Hash Run 1912

Hope you all recovered from Christmas Hash. 

Hash next week, 18th Dec will be hosted by BB, Swinger and StrapOn at Papauta.

Theme: Heroines

Venue - StrapOn's house: Same road to Mailelani Soap Factory/Le Petite Cafe, it's the second house on the right. The house has a white deck in the front. 

Run starts: 6pm on the dot!

On!On!

StrapOn

Hash Run 1912

Hope you all recovered from Christmas Hash. 

Hash next week, 18th Dec will be hosted by BB, Swinger and StrapOn at Papauta.

Theme: Heroines

Venue - StrapOn's house: Same road to Mailelani Soap Factory/Le Petite Cafe, it's the second house on the right. The house has a white deck in the front. 

Run starts: 6pm on the dot!

On!On!

StrapOn

Hash Trash 1911

The Christmas Hash was hosted by Gayboy at Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu. It had been a really rainy Monday, but we were blessed by a lull in the deluge as the pack set out for what is really a pub crawl. The Hash kids safely ensconced in a red Hilux, the trail went down Beach Road to Amanaki, then back via CVs, OTR and sundry other places. Bemused locals and tourists were regaled by bawdy versions of classic Christmas carols, belted out with gusto and accompanied by Godfather’s ukulele. The pack meandered slightly on the return, but we were finally able to muster a very large and loud circle.

Slim Shady was our GM, and invited the newbies to enter the circle. These were Soopuka brought by Gabby, Tanya brought by someone called Tammy, Paulie, Peter and Taz brought by Skull, Coinsave’s brother, Talai brought by someone called Courtney, and Nicholai Taulelei brought by Poumuli and Wahoo. All got a down down, joined by Titty Galore and Lewinsky.

Retreads were Wahoo (mummying), Captain Bolitos (doing things with balls), Cunning Linguist, Swinger (world tour), Coinsave, Nom Nom, Cunning, Skull, GBH, Gayboy and Captain Mortein.

Shoe Inspector Gayboy found Kiwi and Coinsave’s brother.

Celebrity Awards went to Princess Fantapants, GBH, Gabby, Peeping Clam (all in photos in the paper) and Lewinsky for Sassygirl BJ (numerous stories from Vanuatu Games).

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (902 – Battle of the Holme: Anglo-Saxon forces are defeated by Danish Vikings under Æthelwold (a son of Æthelred of Wessex) who is killed in battle), Godfather (1996 – Gwen Jacob is acquitted of committing an indecent act, giving women the right to be topfree in Ontario, Canada – GF approved), Poumuli (1997 – The Kyoto Protocol opens for signature), Nom Nom and Skull (2005 – Cronulla riots: Thousands of White Australians demonstrate against ethnic violence resulting in a riot against anyone thought to be Lebanese in Cronulla, New South Wales; these are followed up by retaliatory ethnic attacks on Cronulla), Princess Fantapants (2017 – Marriage Amendment Bill to recognize same-sex marriage passes in Australia) and Pervert (Human Rights Day).

The GM had some awards, and started with POD for a Child Abuse Award for making Happy Feet run all the way from Amanaki. Then there was a Mean Aunty Award to Titty Galore who stopped a couple handholding on the run.

Next Princess Fantapants for the Not So Secret Award – apparently he had been revealing a bit too much of himself in the Santa suit. Karaoke got a Balldropper Award, and Smashlee for asking why run with the kids.

Opening up for nominations, Coinsave quickly got Crime for leaning. Poumuli tried to add in another for Crime, but failed.

Cunning Linguist, piqued that Swinger had been posting all these photos from his world tour, updating the minutiae of his progress, gave him the Rubbing It In Award. He was joined by Coinsave who had also been on part of the tour.

Skull’s son Peter nominated his sister for running in a strapless bra, and running faster than her mascara. Both of them took the down down, while Godfather’s interest was perked. Cunning nominated Snake for hiding in the bushes, joined by Pervert.

Princess Fantapants nonimaned Nom Nom for the Libra Award, as the running colours of his get up suggested immediate ovulation. Noms was joined by Coinsave for leaning.

The GM then recognized Junior and Richard Wetzell who had snuck in to the Hash. Karaoke gave the Master Chef Award to Crash Bandicoot. Lewinsky was supposed to get a pig, and got a cow instead. Both Crash and Lewinsky had a down down, with Soopuka for leaning.

Coinsave then asked for a Subterfuge Award for Cockblocker – he has been walking around with a black eye and giving different reasons each time asked. Transporter and Lowrider got the Missed Retreads Award. Swinger nominated Coinsave for giving influenza to an entire cruise ship.

Smashlee tried to nominate Captain Bolitas, but named Paul instead, but in the midst of this failure Godfather asked for Happy Bunny to join because of her smile when Captain is on shore. Prince was asked the rhetorical question, why the facial hair? Burt Reynolds Award.

Gayboy nominated Captain Mortein for the down down he hadn’t had yet, but this was false, so both took it. They were soon joined by chattering nabobs Gabby and Soopuka.

Godfather made an impassioned speech about not missing 30 odd years of Christmas Hashes. This was followed by the Pricks of the Year Award – Poumuli for missing the birth of his son, and Nom Nom, Godfather and Snake for the dead cat and pig run. Tit of the Year Award went to POD for her excessive running.

The Hare and Host were saluted. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1911 - Christmas Hash

Talofa all
Tonight's Christmas Hash will be hosted by Gayboy at Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu. Come on down to the home of sweet and sour cat for some carolling and fun. Its locate by the Samoa Ports Authority building.
Run starts at 6 PM rain or shine.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1910

The Hash was hosted by the King and Karaoke in Lotopa. It was an incredibly rainy day, so it was surprising that so many actually made it out. The rain had precluded any sort of trail to be set, so StrapOn volunteered as live hare. Out the gate we went on a perambular run around Lotopa, with the faster runners going all the way over to the Mormon temple and back.

