Hash Trash 1499E

The Hash was hosted by Schanelle, Crown of Thorns and Screamer at Screamer’s Palace of Love in Siusega (think that was a case of false advertising but no takers). It was a wet day all around, and Schanelle and Poumuli set out early to set the trail to take advantage of the lull in cats and dogs. This may not have been that clever, as there was now ample opportunity for local piccaninies to tamper with the trail. (That was the term that raving loonie Tallyho used when he visited us from Fiji) The trail started off with a nice false trail into the bush, but the decision had been made to keep to the flat, so off the pack went towards Tafaigata prison and landfill. A brief detour down into the plantations, with several hashers getting intentionally lost and picking up the trail on the far side. The frontrunners were taken through the new development past the landfill and onto the back roads on home. They even passed Poumuli Road. Complaints there were that it was too long, but it was measured at 5km in the car, sans false trails of course.

Lesbian Vampire Killer had been asked to be the acting GM for the night, and she rounded up all the newbies for their introductions. There was Andreas from Berlin, visiting Tammi, and Tracey, Victoria and Peter from New Zealand. They were joined in their down-downs by Brazilian Wax and Tammi, with an additional one for the GM for False Accusations. The rethreads were Slippery, Jack, COT and Kamikaze, with a double for Slippery for interrupting Jack and burping in the circle. AC/DC our shoe inspector insisted that Chilindrina and Wahoo were in new shoes, when the record shows Wahoo drinking from those last year! Glasses for AC/DC next time.

Celebrity Awards were given to Godfather, Sassygirl BJ, Kiwi for the Hash story in the newspaper. Lezzie was absent, so for his picture in the V-Bar ad, his closest living relative needed to be located, and for some reason this was Screamer. Poumuli was singled out by COT for his Bob Marley impersonation at Zodiac. Shortcutter awards were given to Kamikaze and Poumuli (hey I was injured!), which was interrupted by a cellphone exchange by SOTB and Kiwi, complicated by AC/DC opining, and the GM calling him by his other name when instructing him to be quiet.

Confusion was restored as the GM nominated Fren and Kathy for actually doing the long run and not shortcutting. And as this was the Rubik themed Hash, Screamer assisted the GM in sorting out the best dressed, with Ring Ring and Hot (Squashed) Nuts taking the prizes. The Joker of the Week went to Roz for her hastily assembled breast enlargement surgery. And while she couldn’t get her arms around her new charms to hold the drink she was assaulted by an overenthusiastic Slippery.

COT had jumped the gun by jumping in the pool before the circle and was joined by Kiwi. The GM gave a Nerd Award to Blakey for actually owning a Rubik’s Cube. The GM had been informed by email from an absent hasher that Rubik was Hungarian, hence Chilindrina had to take the Useless Information Award in Zsa Zsa’s absence. Fren and Blakey then received a Disorganization Award, joined by Snake who tried to hide from the rain under Roz’s “balcon”.

Poumuli nominated Captain Mortein for messing with the trail markers – his counter arguments failed because of the paper evidence on his flip-flops. As AC/DC had held an umbrella over his head, SOTB suggested doubling it, but this went to AC/DC who did a Singing in the Rain parody. The circle was moved into the patio, where Snake nominated Poumuli for bringing a knife to hash and not cutting himself, quickly followed by a nomination from SOTB for leaving him out of the Celebrity Awards. Blakey nominated Kathy for the Dating the GM’s Ex Award, but they ended up sharing the glass too, how sweet. Kiwi was spotted leaning, while Sassy nominated Jack for his bragging. COT nominated Snake and Fang for getting the whole Rubik’s concept wrong. The circle was closed by Hot Nuts thanking LVK on all our behalf. The hosts and the hares were then saluted according to tradition, before the hungry pack descended on the food kindly provided and cooked by a noisy gaggle of hash meres earlier.

On On,

Poumuli.