Delving into the archives of hash-words of runs
from the distant past your Scribe discovered that probably the last time we
ventured into the heights of Tapatapa’o was on run 884, in March 1998, set by
Greenie. On that evening the hash covered a good deal of this trail when the
river was a raging torrent of “greenie”-brown water rather than the scenic
scramble over the large dry boulders that we enjoyed this week. Well of course
that doesn’t include TTG who managed to almost drown herself in the two inches
of very smelly stagnant water that pretended to be a stream. Even hashmen who
normally flock to perve any hashmere in a wet T-shirt were put off by the
monster-from-the-marsh apparition that was TTG as she lay spread-eagled in foetid water. But more
of that later. First a succession chariots roared up the long-winding road to
Tapatapa’o, no-doubt leading many of the usual residents to think that either
someone very important had died or that there was to be big function at Dave Barkers
Cloud 9 bar. But the chariots raced past the entrance to Cloud9 screeched to a
halt and did a hard left-hand-down-a-bit to Toa’i and Cecilia’s parent’s
garden. The pack sniffed the cool, clean mountain air, listened to the birds in
the trees and thought how wonderful it would be to live up here – until they remembered
that it was probably 10km to the nearest shop selling beer, fags or bread. Anyway
a large crowd of hash chariots had made the journey and even Today and Tomorrow
found their way to the start which was something of a miracle since they were
lost in Vaitele last week. Finally the
GM called the pack to order and the instructions were to follow paper out of
the gate and on-right. Well that was clear enough, certainly there was plenty
of paper as we headed towards Cloud9 where the trail to a right through the
hedge and through a newly cut bush area and down into the stream-bed. And that
was about a clear as the trail got. No paper anywhere but than a whisper passed
up the long line of hashmen vainly looking for some sign of the trail, that the
trail was now set on red ribbons!!! Red
ribbons!! What are we, a Morris Dancing team or hashmen….. maybe the hare
thought there would be a sudden flood to wash away the paper but by the looks
of the grass growing between the rocks in the stream there had been no water in
it for weeks… finally a piece of red ribbon was spotted on a fallen tree we
plodded, scrambled and stumbled over the rocks and boulders. Toothfairy was
seen clutching his ankle and we thought we might have to call Sam the Fireman
to come and rescue him, but the thought that the ESA response time was probably
several days he gamely staggered to his feet and pressed on. Finally we came
upon some water which seemed to just disappear into the ground leaving us to
wonder where it might reappear since there had been no sign of any water in the
stream so far. TTG obviously decided to make a closer inspection and promptly
fell flat on her face in the water which turned out to be exceedingly smelly
and probably full of all sorts of nasty bacteria. Even the prospect of hashmere
in a wet T-shirt could not stop nearby hashmen from backing away from the
ghastly apparition that was now TTG. Those of the pack who have been watching
the endless replays of MIB on tv3 will have some idea of what TTG looked like.
After another few hundred metres of slipping and sliding and trying to avoid
putting feet, let alone bodies in the stagnant water, we came to a broken weir
and finally some paper again. The paper led up the right but then was no more, Swinger,
Owen and sundry other FRBs disappeared up the hill, while the rest of the pack
checked around the various other trails; and then from the back of the pack
appeared Transporter strewing paper hither and thither and calling on on as he
too headed up the hill. There were serious mutterings about live hares, failing
to set clear trails, leaving bits of Cecilia’s knicker-elastic tied to tree
roots and sundry other offences that would need to be dealt with later. And so
the pack came up out of the valley and gathered outside the small church that
marks the end of the road and a steady down-hill run on home.
Not much running on the first part of the trail
but a great venue and some new country for most of the pack. And so to the
Circle.
New Footprints and virgins: Charlotte from
OZ brought by Nina; John from NZ brought by Lady Finger who we were told was otherwise
known in NZ as Gold Finger & Greasy Finger.
Next up were the usual retread culprits:
Prince had been in NZ being briefed for his new job in the Australian High
Commission; Nina had been doing “other things”; Snake had been keeping the home
fires stoked in NZ celebrating Fang’s 50th birthday and had brought
Skunk back with him after also celebrating Skunk’s 90th (?) birthday
in NZ. Rod also made a return to the hash having been away for 30 years.
This week’s celebrity award went to Swinger
whose mum had been featured as an expert witness in a much publicized indecency
case in which she had explained in some detail to the CJ how to rummage around
in ladies’ naughty bits in a way that does not arouse any suspicion of naughtiness.
All hashmen should take note.
As usual Poumouli had sent in his dubious
selection of history and the days of St Monica and St Gregory were celebrated
by Lewinsky and the various Gregs in the circle. It was also the birthday anniversaries of Donald
Bradman (b1908) which brought forth Ozzie as a budding cricketer; Mother Teresa
(b1910) was represented as a saintly mere by Ring Ring (who probably needs the
patience of a saint to live with Insecurity); the Mary Poppins film was first
released in 1964 and Hornithologist was chosen as the hash’s most-like Poppins
character; and in 1993 some medical records were discovered which showed that
doctors had prescribed large quantities of cocaine and heroin solutions to
Queen Victoria, so our resident doctor Toa’i took the DD. I can’t understand
why Queen Vic always looked so miserable, she must have been between
prescriptions. Finally from the hash archives it was 16 years to the day that
Weathercock had his farewell run (797) from the old Outrigger at Vaiala beach. And
now he is leaving again tonight.
