What a wonderful day for a trip to the beach. Godfather and
Titty Galore had arranged for us to use the new fales at the far right end of
Tafatafa (I meant to write it down but forgot), and we were greeted by warm
sunshine and blue waters as we entered the beach. Lovely warm day and perfect
for the beach, but not for a 2 PM run in the sunshine. It was ok while we were
shaded by the trees coming off the beach, but when we hit the main road the
baking or roasting started. A false trail led off to the right, while the
slower Hashers got to turn left. On we went for a couple of kilometres of
energy sapping and sweat drenching. Some confusion reigned as dehydration made
Hashers see things, but eventually we headed left down to the beach, albeit
through a clever path marked by Crime – literally, he was hanging in the tree
above. Down to the waters edge and all we had to do was follow the beach back
on home. Godfather’s sweet nuts never tasted better. If only the sun had been
lower the run would have been perfect, but nevermind, all good.
SOTB was present, although not as lucid having been sampling
the keg with the Vailima crew. He called those new to Apia Hash to step
forward, and these were Jackie (Raggamuffin organizer) brought by Dumass, Anya
(enjoying the sun) and Lynn (apple picker) brought by Godfather. Cockblocker
tricked him into using Godfather’s real name, but the GM ruled that CB needed
to join the newbies for his slimy trickyness on that one. Rethreads were Silia,
Dev, Dave, Sexpot, Desperate Housewife who all had some sort of excuse.
Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ for being on TV
(SOTB), FBI and Lezzie in the paper (Crash Bandicoot), Sexpot for Westpac ad,
and Pussysnatcher for famous mother-in-law (Hot Nuts). This Day in History went
to Transporter (1977 mass murderer Son of Sam arrested), Crime (1934 first
criminals arrive on Alcatraz), Tallyho (1964 last people hanged in Britain,
much to Tallyho’s disappointment) and Wahoo (International Lefthanders Day –
Poumuli had to take that one).
As mentioned the GM had ensured that he was not in touch
with reality, and commenced an utterly libellous tale of how one Hasher had
brought his beast of a dog to the run, and said dog had his balls licked by
another male dog. The no poofters on the hash rule was applied mutatis
mutandis, so Poumuli had to take the My Little Pony Award.
It had also been noticed that the Hash had started somewhat
late due to the slack arrival of some Hashers, hence Late for Own Funeral Award
to Swinger, Hot Nuts and Nutcracker. Then a couple of Hashers had actually
gotten lost on the trail, so a, well, Lost Award to Today and Tomorrow.
Opening up for nominations, Desperate Housewife had observed
Tasi kicking sand in the face of one of the Lewinsky sisters, and in a fashion
faux pas was wearing her shirt inside out. While most would approve of kicking
sand and sundry other hard objects at Lewinsky’s face, we draw the line at the
adorable ones. While taking this Missing the Goal Award Tasi was wearing
sunnies, so Dumass had to step in for the repeat.
Silia and others had been waiting outside Ynot trying to get
a cab, and CB had driven past, with no passengers, and had not even slowed down
to offer them a ride. Not that it is anywhere near healthy to accept a “ride”
from CB, but nevertheless there was some discussion if this was hashman-like
behaviour or living up to hashname, or simply being a douchebag. A vote was
taken, and CB reluctantly received his down-down.
While your Scribe can be a glutton for punishment, he is not
dumb enough to bring the headline “Tala overvalued” to the Hash. Bruce on the
other hand had no such compunction and gleefully pointed this out. Ah, the
treachery, as he knew Poumuli would have to take this one. Transporter wanted
an early nomination for Father of the Year Award, as he and others had to
search for Crash and Lewinsky. This was doubled as Lewinsky had arrived at the
beach with a baby carrier in one hand and a large Vailima in the other.
Hot Flush felt that the Scribe had not been observant enough
in relation to the Alcatraz award, noting that said prison was in San Francisco.
Since Skidmark was wearing a shirt from there and Wahoo grew up there, this
Sitting on the Dock of the Bay Award was handed to Skidmark and Poumuli.
Getting back to the run report Silia had been looking for some Hashers apparently
missing, only to find Transporter and Too’ai emerging from the undergrowth with
sore knees. The Lost in the Bush Award was repeated by Transporter for the
ongoing difficulty of removing sunnies from head!
Poumuli had a quite hilarious clipping, which is being saved
for later, but before that had asked the GM if he knew of any closest living
relatives – and he had pointed to Transporter as a candidate. Upon doing some
due diligence, it was discovered that this was entirely untrue, so the GM got a
Racial Profiling Award.
Tallyho, with his usual loud aplomb described the glorious
Hashday on the beach, delighted to see so many wearing Hash Gear, with the
glaring exception of one, who “looked like a bloody tourist”! Ladyfinger did
admit he was attired not for running but for impressing the impressionable.
Dumass then nominated Sexpot for the Greatest Father’s Day Shirt for wearing
one hand painted by his son, joined by Gianluca for unknown reasons. Speaking
of observances, Hot Nuts demanded that Poumuli get a Dereliction of Duty Award
for not mentioning that Hot Nuts had forgotten his wedding anniversary – I was
getting to that, dammit!
Now the Olympics are over, Sexpot wished the Poms well for a
good job in hosting and also for their medal count. Knowing where this was
heading Tallyho interjected that the Ozzies had performed miserably. A bit
confused how this ended, but Transporter, Weathercock, Skidmark and Godfather
all shared this Olympic Gold Award. Lewinsky had stepped in as whipping boy,
but stepped in it for wearing sunnies.
At the request of the Pacific Harbour Hash, Poumuli
nominated Weathercock for a Dereliction Award for not coming to their National
Hash, even though he was 10 minutes away. Final set of nominations involved
Dumass and Sexpot, something about there being No Flame On, and some lazy
Dumass only steering no paddling.
The Hares and the Hosts, Godfather, Crime and Titty G were
saluted before a veritable feast – there was two roast pigs, umu, bbq, salads.
All went down tremendously well.
Lewinsky announced that on 25 August ProBoner will have her
30th Birthday at Samoa Hideaway. We were not sure if he was inviting
the Hash, or telling us to stay the f%$@ away.
Watch the blog for next week’s run location.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
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