StrapOn came in as GM, and called the circle to order. New to Hash was Gabby who is a UN volunteer, and came with someone called Pru and Mark. Down downs for Peeping Clam, Princess Fantapants and Gabby.

The retreads were Poumuli (away in Fiji and Germany), Overstayer (in Savaii but based in Upolu now), Witch Doctor, Tom, Crime, Peeping Clam and Princess Fantapants.

Shoe inspector Snip and Tuck failed, as she falsely accused POD.

This Day in History Awards went to StrapOn for Gayboy (977 – Emperor Otto II lifts the siege at Paris and withdraws. His rearguard is defeated while crossing the Aisne River by Frankish forces under King Lothair III), Crash Bandicoot (2006 – Commodore Frank Bainimarama overthrows the government in Fiji), King (1726 – King Adolph of Sweden dies), and Lewinsky (International Day for People with Disabilities).

Celebrity Awards went to Princess Fantapants (for FBI who was in the paper), Godfather and Cockblocker (SVS in the paper), Peeping Clam (not happy about Prince Harry), Lewinsky (30 year anniversary of RLS, of which his dad was a founder), the King (did not enter world’s best guacamole competition), and Cockblocker for World Aids Day.

Turning to the GM’s awards, we saw some improvements in the 7s, with vocal support from Karaoke. Then there had been the Queen’s Baton Relay, with numerous indiscretions including Sassygirl BJ driving too slow, Godfather taking a short-cut, POD running in front of the Baton-bearer and Poumuli trying to us the baton as a bat.

Opening up for nominations, Princess Fantapants nominated Peeping Clam for the Not Samoan Award, as she was peeling more than a chimpanzee from her sunburn. Then Lewinsky nominated the GM for his speedy side step of a charging dog on the run. Lewinsky joined him as he had been laughing about the incident.

POD nominated Titty Galore for her nesting skills in fashioning a sling for Godfather out of a bikini top. Lewinsky nominated Crash for the bad son in law award for not wearing pink to the run. POD had been listening to the radio when the bodybuilding contest was on, and apparently the commentary from the ladies watching would have been illegal if men had uttered them during Ms Samoa. To top it off, the King had been abused by Karaoke upon her return from the contest.

Godfather noted that the Hash has been around for 30 odd years, and that a long time ago at a Togitogia run Snake had found a snake in the bush, for which he is named. This week they found a snake at Sinalei, and after that was disposed of, he began to look for the parent snakes. Then he remembered that Snake had been his electrician.

Princess Fantapants joined him for sitting during this story. Finally, Karaoke nominated Snake for getting upset that someone called him old at last week’s Hash.

The Hosts and Hare were saluted. Next week’s Hash is at Sunrise Restaurant, Christmas Hash 6PM, rain or shine.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1893

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC at the Tokelau compound in Moamoa. A cool day it was with blustery winds. The perfect day to set a run on flour. Yes, for a change he had actually set a run. We went off the usual way though, to the left towards the big ford. But here there was a circle and we went deeper into Moamoa heartland. Apart from some lazy dogs and curious locals it was all good. We crossed the ford, and realised what the laughter was about – we went into a small loop and returned to the ford. So on back we went to where we had come. We explored the ford for flour, but in the end several just ran back and up to Chanel College. All good.

POD called the circle to order, and new to Hash was Johnny who had been brought by FBI. The retreads were FBI (small operation), Overstayer (work), Tom (on Savaii) and Lucy (back for a week). Screamer as Shoe Inspector failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Il Capo (1173 – Construction of the campanile of the Cathedral of Pisa (now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa) begins; it will take two centuries to complete – Italian efficiency and skill!), Crash Bandicoot (1947 – Thor Heyerdahl's balsa wood raft the Kon-Tiki, crashes into the reef at Raroia in the Tuamotu Islands after a 101-day, 7,000 kilometres (4,300 mi) journey across the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to prove that pre-historic peoples could have traveled from South America), AC/DC (1971 – The first Pacific Islands Forum (then known as the "South Pacific Forum") is held in Wellington, New Zealand, with the aim of enhancing cooperation between the independent countries of the Pacific Ocean), Tom (Feast Day of St Sithney, patron saint of mad dogs) and POD for Happy Feet (Happiness Happens Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Nom Nom for Peeping Clam (peeping out of an Observer photo), Eveready for Slim Shady’s dad, and FBI for the crime headline accompanying it.

Cunning Linguist then did a special celebrity award for the Norwegians, as the new tram seats in Oslo, in twilight, looked as if the tram was full of burka wearers, freaking the people out. Witch Doctor and Poumuli went up.

Turning to the theme for the run, babies, the GM had to ponder the meaning of Snip & Tuck’s carnevalesque outfit – was she ready for babies? Nom Nom and Lewinsky were given the Worst Nappy Ever Awards, Mark the Best Nappy Award, and Screamer, whose definition of babies as a collection of orifices that produce biohazards was acclaimed.

It had been an active weekend in sports so Lucy and Cunning were given awards for the Lions and Crusaders respectively. We also had Neymar sign the highest transfer fee in history, so for the Best Brazilian she brought up Johnny, Snake and second best FBI.

Returning to the crappy nappies theme, Il Capo obviously approaches that as an Italian architect approaches building towers, as her son had crapped all over the deck at a weekend Perimeter training set.

She also pointed out that this was a nice venue for the Hash, but that AC/DC must enjoy Christmas too much as the decorations were still up. For some reason this went to Snake and Poumuli.

