Hash Trash 1655

Here we are, or at least were last Monday evening a small but dedicated bunch of hashmen and meres ready for the first AHHH hash run for 2013. This should have been run number 1656 but by your Scribes calculation this was in fact run number 1655: what had happened last week??? The unthinkable had happened, not the Mayan prophesies of the end-of-the-world had not been put back a couple of weeks, it was even worse than this… the GM had canceled the new-year’s eve run. As it says in the Hash Bible “verily we say unto all the hash chapters that come to their devotions on the appointed day, that when even just one hashman or hashmere girds up their loins, calls on on and proceeds to imbibe of the fluid of sustenance then a hashrun may be declared to have occurred and this shall recorded in anals of the said hash and shall be recorded so for all time”. But it seems that even this did not happen last week; a hash commandment was not observed. What does this mean for AHHH. Never mind the Long Run Mayan calendar, the countdown to the AHHH 2000^th run which had been written down from the very first AHHH in the eternal and never-ending hash calendar for the 12 August 2019, will now have to be put back a week. How can a hashman or hashmere plan for their future if hash commandments are so blatantly cast aside by the GM, no less. Flights and hotel bookings for August 2019 will now have to be changed, re-booking penalties will have to be paid; your Scribe will have to live at least another week.

But anyway here we were at run 1655 at Poumuli’s castle-in-the sky where the redoubtable Dawnraid and WitchDoctor with their mum as well, were keeping the family abode safe from intruders.

When your Scribe arrived at about ten-to-six there was a look of relief in the GM’s eyes as at that point there were only the hares, Sassy and the GM present. Gradually a few more hashmen and meres straggled in so that by about ten-past-six about a dozen runners, walkers and assorted shirkers set off following the largest piles of shredded paper ever seen on an AHHH trail. Clearly Dawnraid did not want to be dobbed for lack of paper. This part of town must be full of dog-lovers or be such a high-risk area that everyone keeps at least three assorted pit-bulls and Dobermans to ward-off the local villains. Those who witnessed Desperate Housewife being attacked by one such mutt a few weeks ago armed themselves with a few rocks and a stick just to be on the safe side this time. The mutts in the Castle Drake were the noisiest and were easily roused into a frenzy even by the sight of the motley crowd of hashers as they passed. So down the upper part of Lamosa road and down the X-island taking a left on a track below the lower Lamosa Road. 

Along here we passed a small paddock of cattle with a rather substantial looking bull minding the cows. How we needed Slim Shady and her scrotum polishing experience to tell us whether this was indeed a substantial animal or just a regular handful for an experienced scrotum polisher. Never mind, but it did a have few hashmen, (notably CB and Swinger your Scribe noted) contemplating their own inadequacies in comparison.

The trail then proceeded into the bush around a very large and seemingly unoccupied house with magnificent views, over, under and around a number of fallen trees and eventually out into lower Lamosa Road almost at the point of DH’s mutt-encounter. A long falsie took the FRBs through a gauntlet of frenzied dogs and into a compound which was once the location of a run by Dad & Root Rat (Run 825 on 3 March 1997). Back to Lamosa Road and another falsie to the right which took the pack (of about only about three or four hashmen at this point) into the bush again almost to the point of an infamous missed on-back in run 825. Once again back onto Lamosa Road and a short run back to the keg. A good run in the circumstances from a little frequented, but much developed, area since that long-ago run in 1997.

By the time the runners had straggled back the total pack with assorted non-runners and keg-flies had swelled to about two-dozen so the circle when called by the GM was an almost respectable size.

First as always were the new footprints & visitors; Mum, here to keep an eye on Dawnraid, WitchDoctor and hopefully Poumuli, Wahoo and new hashsprog when it eventually arrives. Gemma brought by Chi (oops GayBoy) and Mandy brought by Anthony (oops GM). So guess who also did DDs with the newbies.

Next the swag of failures included Dawnraid & WitchDoctor, Swinger & BB, GayBoy and DumbAss. And who should be a very latecummer at this point but Sexpot who had been working from his slumbers by the cries of On ON as the pack staggered down X-Island past his house. DH did not follow as she was apparently still nursing a hangover from a Sunday at the beach. Unfortunately Sexpot had forgotten that any new footwear is dobbable and his fancy new flip-flops got the treatment from the exultant shoe-inspector Lewinsky. Who in celebration of his having actually found some new shoes was given a celebratory DD to go with Sexpot. And to these two was added Dawnraid whose mobile phone suddenly chirped into life, apparently it was Poumuli calling to check if History had been received. And so it had, first up was Swinger for something to do with an earthquake in 1780 and BB being here at the moment; then Brent gallantly stepped forward to represent the US national debt which had last been zero in 1885. Some sort of lunar event in 1959 got WitchDoctor into the centre along with Lewinsky for Clinton’s impeachment in 1999 and finally Tallyho for being as good looking as Kim Jong Un who had just has his birthday.

Celebrities this week were Lewinsky whose father-in-law had featured in the Observer, and Sexpot who had, this week given $100k to the Red Cross instead of giving away scholarships of some sort to young girls as usual. CB was called to join these two as he had failed to get his picture in the paper despite being at numerous parties which had featured in the social pages.

Lewinsky’s phone then rang and not wishing to be alone he called forth GayBoy for some escapade to do with a faafafine in his restaurant. That should put paid to GayBoy’s dalliance with Gemma.

Ane was farewelled as she will be leaving for Vietnam this week, but she knows that Brent will be in good hands with all his hashmates to look after him. Karaoke joined here for leaning on Dawnraid’s Mum and Sassy dobbed Sexpot for trying to get her to have a ciggy after she had been trying to give up.

 Brent dobbed Dawnraid for setting a false trail and then discouraging Brent from checking it; however Brent got a rebound when he admitted to having been hashing for ten years and never getting named… 

Sassy then tried her luck by dobbing GayBoy for trying to lead a young lady astray, but this seemed to backfire as she was called forth for a false accusation, or was it jealousy that no-one tries to lead her astray anymore. Sexpot dobbed CB for overstaying his dinner invitation by about 48 hours as he refused to go home and GayBoy got the FBI award for a complete failure of his dob on Sexpot for something that no-one in the circle could understand. No doubt Sexpot has refused his overdraft request again.

Sexpot gave a congratulatory to Sassy for giving up smoking; Tallyho was spotted standing in a pool of water and got dobbed for apparent incontinence and Lewinsky was called forward by CB for passing-out at a new year party. Swinger got lost on the way to the venue and had to call Sassy for directions. Tallyho called for a contribution to the Shrine in memory of the cyclone, the GM  presented a piece of broken washing machine and Tallyho took the DD. Sassy was now in full swing dobbing DumbAss for his daughter’s skill at poker; for hearing new footprint Mandy saying she needed a good screwdriver. Mandy proved her potential as a good hashmere with a very fast swallow and for Eveready for not complaining about the lack of softies. 

Swinger was next to try his luck in dobbing Tallyho for having the power reconnected to his house but nearly causing a fire when EPC failed to make safe other power lines, this was clearly a false dob cos Tallyho was doing Swinger’s rellies a favour. Crime was next caught leaning and CB was dobbed by the GM for not returning his sunglasses.

Since this was Gemma’s first and last run and Ane is leaving by general acclamation Tallyho led the circle in a stirring rendition of the hash anthem; the first of 2013.

Dawnraid and WitchDoctor, the hare and host, were finally brought into the circle for a good run and venue, a great way to start the hashing year. Thanks too for some great food and an all-round good hash. And as your Scribe’s chariot slowly edged its way out of the gate the remaining circle could be seen still standing round the Shrine in reverence so the Shrine was left in the care of the GM till next week.

Tallyho and Toodle Pip