Sunday, October 28, 2012

Hash Trash 1645

Greetings all from Auckland Airport

Well it was a perfectly shitty day with heat and rain and I had intended to write this trash in the manner of an American schoolgirl but will do that some other time. Too bitter about having to leave early to go to Wantok land. Anyway the run was set out in Lotopa, we were a bit confused as to the god-awful directions given by the GM, but we all arrived on time for a late start. We should have waited another hour. Off we set out, Tallyho and Poumuli leading the field, but as SOTB had set the trail, we soon found out it was a son of a bitch trail. Several false turns and the humidity was killing. Since this is hurried I wont go into more details but one day we will hoist him by his own petard.

After receiving sustenance from Godfathers sweetest nuts, SOTB called the circle to order. New to Apia Hash was Marion who is doing a research project on media capability. Since she was able to cover herself on the question of who had made her come, GM gave her a down down. The rethreads were Poumuli (Barbados), Siv (shin splints), Karaoke (breastfeeding), Ring Ring (busy line) and Goldfinger (doctoring).

The shoe inspector, Lewinsky tried to pick on Marion, but the GM took pity in his all-too-cruel heart and made the inspector do the award. He was joined by Cockbloker for not paying attention and talking too much. Celebrity awards went to Proboner (closest living relative The Head) and SOTB (had been acknowledged at a UN meeting, via text from Lowrider). Tallyho added in that Eveready had been featured in the ads for some shady photoshop, as well as Sassygirl BJ being in a SHA photo telling all and sundry that Savaii is hell and back.

This Day in History Awards went to CB (1720 Pirate Calico Jack captured), Tallyho (1805 Battle of Trafalgar), Cam (Labour Day NZ), Ozzie Osbourne (1996 first Ozzfest), Lewinsky (Mr Personality show with Monica cancelled) and Poumuli (International Stuttering Awareness Day).

The GM, having set the run was hanging back while we were sweating, so he had observed some hashers being slack bastards waiting for the Hash Meres to find the trail, so Cam. Gayboy and Shawn were given the Waiting on The Corner Award. Also a Hash Mere had been enthusiastic about the run but had ended up following the wallowing GM was given the Buttwatching Award – Goldfinger.

Some may have seen the BBQ that was happening in town, promoting some silly bank, and the GM had taken special note that the Hash BBQ was being used. Dave got a double for leaving it a mess. On a related note a hasher had got himself shitfaced on Friday, then the next day complained about hurting ribs. Obviously POD had kicked the shit out of Lewinsky, so she took the Justified Revenge Award, assisted by Marcus, who got doubled for pissing on the Hare’s Trail. This must have been the fastest skull seen in hash since Lesbian Vampire Killer!

Finally, the GM turned his attention to the Keeper of The Hash Mugs, who still hasn’t provided the fancy box that he has been promising, so Transporter got a Dereliction of Duty Award. Opening up for nominations, never a good idea when Sassy is around, Poumuli was immediately targeted for his shirt from the Durban Hash which had something about sex on it, being a bachelor while Wahoo is in NZ. Quickly regaining his wits, Poumuli tried to get both the GM and Cam for pissing on the trail, but Cam came out worse for wear.

Tallyho waxed eloquently about how the hash was a great respecter of age, but Bruce had been leaning the whole time and this was enough for Tallyho. CB had observed a smashed up car accident that had apparently been caused by Gayboy.

In a rather typical manner, Transporter had been chatting to Prince about a night out with the boys, and this was apparently when Lewinsky’s ribs had been brutalized. Apparently Lewinsky had forgotten that he had been on the town with Prince! Alzheimer’s Award to the dumbass.

Keeping up the pressure, Tallyho had met Prince in the supermarket, and seeing that all he was buying was beer wine and cat food, had been told that while his lady was away to keep away from the pussy. Transporter had a long evening ahead.

Poumuli had been observing some of the BBQ chicken ending up on the floor, and had been shocked to hear restaurateur Gayboy declaim that it was OK just wash it a bit! This became the Prick of the Week Award, which Gayboy spewed when his nuts were tickled.

POD nominated those who were leaving us – Cam, SOTB and Shawn, while Cam presented a photo to Lewinsky in an obvious romantic manner calling him the best looking taxi driver in Samoa. While a blindness award was called for the GM was too drunk by now to notice.

Godfather presented some shoes that had been left behind at the last hash. As no one claimed them they were placed in the Hash Shrine. He also had to postpone his big confession as he had not yet got the gumption up for it.

Siv tried to do a promotional for the Valia song award, which of course backfired. Godfather’s pitch for the Walk For Life however was fine.

The Hare and the Hosts, SOTB, Siv, Lucy and Emily were saluted and then we ate. Lots. After the dinner Tallyho led us in the Hash Anthem to salute our departees, much to the amusement of the neighbourhood.

Next week will be hosted by Bruce on Bank Street, and your Scribe will be in Port Vila

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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