FBI nominated the failing barmen Lewinsky and AC/DC, and when all said aye for AC/DC he failed to notice that he was dobbing himself in.

Latecummers Godfather and Peeping Clam were greeted. Cunning nominated Snip & Tuck, as she had arranged for them to go for a walk on Saturday, but when ready there was no sign, no sight or sound. Obviously practicing her costume. Lewinsky nominated the GM for winning the 21 K, and Poumuli for rescuing Godfather from a second by taking his hat.

Il Capo nominated Crash as someone had crashed into her car. Slim Shady was latecummer, and AC/DC gave her a second one for pulling out of hosting.

Turning to announcements, we need drivers and supporters for the Perimeter Relay. Godfather mentioned the 2018 Inter Hash in Nadi and urged a group of us to go.

The Hare and Hosts were saluted before a magnificent island style feast was served up.

Next week will be Father’s Day run at Godfather’s and Titty G’s in Poutasi. Your Scribe will be in Honiara with the Hash there.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1892

The Hash was hosted at On The Rocks by Lewinsky and POD in the absence of a suitable host. Cockblocker was live hare and took us on a jaunt on the seawall to Mulinuu, back into town and on home through the back roads of Apia. Not the most interesting run, but whatever. There were sweet nuts awaiting.

POD called the circle to order, trying to be heard over the infernal catervauling of the OTR band. There were no newbies or retreads. While Richie was fined for leaning, Shoe Inspector Snakebite struck gold with Prince.

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1030 – Ladejarl-Fairhair succession wars: Battle of Stiklestad: King Olaf II fights and dies trying to regain his Norwegian throne from the Danes), a British

Medic (1900 – Kaiser Wilhelm II makes a speech comparing Germans to Huns; for years afterwards, "Hun" would be a disparaging name for Germans), Snake (1970 – Black Tot Day: The last day of the officially sanctioned rum ration in the Royal Navy), StrapOn (1976 – In New York City, David Berkowitz (a.k.a. the "Son of Sam") kills one person and seriously wounds another in the first of a series of attacks), Crash Bandicoot (World Hepatitis Day) and Lewinsky (International Beer Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Coinsave (for pro and anti Sinalei stories), Nom Nom (for Snatched story), POD (for being the “darling of Samoan running”) and Poumuli (for giving his real name to the WHO Expanded Special Project on the Elimination of Neglected tropical diseases).

On the run Mark and Coinsave ran past his building and he didn’t pay homage, while Mark was chasing Danielle. POD joined for being vindictive. Screamer was nominated for partying wildly on the south side.

Snake nominated Lewinsky, as he had asked for an extension cord at OTR, and it was so filthy he had to unlock it somehow, and somehow broke something. Anyway both of them took the award as it was incomprehensible.  Prince gave the hero award to Lewinsky for his role in the paddling regatta and the provision of an after race keg. He then tried to blame Titty Galore and went from hero to zero, but she joined in.

Nom Nom nominated POD and Lewinsky who as last week’s hosts had not provided us with a safe space for Hash. Because THERE WERE PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN THEIR TOILET. In the end it was agreed that this must have been Nom Nom and Peeping Clam.

StrapOn nominated Poumuli for Wahoo’s FB posts about pregnant women needing to have sex every day. He then nominated Godfather for showing off his tattoo to someone from the Suva Hash that StrapOn had met in the Port Vila Hash.

For the 50^th Anniversary of the Peace Corps, Eveready and Louisa were nominated. Peeping Clam made Mark join them for having made out with one during the celebration party. Crash was made to join for looking Mexican.

The Hare and Hosts were saluted and then PIZZA!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1891

The Hash was hosted by Godfather, Titty Galore, Speedhumper and Aaron at the Lewinsky compound in Taumeasina. It was a warm day for a run, but we got off to a late start so the heat was bearable. The run went out the front and left, with a false trail almost immediately. We backtracked and the trail led along the river bank – because of high tide the water was now up to our knees. Really rather disgusting. We re-joined the trail on the road, which led to another false trail, before the trail was reacquired. A significant run, and we were well met back with Godfather’s cool glistening nuts.

POD as GM announced that this would be a special Hash, as we were going to have a Hash Wedding. At that, the Celebrant – Elvis – actually Eveready, stepped forward and assumed his position at the altar helpfully provided by the Lewinskies. The Bride’s entrance was presaged by Speedhumper, joyfully flinging plastic forks in front of her. Titty G was escorted by Snake, with his “daughter” Chanel acting as the veil carrier.

Elvisready began the proceedings by welcoming the dearly beloved, that we had gathered together to join this Hasher and Hash Mere. And although there had been some milking of the cow through the fence, the King would forgive such trivial sins. Snake was invited to speak, and he talked of the best way to strengthen the family was to keep it in the Hash family. He mentioned that there had been a secret wedding in New Zealand, but that the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret. Elvisready then asked Godfather if he would take Titty G for his awful wedded wife, and more along the same lines. He then asked Titty G if she would take Godfather as her husband, promise to love him when he is cranky, has had too many down-downs, or lost his hearing aid. He added that Godfather would in return promise to put the seat down when he was finished. A ring was produced for Titty G, and a ball and chain for Godfather. By the power vested in him by the City of Las Vegas, Elvisready then pronounced them husband and wife, to loud cheers. He then asked them to chastely kiss, no toungue, and to much cheers he said, you may now have your way with her. The ceremony was finished off with singing and dancing to Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours).

The circle was called to a semblance of order, and those new to Hash were called forward. These were Chanel (Snakebite in drag), Charlie (from Auckland on holiday), Louisa, Lara, Will, Tara (medicos), David from Nigeria (where do I send my money, asked Snake), and Connor (UK).

