Hash Trash 1636

Sawassdee from Bangkok. The Hash was rescued from a boring town run by Ring Ring who decided to bring us out to the hills behind Vaitele. A cool evening promised a good run, but we had not thought about the deviousness of our Hare in setting false trails. As a result, after setting off at a good pace, Tallyho went one way and Poumuli the other, and lo and behold, Tallyho was going the right way. Through the back roads the trail led, with one very tricky off the road trail that turned to be a false one. Trailing along the roads thankfully deplete of dogs, we made our way up and down the back roads, but by now the false trails had been discovered by the Front Running Bastards, supplemented by new blood this time. There was however plenty of shenanigans that happened on the trail, to be reported. Back to the house the welcome sight of Godfathers sweet nuts awaited and all was well.

SOTB was present and as he had run was reasonably coherent. Those new to Apia Hash were asked to step forward, and these were Annie, wife of Brent who ran with us some years ago, and Jerry from Samoa who had been brought by Gayboy. They were quickly introduced to the down down principle. Rethreads were of course Brent (back for a year or so), Sassygirl BJ, Slippery, Gayboy, Siv, Lucy and Wall. AC/DC turned up late so was given a double for him to contemplate on the rocky ride to Tokelau.

Lewinsky as Shoe Inspector came up horribly empty, and tried his hand at a false accusation that the GM rebuffed. Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (dad in the paper), Swinger (mom in the paper), Transporter and Tooa’I, with a special one for Gayboy.

This Day in History Awards went to Lewinsky (1998 Clinton tried to redefine the meaning of the word “is”), Ozzie (1980 Dingo took my baby incident), Tallyho (1783 huge fireball rockets across UK skies to disappear in the southern seas, obviously a harbinger to Tallyho coming here) and Poumuli (1993 Oslo Peace Accords – yeah those worked out real well).

The GM proceeded with his awards, starting with a Hasher leaving us for unknown duration. Captain Mortein nearly had to drink from the big bowl, but in the end took a large glass. Bon voyage Captain, and see you soon. Turning to the run, one hasher had “found” an item by the side of the road and had proudly brought back a vicegrip, so Godfather got the Finders Keepers Award.

At the close of the run we observed a certain grandfather bringing in the girl in a souped up carriage, but whose wheels looked like they had been through a septic tank. Eveready claimed the I Am Innocent Award. Slippery, in a moment of misplaced gallantry went to his aid, but forgot his cap so it was doubled. A special graduation award went to Gayboy for finally completing his studies in the hiding of cats. Finally, one hasher had been bragging that he had beat the GM on the run when in fact he was a short cutting bastard, so a SCB Award went to Transporter.

As always when she is present nominations from the floor were quickly taken up by Sassy – she had come to the rescue of a hasher who needed jumper cables. Instead she put hers and the weight of her passengers to use and gave him a push start. Gallantry Received Award to Poumuli.

Hornithologist then awarded Becky something relating to Air NZ, and she was joined by Lewinsky for dropping the beer. Sassy got back in there and nominated a hasher for bragging how big his nuts were, when in fact we had all been struggling to open the soft ones that Godfather had brought. He offered to disprove this statement, quickly declined by the Hash.

Ozzie had been observing some romance in the circle, and how one hasher fancying a certain mere had killed a pig to show his affection. While Becky could be excused from this, as we are in Samoa, she did however take the award.

Continuing on her automotive theme, Sassy nominated Neil for the Non Fast Track Award for his lack of luck with his rear lights. She also got Today and Tomorrow for nearly crashing all and sundry’s cars upon their arrival at the Hash. In yet another libellous nomination, Tallyho described at great length how a certain hasher had been ravaged by his gay dog, and there being no poofters allowed on the hash, when in fact this happened on the weekend and said dog was using Poumuli as a rock to stand on. The details were not going to help so your Scribe took his award.

Gayboy had been in town and had observed how a certain hasher had made his granddaughter walk on the hot road with no shoes. Eveready claimed this was some sort of parental guidance required for the girl losing her shoes, but the GM felt this to be too cruel. Yet more from Gayboy as he had been out with the GM on the weekend and pissed as a newt, the GM had been able to get out of a police breathalyser test by using his VERTS jacket. Apparently that evening had also included the GM being too scared to go to the RSA, so Transporter added to his misery.

Hot Flush recalled that at a recent hash when Godfather was absent another hasher had picked up the ukulele, but had played no real notes, hence a Milli Vanilli Award went to Crime. Returning to our departing hasher, Tallyho informed that Weathercock had agreed to take over the care of Captain Mortein’s dog, but after just a few days the canine had already run away, no doubt because of poor cooking abilities of the new host.

Gayboy had been out on a boat with the GM and a rather hot chick, with the upshot being that the GM had cockblocked Gayboy. The absurdity of the tale, and the lack of CB being present resulted in the GM taking this one himself. Pirate Princess turned up late at this point and was immediately caught leaning.

We are all looking forward to the Perimeter Relay, yet some of the runners are even more so, and had been enquiring diligently from Godfather whether the masseuses would be provided again. Weathercock had overheard Swinger describe how he wanted his inner thighs massaged, so a Prurient Interest Award was given.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, before Tallyho led us in a vigorous rendition of the Hash Anthem in honour of Captain Mortein.

Check the blog for details of the run, and Tallyho will be scribing next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit