Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Hash Trash 1708

The Hash was unable to find a host this week, so we were treated as honoured guests (grumpy gits that is) at HQ1 – On the Rocks – by Lewinsky. While the weather had been fine all day, by 5.30 the rain had started up again. Not as bad as last week, but still a dampener. Undeterred the GM anointed Rufie as Hare and off we went.  Rufie took a fair route, up to the hospital, across by the nurses home, over to Cross Island Road. Turning to Vaivase then back down across the non-bridge, past the UN building and on back to OTR. Those who completed the run felt it was a good blast out so well done Rufie. Godfather’s sweet nuts beckoned this time, and he greatly impressed the many visitors with his adept handling of his nuts in terms of extracting their juices. 

As noted, the GM Julia Gillard was back from his sickbed, and with the sharpness of Lazarus opened the proceeding by welcoming the many visitors. These were Maya (med student), Kirstie (med student), Daniel (from Samoana), Hayley (teacher), Danny (from Auckland), Brayden (brought by an Ant), Daniel (med student), Rheanna (studying), Micaela (APS volunteer) and Peter (brought by Manwhore and Full Moon). Overstayer and One Infection got down downs for not teaching their visitors the rules, and this was doubled for OI as he was caught in a false accusation.

Breaking the flow of usual, the GM – probably cognizant that he would  likely receive a few awards and needed to recall his charges – brought Rufie into the circle to explain how on New Year’s Eve he had not only been breaking and entering the GM’s abode, but had also managed to smash one of the GM’s mementos from his kids. The priceless sunglasses were smashed, but Rufie also re-gifted the remaining pair to his own kid. This was clearly a breach of all that is holy in Hash.

Further breaches to Hash etiquette followed with Daniel being caught with his hands in his pockets, so Overstayer was given the Pocket Table Tennis Not Kosher In Circle Award. The GM has been a lonely lad lately, and had been trolling the internet, as had Lewinsky apparently. He had been looking at the meaning of the word nocturnal, at the behest of Happy Feet. When the answer “active only at night” came up, Happy Feet replied, “oh just like Daddy”.

Back in the routine we welcomed back the retreads, who were Full Moon (volunteering), Eveready (someone has to work), Granny Smith and Nell (no excuse) and Flo (too far to commute from NZ).
This Day in History Awards went to Crime as closest living relative to Gayboy (1787 – William Herschel discovers Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus much to Gayboy’s delight), Granny Smith (avid photographer, 1839 – The French Academy of Sciences announces the Daguerreotype photography process), Tallyho (1967 – Dr. James Bedford becomes the first person to be cryonically preserved with intent of future resuscitation. – Tallyho is equally well preserved), Sassygirl BJ (1972 – Queen Margrethe II of Denmark ascends the throne, the first Queen of Denmark since 1412 and the first Danish monarch not named Frederick or Christian since 1513 – she is also a monarch with a husband called Christian), Lewinsky (for the Feast of the Ass), and One Infection (Earliest day on which International Fetish Day can fall).

Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli for Weathercock (on tv and radio opining about Cyclone Ian), Daniel (Samoana in the Australian press) and Witch Doctor (call for registering doctors did not include Satanists).

The GM had been sitting at home a bit down, but then a barrage of texts came flooding in asking him to come out on the town. Now there are scant few people that are more Ranga Palagi than the GM, yet the lady in question complimented him on, wait for it, his dancing! Serious Eye Examination Needed Award to Nell.

Sassy then made the announcement on behalf of mismanagement in relation to the Hash contribution to Imelda’s welfare fund, and presented her with a check for WST 2000, and paid homage to Witch Doctor for her sterling work in helping her progress so much. Godfather also paid homage to Sassy and POD for organizing this, showing how Hash is a family and we help each other out, unless we are scheming to dob someone in for a down down.

Lewinsky then introduced his cousin Johnno from Melbourne, who apparently spoke no ingles when questioned as to who brought him to Hash. As Tallyho brought in the Hash Shrine, he lamented that there was so little to see on the run that he had only let it sit out and be refreshed in the rain.
Opening up for nominations, Sassy was quick to remark that when Godfather had greeted Flo he had been staring at her boobs only. While most of the Hash greeted this as Hashmanlike behaviour, the non-plussed GM called a vote on Godfather, which he lost. Hoping For A Soft Landing Award to Godfather. 

Apparently there had been some attempts at underage solicitation on the run, when the GM had offered to walk the last bit with our 17 year old visitor Rheanna. After a bit of arguing he took the Ginger Ninja No Ingles Award. Daniel then produced telephonic evidence  of the first runaway guest of the year from Stephensons which Overstayer and Lewinsky shared.

Sassy had by now cottoned on to the GM’s discombobulating of the sequences of Hash and demanded a down down for not calling for the Shoe Inspector. Rheanna had some sparklingly shiny shoes so she joined the GM in the award. Gosh its hard to skull with Coke.

Apparently this was what the GM needed as he now suddenly recalled that on the run they had passed some chickens, to which One Infection had uttered, “gosh they are cute”. Bestiality Includes Avians Award to OI. Sassy then laid down a challenge of the ages for 3 Hashmen to take on Flo, which Poumuli, Granny Smith and Daniel failed in spectacular fashion – not even close.

Witch Doctor, who harbours secret intents to harm her brother, had noted that the news headline Cyclone Ian pounds Tonga had not been included in the Celebrity Awards. Offspring’s husband is called Ian, and as the annoying little Boer keeps insisting that Poumuli is her “daddy”, a physically, geographically and generally impossible possibility, Poumuli had the Celebrity Father-in-Law Award handed to him. Revenge will be swift.

Granny Smith had been having guests and wanted to show them a night on the town, but by 10.30 they were all piped/pooped out. Hayley, Brayden and Micaela were joined by Granny Smith for taking them to all the wrong places. Nell added to this story, as when the idea was mooted, Crime had leeringly exclaimed of the need to also bring Rheanna. For some reason this made One Infection look like he had swallowed a pound of kipulos.

The GM then exhorted the Hash to come up with volunteers to host. These will be posted, but we will be at Tallyho’s Castle next week, followed by the GM then Eveready. We also have an offer from Samoana, but that will be on the next public holiday (likely Easter in April). Lewinsky also offered Stephenson’s for a public holiday.

Eveready was dobbed in as Hash Monk, and with Witch Doctor as a proxy, henceforth Imelda will be known as Imelda Da Welda.

Next weeks run then is at Tallyho’s – directions will be posted, as will any instructions (come dressed as a Morris Dancer, all have to affect a Home Counties accent, wear Union Jack colours – I don’t know, but we will let you know).

The Host and the Hare, Lewinsky and Rufie were saluted, then we devoured the spread cooked by Elle McJr, which was rather tasty – sorry to those who came after Wahoo in the line!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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