The retreads were Curly, Pro Boner, Transporter, Cougar, Snip & Tuck, Lexi, Crash Bandicoot, Lowrider and Rottweiler. The GM then called in Pool Boy for not declaring. Shoe Inspector Pool Boy then failed in his inspection.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (story in the paper about the deliberate release of farmed minks by activists, which all died. Sassy had referred to herself in an email as the Hash Mink). Gayboy accused Lewinsky of investing secretly in Rarotonga as he had found himself in a bar there called On The Rocks.

This Day in History Awards went to Snake (1645 – Qing dynasty regent Dorgon issues an edict ordering all Han Chinese men to shave their forehead and braid the rest of their hair into a queue identical to those of the Manchus), Poumuli (1814 – The Swedish–Norwegian War begins), Il Capo (1866 – Austro-Prussian War: Battle of Lissa: The Austrian Navy, led by Admiral Wilhelm von Tegetthoff, defeats the Italian Navy near the island of Vis in the Adriatic Sea), Cunning Linguist (National Day, celebrates the inauguration of Léopold I, the first king of the Belgians, after its independence from the Netherlands on October 4, 1830), Snakebite (Feast Day of St Margaret the Virgin), Gayboy (International Ratcatcher Day) and Lewinsky (Monica Lewinsky’s birthday).

Warning Snip & Tuck of the leaning rule, the GM reminded her of the story of yellow dress at the yellow house, where Cunning Linguist ripped it off her. Pervert was then caught leaning.

The medicos Charlie and Connor had arrived saying they were friends with Tom, but they must surely be impostors for not running. She went on to remark how in Samoa its usually the youngest who becomes a fa’fa, and this was clearly not the case with Chanel/Snakebite.

Lewinsky then nominated Snake for coming to the rescue and fixing the wiring of the lights, but Poumuli pointed out that Snake had done the original wiring. Snake then nominated Lewinsky for something he would not reveal.

The Hash Monk arrived and started naming. First there was Jessica, who will now be called Happy Bunny. Then there was fighting smackdown Lexi, who will now be known as GBH. Then the excitable under-age Hash Mere Marcella was named Princess Snip, while her smart sister was named Einstein. Aaron for being loud at work but silent at home was called Mute Button, while super flexible Rachel will be known as Bendy.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted before we sang and ate.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1890

The Hash was hosted at the Yellow House up from Giordano’s on Cross Island Road by Ginger Mark. Brutally hot day it was and we were threatened with a long run, but with a river crossing. The run was ostensibly set on flour, but as we soon found out you needed a microscope to see it. The run went down Cross Island Road, and there the front running bastards made a big mistake, dodging cars, and missing the turn to the river. They instead went to the seawall, along and back up via the hospital. The slower ones led by Godfather, actually found the trail and did do a river crossing but took a shortcut back. There were plenty of Godfather’s cool succulent nuts to savour as we awaited the Hash Circle.

POD was GM again, having been in training for her marathon Marathon. She called those new to Hash forward, and they were legion. First there was Simon and Richie  who had been brought by Godfather. Then there was apparently the entire Swinburne Uni from Melbourne.

The retreads were Poumuli (in Bula Land), Snakebite (working), Speedhumper (busy) and Crime (likely at Tafaigata). Shoe Inspector Screamer tried but failed, and was joined by Snake who interfered in her duties (imposting?).

Celebrity Awards went to Mark for Prince (in the paper) and POD and Lewinsky for Marathon story.

This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker (1938 – Douglas Corrigan takes off from Brooklyn to fly the "wrong way" to Ireland and becomes known as "Wrong Way" Corrigan), the Swinburne All Black (1976 – The opening of the Summer Olympics in Montreal is marred by 25 African teams boycotting the games because of New Zealand's participation. Contrary to rulings by other international sports organizations, the IOC had declined to exclude New Zealand because of their participation in South African sporting events during apartheid), Lewinsky (1998 – A diplomatic conference adopts the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court, establishing a permanent international court to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression) and Eveready (Feast Day of St Francis Solanus).

Turning to the run, a Hash Mere had stumbled on the run, and had stopped to wash her hands at the dive shop, and even scored some antiseptic. Screamer was joined by Richie who had a scooter accident on the weekend. He hadn’t hit a dog, he hadn’t hit a pig – he had hit the accelerator! A Road Toast Award to the two of them.

The Host who was also the Hare, had used such a tiny amount of flour that it must have been the most valuable ever. Gold Dust Award to Mark. Latecummer Gayboy was welcomed with a down down.

Snake had been sharing his sob story before the run about ex-rays and pain, when all seriousness aside, the grand conclusion is that he is getting old. Grumpy Old Man Award to Snake. He was joined by Il Capo, who as always was whingeing, but this time was actually sick, yet came to Hash. Dedication to Hash Award.

Opening up for nominations, Snake wanted to thank Lewinsky for not wasting our beer by drinking vodka. Il Capo nominated Jessica for always missing the theme, and she was joined by the Hareraiser Nom Nom for not posting it.

Poumuli nominated CB for forgetting his son’s food, and then poisoning the rest of the kids with his konzentrationslager fumes from his truck. Gayboy nominated Snake for Worst Boss of the Year for sending an employee to fix a gate. Snake said the employee was more skilled so both took the award.

Mark nominated Lewinsky for his support to the ginger people, while Snake nominated Godfather to atone for the deploring state of rugby in Samoa. Lewinsky then nominated POD for breaking the Lalomanu record. She clarified that she had only done so because of Godfather’s pestering, and he was of course proud of her.

