Hash Trash 1516
This lovely (not) run was hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their house in Vaoala. As he was too busy cooking the Cpt had asked Ring Ring and Buzzer to set the run with the usual sweat inducing effects. We set out from Seascape onto the cross-island road led by Tramp, Poumuli, Hot Nuts and Cockblocker, and for once CB actually found the false trail cross! So off we went down Bernard Street and took a similar route through BlowMe’s house and down into the ravine as we did during Hot Nuts sojourn into the bushes. I am not sure if it is harder to go up or down that trail – as your Scribe has now arse-over-titted in both directions. As we got down to the river it was easy going, but the trail had been cunningly cut back to take us over the top and into the developments by the cow pastures. A lot of checking, but we found it and off most of us went- walkers short-cutted up through to the road by Mynahs. Oh but what a sickly feeling to see the hard rise of Bank Street, and your Scribe was using profanities the whole way. But over the rise and down the cross island road and on home. Late starters Godfather and Pro Bona made it in safely and the sweet nuts could be sucked down as the full moon rose over the hills of Upolu. This was one of the harder runs this year, and while flat on average, was a challenge that needs to be revenged a thousand fold upon Ring Ring and Buzzer.
Our beloved GM, Princess of Darkness had deigned us with her presence away from her breast feeding duties, and Lewinsky had no doubt found a sitter. With her usual no-bull attitude she got the circle assembled and called in the newcomers of which there were plenty. For some reason she started with the blonde AC/DC brought chicks, Lena (Germany), Linn, Lina and Jannicke (from Norway) who all ensured a Name Recognition Award for AC/DC. Helger (Germany) and Irie (methinks USA) were also welcomed by the Hash. For some reason CB joined AC/DC in his award but this was yet another surprise departure from usual behaviour, more later.
Many rethreads were with us, Tramp (no good excuse), Underrated (finding the meaning of life and returning to hash instead), Adrick (too friggin lazy), Delicious (too pregnant), Skunk (overseas), Handjob (travelling the world). All were saluted and serenaded. At this point our hosts had decided that the awards should also be accompanied by a shot of Vanuatu Kava, which after two cups in Vila made your Scribe absolutely legless. This was not going to be your average Apia Hash night, for some. The Shoe Inspector had such an easy time this evening, with the moonlight positively shining off Lewinsky’s new boots, and Snake added that he had even observed their purchase.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (Observer story and letter), Sassygirl BJ and SOTB (photo), Godfather (NZ TV news).Lesbian Vampire Killer had a full page photo in the paper so closest living relative Slim Shady did the honours. As your Scribe emptied his bag at home he realized that BB had been missed out for her photo in the community pages, so hopefully she can be honoured next week. The GM was in full form as she called for a Sleeping on the Job Award to CB, for his inattention to the several beached whales that had appeared and been consumed in Samoa. Unexpectedly, there were no protests, the hat came off with no prompting and there were no whiny bitch comments as to why for example Swinger should not get this award. Well done CB.
But then the GM recounted how Captain Mortein had inadvertently sent a text intended for his wife to Swinger, describing what he had in mind for the evening. Both got the Tainted Love Award, but the rest of us were all left somewhat disturbed. Sleep tight my love indeed. After consultations with the local history oracle, the GM announced that in the year 1516 the Germans introduced the Reinheitsgebot and it was enacted first in Bavaria. This is why Vailima tastes so good, because it only consists of four ingredients – and doesn’t add rice like those absolute gobshite things they call beer in America like Buttwiper, and called for the hashers of German descent to take the Beer Taste Appreciation Award – SOTB, Hobbes, Tramp, Lewinsky and the German visitors.
A disgraceful breach of hash rules had been observed and Snake was Chariot Riding awarded. Returning to the Celebrity Awards, the GM noted that Poumuli’s letter to the Editor had not been signed by his usual nom-de-guerre, but rather as Poumuli, so obviously a Hash spy for the Observer needed some attention. As the only hasher present engaged in that nefarious occupation our resident legal eagle Pro Bona had to be the guilty person in need of the Squealer Award. (Your Scribe breathed a sigh of relief at this relief)
Sadly, our replacement GM for much of POD’s pregnancy, recovery and return, Eveready had had a small accident with a small chainsaw (logically this makes no sense) and according to Karaoke he had done it only to get more attention on himself. So why would the Eveready do such a thing? Obviously the pregnancy of Delicious was getting to be too much on Prime Time, so the culprit for the accident was really Crash Bandicoot for – how does that Samoan banana story go again? Sassy in her usual form, started a story about the Hashers going out to the resort in the hope of getting lucky, but Godfather added the crucial cement to their Italian Watershoes that they had asked him to come along. Yet he had waited for hours for them with no sign of them, nor a call or a text. While Godfather Abandonment is not yet on the statutes in this country as a serious crime, deserving of at least a Fatal Beating or Jandal-whooping, it was agreed by all that CB and SOTB should have a double. Again, no whimpering from CB.
Lewinsky wanted to bring our attention to the excessive aggressiveness shown by Crash towards Delicious, as exhibited by his breaking their bed during an evening of passion. Delicious pointed out that this had taken place months ago (or so we would hope), so Poumuli wanted Lewinsky to have a Chronologically Challenged Award as a result. Our beloved GM was one step ahead though, as she had already decided that Lewinsky should get the award for not breaking their bed, ever!
