Hash Trash 1499D

What a wet day for a run! Rain was falling for the last few days, and was not letting up (more on the causes of this later). With no host available, the Hash was gathered at the Samoa Tourism Authority fale, where some dancing practice was going on. Luckily the Vailima truck had deposited the beer tap with the STA office, or things may have gotten out of hand. After some initial confusion, Schanelle was appointed to be a live Hare. And off he went like a rocket. Chased for a while by rethread BlowMe and newbies Jane and Simon, he relentlessly left the pack behind. The run went down Beach Road, to jeers from the merry-making crowd at On the Rocks, past the port and around Vaiala Beach, back down the Matafagatele Street and back to STA. The Hare had actually run around the Government Building, but by the time the rest caught up the Hare was waiting at the fale, so no thanks, we’ll stop here. But well done to BlowMe, Jane and Swinger for completing the torture. Nothing too eventful happened on the run – no dogs to taser, and felt good to vent off some steam to add to the sauna-like conditions in downtown Apia.

Eveready stepped in again as GM, and welcomed the newcomers to Hash. They were Simon from Melbourne, Charley and Jane from NZ, staying at Sinalei with Godfather. Charley had been briefed by Godfather, but messed up on Karaoke’s name, and the GM made all four take a dwon-down. There were many rethreads – Brazilian Wax, Kiwi, BlowMe, Bits & Pieces, Goer, Bloomin’ Luscious and Sassygirl Blowjob.

Our shoe inspector AC/DC was on hand, and he successfully identified Bloomin’ Luscious and Jane as having offended the rule on new shoes. Jane did hers with aplomb (“Too flash for Hash”), while Bloomin’ looked like she was pouring it on her shirt.

Mele was invited to pass on the Joker Award, which although she claimed she had received it for being the most charming, witty and beautiful at Hash, she was not sure whom to pass it on too. She settled for keeping it in the family and awarded it to Lesbian Vampire Killer, whereupon the beer was gone in a flash.

The GM was annoyed that the live Hare had set off at such speed, causing many to lose the trail (well, its not exactly that hard to find the way back, but anyway) and rewarded Schanelle with a large one. Celebrity Awards were given to Wahoo (repeated Lucky Foodtown commercials) and Lewinsky (ad for selling Swashbucklers). Wahoo of course was faster by a mile. The GM also invoked the Best Dressed at Hash Award for Sassygirl BJ.

Venting his spleen further, the GM had observed a Hasher turning up late, and when asked why, said that he hadn’t missed it but had done his own marathon. In disbelief at this, it was clarified that AC/DC had done a “horizontal marathon”. As this is not normal activity for Hash, at least between 17.30 and 20.00 on Mondays, AC/DC was given the For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge Award (2nd Class).

Our GM is a travelling virtuoso and while in Oz had bought a “charming” cooler for his Diet Coke. One hasher commented that the bikini motif obviously had had a brazilian wax. Who on earth would say such a thing but Brazilian Wax. He stepped forward for Voicing Thoughts No-one Else Want to Contemplate Award.

Our regular GM, Princess of Darkness, is of course away overseas, and a lot of things at Hash seem to go to the dark side in a carrying thingy. Hence the lack of beer cups this week, but not to be outdone creative use was made of a Pringles can and several bottles. Creative Architecture Awards to Karaoke and Blakey.

The GM, Eveready was pleased to see Bloomin’ back at the Hash, but was horrified that her own Father could not remember her Hash name. Bits & Pieces got a big one for this serious offence. Fully on a roll, he told of a Hash mere cavorting with rugby players to drum up some action – Screamer got the Female Action Award. And then the GM spotted Charley sitting on a table and Wahoo and Ring Ring leaning.

Having Interpol investigating you for money laundering is of course not to be sneered at, except if you have no money to launder, but apparently the GM had unearthed a Mafioso Award for Swinger. Sassygirl BJ had her arse grabbed upon arrival at Hash, but was disappointed to find that it was Ring Ring, who promptly gave the GM a demonstration of her technique for the Arsegrabbing Award. Poumuli gave an account of how Screamer had insulted his entire office for smelling of male sweat and feet, with BlowMe as a witness that she had asserted that what this office needed was some female action! Upon receiving her award she further lambasted her opinion that none in that office would get any female action.

Brazilian Wax spotted Charley on the cellphone, and called for a Rude Award – should have been Cellphonus Interruptus, but no one cared for details. As Charley reluctantly took his award, he made some offhand remark about the cost of avoiding the next one, which Wahoo mistook for using her real name. Or the story was different, but the temper tantrum cooked it for Wahoo, and she got a False Accusation Backfire Award.

Since Strangler was absent, Sassygirl BJ had been able to restrain her irritation and focus on the singing voices of others, and she nominated Simon to sing the Hash song by himself, for himself, which he did remarkably well under such unforeseen pressure. Ring Ring, having recovered her vision after her two awards, nominated Godfather for the Sexy Pants Award. The GM had been in a panic at the start of the Hash with the non-arrival of the BBQ etc., but Lewinsky helpfully pointed out that this was because for the first time in his life Snake was gainfully employed, so a large Entrepreneur Award was given to Snake.

Sassygirl BJ nominated Godfather, Swinger and Brazilian Wax for the Seafarers Award for their engagement with the voyaging canoe, which was made a large one for Swinger due to some swinging (or frigging) in the rigging. We then received the evidence for why there had been so much rain recently. Apparently the GM (and several unnamed Hashers) had performed sundry rain dances and rituals in the hope that a certain Hash mere would do the run a-la wet t-shirt, so LVK had to get her Lack of Incriminating Evidence Award. (Though I think the GM should get one next week for Pagan Ritualism!)

Charley, clearly by now colourblind and on the offense, called for anyone wearing a green singlet to get an Award in honour of St. Patrick’s Day. His target was of course the GM, though he was wearing a teal and beer coloured tanktop, and this is never a good idea to try on the GM. Blakey who was wearing a green t-shirt was thus the unintended victim.

Next week Hash will be hosted by Schanelle, Crown of Thorns and Screamer at The Scream in Siusega. COT had called for a theme of Rubik’s Cube, meaning that all have to show up with one item for each of the 6 colours of a Rubik’s Cube, then gradually exchange these with others until you end up with all single colours at the close of the evening. This sounds unduly complicated and positively unhygienic, but we shall try. (Hashers, make sure that whatever sweaty garment you use for the run gets exchanged to the brain surgeon who thought up this particular atrocity.)

The GM was concerned that not enough practice had gone into the dancing routines for the 1500th Hash, and while we did not get to see the Meres dance, he did command them to show us the moves for the Hash Anthem. This caused much hilarity especially in regards to the cumming motion – these Meres must be very lucky! Somehow this was translated into a down down for Poumuli. For the arrangements for the 1500th, Sassygirl BJ suggested an extra $5 for each hasher, to be combined with the $600 from the Veterans Association, as suggested by Snake, and that we find a suitable charity to award this to. The GM also called for action on the commemorative t-shirts and a live band. The Hare and the Host, Schanell and Sassy, with Schanell taking a double for something I can no longer discern from the notes.

On on,

Poumuli.