Non Nom had been out with Peeping Clam’s gay uncles, when one of them had ordered a vodka tonic, to which the other exclaimed that this is the gayest drink ever. As it is also Lewinsky’s current choice, he joined Peeping Clam.

Il Capo was nominated for leaning and Genora as a latecummer.

Next week will be hosted by Godfather, Titty Galore and Speedhumper at the Lewinsky compound.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1883

Tonight's hash will be hosted by Yahoo, Wahoo and Poumuli at their place on Atoa Avenue, off Bank Street in Vaoala.

Theme: Be Independent!

On On

Hash Trash 1882

The Hash was hosted by Nom Nom and Peeping Clam at the Yellow Collective in Motootua. A nice day for a run set on flour, and we had been spared the rain splattering it everywhere. It was on out the gate and down to the Beach Road, then a circle around the Leone Bridge construction, with a straight back run via the Hospital Road. Godfather had again provided us access to his sweet cool nuts, but they seem to be getting smaller by the day. Curious…

POD was our GM as usual, and called the newbies forward, and they were legion: Genora (SPREP intern), Gareth (WIBDI), Heather, Ziyun (SPREP intern), Gavin (Scot med student), James (med student), Bridget (CI), Tibo (France) and Malia (Samoa). Down downs were given Crown of Thorns and Cockblocker for forgotten names.

The retreads were Do Me Twice (following dreams), Poumuli (climate changing), Crown of Thorns (stuck in Waiheke), Nom Nom (embezzling Nepal) and Cockblocker (busy not working). Screamer was appointed Shoe Inspector, and made a valiant attempt but failed. She was joined by Tibo for smoking in the circle.

Celebrity Awards went to Strap On for numerous photos in the paper, and Lewinsky for the similarities to Trump’s current ails.

This Day in History Awards went to POD (491 – Empress Ariane marries Anastasius I. The widowed Augusta is able to choose her successor for the Byzantine throne, after Zeno (late emperor) dies of dysentery), James the med (844 – Battle of Clavijo: The Apostle Saint James the Greater is said to have miraculously appeared to a force of outnumbered Asturians and aided them against the forces of the Emir of Cordoba), Cunning Linguist (1568 – Dutch rebels led by Louis of Nassau, defeat Jean de Ligne, Duke of Arenberg, and his loyalist troops in the Battle of Heiligerlee, opening the Eighty Years' War), Nom Nom (1840 – The transportation of British convicts to the New South Wales colony is abolished), Slim Shady (1936 – Sada Abe is arrested after wandering the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover's severed genitals in her handbag. Her story soon becomes one of Japan's most notorious scandals), Do Me Twice (1953 – Jackie Cochran becomes the first woman to break the sound barrier), Il Capo (1992 – Italy's most prominent anti-mafia judge Giovanni Falcone, his wife and three body guards are killed by the Corleonesi clan with a half-ton bomb near Capaci, Sicily. His friend and colleague Paolo Borsellino will be assassinated less than two months later, making 1992 a turning point in the history of Italian Mafia prosecutions), Lewinsky (1998 – A U.S. federal judge rules that U.S. Secret Service agents can be compelled to testify before a grand jury concerning the Lewinsky scandal involving President Bill Clinton) and Crown of Thorns (International Day for Biological Diversity).

Turning to celebrations, Poumuli had his on a plane, and was joined by Cunning Linguist and Snip & Tuck for their recent engagement (please not another Hash Wedding like Ali Bin Shaggin!)

Tonight’s theme had of course bee

HASH RUN 1879 - StrapOn is hosting a Sa Moana Folau themed Run at Papauta

Location - Go on the road to Mailelani Soap Factory/Le Petite Cafe, the house will be the second on your right with the white deck in the front. 

Theme: Sa Moana Folau. Protecting the Mountains to the Oceans. So dress up as a character representing the Forests or the Ocean. If can combine both you will get a prize! Those not in costume will need to sing a song from Moana the cartoon.

  

Start time: 5.30pm

On!On!

Hash Run 1876

Hash Run 1876 is kindly hosted by Lewinsky and POD at Tameasina. You go towards Tameasina Island Resort and straight after you take the turn from the Main East Costal Road, you take a right at the 1st right fork in the road, and then the 1st left.

Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala, and some swimmies if you want to have a dip after the run.

We are back to running at 5.30 PM or 1730

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1875

The Hash was hosted by Screamer and Gagging Diva inside the Keil compound in Motootua. We were back to normal time, so it was a relatively cool afternoon. The run went out the gate and up Cross Island Road, then turning right onwards past the hospital. Almost at the bottom, we realised we had no trail, and cut back up to find the trail cutting back to the Cross Island Road. The trail then headed over towards NUS, and cut back to the broken bridge – then it was on home up the Cross Island Road.

POD was our GM as usual, and she called for those new to Hash to step forward. These were Luca (but friends of Crown of Thorns) and Eric, brought by Cockblocker.  Alex came to Hash because he lives there, while Sam and Morgan had been brought by Prue. Peeping Clam and CB took one each.

The retreads were Slim Shady (drinking rum), Ring Ring (busy), Snip & Tuck (snipping and tucking).

This Day in History Awards went to Slim Shady (1917 – The United States takes possession of the Danish West Indies after paying $25 million to Denmark, and renames the territory the United States Virgin Islands), CB (1947 – The only mutiny in the history of the Royal New Zealand Navy begins), Alex (1981 – U.S. President Ronald Reagan is shot outside a Washington, D.C., hotel by John Hinckley, Jr.; three others are wounded in the same incident), Lewinsky (2002 – Monica Lewinsky, no longer bound by the terms of her immunity agreement, appeared in the HBO special, "Monica in Black and White", part of the America Undercover series. In it she answered a studio audience's questions about her life and the Clinton affair) and Lewinsky (2004 – Google announces Gmail to the public).

