Thursday, April 01, 2010

Hash Trash 1512

Hash Trash 1512

The Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts, Brenda and Tammy at the Hot Nuthouse on Bank Street in Vaoala. It was a coolly overcast evening, and although rain threatened we were spared any deluge from the skies. The trail was set on minuscule orange plastic tape thingies, willfully concealed under branches and leaves, some of which could only be found by backtracking. The pack set off down Bank Street in pursuit of these, led by Captain Mortein, Cockblocker, Swinger and BlowMe. Being concerned at our fitness levels, Hot Nuts had explained that the only false trail required us to turn right as we crossed the creek. Since we crossed the creek twice we sent Pussysnatcher through the barbed wire, only to be called back before any serious injury. The trail led down the familiar track to the new houses (not sure what that area is called – Povi Green?), and down the even more familiar path down to the creek, where yes, we avoided the false trail. However, some slackers invented their own false trail and tried to scale the hillside opposite the weir, but were rescued by Hot Nuts. The trail continued past where run 1508 had been set, and took an even more arduous ascent to reach the side of Bank Street at the top. Several hashers, including your Scribe had close calls with the slippery path, but since he is not a whiny bitch will not whinge about it in the blog. All in all a good hard run.

Back at the Hot Nuthouse several hashers jumped in the pool, though one hopes they availed themselves of the hose first. For sure Screamer didn’t. Tammy had mixed up some martinis which I do not believe mixes well with hashing. It’s a wonder that no one tried to relive the trail by flying of the non-railed deck!

Princess of Darkness is back and was expected to resume her GM duties, but was unable to Lewinsky (now spelt Lewnisky on the blog by SOTB) butt in gear. Eveready who has so ably stepped in recently had contracted severe attraction to gravity while working on his plantation, and was unable to perform, so Snake persuaded your Scribe, under much protest, to step in. This should be fun, but all the rulings were over-ruled!

There was one newcomer to Apia Hash, Blackadder from NZ. Adrian from NZ was a rethread, and has run with us many times before. Poumuli should have been excused but no! Celebrity Awards went to Screamer (boring SPREP press release), Nileema (picture in the Observer), Cockblocker and Blakey (TV appearance) and Swinger for having an entire table land in Australia named after his family. Tammy had again forgotten to bring the Joker Hat, so she took a Stupid Girl Award.

SOTB described the most serious and uncouth Un-hashmanlike Behaviour from CB, who had apparently gotten over exuberant on Rock the Boat and tried to rock the boats of FBI and others. (Note to CB – try it with girls next time, although some hash meres would have a similarly vomitous reaction, I have been told.) As CB was wearing his cap during the award, and then tried to argue with the GM, he got a Whiny Bitch Award for his whingeing. Not allowed in Hash.

FBI nominated SOTB for a Flyday-Friday Award for starting his Rock the Boat adventures at 11 AM at Hennies, and finishing in the wee hours still standing. SOTB felt that this should have been a Hash Hero Award, but he accepted without whining about it like Shenene…(who!) so a double award was granted.

Swinger nominated all Kiwis present for the Loser Award after the Hong Kong Sevens. Hot Nuts pointed out that for the span of the series NZ is still ahead – so we made it the Sore Loser Award. BB was spotted leaning by the GM, which she denied vigorously, but Snake backed up the accusation.

Brazilian Wax nominated CB for the Tyson Award for taking on the US Coast Guard. CB stated that he was only defending the honour and reputation of some Hash Meres at the bar (honour, reputation??? what is that exactly, and how is it defended). Snake wanted to know who needed saving, but only Screamer was at the Hash, and hardly needed or wanted saving in Snake’s opinion. CB again whined as he reluctantly took the award.

SOTB managed to get a spurious dig at the Scribe for using the blog to get SOTB a down down for the absence of a Trainee Scribe. OK, next time there will be one.

FBI did the first of his two Cellphonus Interruptus Awards. In his growing state of confusion he reverted to his lengthy awards introductions in trying to get Captain Mortein on the premise that Pirate Princess was lactating. Clearly Captain Mortein can not exactly swap places on that task! We need a more useful name for such FBI Awards – Furiously Confused? Fully Blown Intellect? Captain Mortein didn’t succeed in avoiding SOTB’s charge that after so many years in Samoa he still can’t open a coconut (maybe he should try tasering it?). This quickly became a double as he started protesting about someone named Ant. Mele then nominated Brynne and Blakey for the Seasick Award, and Brazilian and Brynne for leaving us next week on the grand voyage.

As this Hash was in honour of Manu Samoa, those who had not worn blue were called in for the Disrespecting Manu Award. At first this only went to Blackadder, but he was joined by Adrian who would not confirm that he was wearing blue knickers. Pirate Princess nominated Hot Nuts for wearing shorty short pants during an excursion (1. that is living up to Hash Name, 2. she shouldn’t have been looking, 3. no one cared, so he took it anyway). Brazilian wanted to nominate Screamer for the Bad Host Award for forcing him to do the BBQ at a previous hash, but since he had been doing a pisspoor job of it he instead got the Impersonating Gordon Ramsey Award.

We saluted the hosts and the hare in the traditional manner before descending on a great feast.

Next week will be at Sinalei. Godfather invited hashers to arrive from 11 onwards and that the run would start at 3 PM. Watch the blog for any last minute themes that might be added.

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