Snake was nominated as Shoe Inspector and after
some desperate attempts to find someone to dob he picked on Nina, who refused
to drink from her shoe as her foot had been inside it ……. Yes and soooo, better
your own foot than someone else’s. The GM offered his boot but at this she
almost went into a faint. Up steps gallant “uncle Lewinsky” to let her drink
from a mug lodged inside her new boot. At this a great cry of accusation went
up from the circle, “uncle” Lewinsky, in the absence of POD, up to his usual
tricks trying (and failing as usual) to impress the meres …. So the pair of
them did a DD. Hornithologist then
dobbed herself by talking about “Neville”.
Transporter was next to be dragged forward
for failing to tell the GM that the run was set on red-ribbons (red knicker-elastic,
a souvenir piece of which has been kept for the Hash Shrine when we finally
find a suitable Ark), as well as paper, this lack of information led Weathercock
and sundry BWBs to lose the trail as soon as we hit the stream bed and so they
wandered aimlessly around for half an hour trying to find a way out. Fortunately
it seems that Today and Tomorrow had just about managed to keep the tail end of
the pack in sight as they slowly climbed through the rocks so we didn’t lose
them this week.
Godfather was up next for failing to stop
TTG from falling into the stagnant water and then telling her that whilst she
looked good in the wet T-shirt, she did not smell too nice from the swamp.
Tallyho was then the subject of much mirth
and derision as his GPS didn’t work on the run cos we were so far from
civilization there was no mobile signal and his head-lights weren’t needed cos
we were back in daylight. One day you lot will be sorry for this ……
For the weekend rugby results Prince
stepped forward for the winning ABs, Weathercock for the zero-scoring Wallabies
and Owen was the surrogate Springbok. Next those who remembered Transporter’s
run a few weeks ago recalled that his “workshop” was mainly full of old wrecks
used as props for a certain mobile phone advert. It seemed to the hash tonight
that his business empire must be expanding as the “in-laws” garden was also
full of wrecks for which he was awarded a congratulatory DD. Sassy then dobbed
Rob for trying to fondle TTG, fortunately for him Godfather wasn’t watching and
the DD was taken by Lady Finger. Sassy was on a roll with this dob (she’s probably
not getting much other sort of rolling at the moment with a crook hubby) and so
called Brent into the circle for standing in the road watching in hope for his
missus to appear in the distance – it was not clear whether he was hoping she
would appear or hoping otherwise. After this Toa’i was dobbed by the GM for
failing to pay him for services rendered (or something like that anyway) and
then the GM himself ended up with a Double for something to do with the BBQ.
Snake then spotted Owen leaning, and this prompted Lewinsky to call for a congratulatory
DD for Snake who had fixed the wiring in Lewinsky’s den of iniquity after many
years of dodgy wiring when patrons were at risk of being electrocuted
every-time they bought a beer. This caused uproar in the circle; Lewinsky using
hash beer to pay Snake for work done in his bar, what a tight bastard, the
wrath of the hash was great, and Lewinsky was also in the circle with Snake.
|
Wise men say
only fools rush in
But I can't
help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be
a sin
If I can't
help falling in love with you
Like a river
flows surely to the sea
Darling so
it goes
Some things
are meant to be
Take my
hand, take my whole life too
For I can't
help falling in love with you
Like a river
flows surely to the sea
Darling so
it goes
Some things
are meant to be
Take my
hand, take my whole life too
For I can't
help falling in love with you
For I can't
help falling in love with you
|
Like all SPREP staff Weathercock has
nothing to do each day except surf-the-net and wait for the climate to change;
today in his surfing he had spotted that Neil Armstrong had gone on another
journey, presumably even beyond the moon this time, and called for all those
born-after the first moon-landing on July 20 1969 to step forward. Although
this probably applied to most of the circle Brent, missus Brent, Owen and Toa’i
stepped forward to represent the rest.
The thought of long journey’s stirred Sassy
again and she called Toothfairy into the circle for sending his missus and
ankle-biter off to NZ so he could play more golf….. Transporter then dobbed
Lewinsky for something or other but the pack was as confused as your scribe (and
Transporter) and both ended up with mugs in their hands. The Hares and Hosts,
Cecilia, Toa’I (and mum n dad), Prince and Transporter, were commended for a
great venue and run in new ground for most of the pack, and for the even
greater spread of food that could be seen on the table, a veritable feast with
two pua’a doing their bit for the gratification of the hash. Finally Owen,
Brent & Swinger, members of the hash team for the perimeter run on Saturday,
were sent on their way with mugs of the fluid of sustenance.
Next week’s run will be at Snake Pit 2,
opposite Senese School in Vaitele.
And for those that like to sing-along with
Godfather this week we have the words to “only fools rush in”, an apt summary
of the hash.
On On and Toodle Pip
Tallyho
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