Celebrity Awards went to Il Capo (present at the Vavu wreck scene), Peeing Clam for Sassygirl BJ (twice in the paper), Poumuli (Ele fundraising) and Godfather (story about Poutasi).

Shoe Inspector Screamer at first was told to look at Snip & Tuck but this was a false accusation as verified by Screamer, so Ring Ring took the down down. Turning to the GM’s nominations Slim Shady was anonymously nominated for sharing the chips with her breasts. A discombobulated Godfather asked “what was wrong with that?” Gagging Diva was nominated for seeing phantom dogs and ninja bombs. Morgan was asked if she was half in the circle, as she had been doing a yoga pose the whole time – she did the Yoga Award doing the same pose.

Il Capo nominated the GM, for usually being in front and talking a lot of bla bla. Poumuli noted that it was the Year of the Rooster, which CB had on his t-shirt and is the birth year of Alex as well, so a Cockfight Award was given to both of them.

Slim Shady nominated Poumuli for the Shitty Recommendation Award for advising her to bring rice and beans to Cuba, where they instead ogled her phone and other accoutrements. Poumuli nominated StrapOn for making fun of his needing a strap on, but both got this one, erm, Lewinsky was whipping boy for StrapOn.

Peeping Clam nominated Poumuli for not picking out Gagging Diva in the Celebrity Awards, nor Cunning Linguist for the many Tokelau stories, and Snatched was added in as a Media rep, which Alex took.

Next week’s run is at Taumeasina for Lewinsky’s birthday. Easter Hash will be somewhere on the South Side care of Godfather and Titty Galore.

Godfather also recounted the story of Kamaka – the legendary ukulele maker from Hawaii, who was a leper, which is where Godfather got his ukulele from. He is now opening a ukulele factory in Poutasi, using all local materials except the strings (er, wait, what about cat gut?).

The Hares and Hosts were saluted before we had the first ever all vegetarian Hash meal.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1875

Talofa Hashers
Monday's run will be hosted by Screamer and Gagging Diva off Cross Island Road in Motootua. Directly opposite Scallini restaurant, and if coming from town just before Insel Fehmarn Hotel. There are two entrances. If you take the first one, head down the driveway and turn right when it splits into three. Park in front of the house in the back corner (Gagging Diva's house). You can also take the second entrance which will bring you to Screamer's house and there is a bit of parking there too. Hash will be held on the tennis court in the middle of the compound. Map attached.

NOTE: Food will be vegetarian 

We will be back to normal time so run will start at 17.30 or 5.30 PM. Bring your 20 tala Hash Cash and enjoy a new venue for our runs.

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Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1874

The Hash was again hosted at Nafanua restaurant by Witch Doctor and Black Pussy. POD was the de facto live hare and took us on a run out back up to Leififi, across towards the UN and then back home through Vaiala.

POD was GM, and new to Hash were Tui from NZ and Tavita (trying to keep up with the ladies, and then advertising – down down). Retreads were Tua (his dad was an original Hasher – Dr Blunt – brought by someone called Joe), Jess (watching cows in NZ), Phil (fishing) and of course Godfather joined for breach of Hash Rules.

Godfather then recounted the fundraiser he and Dr Blunt had done in the late 70’s running past the soon-to-be-burned to the ground Tivoli Theatre, and raising some $3000 for a sick child’s medevac by running the entire island in one day.

Screamer was appointed Shoe Inspector who found Tua’s spanking new ones. His disbelief lasted until Gayboy filled his shoe, but he drank it.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady in whose absence Peeping Clam and latecummer Gayboy partook instead. (The press clipping described the Shape of Mele’s Quilt – which made the GM gag).

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (845 – Paris is sacked by Viking raiders, probably under Ragnar Lodbrok, who collects a huge ransom in exchange for leaving), Crime (Feast Day of St Dismas the Good Thief), Screamer (Feast Day of St Margaret Clitherow) and Peeping Clam (International Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing UN Staff Members).

Turning to the GM Awards, Il Capo has again had the tendency to run so hard that she gets the shivers and shakes, so a Stress Award. Keeping on the subject, Il Capo had been talking about her students, and mentioned that one named Tavita was her stupidest student. Thus for all Tavitas everywhere Tavita got the Stupid Award.

Driving from home, the GM had passed the UN building and saw googly eyed Jess run towards Phil, and promptly fell over – Arse over Tit Award. And also at the UN building, while she and Peeping Clam were going to go the long way, Tua decided on the shorter route. While Tua was peeing, Tui helpfully demonstrated how to make him go the long way – by setting off! Tui got the Well Done Award.

Il Capo nominated Nelson for the Criminal Award as she had to call him four times to get his Hash Cash. She also nominated Lewinsky for wearing a sexy skin tight black shirt – Lewinsky joined her in the Helen Keller Award.

Tua then nominated POD, as he had managed to get her number after 5 minutes of making her acquaintance. Gayboy nominated Lewinsky for being too cheap to have ready phone credit. Wahoo hadn’t had a down down so  Poumuli had to take this.

Hosts and hare were saluted, then we had lots of pizza.

Next week will be hosted by Screamer and Gagging Diva in Motootua, and we will be back to 5.30 

PM runs.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1873

The Hash was hosted at Nafanua restaurant by Witch Doctor and Black Pussy. Cockblocker was chosen as the live hare and took us on a yomp along the sea wall to Mulinuu and back. Nuff said, it was hot.

