Hash Trash 1513
This special Easter Hash Run was held at Sinalei Resort, hosted by Godfather. A lot of hashers arrived early to enjoy a bit of swimming, or like Lewinsky and SOTB to sample the quality of the keg, and going back for 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. A pleasant day but it was getting warmer, and as Godfather returned from setting the run, some of us noticed that he was soaking with sweat – not a good sign! At 3 PM he called the pack to attention and informed that the trail was set on flour and off the runners went – the walkers were given a slightly milder route. We set off up the golf course with Cockblocker in the lead, always risky as he missed several marks in the grass. Up on the road we quickly ascertained the route and were sent back to the beach at Maninoa and up again to the road. A lot of discussions could be heard, especially on the heat and the humid conditions. A full hash halt was called by Kiwi who was lustily blowing on Monica during the run. Down the road again, onto the beach and a very welcome dip at the creek above Coconuts, before setting off down to Sinalei again. All in all it was a flat run, not too hard, with some nice scenery and a dip included – but the direct beating heat of the sun created an intense thirst amongst many hashers, so the run felt longer than it really was.
Back at the Sinalei beach Gordon Ramsey had been roasting a pig and we were met by this delicious smell as many of us soaked in the sea. An impromptu hash circle was formed out by the dock in the water, which Eveready as GM had to yell at to get back on the beach. The GM warmly thanked Godfather for the hospitality, and welcomed the visitors to Apia Hash. There was Melanie from Melbourne visiting Mele, and someone called Shenene, so CB came in for his first down-down, which he nearly doubled with his cap on. There was Helen from Auckland, and three Italian lovelies – Sabrina, Valentina and Julia, who were liberally photographed by Slippery at varying close-ups. There was Mana from Rarotonga and Mitchell from NZ, who was a friend of Snake. Alex was visiting from Tokelau. Warren from NZ decided that he wanted to be visiting with Greg, so Hot Nuts came in for a down down. Slippery introduced his family from Perth – Gary, Michelle, Caleb and Aaron. Since they had such biblical names the GM insisted that Gary show us his skills, and egged on by his children he downed it very well.
There were a huge number of rethreads – Slippery, Snakebite, Venom, Sergeant Major, Zsa Zsa, Soprano, AC/DC, Greenie (back after 15 years!), Sarai and Linda from Auckland. (Your Scribe may have missed some, as this page of notes was blurred by the light rain). In lieu of new shoes, the Shoe Inspector AC/DC, surrounded by screaming lunatics, demanded that Poumuli drink from his colourful bird-decorated socks. Celebrity Awards went to Pro Bona, SOTB and CB (for the photo ad for Rock the Boat), Godfather (two photos in Observer, so a big one) and Blakey (for the TV appearance). CB doubled his for something I forgot to note. Just as the GM was warming to his theme of “things are looking up, ”Godfather was cited for Cellphonus Interruptus, and when Fang gave him a kiss after the award Snake could be heard grumbling about not getting kissed like that. The good news the GM referred to was the engagement of Wahoo and Poumuli, who received the Dick Glass and the Tit Mug for the Nuptials Award. He made such a lame joke about receptions, which should be recalled if he is not acting GM next week!
The GM reminded us that we were at Sinalei 12 months ago for the Easter Run and since then we have been joined by these two crazy hashers – Chilindrina and Zsa Zsa. Zsa Zsa commented that last year he wondered whether this was what like was going to be in Samoa for them (well, yes). They were joined by Brenda who made her re-entry to the hash at that run last year. Lewinsky ruined the award by spilling the Vailima, and joined in with a large one. Astoundingly, Zsa Zsa was faster than Lewinsky! The GM gave a special Heating Up Sinalei Award to Tammy, while AC/DC mucked up his retort for Cellphonus Interruptus by claiming someone called Gabor had been calling him.
CB was nominated for his freelancing activities and accepted his Inspirational Award by prancing forth into the circle with gay abandon. After struggling with the Tit Mug, CB was pronounced the Worlds Worst Sucker by Snake. Swinger nominated Hot Nuts for the Mooning Award for his antics at Tafatafa, but had to join in when BB pointed out that Swinger had woken her up to look at this full mooning. How utterly revolting and disturbing!
At this point our special visitor, the Mad Monk of Kua Coast arrived. She quickly got down to work with the naming ceremony. First up was our very own James Bond Girl, namely Tammy, who shall now be known as Titty Galore. Next up was Mele, who as a mouthy vocal and often subtly rude hash mere would be known as Slim Shady (for the old folks - alter ego of rapper Eminem). Brenda was called forth, and as a strong woman putting up with Hot Nuts and keeping him away from the red light district, she will now be known as Nutcracker. The Mad Monk described Roz as someone who could be spotted a mile away due to her fancy colourful dresses, and will now be known as Psychedelic – AKA Psycho. To Blakey for her rather naughty behaviour, the Mad Monk decreed that she shall be called Spankey.
The Monk also called forth a misbehaving hasher who has been playing with one rod too many – Kiwi will now be known as Tiger Woody. Upon appeal from Poumuli, he will now have a travelling hash name as Slit.
Lewinsky is having his real birthday next week and called on the Hash to come and celebrate. This turned into a FBI-length rendition, which was pointed out by Poumuli. He also added that someone as computer challenged as Lewinsky could not have used the hash blog to advertise this celebration without help, so SOTB joined in. Hot Nuts had brought a lot of Hashit (this is the official name for stuff left over from last Hash) which resulted in Godfather, Lewinsky, AC/DC and Zsa Zsa getting in a circle, and getting a spanking from Spanky, who is also having her birthday. Snake declared that Lewinsky had tried to call him during the circle, and with three witnesses to back him up Lewinsky had to take a Cellphonus Promoting Award.
Sassygirl BJ nominated Snake for the Dodgy Electrician Award for burning down the house he was working on. SOTB wanted to give the Hash Hero Award to Lewinsky for bringing the keg tap, but when it was pointed out that it was himself who had forgotten to bring it he landed himself a double, helped out by Soprano, who also nominated AC/DC for cellphone abuse. Poumuli nominated Kiwi for the Short Cutting Award, for cutting along the beach with the walkers instead of hitting the road with the runners. SOTB tried to get Poumuli on a Hare Technicality, but it didn’t work.
Our Hare and Host in one, who had made a beautiful speech at the opening ceremony for the re-opening of Sinalei, reading in the dark and clearly struggling, called on those hashers that had been present but who had not stepped forward to help – SOTB, Sarai, Karaoke, Swinger, Snake, Fang, Ring Ring, BB, Sassy all got the Clearly Unhelpful Award.
Next week the Assistant Trainee Scribe will be Chilindrina, so we can look forward to language lessons. Look to the blog for the venue. The newly named Hash Meres performed the Hash Anthem, before we moved back along the beach to the feast of roast pork, sausages, taro, palusami, salads and more.
Many thanks to Godfather for a very memorable day, as your Scribe jetted off to Europe.