The Hash was hosted by Eveready, Crash Bandicoot and Delicious in honor of Luana’s birthday. We had all been warned to wear pink, and most complied, albeit by scavenging flowers from the garden. Crash had set the run, and we were misled by his apparent unruffled and non-sweaty demeanour. Turns out it had taken him 90 minutes to set the run, and we felt that in due course. It was out the gate and up and around the back roads of Lotopa. Many false trails were found, and the sweating got intense. Tallyho and Strangler were FRBs for the most part, sometimes joined by Poumuli, and once overtaken by Captain Mortein pushing a pram! The last section down to the back of the school was particularly disheartening for those familiar with the area. Special note that Mustang must have been training, or something, in NZ, as she was giving the FRBs a good chase throughout. Back at the homestead we were greeted by the cool sweet nuts of Godfather, and the sweating Hashers could relax.
The GM, SOTB had returned, having been bailed out of jail in Las Vegas. He called the circle to order and called forth those new to Apia Hash. They were Ross (invited by Sassygirl BJ), Ruth and Jean Bertrand (from the EU, also by Sassy), Jim (at MoH, but a returned resident, brought by Screamed) and Claire (daughter of Ladyfinger and Dried Nuts). Since all got their lines right, the GM ordered a round for them all, though Screamer had to assist her guest. Rethreads were Mustang, SOTB, Hooker Lua, Top Shelf, Hot Rod, Bruce and Crash. Excuses were made, ignored, then the down-down was served.
Tallyho was appointed temporary Shoe Inspector, much to his surprise, and he utterly failed in his mission, as well as in his attempt to get newly painted toe-nails to count as new shoes! Comments also rained on him for his rather, well poofy shirt. His explanation that he had spent 30 minutes getting it off a mere on the road, and the great lengths to which he had extended himself, only raised the danger level for a doubling of the award.
Celebrity Awards went to Witch Doctor (Aqua Samoa in the news), Captain Mortein (deemed to be Ali’s closest living relative – wow that was pushing the envelope), and ProBoner (closest living relative to Do Me Twice). This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1658 Treaty of Roskilde, after 6 year war, Denmark-Norway loses half its territory to Sweden to save the rest), Ninja (1870 current Japan flag first introduced for use on merchant ships) and Tallyho , Slim Shady and Lewinsky (Rare Diseases Day – these include respectively copralalia (uncontrollable urge to talk crap), Tourette’s syndrome (uncontrollable swearing) and clintonophobia (the fear of becoming an intern in the White House)).
The GM then turned to his, non-negotiable, non-deniable GM Awards. He started with an Alzheimer Award to Godfather, who had left a bunch of his stuff at a meeting. When another hasher had helpfully called him and asked if he had left anything behind at the meeting, he merely responded with a muddled huh?
One of the newcomers had run the Hash in jeans! Were you born on the sun? Ruth, joined by Sassy for not explaining the rules, or lending her a pair of shorts. We could have killed an EU consultant! Then there was the call for a bad parenting award to Crash for leaving a large gun on the swing set when the sundry kids arrived to play. While claiming that it was Lewinsky’s gun, Eveready, Crash and Hot Rod all got the NRA Award – start them young.
During the run some of us had observed even been overtaken by a mad macho man – or was it a bad parent? The Captain, pushing the pram was an example of great physical endurance, but the pram was only rated to below 25 kmh, so a Child Endangerment Award was given. Just before the run, a Hash Mere had been heard to exclaim that when she looked at the calendar she always got excited because it was Nipple Monday with Ninja. Slim Shady tried to explain that this was said in mock levity, but it didn’t work.
A special Comes and Goes Award went to Mustang for departing us yet again. Opening up for nominations, Strangler accused Tallyho for going up too many false trails. Tallyho loudly declaimed that this was not true, that Strangler had been following him around like a little sheep and that this was a false accusation. The tone of voice made the large canine present lie down, so Strangler was joined by the owners of the dog, Crash and Hot Rod.
Bruce invited Crash to return to the circle for advertising with his company logo, which Tallyho countered by noting that the accuser didn’t have a Hash Shirt. Slim Shady pointed to the text on Ninja’s shirt as being Nipple Monday in Japanese, but that one failed. But she did manage to get one for Top Shelf for bringing, lord save us, cotton candy flavoured vodka to a Christmas party. None would touch the stuff so she alone drank it!
Poumuli nominated the GM for getting successfully bailed out of jail in Las Vegas. Strangler nominated the non-pink wearers, Emily, Charlie and Hobbs. Hobbs claimed to be wearing pink undies but no one wanted to see the proof. Then the Mad Hash Monk arrived, and although she looked like she had taken a Lewinsky on the outfit, called forth Mana, who was known as a bit of a slave driver. From hence forth she shall be known as Queen Biyatch.
As always there is someone at the end of a slave driver’s whip, and in this case it is the somewhat Hispanic looking Alan, who shall henceforth be known as Poolboy.
The father of Luana was called forth to take her naming, and keeping with tradition she will be known as Divine.
Latecummers Snatch and Pussysnatcher were awarded and we got to see the dance-and-spill trick for avoiding a down-down. Horny Ho had been at Ynot until they closed and saw a person asleep in his car, music on and lots of people surrounding it. At 12.25 calls were made and DMT had to take SOTB home, exhausted from chasing Mustang around.
We then had a birthday cake for Divine, followed by down-down for the parents. The hosts and the hares were saluted, being joined by Tallyho for being a “loudmouth, lying lazy old bastard pom” (SOTB – we hope this one will be responded to at Hash 1612).
Next week’s hash will be at Ladyfinger and Dried Nuts up in Vaoala – close by Mynahs. Look for the map on the blog.
Poumuli, IKA Slit