POD was GM, and there were no newbies. Retreads were Sassygirl BJ (off to look for rich men), Lambada and Pavarotti (here ten years ago, back for a break), and Cunning (trying to sort out the son and the man). Shoe inspection failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (1963: Alcatraz closes), Poumuli (1978: First UNIFIL deployment in Lebanon), POD (International Day of Happiness), Cunning Linguist (1602: Dutch East India Company established), Godfather (1727: Isaac Newton dies), and Lewinsky (St Patrick’s Day – he drove the snakes out of Ireland).

Celebrity Awards went  to Crime (Sheraton paddle race), Il Capo and Peeping Clam (Mt Vaea run).

Turning to the GM Awards, Lewinsky had gotten home late, and no one was ready to go to Hash, when his daughter said “don’t rush me, genius takes time”. Then a Party Pooper Award with Ireland raining on England’s rugby parade – Gagging Diva.

Birthday Awards went to CB and Swinger, the latter accepted by Cunning Linguist. Finally, it was a sad day for the music world, with the death of Chuck Berry. Godfather was asked to play one of his tunes. Poumuli helpfully pointed out the details of the scandal that Berry had been involved in, taking pictures with a spy cam of ladies urinating, surely Peeping Clam. They both took the award to the sounds of Johnny B Goode.

Opening up for nominations, and Sassy was rearing to go. She nominated Mr Whippy for Dedication to Hash – he had come late because he had run from home, then gone on the run trailing the Hashers. Il Capo nominated Pavarotti and Lambada for having been away too long and forgetting about the leaning rule. Witch Doctor was added in for having a faulty tree that needed supporting.

Pavarotti will be leaving again soon, but he demonstrated the origin of his Hash name with a belting rendition of O Sole Mio. Poumuli nominated Sassy for eating her way through New Zealand, as per her Facebook posts.

Poumuli tried to nominate Lewinsky, then had to justify this with a rationale, it being that Lewinsky had ably defused the kerfuffle between the Hash sprogs and the local boys. Both got it. StrapOn upped the ante by reflecting on his Savaii trip where  he had seen the one lorry on the island, dangerously overloaded and unsafe. Proprietor – one Lewinsky.

Nelson got a down down for the hell of it, before the hosts and hare were saluted.

We ate a lot of Nafanua meat in gravy with potatoes.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1871

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Yahoo at their place in Vaoala. It was a sunny and hot day, so the run had been set mostly in the bush. The trail started out behind the house, with a false trail leading up the hill. The trail then went down a similar path to a previous run but it was drier so less slippery. That was until Poumuli’s dog Murdoch decided to follow the pack and throw his 50 kg frame around, causing small avalanches. The trail went across the river and up to the top of the cattle yards, then followed the ridge back down to the corner of Bank Street. A gentle road run down the hill, until the turn and the ford crossing. The trail followed the stream upwards at this point, with several instances where the trail was the stream. Over a small bridge and into an abandoned household we took the dirt road up to Bank Street and on home.

POD was our GM, and called forth the newbies, Erik (brought by Mr Whippy) and Tom (med student from Wales). The retreads were Snip & Tuck, Cunning Linguist, Bubbsy and Mertin.

Shoe Inspector Il Capo zeroed in on Cunning Linguist’s new shiny ones, and he had some tasty river water with the beer.

This Day in History Awards went to Nelson (363 – Roman Emperor Julian moves from Antioch with an army of 90,000 to attack the Sasanian Empire, in a campaign which would bring about his own death), Peeping Clam (1941 – World War II: The United Kingdom launches Operation Claymore on the Lofoten Islands; the first large scale British Commando raid), Screamer (1986 – The Australia Act 1986 commences, causing Australia to become fully independent from the United Kingdom), Gagging Diva (2005 – Margaret Wilson is elected as Speaker of the New Zealand House of Representatives, beginning a period lasting until August 23, 2006 where all the highest political offices (including Elizabeth II as Head of State), were occupied by women, making New Zealand the first country for this to occur) and Witch Doctor (World Wildlife Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Pussysnatcher (Snatched in the paper) and Il Capo (also in paper). Speaking of new shoes cleaned by river water, the GM called forth StrapOn to show off the barbed wire stuck in his shoe. Cunning Linguist attempted to defray this as a false accusation but failed.

On the run, Crime had been swinging from the lianas as the Apeman himself, only to fall arse over tit as it ripped. An Almost Tarzan Award from Cunning Linguist. Sassygirl BJ was absent, but while Marco Polo was in hospital she had visited and also entertained the kids there with some pole dancing! Pirate Princess and other close supporter Il Capo received this one. Godfather commented that he had been asking at what age should breast feeding stop – NEVER!

The GM congratulated Witch Doctor for hosting the Norwegian Deputy Foreign Minister, and asked if meatballs was on the menu. Turning back to the run, the hares were nominated for attempted murder on Godfather and the near crippling of StrapOn. This was narrowed down to the dog owner, so bastard Lewinsky gave him a respectable one.

Witch Doctor nominated Lewinsky for not helping POD down the hill, merely cooing “slide down, wifey”. She also added Gagging Diva who always helps POD and Mertin for not helping at all. Cunning Linguist was then asked to explain what he had been telling the kids, something about “I have big thumbs that go in small holes”.

Il Capo nominated Godfather for offering to wash her bum, and Black Pussy for suggesting she should get a name change to Black Bummy. Godfather was ok with the nomination, but noted that all the Meres had forgot rule number 7 on health and safety, that the most effective cure for bruised ribs was a blowjob. No one had administered this as he lay gasping after his fall which had been caused by Il Capo’s derriere. This caused way too much laughter, so Il Capo and Black Pussy took the award.

