Hash Trash 1515
The Hash was hosted by Slippery and family and Spanky at the Slipstream House in Toomatagi. Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi) was supposed to set the trail, but was prevented from doing so by the sudden appearance of one of the fruits of his loins. Ring Ring therefore took up the challenge to set a decent trail into the backwoods by NUS. As it was getting close to ANZAC Day, Slippery had insisted on red, white and blue, the garish Wallaby colours or Southern Crosses. It was a really warm day with hardly any breeze, so it was with some trepidation that we set out from the gate and up into Toomatagi and past the Magiagi School. We were led by Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, as Poumuli had to try and deal with the dead rat on top of the car. A few visitors were also making good progress, especially Janelle and Blackadder. With CB in front it was bound to go wrong, so we were grateful to a local fa’fafine for pointing to the paper leading through a garden and into a narrow bush path. This took us through to a taro plantation and up a rather steep hill and down a muddy narrow track before emerging on the road again. Here Ring Ring had created a devious false trail which took ages to unravel as CB was again in front. Captain Mortein and Blackadder came to the rescue at the first point, then Hot Date found the trail the second time CB missed it. It was then an easy but hot run down past Kiwi’s house and onto Cemetery Road before returning up past NUS to the Slipstream House. Apart from all the fluids that were lost it was an enjoyable length for a run and we were all ready to get at Godfather’s sweet nuts.
Eveready was asked fairly nicely to act as GM, and he called the Hash Circle to order. He invited our visitors to identify themselves, disclose marital status and phone numbers as well as why they were in Samoa. There was Nadia from Russia (married to a Samoan), and Janelle and Peter from NZ (visiting Sinalei for a week, he a sheep farmer and kayak manufacturer, she a very good runner!), and the GM decided they should have a down down. The rethreads were Foxy (here for 2 months, but ran with Hash 9 years ago) and Sassygirl BJ (been overseas for an AIDS test). One rethread who declined to step forward was admonished by the GM, but since her Hash Name is Christmas she only comes once a year, to Hash that is. Late cummer Snake was pointed out by Pirate Princess so he joined in the awards. Poumuli mistakenly identified Cherelle as a rethread, based on crap information from Pirate Princess, and took a False Accusation Award.
CB had brought new boots to Hash, and drank from them with no hesitation. Foxy was caught leaning, just as the Celebrity Award was given to SOTB (best man in wedding story in Observer). Sassy commented that it was the closest thing he would ever get to the altar, which raises the point that – Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools! SOTB noted that Crown of Thorns had been on TV and that CB as her closest living relative should have her award, which he took with the usual whiny bitch grace.
The GM had a special award to the Hash Mere who didn’t show up where she was supposed to, went to Aleipata, and Spanky for spanking someone else. Slippery assisted in the down down, with the GM earning himself one for slipping up on Slim Shady’s name. The GM gave a Sexual Discrimination Award to Pro Bona for not kissing her dad goodbye, only mum. The GM’s next award went to Titty Galore, for repeating a Crash Bandicoot Award from months back, for bumming a ride to Savaii with Godfather. This was all done in Samoan by the way, so I have no idea why Ring Ring got a down down for asking who ate the bananas.
Pirate Princess was spotted leaning, but in her defense she said she had run the whole trail with the baby in a carrying thingy, only so that Captain Mortein could enjoy himself. An obvious Lack of Chivalry Award to the Captain. SOTB egregiously denigrated Samoans by nominating Poumuli for a Samoan Redneck Award for riding around with a dead rat on his car (there will be repercussions). Keeping it in the family Sassy described how she had had the pleasure of two young hashers, er company, but who had exhibited seriously disturbing behavior involving hands and mouths throughout dinner, and they were not eating food. Pussysnatcher and Cherelle got a Deep Tongue Award.
The GM had been informed of some antics being played out on the Black Sand Beach by a Hash Mere that had now turned the beach into White Sands. Something about this prompted a Indecent Exposure Award for Slim Shady. Sassy nominated Godfather for having Forgotten His Stroke Award, but this was deemed a False Accusation. Again the family tried to emulate her, as SOTB inaccurately relayed what had been the theme for the run, trying to get Poumuli and Wahoo, but the Southern Cross was there on their Manu Samoa shirts so down he went. Still trying hard, SOTB nominated Poumuli for not getting an Assistant Trainee Scribe to document Hash 1514, but Poumuli had a rock solid alibi and nominated Chillindrina’s closest living relatives Spanky and Pussysnatcher.
Slim Shady called out Nutcracker for having worked at NUS for months but no knowing where the toilets were, and a What Smelly Bush Award was given. CB nominated someone called James for the Not Doing Your Job Award (rat eradication) and joined Swinger in this one. SOTB, ticked off by the constant power cuts, had called up EPC to find out more about the problem, only to be told that this section of town was taken care of by Taylor Electric, so Snake got a more appropriate Not Doing Your Job Award. Sassy had enjoyed the run, but felt sorry for a visitor with some cheap sandals, that snapped as he passed her – Peter up for the Cheapo Crocs Award.
Poumuli recounted his return from Europe, meeting up with two legless hashers who had done a Keg Liberation Front move after Hash 1514. But since the two were not present, Wahoo got the award as closest living relative. Karaoke got a Cellphonus Interruptus at that point, while the GM berated Lewinsky with the No Diet Coke Award. Blackadder also had a Cellphonus Interruptus, and informed that it was a call from NZ intended to put him in that spot. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, before we descended on the feast put on by Chez Slippery.
Next weeks run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein, with the theme pink girls, blue boys. Also watch out for news on the Mothers Day Hash. It will likely be in, on and around Nu'usafe'e Island, with Sassy putting on an extra keg as it is her birthday. Titty Galore was put in charge of organizing.
Poumuli, IKA Slit