At this point the keg was running low, so Sassy’s award for over-fit youngsters was combined with the salute to the hosts and the hare – Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Ring Ring and Buzzer. A special happy birthday to the lovely Annelise, and then we set upon the table of unhealthy Danish food concoctions that was guaranteed to clog up any arteries cleared through by our vigorous run. (actually food was good and healthy, but the Cpt made a comment about Norwegian heritage that needed retribution)
On On, from Suva
Poumuli, IKA Slit
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Nu'usafe'e Reconnaissance trip - 29th April 2010
Afternoon,
On Thursday, we will be doing the reconnaissance trip to Nu'usafe'e Island to see where we can camp over night for the Mothers Day Hash Run followed by a BBQ and Drinks at Godfathers house in Poutasi. For those interested in coming across, please post your name below in the Comments link so we can sort out numbers as well as car pools.
The boat will leave at 3pm due to tide restrictions so if you wish to come over to the island, please be at Godfathers house in Poutasi before 3pm.
If you head out for the bbq, please pick something up to throw on the bbq and grab a few beers or your choice of poison.
If you have any other questions you can call SOTB on 7500767, Godfather on 7773949 or Titty G on 7205455
On On
On Thursday, we will be doing the reconnaissance trip to Nu'usafe'e Island to see where we can camp over night for the Mothers Day Hash Run followed by a BBQ and Drinks at Godfathers house in Poutasi. For those interested in coming across, please post your name below in the Comments link so we can sort out numbers as well as car pools.
The boat will leave at 3pm due to tide restrictions so if you wish to come over to the island, please be at Godfathers house in Poutasi before 3pm.
If you head out for the bbq, please pick something up to throw on the bbq and grab a few beers or your choice of poison.
If you have any other questions you can call SOTB on 7500767, Godfather on 7773949 or Titty G on 7205455
On On
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Hash Trash 1515
Hash Trash 1515
The Hash was hosted by Slippery and family and Spanky at the Slipstream House in Toomatagi. Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi) was supposed to set the trail, but was prevented from doing so by the sudden appearance of one of the fruits of his loins. Ring Ring therefore took up the challenge to set a decent trail into the backwoods by NUS. As it was getting close to ANZAC Day, Slippery had insisted on red, white and blue, the garish Wallaby colours or Southern Crosses. It was a really warm day with hardly any breeze, so it was with some trepidation that we set out from the gate and up into Toomatagi and past the Magiagi School. We were led by Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, as Poumuli had to try and deal with the dead rat on top of the car. A few visitors were also making good progress, especially Janelle and Blackadder. With CB in front it was bound to go wrong, so we were grateful to a local fa’fafine for pointing to the paper leading through a garden and into a narrow bush path. This took us through to a taro plantation and up a rather steep hill and down a muddy narrow track before emerging on the road again. Here Ring Ring had created a devious false trail which took ages to unravel as CB was again in front. Captain Mortein and Blackadder came to the rescue at the first point, then Hot Date found the trail the second time CB missed it. It was then an easy but hot run down past Kiwi’s house and onto Cemetery Road before returning up past NUS to the Slipstream House. Apart from all the fluids that were lost it was an enjoyable length for a run and we were all ready to get at Godfather’s sweet nuts.
Eveready was asked fairly nicely to act as GM, and he called the Hash Circle to order. He invited our visitors to identify themselves, disclose marital status and phone numbers as well as why they were in Samoa. There was Nadia from Russia (married to a Samoan), and Janelle and Peter from NZ (visiting Sinalei for a week, he a sheep farmer and kayak manufacturer, she a very good runner!), and the GM decided they should have a down down. The rethreads were Foxy (here for 2 months, but ran with Hash 9 years ago) and Sassygirl BJ (been overseas for an AIDS test). One rethread who declined to step forward was admonished by the GM, but since her Hash Name is Christmas she only comes once a year, to Hash that is. Late cummer Snake was pointed out by Pirate Princess so he joined in the awards. Poumuli mistakenly identified Cherelle as a rethread, based on crap information from Pirate Princess, and took a False Accusation Award.
CB had brought new boots to Hash, and drank from them with no hesitation. Foxy was caught leaning, just as the Celebrity Award was given to SOTB (best man in wedding story in Observer). Sassy commented that it was the closest thing he would ever get to the altar, which raises the point that – Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools! SOTB noted that Crown of Thorns had been on TV and that CB as her closest living relative should have her award, which he took with the usual whiny bitch grace.
The GM had a special award to the Hash Mere who didn’t show up where she was supposed to, went to Aleipata, and Spanky for spanking someone else. Slippery assisted in the down down, with the GM earning himself one for slipping up on Slim Shady’s name. The GM gave a Sexual Discrimination Award to Pro Bona for not kissing her dad goodbye, only mum. The GM’s next award went to Titty Galore, for repeating a Crash Bandicoot Award from months back, for bumming a ride to Savaii with Godfather. This was all done in Samoan by the way, so I have no idea why Ring Ring got a down down for asking who ate the bananas.
Pirate Princess was spotted leaning, but in her defense she said she had run the whole trail with the baby in a carrying thingy, only so that Captain Mortein could enjoy himself. An obvious Lack of Chivalry Award to the Captain. SOTB egregiously denigrated Samoans by nominating Poumuli for a Samoan Redneck Award for riding around with a dead rat on his car (there will be repercussions). Keeping it in the family Sassy described how she had had the pleasure of two young hashers, er company, but who had exhibited seriously disturbing behavior involving hands and mouths throughout dinner, and they were not eating food. Pussysnatcher and Cherelle got a Deep Tongue Award.
The GM had been informed of some antics being played out on the Black Sand Beach by a Hash Mere that had now turned the beach into White Sands. Something about this prompted a Indecent Exposure Award for Slim Shady. Sassy nominated Godfather for having Forgotten His Stroke Award, but this was deemed a False Accusation. Again the family tried to emulate her, as SOTB inaccurately relayed what had been the theme for the run, trying to get Poumuli and Wahoo, but the Southern Cross was there on their Manu Samoa shirts so down he went. Still trying hard, SOTB nominated Poumuli for not getting an Assistant Trainee Scribe to document Hash 1514, but Poumuli had a rock solid alibi and nominated Chillindrina’s closest living relatives Spanky and Pussysnatcher.
Slim Shady called out Nutcracker for having worked at NUS for months but no knowing where the toilets were, and a What Smelly Bush Award was given. CB nominated someone called James for the Not Doing Your Job Award (rat eradication) and joined Swinger in this one. SOTB, ticked off by the constant power cuts, had called up EPC to find out more about the problem, only to be told that this section of town was taken care of by Taylor Electric, so Snake got a more appropriate Not Doing Your Job Award. Sassy had enjoyed the run, but felt sorry for a visitor with some cheap sandals, that snapped as he passed her – Peter up for the Cheapo Crocs Award.
Poumuli recounted his return from Europe, meeting up with two legless hashers who had done a Keg Liberation Front move after Hash 1514. But since the two were not present, Wahoo got the award as closest living relative. Karaoke got a Cellphonus Interruptus at that point, while the GM berated Lewinsky with the No Diet Coke Award. Blackadder also had a Cellphonus Interruptus, and informed that it was a call from NZ intended to put him in that spot. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, before we descended on the feast put on by Chez Slippery.
Next weeks run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein, with the theme pink girls, blue boys. Also watch out for news on the Mothers Day Hash. It will likely be in, on and around Nu'usafe'e Island, with Sassy putting on an extra keg as it is her birthday. Titty Galore was put in charge of organizing.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
The Hash was hosted by Slippery and family and Spanky at the Slipstream House in Toomatagi. Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi) was supposed to set the trail, but was prevented from doing so by the sudden appearance of one of the fruits of his loins. Ring Ring therefore took up the challenge to set a decent trail into the backwoods by NUS. As it was getting close to ANZAC Day, Slippery had insisted on red, white and blue, the garish Wallaby colours or Southern Crosses. It was a really warm day with hardly any breeze, so it was with some trepidation that we set out from the gate and up into Toomatagi and past the Magiagi School. We were led by Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, as Poumuli had to try and deal with the dead rat on top of the car. A few visitors were also making good progress, especially Janelle and Blackadder. With CB in front it was bound to go wrong, so we were grateful to a local fa’fafine for pointing to the paper leading through a garden and into a narrow bush path. This took us through to a taro plantation and up a rather steep hill and down a muddy narrow track before emerging on the road again. Here Ring Ring had created a devious false trail which took ages to unravel as CB was again in front. Captain Mortein and Blackadder came to the rescue at the first point, then Hot Date found the trail the second time CB missed it. It was then an easy but hot run down past Kiwi’s house and onto Cemetery Road before returning up past NUS to the Slipstream House. Apart from all the fluids that were lost it was an enjoyable length for a run and we were all ready to get at Godfather’s sweet nuts.
Eveready was asked fairly nicely to act as GM, and he called the Hash Circle to order. He invited our visitors to identify themselves, disclose marital status and phone numbers as well as why they were in Samoa. There was Nadia from Russia (married to a Samoan), and Janelle and Peter from NZ (visiting Sinalei for a week, he a sheep farmer and kayak manufacturer, she a very good runner!), and the GM decided they should have a down down. The rethreads were Foxy (here for 2 months, but ran with Hash 9 years ago) and Sassygirl BJ (been overseas for an AIDS test). One rethread who declined to step forward was admonished by the GM, but since her Hash Name is Christmas she only comes once a year, to Hash that is. Late cummer Snake was pointed out by Pirate Princess so he joined in the awards. Poumuli mistakenly identified Cherelle as a rethread, based on crap information from Pirate Princess, and took a False Accusation Award.
CB had brought new boots to Hash, and drank from them with no hesitation. Foxy was caught leaning, just as the Celebrity Award was given to SOTB (best man in wedding story in Observer). Sassy commented that it was the closest thing he would ever get to the altar, which raises the point that – Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools! SOTB noted that Crown of Thorns had been on TV and that CB as her closest living relative should have her award, which he took with the usual whiny bitch grace.
The GM had a special award to the Hash Mere who didn’t show up where she was supposed to, went to Aleipata, and Spanky for spanking someone else. Slippery assisted in the down down, with the GM earning himself one for slipping up on Slim Shady’s name. The GM gave a Sexual Discrimination Award to Pro Bona for not kissing her dad goodbye, only mum. The GM’s next award went to Titty Galore, for repeating a Crash Bandicoot Award from months back, for bumming a ride to Savaii with Godfather. This was all done in Samoan by the way, so I have no idea why Ring Ring got a down down for asking who ate the bananas.
Pirate Princess was spotted leaning, but in her defense she said she had run the whole trail with the baby in a carrying thingy, only so that Captain Mortein could enjoy himself. An obvious Lack of Chivalry Award to the Captain. SOTB egregiously denigrated Samoans by nominating Poumuli for a Samoan Redneck Award for riding around with a dead rat on his car (there will be repercussions). Keeping it in the family Sassy described how she had had the pleasure of two young hashers, er company, but who had exhibited seriously disturbing behavior involving hands and mouths throughout dinner, and they were not eating food. Pussysnatcher and Cherelle got a Deep Tongue Award.
The GM had been informed of some antics being played out on the Black Sand Beach by a Hash Mere that had now turned the beach into White Sands. Something about this prompted a Indecent Exposure Award for Slim Shady. Sassy nominated Godfather for having Forgotten His Stroke Award, but this was deemed a False Accusation. Again the family tried to emulate her, as SOTB inaccurately relayed what had been the theme for the run, trying to get Poumuli and Wahoo, but the Southern Cross was there on their Manu Samoa shirts so down he went. Still trying hard, SOTB nominated Poumuli for not getting an Assistant Trainee Scribe to document Hash 1514, but Poumuli had a rock solid alibi and nominated Chillindrina’s closest living relatives Spanky and Pussysnatcher.
Slim Shady called out Nutcracker for having worked at NUS for months but no knowing where the toilets were, and a What Smelly Bush Award was given. CB nominated someone called James for the Not Doing Your Job Award (rat eradication) and joined Swinger in this one. SOTB, ticked off by the constant power cuts, had called up EPC to find out more about the problem, only to be told that this section of town was taken care of by Taylor Electric, so Snake got a more appropriate Not Doing Your Job Award. Sassy had enjoyed the run, but felt sorry for a visitor with some cheap sandals, that snapped as he passed her – Peter up for the Cheapo Crocs Award.
Poumuli recounted his return from Europe, meeting up with two legless hashers who had done a Keg Liberation Front move after Hash 1514. But since the two were not present, Wahoo got the award as closest living relative. Karaoke got a Cellphonus Interruptus at that point, while the GM berated Lewinsky with the No Diet Coke Award. Blackadder also had a Cellphonus Interruptus, and informed that it was a call from NZ intended to put him in that spot. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, before we descended on the feast put on by Chez Slippery.
Next weeks run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein, with the theme pink girls, blue boys. Also watch out for news on the Mothers Day Hash. It will likely be in, on and around Nu'usafe'e Island, with Sassy putting on an extra keg as it is her birthday. Titty Galore was put in charge of organizing.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Hash Run 1516- Vaoala with Capt Mortein and Pirate Princess
Morning, Next weeks run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Capt Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house.
The theme for the run is PINK for Girls & BLUE for Boys, so we're having a PINK & BLUE RUN on Monday. Those not donning anything Pink and blue will be severely punished on Monday..Perhaps, its time to bring back the "sit on the ice" tradition..
As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully we have a few more drinkers this time...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs
Map posted for Directions
On On
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hash Run 1515- ANZAC Run- Toomatagi
HASH Run - No. 1515 19APR2010
Theme - ANZAC Day (25APR) - come in Red, White and Blue also Southern Cross is appropriate. Yellow (wattle) and green is OK for any Aussies.
Any animals of NZ and Aust.
Hosted by - SPANKY, Slippery and Tiger Woody(AKA Kiwi) Venue - House Number One (Top or Fourth House above the Main NUS Gate, off Vaivase Road, Opposite Magiagi Primary School), see map.
Limited parking on grounds - parking on grass verge in front of houses.
Looking forward to a good run set by Kiwi - Run/Walk start at 5.30pm.
Adria's special cake with ice-cream for desert.
Come along and enjoy some Southern Cross hospitality.
on on
Spanky, Slippery & Tiger Woody
Theme - ANZAC Day (25APR) - come in Red, White and Blue also Southern Cross is appropriate. Yellow (wattle) and green is OK for any Aussies.
Any animals of NZ and Aust.
Hosted by - SPANKY, Slippery and Tiger Woody(AKA Kiwi) Venue - House Number One (Top or Fourth House above the Main NUS Gate, off Vaivase Road, Opposite Magiagi Primary School), see map.
Limited parking on grounds - parking on grass verge in front of houses.
Looking forward to a good run set by Kiwi - Run/Walk start at 5.30pm.
Adria's special cake with ice-cream for desert.
Come along and enjoy some Southern Cross hospitality.
on on
Spanky, Slippery & Tiger Woody
Monday, April 12, 2010
Hash Run 1514
Morning All,
Hash today will be a BYO Food run at the back of the Samoa Tourism Fale in town. Run will start at 1730 Hrs. I believe there will be a live hare on the run, so if you can catch the hare, you know what to do.
Please bring something to throw on the BBQ and hash will as usual, bring the Drinks.
See you all there.
On On
Hash today will be a BYO Food run at the back of the Samoa Tourism Fale in town. Run will start at 1730 Hrs. I believe there will be a live hare on the run, so if you can catch the hare, you know what to do.
Please bring something to throw on the BBQ and hash will as usual, bring the Drinks.
See you all there.
On On
Hash Trash- Easter Run
Hash Trash 1513
This special Easter Hash Run was held at Sinalei Resort, hosted by Godfather. A lot of hashers arrived early to enjoy a bit of swimming, or like Lewinsky and SOTB to sample the quality of the keg, and going back for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. A pleasant day but it was getting warmer, and as Godfather returned from setting the run, some of us noticed that he was soaking with sweat – not a good sign! At 3 PM he called the pack to attention and informed that the trail was set on flour and off the runners went – the walkers were given a slightly milder route. We set off up the golf course with Cockblocker in the lead, always risky as he missed several marks in the grass. Up on the road we quickly ascertained the route and were sent back to the beach at Maninoa and up again to the road. A lot of discussions could be heard, especially on the heat and the humid conditions. A full hash halt was called by Kiwi who was lustily blowing on Monica during the run. Down the road again, onto the beach and a very welcome dip at the creek above Coconuts, before setting off down to Sinalei again. All in all it was a flat run, not too hard, with some nice scenery and a dip included – but the direct beating heat of the sun created an intense thirst amongst many hashers, so the run felt longer than it really was.
Back at the Sinalei beach Gordon Ramsey had been roasting a pig and we were met by this delicious smell as many of us soaked in the sea. An impromptu hash circle was formed out by the dock in the water, which Eveready as GM had to yell at to get back on the beach. The GM warmly thanked Godfather for the hospitality, and welcomed the visitors to Apia Hash. There was Melanie from Melbourne visiting Mele, and someone called Shenene, so CB came in for his first down-down, which he nearly doubled with his cap on. There was Helen from Auckland, and three Italian lovelies – Sabrina, Valentina and Julia, who were liberally photographed by Slippery at varying close-ups. There was Mana from Rarotonga and Mitchell from NZ, who was a friend of Snake. Alex was visiting from Tokelau. Warren from NZ decided that he wanted to be visiting with Greg, so Hot Nuts came in for a down down. Slippery introduced his family from Perth – Gary, Michelle, Caleb and Aaron. Since they had such biblical names the GM insisted that Gary show us his skills, and egged on by his children he downed it very well.
There were a huge number of rethreads – Slippery, Snakebite, Venom, Sergeant Major, Zsa Zsa, Soprano, AC/DC, Greenie (back after 15 years!), Sarai and Linda from Auckland. (Your Scribe may have missed some, as this page of notes was blurred by the light rain). In lieu of new shoes, the Shoe Inspector AC/DC, surrounded by screaming lunatics, demanded that Poumuli drink from his colourful bird-decorated socks. Celebrity Awards went to Pro Bona, SOTB and CB (for the photo ad for Rock the Boat), Godfather (two photos in Observer, so a big one) and Blakey (for the TV appearance). CB doubled his for something I forgot to note. Just as the GM was warming to his theme of “things are looking up, ”Godfather was cited for Cellphonus Interruptus, and when Fang gave him a kiss after the award Snake could be heard grumbling about not getting kissed like that. The good news the GM referred to was the engagement of Wahoo and Poumuli, who received the Dick Glass and the Tit Mug for the Nuptials Award. He made such a lame joke about receptions, which should be recalled if he is not acting GM next week!
The GM reminded us that we were at Sinalei 12 months ago for the Easter Run and since then we have been joined by these two crazy hashers – Chilindrina and Zsa Zsa. Zsa Zsa commented that last year he wondered whether this was what like was going to be in Samoa for them (well, yes). They were joined by Brenda who made her re-entry to the hash at that run last year. Lewinsky ruined the award by spilling the Vailima, and joined in with a large one. Astoundingly, Zsa Zsa was faster than Lewinsky! The GM gave a special Heating Up Sinalei Award to Tammy, while AC/DC mucked up his retort for Cellphonus Interruptus by claiming someone called Gabor had been calling him.
CB was nominated for his freelancing activities and accepted his Inspirational Award by prancing forth into the circle with gay abandon. After struggling with the Tit Mug, CB was pronounced the Worlds Worst Sucker by Snake. Swinger nominated Hot Nuts for the Mooning Award for his antics at Tafatafa, but had to join in when BB pointed out that Swinger had woken her up to look at this full mooning. How utterly revolting and disturbing!
At this point our special visitor, the Mad Monk of Kua Coast arrived. She quickly got down to work with the naming ceremony. First up was our very own James Bond Girl, namely Tammy, who shall now be known as Titty Galore. Next up was Mele, who as a mouthy vocal and often subtly rude hash mere would be known as Slim Shady (for the old folks - alter ego of rapper Eminem). Brenda was called forth, and as a strong woman putting up with Hot Nuts and keeping him away from the red light district, she will now be known as Nutcracker. The Mad Monk described Roz as someone who could be spotted a mile away due to her fancy colourful dresses, and will now be known as Psychedelic – AKA Psycho. To Blakey for her rather naughty behaviour, the Mad Monk decreed that she shall be called Spankey.
The Monk also called forth a misbehaving hasher who has been playing with one rod too many – Kiwi will now be known as Tiger Woody. Upon appeal from Poumuli, he will now have a travelling hash name as Slit.
Lewinsky is having his real birthday next week and called on the Hash to come and celebrate. This turned into a FBI-length rendition, which was pointed out by Poumuli. He also added that someone as computer challenged as Lewinsky could not have used the hash blog to advertise this celebration without help, so SOTB joined in. Hot Nuts had brought a lot of Hashit (this is the official name for stuff left over from last Hash) which resulted in Godfather, Lewinsky, AC/DC and Zsa Zsa getting in a circle, and getting a spanking from Spanky, who is also having her birthday. Snake declared that Lewinsky had tried to call him during the circle, and with three witnesses to back him up Lewinsky had to take a Cellphonus Promoting Award.
Sassygirl BJ nominated Snake for the Dodgy Electrician Award for burning down the house he was working on. SOTB wanted to give the Hash Hero Award to Lewinsky for bringing the keg tap, but when it was pointed out that it was himself who had forgotten to bring it he landed himself a double, helped out by Soprano, who also nominated AC/DC for cellphone abuse. Poumuli nominated Kiwi for the Short Cutting Award, for cutting along the beach with the walkers instead of hitting the road with the runners. SOTB tried to get Poumuli on a Hare Technicality, but it didn’t work.
Our Hare and Host in one, who had made a beautiful speech at the opening ceremony for the re-opening of Sinalei, reading in the dark and clearly struggling, called on those hashers that had been present but who had not stepped forward to help – SOTB, Sarai, Karaoke, Swinger, Snake, Fang, Ring Ring, BB, Sassy all got the Clearly Unhelpful Award.
Next week the Assistant Trainee Scribe will be Chilindrina, so we can look forward to language lessons. Look to the blog for the venue. The newly named Hash Meres performed the Hash Anthem, before we moved back along the beach to the feast of roast pork, sausages, taro, palusami, salads and more.
Many thanks to Godfather for a very memorable day, as your Scribe jetted off to Europe.
On on
Poumuli
This special Easter Hash Run was held at Sinalei Resort, hosted by Godfather. A lot of hashers arrived early to enjoy a bit of swimming, or like Lewinsky and SOTB to sample the quality of the keg, and going back for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. A pleasant day but it was getting warmer, and as Godfather returned from setting the run, some of us noticed that he was soaking with sweat – not a good sign! At 3 PM he called the pack to attention and informed that the trail was set on flour and off the runners went – the walkers were given a slightly milder route. We set off up the golf course with Cockblocker in the lead, always risky as he missed several marks in the grass. Up on the road we quickly ascertained the route and were sent back to the beach at Maninoa and up again to the road. A lot of discussions could be heard, especially on the heat and the humid conditions. A full hash halt was called by Kiwi who was lustily blowing on Monica during the run. Down the road again, onto the beach and a very welcome dip at the creek above Coconuts, before setting off down to Sinalei again. All in all it was a flat run, not too hard, with some nice scenery and a dip included – but the direct beating heat of the sun created an intense thirst amongst many hashers, so the run felt longer than it really was.
Back at the Sinalei beach Gordon Ramsey had been roasting a pig and we were met by this delicious smell as many of us soaked in the sea. An impromptu hash circle was formed out by the dock in the water, which Eveready as GM had to yell at to get back on the beach. The GM warmly thanked Godfather for the hospitality, and welcomed the visitors to Apia Hash. There was Melanie from Melbourne visiting Mele, and someone called Shenene, so CB came in for his first down-down, which he nearly doubled with his cap on. There was Helen from Auckland, and three Italian lovelies – Sabrina, Valentina and Julia, who were liberally photographed by Slippery at varying close-ups. There was Mana from Rarotonga and Mitchell from NZ, who was a friend of Snake. Alex was visiting from Tokelau. Warren from NZ decided that he wanted to be visiting with Greg, so Hot Nuts came in for a down down. Slippery introduced his family from Perth – Gary, Michelle, Caleb and Aaron. Since they had such biblical names the GM insisted that Gary show us his skills, and egged on by his children he downed it very well.
There were a huge number of rethreads – Slippery, Snakebite, Venom, Sergeant Major, Zsa Zsa, Soprano, AC/DC, Greenie (back after 15 years!), Sarai and Linda from Auckland. (Your Scribe may have missed some, as this page of notes was blurred by the light rain). In lieu of new shoes, the Shoe Inspector AC/DC, surrounded by screaming lunatics, demanded that Poumuli drink from his colourful bird-decorated socks. Celebrity Awards went to Pro Bona, SOTB and CB (for the photo ad for Rock the Boat), Godfather (two photos in Observer, so a big one) and Blakey (for the TV appearance). CB doubled his for something I forgot to note. Just as the GM was warming to his theme of “things are looking up, ”Godfather was cited for Cellphonus Interruptus, and when Fang gave him a kiss after the award Snake could be heard grumbling about not getting kissed like that. The good news the GM referred to was the engagement of Wahoo and Poumuli, who received the Dick Glass and the Tit Mug for the Nuptials Award. He made such a lame joke about receptions, which should be recalled if he is not acting GM next week!
The GM reminded us that we were at Sinalei 12 months ago for the Easter Run and since then we have been joined by these two crazy hashers – Chilindrina and Zsa Zsa. Zsa Zsa commented that last year he wondered whether this was what like was going to be in Samoa for them (well, yes). They were joined by Brenda who made her re-entry to the hash at that run last year. Lewinsky ruined the award by spilling the Vailima, and joined in with a large one. Astoundingly, Zsa Zsa was faster than Lewinsky! The GM gave a special Heating Up Sinalei Award to Tammy, while AC/DC mucked up his retort for Cellphonus Interruptus by claiming someone called Gabor had been calling him.
CB was nominated for his freelancing activities and accepted his Inspirational Award by prancing forth into the circle with gay abandon. After struggling with the Tit Mug, CB was pronounced the Worlds Worst Sucker by Snake. Swinger nominated Hot Nuts for the Mooning Award for his antics at Tafatafa, but had to join in when BB pointed out that Swinger had woken her up to look at this full mooning. How utterly revolting and disturbing!
At this point our special visitor, the Mad Monk of Kua Coast arrived. She quickly got down to work with the naming ceremony. First up was our very own James Bond Girl, namely Tammy, who shall now be known as Titty Galore. Next up was Mele, who as a mouthy vocal and often subtly rude hash mere would be known as Slim Shady (for the old folks - alter ego of rapper Eminem). Brenda was called forth, and as a strong woman putting up with Hot Nuts and keeping him away from the red light district, she will now be known as Nutcracker. The Mad Monk described Roz as someone who could be spotted a mile away due to her fancy colourful dresses, and will now be known as Psychedelic – AKA Psycho. To Blakey for her rather naughty behaviour, the Mad Monk decreed that she shall be called Spankey.
The Monk also called forth a misbehaving hasher who has been playing with one rod too many – Kiwi will now be known as Tiger Woody. Upon appeal from Poumuli, he will now have a travelling hash name as Slit.
Lewinsky is having his real birthday next week and called on the Hash to come and celebrate. This turned into a FBI-length rendition, which was pointed out by Poumuli. He also added that someone as computer challenged as Lewinsky could not have used the hash blog to advertise this celebration without help, so SOTB joined in. Hot Nuts had brought a lot of Hashit (this is the official name for stuff left over from last Hash) which resulted in Godfather, Lewinsky, AC/DC and Zsa Zsa getting in a circle, and getting a spanking from Spanky, who is also having her birthday. Snake declared that Lewinsky had tried to call him during the circle, and with three witnesses to back him up Lewinsky had to take a Cellphonus Promoting Award.
Sassygirl BJ nominated Snake for the Dodgy Electrician Award for burning down the house he was working on. SOTB wanted to give the Hash Hero Award to Lewinsky for bringing the keg tap, but when it was pointed out that it was himself who had forgotten to bring it he landed himself a double, helped out by Soprano, who also nominated AC/DC for cellphone abuse. Poumuli nominated Kiwi for the Short Cutting Award, for cutting along the beach with the walkers instead of hitting the road with the runners. SOTB tried to get Poumuli on a Hare Technicality, but it didn’t work.
Our Hare and Host in one, who had made a beautiful speech at the opening ceremony for the re-opening of Sinalei, reading in the dark and clearly struggling, called on those hashers that had been present but who had not stepped forward to help – SOTB, Sarai, Karaoke, Swinger, Snake, Fang, Ring Ring, BB, Sassy all got the Clearly Unhelpful Award.
Next week the Assistant Trainee Scribe will be Chilindrina, so we can look forward to language lessons. Look to the blog for the venue. The newly named Hash Meres performed the Hash Anthem, before we moved back along the beach to the feast of roast pork, sausages, taro, palusami, salads and more.
Many thanks to Godfather for a very memorable day, as your Scribe jetted off to Europe.
On on
Poumuli
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Hash Trash 1512
Hash Trash 1512
The Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts, Brenda and Tammy at the Hot Nuthouse on Bank Street in Vaoala. It was a coolly overcast evening, and although rain threatened we were spared any deluge from the skies. The trail was set on minuscule orange plastic tape thingies, willfully concealed under branches and leaves, some of which could only be found by backtracking. The pack set off down Bank Street in pursuit of these, led by Captain Mortein, Cockblocker, Swinger and BlowMe. Being concerned at our fitness levels, Hot Nuts had explained that the only false trail required us to turn right as we crossed the creek. Since we crossed the creek twice we sent Pussysnatcher through the barbed wire, only to be called back before any serious injury. The trail led down the familiar track to the new houses (not sure what that area is called – Povi Green?), and down the even more familiar path down to the creek, where yes, we avoided the false trail. However, some slackers invented their own false trail and tried to scale the hillside opposite the weir, but were rescued by Hot Nuts. The trail continued past where run 1508 had been set, and took an even more arduous ascent to reach the side of Bank Street at the top. Several hashers, including your Scribe had close calls with the slippery path, but since he is not a whiny bitch will not whinge about it in the blog. All in all a good hard run.
Back at the Hot Nuthouse several hashers jumped in the pool, though one hopes they availed themselves of the hose first. For sure Screamer didn’t. Tammy had mixed up some martinis which I do not believe mixes well with hashing. It’s a wonder that no one tried to relive the trail by flying of the non-railed deck!
Princess of Darkness is back and was expected to resume her GM duties, but was unable to Lewinsky (now spelt Lewnisky on the blog by SOTB) butt in gear. Eveready who has so ably stepped in recently had contracted severe attraction to gravity while working on his plantation, and was unable to perform, so Snake persuaded your Scribe, under much protest, to step in. This should be fun, but all the rulings were over-ruled!
There was one newcomer to Apia Hash, Blackadder from NZ. Adrian from NZ was a rethread, and has run with us many times before. Poumuli should have been excused but no! Celebrity Awards went to Screamer (boring SPREP press release), Nileema (picture in the Observer), Cockblocker and Blakey (TV appearance) and Swinger for having an entire table land in Australia named after his family. Tammy had again forgotten to bring the Joker Hat, so she took a Stupid Girl Award.
SOTB described the most serious and uncouth Un-hashmanlike Behaviour from CB, who had apparently gotten over exuberant on Rock the Boat and tried to rock the boats of FBI and others. (Note to CB – try it with girls next time, although some hash meres would have a similarly vomitous reaction, I have been told.) As CB was wearing his cap during the award, and then tried to argue with the GM, he got a Whiny Bitch Award for his whingeing. Not allowed in Hash.
FBI nominated SOTB for a Flyday-Friday Award for starting his Rock the Boat adventures at 11 AM at Hennies, and finishing in the wee hours still standing. SOTB felt that this should have been a Hash Hero Award, but he accepted without whining about it like Shenene…(who!) so a double award was granted.
Swinger nominated all Kiwis present for the Loser Award after the Hong Kong Sevens. Hot Nuts pointed out that for the span of the series NZ is still ahead – so we made it the Sore Loser Award. BB was spotted leaning by the GM, which she denied vigorously, but Snake backed up the accusation.
Brazilian Wax nominated CB for the Tyson Award for taking on the US Coast Guard. CB stated that he was only defending the honour and reputation of some Hash Meres at the bar (honour, reputation??? what is that exactly, and how is it defended). Snake wanted to know who needed saving, but only Screamer was at the Hash, and hardly needed or wanted saving in Snake’s opinion. CB again whined as he reluctantly took the award.
SOTB managed to get a spurious dig at the Scribe for using the blog to get SOTB a down down for the absence of a Trainee Scribe. OK, next time there will be one.
FBI did the first of his two Cellphonus Interruptus Awards. In his growing state of confusion he reverted to his lengthy awards introductions in trying to get Captain Mortein on the premise that Pirate Princess was lactating. Clearly Captain Mortein can not exactly swap places on that task! We need a more useful name for such FBI Awards – Furiously Confused? Fully Blown Intellect? Captain Mortein didn’t succeed in avoiding SOTB’s charge that after so many years in Samoa he still can’t open a coconut (maybe he should try tasering it?). This quickly became a double as he started protesting about someone named Ant. Mele then nominated Brynne and Blakey for the Seasick Award, and Brazilian and Brynne for leaving us next week on the grand voyage.
As this Hash was in honour of Manu Samoa, those who had not worn blue were called in for the Disrespecting Manu Award. At first this only went to Blackadder, but he was joined by Adrian who would not confirm that he was wearing blue knickers. Pirate Princess nominated Hot Nuts for wearing shorty short pants during an excursion (1. that is living up to Hash Name, 2. she shouldn’t have been looking, 3. no one cared, so he took it anyway). Brazilian wanted to nominate Screamer for the Bad Host Award for forcing him to do the BBQ at a previous hash, but since he had been doing a pisspoor job of it he instead got the Impersonating Gordon Ramsey Award.
We saluted the hosts and the hare in the traditional manner before descending on a great feast.
Next week will be at Sinalei. Godfather invited hashers to arrive from 11 onwards and that the run would start at 3 PM. Watch the blog for any last minute themes that might be added.
The Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts, Brenda and Tammy at the Hot Nuthouse on Bank Street in Vaoala. It was a coolly overcast evening, and although rain threatened we were spared any deluge from the skies. The trail was set on minuscule orange plastic tape thingies, willfully concealed under branches and leaves, some of which could only be found by backtracking. The pack set off down Bank Street in pursuit of these, led by Captain Mortein, Cockblocker, Swinger and BlowMe. Being concerned at our fitness levels, Hot Nuts had explained that the only false trail required us to turn right as we crossed the creek. Since we crossed the creek twice we sent Pussysnatcher through the barbed wire, only to be called back before any serious injury. The trail led down the familiar track to the new houses (not sure what that area is called – Povi Green?), and down the even more familiar path down to the creek, where yes, we avoided the false trail. However, some slackers invented their own false trail and tried to scale the hillside opposite the weir, but were rescued by Hot Nuts. The trail continued past where run 1508 had been set, and took an even more arduous ascent to reach the side of Bank Street at the top. Several hashers, including your Scribe had close calls with the slippery path, but since he is not a whiny bitch will not whinge about it in the blog. All in all a good hard run.
Back at the Hot Nuthouse several hashers jumped in the pool, though one hopes they availed themselves of the hose first. For sure Screamer didn’t. Tammy had mixed up some martinis which I do not believe mixes well with hashing. It’s a wonder that no one tried to relive the trail by flying of the non-railed deck!
Princess of Darkness is back and was expected to resume her GM duties, but was unable to Lewinsky (now spelt Lewnisky on the blog by SOTB) butt in gear. Eveready who has so ably stepped in recently had contracted severe attraction to gravity while working on his plantation, and was unable to perform, so Snake persuaded your Scribe, under much protest, to step in. This should be fun, but all the rulings were over-ruled!
There was one newcomer to Apia Hash, Blackadder from NZ. Adrian from NZ was a rethread, and has run with us many times before. Poumuli should have been excused but no! Celebrity Awards went to Screamer (boring SPREP press release), Nileema (picture in the Observer), Cockblocker and Blakey (TV appearance) and Swinger for having an entire table land in Australia named after his family. Tammy had again forgotten to bring the Joker Hat, so she took a Stupid Girl Award.
SOTB described the most serious and uncouth Un-hashmanlike Behaviour from CB, who had apparently gotten over exuberant on Rock the Boat and tried to rock the boats of FBI and others. (Note to CB – try it with girls next time, although some hash meres would have a similarly vomitous reaction, I have been told.) As CB was wearing his cap during the award, and then tried to argue with the GM, he got a Whiny Bitch Award for his whingeing. Not allowed in Hash.
FBI nominated SOTB for a Flyday-Friday Award for starting his Rock the Boat adventures at 11 AM at Hennies, and finishing in the wee hours still standing. SOTB felt that this should have been a Hash Hero Award, but he accepted without whining about it like Shenene…(who!) so a double award was granted.
Swinger nominated all Kiwis present for the Loser Award after the Hong Kong Sevens. Hot Nuts pointed out that for the span of the series NZ is still ahead – so we made it the Sore Loser Award. BB was spotted leaning by the GM, which she denied vigorously, but Snake backed up the accusation.
Brazilian Wax nominated CB for the Tyson Award for taking on the US Coast Guard. CB stated that he was only defending the honour and reputation of some Hash Meres at the bar (honour, reputation??? what is that exactly, and how is it defended). Snake wanted to know who needed saving, but only Screamer was at the Hash, and hardly needed or wanted saving in Snake’s opinion. CB again whined as he reluctantly took the award.
SOTB managed to get a spurious dig at the Scribe for using the blog to get SOTB a down down for the absence of a Trainee Scribe. OK, next time there will be one.
FBI did the first of his two Cellphonus Interruptus Awards. In his growing state of confusion he reverted to his lengthy awards introductions in trying to get Captain Mortein on the premise that Pirate Princess was lactating. Clearly Captain Mortein can not exactly swap places on that task! We need a more useful name for such FBI Awards – Furiously Confused? Fully Blown Intellect? Captain Mortein didn’t succeed in avoiding SOTB’s charge that after so many years in Samoa he still can’t open a coconut (maybe he should try tasering it?). This quickly became a double as he started protesting about someone named Ant. Mele then nominated Brynne and Blakey for the Seasick Award, and Brazilian and Brynne for leaving us next week on the grand voyage.
As this Hash was in honour of Manu Samoa, those who had not worn blue were called in for the Disrespecting Manu Award. At first this only went to Blackadder, but he was joined by Adrian who would not confirm that he was wearing blue knickers. Pirate Princess nominated Hot Nuts for wearing shorty short pants during an excursion (1. that is living up to Hash Name, 2. she shouldn’t have been looking, 3. no one cared, so he took it anyway). Brazilian wanted to nominate Screamer for the Bad Host Award for forcing him to do the BBQ at a previous hash, but since he had been doing a pisspoor job of it he instead got the Impersonating Gordon Ramsey Award.
We saluted the hosts and the hare in the traditional manner before descending on a great feast.
Next week will be at Sinalei. Godfather invited hashers to arrive from 11 onwards and that the run would start at 3 PM. Watch the blog for any last minute themes that might be added.
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