Nelson, astounded of this behaviour in a Welshman, nominated Tom for sitting on his glass, and Peeping Clam for bad training. StrapOn nominated Hash businessman Lewinsky for being in business with no email address. This was doubled as wifey had just signed him up on Viber. StrapOn then expressed his admiration and respect for Lewinsky, and while discussing the subject had heard Peeping Clam opine that no one enjoyed Hash unless you disrespected Lewinsky. Poumuli tried to add in Lewinsky but failed.

Gagging Diva attempted a nomination for Bubbsy but failed to get either real or Hash name right. Nelson nominated Lewinsky for helping out with the parking, while Wahoo’s birthday down down was taken by Poumuli.

StrapOn nominated Mr Whippy for coming late yet finishing the run, Captain Mortein for shortcutting and Wahoo’s dad Norman for latecumming.

The hares and hosts, Pussysnatcher, Poumuli and Wahoo were saluted, amidst murmurs that Pussysnatcher should be certified as a weapon of run destruction. We then feasted on all sorts of curry and homemade roti.

No hosts for next week as yet.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1871

Monday's Hash will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Yahoo at their place in Vaoala. Take Cross Island Road past Mynas, then take a right on Bank Street. Follow Bank Street until it dips down sharply, and take the left onto Atoa Avenue - there is a sign up on the light pole. The house is the last on the right at the top before the great gates.
The hosts will cater, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash for the keg, and swimwear if you want to take a dip in the pool after the run. Run starts at 1800 hours or 6 PM.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1870

The Hash was hosted by Witch Doctor and Black Pussy at Nafanua Steakhouse. Crime had been bribed into setting the run. It was a rather hot day in town, but as the trail turned into the back roads, most of us were melting freely. We ran through the fire station parking lot and they were helpfully testing their water cannon as well as washing down a parked fire-truck. Several hashers got the French riot treatment. We turned right on the first back road, then left again at Pinatis. On we slogged in the wet and humid and sweaty and dripping heat, passing the original Sunrise Restaurant, purveyors of fine sweet and sour cat, then another right and left again on the clocktower road up to the airport road. From thence we shall judge the quicken and sweaty, as the trail then led up to Rokos, and off over to the Cross Island Road. The human hashers ran straight back from there, while the super-wenches ran over to the UN and then back along Beach Road. Oh lord those nuts tasted sweet.

Nelson was dobbed in as GM to a sitting circle. There were no newbies, but the retreads were Slim Shady, Nelson and Black Pussy. Screamer was appointed Shoe Inspector, and Godfather brought forth his new work shoes on the off chance that he may need to use them for Hash. Screamer joined him for her efficient persuasion in convincing Titty Galore for giving up the goods on Godfather.

This day in History Awards went to Titty Galore (1692 – Sarah Good, Sarah Osborne and Tituba are brought before local magistrates in Salem Village, Massachusetts, beginning what would become known as the Salem witch trials), Poumuli for Yahoo (1995 – Yahoo! is incorporated), Lewinsky (for his godfather - 2003 – The International Criminal Court holds its inaugural session in The Hague), Il Capo (2010 – Unknown criminals pour more than 2.5 million liters of diesel oil and other hydrocarbons into the river Lambro, in northern Italy, sparking an environmental disaster), POD (Feast Day of St Isabelle), Slim Shady (International Anosmia Awareness Day) and Witch Doctor (International Polar Bear Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (photo in the paper with FLO). Snatched had also been in the paper, but was not present, so since it was for a code of ethics Crime took the award.

The GM opened for his awards, noting that we can all look after our parents and for some reason straying into Brooklyn teenage girls shopping, where apparently a shop called Screaming Mimis had been the haberdasher of choice for Slim Shady.

The GM asked Witch Doctor to step forward to show off Black Pussy’s shirt that she was wearing, noting that there was a white triangle where the mimi should be. They both took this award as Poumuli explained the reaction of the Moroccan print shop to his request for the embossment.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Godfather for the Safety Conscious Award for putting on the child safety locks while Titty Galore was in the back seat. Frances stepped in and showed everyone the programme for the Disability Forum, at which she had been told by Poumuli that he would be a speaker. But he was not in the program, yet bullied his way onto the panel and nearly made the moderator cry. In his defence he stated that he thought the lady was deaf and not blind, hence his loud voice, which made it a double.

Speedhumper was then called forth by the GM for causing so much distress in the Tauese area with her stretching mimi exercises. She then demonstrated.

Slim Shady had been concerned for the well being of Lewinsky after the run, to the point of giving him cold compresses and sweet nothings, and gave him the Don’t Die Before The Wife Returns Award.

He also had a Gorgeous Snobs Award (your Scribe had this down as Knobs initially), which went to Titty Galore for only wanting the VIP seats at the circus, and Slim Shady for refusing to frequent Sienna’s due to the faeces on the toilet walls. She noted that she had already invited the National Geographic Channel for a tour there.

POD gave a Commiseration Award to Peeping Clam, who was so bored without Noms that she went for a run by herself on Sunday morning. Nelson then tried to get a down down for Lewinsky for his performance at the Sinalei Beach Bash, not knowing that this had been awarded last week, but nevertheless POD scored one for not keeping Lewinsky stiff.

Crime had been our Hare, but was deeply unhappy about the Taula that was on tap, as was your Scribe, so he was given a Grumpy Award which went down at the usual speed. We thanked Nelson as our GM for the evening, and saluted the hosts and hare. Mr Whippy got one for not getting one. We also sang the Hash Anthem for Frances and Slippery who are going back to Tonga to wear black for a year.

Witch Doctor then invited us for a feast of meatballs, pasta, chicken, and schnitzel, as well as the multi-coloured sausages from Speedhumper.

Next week will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at Vaoala.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit