dealt with later. And so the pack came up out of the valley and gathered outside the small church that marks the end of the road and a steady down-hill run on home.

Not much running on the first part of the trail but a great venue and some new country for most of the pack. And so to the Circle.

New Footprints and virgins: Charlotte from OZ brought by Nina; John from NZ brought by Lady Finger who we were told was otherwise known in NZ as Gold Finger & Greasy Finger.

Next up were the usual retread culprits: Prince had been in NZ being briefed for his new job in the Australian High Commission; Nina had been doing “other things”; Snake had been keeping the home fires stoked in NZ celebrating Fang’s 50^th birthday and had brought Skunk back with him after also celebrating Skunk’s 90^th (?) birthday in NZ. Rod also made a return to the hash having been away for 30 years. 

This week’s celebrity award went to Swinger whose mum had been featured as an expert witness in a much publicized indecency case in which she had explained in some detail to the CJ how to rummage around in ladies’ naughty bits in a way that does not arouse any suspicion of naughtiness. All hashmen should take note.

As usual Poumouli had sent in his dubious selection of history and the days of St Monica and St Gregory were celebrated by Lewinsky and the various Gregs in the circle.  It was also the birthday anniversaries of Donald Bradman (b1908) which brought forth Ozzie as a budding cricketer; Mother Teresa (b1910) was represented as a saintly mere by Ring Ring (who probably needs the patience of a saint to live with Insecurity); the Mary Poppins film was first released in 1964 and Hornithologist was chosen as the hash’s most-like Poppins character; and in 1993 some medical records were discovered which showed that doctors had prescribed large quantities of cocaine and heroin solutions to Queen Victoria, so our resident doctor Toa’i took the DD. I can’t understand why Queen Vic always looked so miserable, she must have been between prescriptions. Finally from the hash archives it was 16 years to the day that Weathercock had his farewell run (797) from the old Outrigger at Vaiala beach. And now he is leaving again tonight.

Snake was nominated as Shoe Inspector and after some desperate attempts to find someone to dob he picked on Nina, who refused to drink from her shoe as her foot had been inside it ……. Yes and soooo, better your own foot than someone else’s. The GM offered his boot but at this she almost went into a faint. Up steps gallant “uncle Lewinsky” to let her drink from a mug lodged inside her new boot. At this a great cry of accusation went up from the circle, “uncle” Lewinsky, in the absence of POD, up to his usual tricks trying (and failing as usual) to impress the meres …. So the pair of them did a DD.  Hornithologist then dobbed herself by talking about “Neville”.

Transporter was next to be dragged forward for failing to tell the GM that the run was set on red-ribbons (red knicker-elastic, a souvenir piece of which has been kept for the Hash Shrine when we finally find a suitable Ark), as well as paper, this lack of information led Weathercock and sundry BWBs to lose the trail as soon as we hit the stream bed and so they wandered aimlessly around for half an hour trying to find a way out. Fortunately it seems that Today and Tomorrow had just about managed to keep the tail end of the pack in sight as they slowly climbed through the rocks so we didn’t lose them this week.

Godfather was up next for failing to stop TTG from falling into the stagnant water and then telling her that whilst she looked good in the wet T-shirt, she did not smell too nice from the swamp.

Tallyho was then the subject of much mirth and derision as his GPS didn’t work on the run cos we were so far from civilization there was no mobile signal and his head-lights weren’t needed cos we were back in daylight. One day you lot will be sorry for this ……

For the weekend rugby results Prince stepped forward for the winning ABs, Weathercock for the zero-scoring Wallabies and Owen was the surrogate Springbok. Next those who remembered Transporter’s run a few weeks ago recalled that his “workshop” was mainly full of old wrecks used as props for a certain mobile phone advert. It seemed to the hash tonight that his business empire must be expanding as the “in-laws” garden was also full of wrecks for which he was awarded a congratulatory DD. Sassy then dobbed Rob for trying to fondle TTG, fortunately for him Godfather wasn’t watching and the DD was taken by Lady Finger. Sassy was on a roll with this dob (she’s probably not getting much other sort of rolling at the moment with a crook hubby) and so called Brent into the circle for standing in the road watching in hope for his missus to appear in the distance – it was not clear whether he was hoping she would appear or hoping otherwise. After this Toa’i was dobbed by the GM for failing to pay him for services rendered (or something like that anyway) and then the GM himself ended up with a Double for something to do with the BBQ. Snake then spotted Owen leaning, and this prompted Lewinsky to call for a congratulatory DD for Snake who had fixed the wiring in Lewinsky’s den of iniquity after many years of dodgy wiring when patrons were at risk of being electrocuted every-time they bought a beer. This caused uproar in the circle; Lewinsky using hash beer to pay Snake for work done in his bar, what a tight bastard, the wrath of the hash was great, and Lewinsky was also in the circle with Snake.

Wise men say only fools rush in But I can't help falling in love with you Shall I stay Would it be a sin If I can't help falling in love with you Like a river flows surely to the sea Darling so it goes Some things are meant to be Take my hand, take my whole life too For I can't help falling in love with you Like a river flows surely to the sea Darling so it goes Some things are meant to be Take my hand, take my whole life too For I can't help falling in love with you For I can't help falling in love with you

Like all SPREP staff Weathercock has nothing to do each day except surf-the-net and wait for the climate to change; today in his surfing he had spotted that Neil Armstrong had gone on another journey, presumably even beyond the moon this time, and called for all those born-after the first moon-landing on July 20 1969 to step forward. Although this probably applied to most of the circle Brent, missus Brent, Owen and Toa’i stepped forward to represent the rest.

The thought of long journey’s stirred Sassy again and she called Toothfairy into the circle for sending his missus and ankle-biter off to NZ so he could play more golf….. Transporter then dobbed Lewinsky for something or other but the pack was as confused as your scribe (and Transporter) and both ended up with mugs in their hands. The Hares and Hosts, Cecilia, Toa’I (and mum n dad), Prince and Transporter, were commended for a great venue and run in new ground for most of the pack, and for the even greater spread of food that could be seen on the table, a veritable feast with two pua’a doing their bit for the gratification of the hash. Finally Owen, Brent & Swinger, members of the hash team for the perimeter run on Saturday, were sent on their way with mugs of the fluid of sustenance.

Next week’s run will be at Snake Pit 2, opposite Senese  School in Vaitele.

And for those that like to sing-along with Godfather this week we have the words to “only fools rush in”, an apt summary of the hash.

On On and Toodle Pip

Tallyho

Hash Run 1638 - Snake and Skunk @ Snake Pit 2 Vaitele (Senese)

Good Morning All,

Hope you are all recovered from Mondays fantastic run! Next weeks run is being hosted by Snake and Skunk at the Snake Pit 2 in Vaitele (Senese School). We have had a few runs from this location so you shouldn't have any problems finding your way there.

The Hosts have kindly offered to put on the spread for us so just bring your running gear, drinking boots and hash cash on the day. There will be a Keg and softies and sweet nuts.
Run starts normal time: 1730Hrs

See you all then!
On On

Hash Run 1637 - Cecilia & Toa'i @ Tapatapao (up by Aleisa)

Good morning All,

Trust you all had a great weekend. Tonight's Hash run is being hosted by Cecilia & Toa'i at their family home in Tapatapao (Up on the way to Aleisa and Cloud9). The hosts have kindly offered to put on a spread for this evenings run so bring a change of clothes and something warm as it gets a little bit chilly up there in the evenings.

We will have our Keg, softies and sweet nuts as per usual and please bring your hash cash $15.

Run will start at 1730hrs so try be early as we want to get back before it gets too dark.

Directions: Head up to Aleisa, and when you reach the intersection to Aleisa, carry on straight up the Cloud 9 Road. The house will be on your left hand side when you head up that road just after the 2nd "Dave Parker Eco Lodge" road sign. Look out for the Hash Sign just after Cloud 9.

Call the GM on 7600800 if you get lost..

On On

Hash Trash 1636

Sawassdee from Bangkok. The Hash was rescued from a boring town run by Ring Ring who decided to bring us out to the hills behind Vaitele. A cool evening promised a good run, but we had not thought about the deviousness of our Hare in setting false trails. As a result, after setting off at a good pace, Tallyho went one way and Poumuli the other, and lo and behold, Tallyho was going the right way. Through the back roads the trail led, with one very tricky off the road trail that turned to be a false one. Trailing along the roads thankfully deplete of dogs, we made our way up and down the back roads, but by now the false trails had been discovered by the Front Running Bastards, supplemented by new blood this time. There was however plenty of shenanigans that happened on the trail, to be reported. Back to the house the welcome sight of Godfathers sweet nuts awaited and all was well.

SOTB was present and as he had run was reasonably coherent. Those new to Apia Hash were asked to step forward, and these were Annie, wife of Brent who ran with us some years ago, and Jerry from Samoa who had been brought by Gayboy. They were quickly introduced to the down down principle. Rethreads were of course Brent (back for a year or so), Sassygirl BJ, Slippery, Gayboy, Siv, Lucy and Wall. AC/DC turned up late so was given a double for him to contemplate on the rocky ride to Tokelau.

Lewinsky as Shoe Inspector came up horribly empty, and tried his hand at a false accusation that the GM rebuffed. Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (dad in the paper), Swinger (mom in the paper), Transporter and Tooa’I, with a special one for Gayboy.

This Day in History Awards went to Lewinsky (1998 Clinton tried to redefine the meaning of the word “is”), Ozzie (1980 Dingo took my baby incident), Tallyho (1783 huge fireball rockets across UK skies to disappear in the southern seas, obviously a harbinger to Tallyho coming here) and Poumuli (1993 Oslo Peace Accords – yeah those worked out real well).

The GM proceeded with his awards, starting with a Hasher leaving us for unknown duration. Captain Mortein nearly had to drink from the big bowl, but in the end took a large glass. Bon voyage Captain, and see you soon. Turning to the run, one hasher had “found” an item by the side of the road and had proudly brought back a vicegrip, so Godfather got the Finders Keepers Award.

At the close of the run we observed a certain grandfather bringing in the girl in a souped up carriage, but whose wheels looked like they had been through a septic tank. Eveready claimed the I Am Innocent Award. Slippery, in a moment of misplaced gallantry went to his aid, but forgot his cap so it was doubled. A special graduation award went to Gayboy for finally completing his studies in the hiding of cats. Finally, one hasher had been bragging that he had beat the GM on the run when in fact he was a short cutting bastard, so a SCB Award went to Transporter.

As always when she is present nominations from the floor were quickly taken up by Sassy – she had come to the rescue of a hasher who needed jumper cables. Instead she put hers and the weight of her passengers to use and gave him a push start. Gallantry Received Award to Poumuli.

Hornithologist then awarded Becky something relating to Air NZ, and she was joined by Lewinsky for dropping the beer. Sassy got back in there and nominated a hasher for bragging how big his nuts were, when in fact we had all been struggling to open the soft ones that Godfather had brought. He offered to disprove this statement, quickly declined by the Hash.

Ozzie had been observing some romance in the circle, and how one hasher fancying a certain mere had killed a pig to show his affection. While Becky could be excused from this, as we are in Samoa, she did however take the award.

Continuing on her automotive theme, Sassy nominated Neil for the Non Fast Track Award for his lack of luck with his rear lights. She also got Today and Tomorrow for nearly crashing all and sundry’s cars upon their arrival at the Hash. In yet another libellous nomination, Tallyho described at great length how a certain hasher had been ravaged by his gay dog, and there being no poofters allowed on the hash, when in fact this happened on the weekend and said dog was using Poumuli as a rock to stand on. The details were not going to help so your Scribe took his award.

Gayboy had been in town and had observed how a certain hasher had made his granddaughter walk on the hot road with no shoes. Eveready claimed this was some sort of parental guidance required for the girl losing her shoes, but the GM felt this to be too cruel. Yet more from Gayboy as he had been out with the GM on the weekend and pissed as a newt, the GM had been able to get out of a police breathalyser test by using his VERTS jacket. Apparently that evening had also included the GM being too scared to go to the RSA, so Transporter added to his misery.

Hot Flush recalled that at a recent hash when Godfather was absent another hasher had picked up the ukulele, but had played no real notes, hence a Milli Vanilli Award went to Crime. Returning to our departing hasher, Tallyho informed that Weathercock had agreed to take over the care of Captain Mortein’s dog, but after just a few days the canine had already run away, no doubt because of poor cooking abilities of the new host.

Gayboy had been out on a boat with the GM and a rather hot chick, with the upshot being that the GM had cockblocked Gayboy. The absurdity of the tale, and the lack of CB being present resulted in the GM taking this one himself. Pirate Princess turned up late at this point and was immediately caught leaning.

We are all looking forward to the Perimeter Relay, yet some of the runners are even more so, and had been enquiring diligently from Godfather whether the masseuses would be provided again. Weathercock had overheard Swinger describe how he wanted his inner thighs massaged, so a Prurient Interest Award was given.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, before Tallyho led us in a vigorous rendition of the Hash Anthem in honour of Captain Mortein.

Check the blog for details of the run, and Tallyho will be scribing next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit