Hash Trash - Run 1474

Apologies from your Assistant Trainee Scribe in the delivery of the trash, but he was enjoying Savaii. The hash was hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Dawn Raid at Luna and Mark Paul’s house in Vaola. A very good turnout of runners and walkers apprehensively gazed down the gorge behind the house but luckily (or not) the run was in the other direction. The pack was led out of the gate by Tallyho and Godfather who immediately took the wrong turn down to the right. Instead the pack had to be forced up the Cross-Island Road, and down Bank Street. Several false trails were ignored, but Brent ran up one we had not even considered. The run continued down into the bush road, and Tallyho gladly ran up to a cross and returned. A lot of energy, that man. The trail led on to a jungle trail, over an up through the river into the forest conservation area, through a family garden and onto the road above Myna’s. Then it was on home up the Cross-Island Road, which most took at a walking pace.

Godfather had again provided us with his sweet nuts that all enjoyed.

Since it was Tallyho’s last run with us before returning to Fiji he was named Interim GM for the evening’s proceedings. With his by name trade-marked loudness, he barked the circle into order, using profanity seldom heard in our family hash. He called for a run report but none was given, to which he retorted – well bugger you lot then. There would be more of that.

He first called on the rethreads to step forward and there were many – Godmother, Pussysnatcher, Probona, Tony Blair, Selena. None had any worthy excuses so were told to bugger off without a down-down. Then there were those new to Apia Hash, these included Endre, Kjetil, Kristin and Øystein Hallre from Norway, Lauli Paul, Kathy from Australia, Bogman and Shithole from Vietnam, Puli from Tokelau, and Ed from Samoa although he jokingly said he was a black Norwegian. Tallyho complained that the visitor statistics for Samoa would now be hopelessly skewed, but told them to bugger off too. Luckily he missed the slip in the introductions that Kristin was visiting not Poumuli but his real name (hah, hah!). But he did get Dawn Raid a down-down for mocking a fellow hashman’s name. He also noted that there were no rules in the hash except no poofters, as he had observed a hashman picking a flower on the trail and placing it behind his ear. What made it worse was that the flower picked was of the type that wilts immediately, so Gabor took his Flowerplucker Award with more speed than usual. The interim GM also raised the issue of the smallness of the cups, so Wahoo got the Too Poor Host Award.

Tallyho has a habit to leave non-hash matters aside, but having observed a hash mere chasing her child in a restaurant and over-hearing four diggers commenting that she was too young to possibly be the mother, the GM awarded her the Beauty Queen Award. She needed a whipping boy, but Lewinsky could not be found (funny how that recurs) so SOTB stepped in.

Celebrity Awards were given to Dawn Raid (tennis article, and concern by PM Key on the return of dawn raids), Poumuli (two climate change articles) and Sassygirl (husband’s photo in paper and ad for PASS).

The GM called for nominations. Slippery complained about the reference to surfboards in the last blog, as he has never owned a surfboard. To demonstrate, he showed the hash what he does have, namely a boogie board and something he described as a hand board. Tallyho denied his request for an award to Poumuli, as no respecting hashman would admit to needing a hand job to get up. Suzanne (popularly Vampire) got an award that again passed quicker than the speed of light, so quick I could not even write down what it was for. The GM spotted a hash mere in the circle with a hat on, and picked on Heather for the offence (although that is not usual in Apia Hash, only when doing the down-down). Never argue with the GM, as Brent found out when trying to get the GM an Undue Sportsmanship Award. Brent complained that he had been passed three times by Tallyho, to which he replied “but you were running backwards, you bastard”.

At this point young Keneti spotted Sassygirl leaning. Tallyho handed the floor to Snake to give us the outcome of the Mismanagement discussions. But first he commended Tallyho for coming even though he was leaving in three hours. Tallyho took the On On Award with aplomb and a large burp. Snake announced that Princess of Darkness would be our new GM for the year, and that Hash Cash would be on a rotational basis. POD took over to applause and announced that the Hareraiser would be Slippery assisted by Kiwi, Crash Bandicoot would handle the Hash Mugs, Poumuli would realize his lifelong dream of becoming the actual Scribe assisted by SOTB, Lewinsky the Brewmaster, Snake the Hash Haberdasher, Mr. Whippy on the Hash Blog, etc.

Now after checking the blog I can see that my record of this was all wrong, and you can read the corrected announcement of the Mismanagement Team on the blog, with several positions unfilled.

The hash was treated to barbeque and salads, with the 2nd Secret Sauce this time, and lovingly prepared by OK and Luna.

So that completes my assistant traineeship.

On On,

Poumuli.
Apia Hash House Harriers Scribe (official)