Hash Trash - Run 1471

The farewell to Crown of Thorns hash was hosted by Seema and Crown of Thorns. Swinger provided services as hare. The hash was treated to the nice rural surroundings of Siusega, although Swinger had chosen mostly roads. There were a few false trails, but since we had Tallyho visiting from Fiji these were quickly scouted, so that by the time the pack caught up to Tallyho we were on the right track. Michael was also very quick down the false trails – maybe there is something with long hair? Anyway, the trail took us down the Aleisa road almost to Tafaigata prison, but luckily Swinger steered us in a different direction than through its gates. At this point the pack was being accompanied by the scrawniest Island Retriever ever seen, and I suppose it’s a reflection on our fitness! Safely back at the house it was refreshing to dip and wash the filthy sweaty feet in the swimming pool. Godfather had arrived a little late, but was soon catching up to the pack and made it in on time.

Mr. Whippy again stood in as GM. Your assistant trainee scribe had apologized to Susanne for the errors in the last blog (she is Australian, not Canadian; she is a librarian, not a nurse; she had given blood, not organized the event; Poumuli was jetlagged, not drunken!). The GM invited any newcomers to hash to step forward – and there were plenty. There was Jackie from Australia who said she was likely to become an overstayer. Katherine, Sarah and Anna were visiting from NZ but would be leaving next week. Then there were Chris and Raniekia from the US Navy, who promised to bring more of their Navals to the next hash. Skankanavian must have felt her ears heating up, since she turned up shortly thereafter.

There were several rethreads – Tallyho from Fiji was in good spirits and sound level and will be with us for three weeks; MilkMe, Gabor, Seema, Double D, Delectable, Delicious, AC/DC and Slippery had been absent, but most of them had boring excuses not worth repeating. The others absence were quite justifiable as we all know.

The GM then allowed the first round of the special Crown of Thorns Awards. She first called on all hashmen over 40 to step forward and got Sassygirl to examine them for who had the least hair. Tallyho exclaimed that he had been dreaming about getting a headjob from Sassygirl for years, but it was of course Godfather who came up lucky. He was given a beer mug with Old Fart on it. Next COT called on single hashmen under 40 for the Skanky Award. Since Skankanavian had not shown up yet, COT had to do this test herself which was aimed at finding the best kisser (but no tongue, hands or other groping). MilkMe, FBI, SOTB and Chris were the candidates, and there was much shock and awe when SOTB received a mug with Stud on it.

The GM returned to his set of awards, with a Media Magnet Award to Sassygirl and an honourable mention for Poumuli. He then introduced the Duck of the Week Award (for walking like a duck, sounding like a duck and ducking the trail), which went to FBI. The Shortcut of the Week Award went to the hashers who had taken such an extreme shortcut as to avoid the trail all together and heading straight for the keg – Lewinsky, Brian and Crash Bandicoot. For moving the pack on a fast pace the Cattle Driver Award went to Tallyho, who complained at the lack of Hash Halts on the trail. The GM added to his Shortcutters list by awarding Delicious and Ray Charles.

We returned to the special COT Awards: Sassygirl got the Superbitch Award ( a cap), FBI got the FBI Award (an FBI cap, how thoughtful), Slippery got a large cup (not sure what that was), Lewinsky and POD the Seasickness Award, Crash Bandicoot got a Learner Drivers Award (a pink fur trimmed L-plate, which he promptly broke), AC/DC got the Borat Mankini Award (I pray that we never get to see him in that), Michael the Giant Comb, the Princess Award went to Delicious, while Poumuli had to accept a pacifier for Wahoo (something about cradle snatching).

The GM took over and brought forward four hashers he had spotted leaning, or I Can’t Help Myself Leaning Awards to Sassygirl, Susanne, Gabor and Ring Ring. New shoes were discovered, Slippery and Poumuli (mine were used, I swear!) had their shoes filled, while AC/DC slurped from his new jandals.

On to the nominations from the floor, and Lewinsky gave a Road Hazard Award to Dawn Raid, but in his absence this went to Poumuli (I am going to take away the keys). Sassygirl noted that one of our expert sailors had failed to get it up after capsizing, so SOTB got the Can’t Get It Up Award and conduct unbecoming a hashman. Brian recounted how another hashman had been having no such troubles, but that he appeared to be cloning German tourists for his, er, pleasure. AC/DC therefore got the New One Looks Like The Old One Award. The GM pointed out that its not nice to nominate absentees, so Lewinsky got the Lack of Etiquette Award for making Poumuli do a down-down.

SOTB nominated the three visiting Kiwis for the Fashion Award for their matching shoes. Michael nominated COT for a Discrimination Award for purporting that men over 40 can’t kiss. Sassygirl welcomed our first-time hasher Chris, noting that it was his birthday tomorrow and for bringing the ship in, so he took a down-down in Navy style.

FBI tried to dob in Kiwi for a Forgetful Award, claiming he had forgotten a hash mere’s name, but since he could’t remember it either they both had a down-down. Poumuli was reminded that SOTB had been using his garage for storage since December 2008, and the vote went against SOTB.

Those who had not had a down-down were called front and centre by the GM, namely Susanne (is it nice to call her Vampire, GM?) and Delicious, but the record shows that they had, so this must be one of those Just For The Hell Of It Awards. He completed the awards for the hosts and the hare – COT, Seema and Swinger.

Godfather made a moving farewell speech for COT in which he thanked her for all she had done for hash, her friendship, always hearing her voice loud and clear at all times, and that we will all miss her. The hashers then sang Goodbye My Feleni for COT, who was so moved to tears that she needed MilkMe as whipping boy. Godfather concluded by wishing he was younger and about hoping she would find a nice guy to take care of her.

Next week's run remains to be confirmed, but the week after will be Snake’s 1,000th run, so Snake and Fang will host.

On On,

Poumuli.