Hash trash 1499 F
The hash was hosted up in Vailima by Pussysnatcher, Lesbian Vampire Killer, Mele, Roz and Blakey. The hares were Mele and Blakey, who employed child labour from the Avele College to hack the trail through the bushes. The theme for the run was the Red Dress Run, and because of disparaging remarks by SOTB on the blog some hashers balked at this. But when Snake turned up in a dashing evening number, with red nails and a wig, and was lending out additional dresses, many of us agreed to don them as no one could look more like a fa'fafine than Snake. So dressed in an odd assortment of red dresses, lavalavas and what looked like a red plastic bag, the pack set out down the road and into the bush. We encountered some large piles of paper, and mutterings of littering and pollution could be heard. The trail took us up through the woods and over some plantations, a nice steady run, and then out on the road again for the on-up the Cross Island Road. A false trail led up towards SPREP which Swinger discovered, but Poumuli had already set off down the Avele road. The trail got a bit confused at a junction, but Godfather and BlowMe and Hot Nuts picked it up soon enough. There was some unauthorized use of cellphones on the trail, but it was our newbie so it was ignored. We followed the paper down through the college and back into the bush, where I am sure we crossed our original trail. Hot Nuts set off again on a false trail, while the rest of us went off back to the Cross Island Road and on home. The weather was hot and muggy for this sort of run, but there were no injuries except deep sweat stains on the red dresses.
Mele stepped in as acting GM, inviting those new to Hash to step into the circle. There was Erin from the US, Christo and Anita both from NZ volunteering out at Sinalei, Adrick, Alex, Patrick and Nusi from Samoa. There was also a visiting hasher from Solomon Islands - Hot Date. The rethreads were Handyman (with three bairns in tow), Zsa Zsa, Crash Bandicoot and once more the noise levels were to high for your Scribe to record their lame excuses. Schannel stepped in as Shoe Inspector, but messed up this simple task and got a double for being a smartarse. Celebrity Awards were given to Godfather (voyaging canoe story), Sassygirl BJ (for a tourism story - taken by SOTB) and anyone playing touch rugby for SPREP (story on business house tourney - taken by Schannel). Blakey got a Special TV Celebrity Award for handing out gifts to her successful students.
The rain now drove us into the garage where it was hopelessly muggy. Roz decided that the Joker Award she received due to last week's impromptu breast enlargement should go for the Gender Reassignment carried out by Snake. The GM made this a double for also having the sluttiest dress. The GM mentioned the serious crime of mislaying the Hash Mugs last week, and while responsibility rested with Crash, SOTB was dobbed in for this Irresponsible Mugging Award. She then turned to the Sluttiest Dressed Woman (Real) Award, which went to Blakey, who defended herself by saying she has not worn anything so skimpy outfit in Samoa ever. There had been some sort of fabcy dress party on the weekend at which several hashers had practiced cross-dressing for the Hash, so Zsa Zsa, Schannel, Pussysnatcher and Adrick were given the Liberace Award, with Pussysnatcher flashing his wares at the northern end of the garage (I hope Slippery didn't take a photo) resulting in a double.
Poumuli was requested by the GM distribute the leftovers from the last hash, resulting in Littering Awards to LVK (a weird hat), Fren (camera case), Zsa Zsa (a bikini), Blakey (Rubik's cube and scarf) while Snake confiscated a pair of sunglasses so he could join in the award. SOTB nominated Eveready for Godlike Status Award for having a threesome in a spa with Karaoke and her sister. Crash accepted, keeping it in the family. (Your Scribe is faintly disturbed by this story)
Sassygirl nominated LVK for having cavorted with a young Samoan in public and carrying on at Bistro Tatau. But it turned out to be her boyfriend, who is neither Samoan nor young (well, perhaps youngish), so it became a Mistaken Ethnicity Award. In gratitude for his services to the T-Shirt industry, LVK nominated Slippery for getting our 1500th Hash shirts organized, but since he was on antibiotics for a particularly nasty case of VD, another Pacific Islander would have to join him in a down down, which Hot Date reluctantly did, as a non-drinker he joined in doing it with Coke. But Hot Date wore his cap in the circle, so his ride to the Hash, Shane took the award with gusto. Swinger stepped forward in moral indignation to decry the excessive use of paper and to give a Litterbug Award to the Hares. They pointed out that SPREP had supplied the supposedly shredded paper, so Pussysnatcher, Poumuli and BlowMe accepted. Schannel wanted Pussysnatcher to get a Flashing Award for revealing more than we can describe on these blog pages, but joined him in a Stones in Glasshouses Award.
Brazilian Wax - who hadn't run - nominated Snake for Going the Extra Mile Award for painting his nails, which prompted Swinger to nominate Brazilian, Crash, Sassygirl and Christo for the Lack of Effort Award for not wearing anything red at all. Poumuli nominated Sassygirl for not introducing her guest (Neil) and Schannel for preferring to play touch rugby over running the Hash (different award from the earlier celebrity award). SOTB nominated the two chefs, Gordon Ramsey and Kiwi, with Gordon Ramsey coming back for a double because of his hat, nicely spotted by Brazilian Wax. Crash nominated Kamikaze for a Because He Needs One Award, which ended with a number of Kodak moments being captured by Slippery. Mele removed her GM hat to take her double for using nerd names, and the Hosts and Hares took their tribute. As this was LVK's last run for now, a cake and Samoan farewell song and siva were presented to her. LVK got a huge down down in SOTB's mug, which unsurprisingly disappeared in a flash. She also got the model 1500th shirt as a gift. Godfather also provided a dancer who did a Michael Jackson number for LVK. LVK then thanked the Hash for all the memories and friendships and promised to return later in the year.
SOTB and Sassygirl explained a bit about the arrangements for the 1500th but more will follow on the blog. We were warned that Kiwi has offered to Hare the trail, so this should be a hard, tricky and memorable run.