Kia Ora Hashers, greetings from Wahoo and I in NZ. Here is the Trash courtesy of Desperate Housewife! We may retain her services. See you next week.
If we all thought it was hot during Hash Run 1606, this week’s run was torture. It was like running through Lucifer’s hot fiery hell hole. This was a run of “False Trails” with HH, Toothfairy, Fireman Sam and SOTB plotting a run with many twists and turns.
As soon as we left the Marina Hotel, we had a flour circle and had to look for the trail. Some FRBs headed towards Palolo Deep whilst the others went in the opposite direction towards YNot – the correct way much to the chagrin of the FRBs who went in the other direction. There was then a choice of heading towards Apia Park or going on past Aggie Grey’s. Those who went the Apia park way were again foiled by the false track. So everyone progressed past Aggie’s and then took a left through the carpark heading towards Coffee Bean, again if we had proceeded to run along Cross Island Road, we would have met with another False trail, however Vai Vai was on the ball and took us through the back of the Police Department. Although once we went through the police department and reached Lewinsky’s place of business, we had lost the flour trail altogether. Whilst we were waiting, pondering on which way to go, across the road – Karaoke and Eveready were having a lovely time walking along the sea wall in the shade whilst we mad folk were sweltering the hot sun just wanting to find the flour so we could end this torture.
We eventually went back the way we came and found the trail over a heap of mud and rocks where they are making a new road and we ended up near McDonald’s and then headed up past Snake and Fang’s place. The track the made a turn near Ah Liki’s and we headed on through til we again reached another flour circle (I would like to know what the technical term for this flour circle is). We again had to find the right track. Some went straight through whilst others took a right and headed up towards Airport Road. Incidentally at this time, Godfather was caught in the act of Chariot riding and joined the crew heading towards Airport Road. Unfortunately he joined the wrong crowd as they were again unknowingly leading him to another FALSE TRAIL!!!
Once everyone was back on track, the run headed towards the BlueSky Samoatel building and along the road heading back towards Apia Park way. We crossed the road at the big intersection near the ANZ (Sexpot is not going to be happy with me dropping that name!) and headed finally back to our destination where thank goodness there was a swimming pool for us all to cool down in. Although with all our hot bodies (temperature wise!), the pool soon turned into a heated pool.
All in all it was a very good run which, if we had not come across any false trails, would have been a nice 30 mins, but with all those road blocks we most of us finished around 40-45 mins. In that sweltering heat I reckon we all lost 5kgs in sweat alone!
After a delicious pre-hash circle appetizer of clams kindly provided to us by the hosts, GM called the Hash Circle to order.
Firstly there were a few newbies. Fireman Sam had his two lovely sisters Tasha and Margarita attending Hash. Denver was invited by Witch Doctor but called her by her real name so a down down went to Witch Doctor who tossed most of it over her shoulder – beer abuse!!! It should have been a double DD. Cassie was invited by Kat & Beyonce (Ted).
Rethreads were then called to front and centre. They included Top Shelf (visiting family in the US), Snake (Banging Fang), Urs (excuse was that he lives too far away) and Gian (same excuse). The last two lads were getting abused during the “down down” song as they were drinking before the “drink it down, down, down, down...” part.
New Shoe inspection was next. Ola and Dried Nuts were called up. Top Shelf had hers inspected but they were deemed too smelly go near, although her bright fluorescent socks made up for it. By the time the down down with the shoes happened, there was no beer left in Dried Nuts shoe as the specific model was those “easy breathing” shoes with lots of aeration. It was later overheard that Dried Nuts had actually done a practice run, filling her shoes with water and already knew that she wouldn’t have to drink out of them when the time came.
Celebrity Award was next on the cards and Sassy was nominated for being in the paper ( ), also Sexpot thought he had got away with no one calling him up for being on TV earlier in the week until Desperate Housewife dobbed him in.
This day in history awards went to: Top Shelf (US abolishes slavery), Titty G (exposing herself at a Hash Function a` la Janet Jackson at the Superbowl), Captain Mortein (Danish ship MS Hans Hedtoft, deemed to be unsinkable, hits iceberg and sinks) also Vai Vai had to join in the down down for calling Captain Mortein by his real name.
Angler award down down to Toothfairy who, whilst also being seasick managed to catch himself a 60kg Yellowfin Tuna.
Latecummers down down to Dumbass, Hans & Olsen.
Father of the Year Award went to Captain Mortein who almost let his daughter drown due to lack of supervision and too much attention to other Hash meres. This award soon got changed to Parents of the Year Award when Pirate Princess almost let the same thing happen later in the evening. Captain had a double DD whilst Pirate Princess was also forcing Captain to have hers (a triple!) – however this was kindly taken by Sassygirl instead.
Hashman Slippery had his 60th birthday last week and did not go to Hash but instead took his wife out to dinner so he was given a down down too.
Another incident resulted in Lewinsky taking a down down due to making Ben the Cripple hobble his way across the room to give Lewinsky his beer whilst he was lounging in the pool. Lewinsky countered saying that the beer was warm by the time Ben got it to him.
Godfather was given a down down for chariot riding. Sam also got a down down due to his sister leaning on a post and Sam not disclosing to her the Hash rules.
Snake then nominated the cripple, Ben for talking during the proceedings going on in the Hash circle.
Sassygirl nominated Sue for taking a Hash mere’s money but not remembering her name and confusing the hell out of Sassygirl.
SOTB then nominated Captain Mortein for using the excuse that his daughter was hungry so that he could eat a sausage.
Karaoke and Ring Ring accused Vai Vai of being a “mata aitu” (Peeping Tom) for perving on them for a whole hour whilst they were doing a Zumba class at the Aquatic Centre.
Sassygirl called Horny Ho to the front for de-motivating Sassygirl by telling her not to run but to hang back in the pool and drink beers with her. They ended up having a down down together.
Vaivai nominated a certain Hashman who was riding in the back of a pick up in a boat whilst drinking a beer while his poor pregnant wife was driving – Lewinsky. However Lewinsky managed to coerce the GM up too as he was witness to the incident so they had a down down together.
Sassygirl called up Beyonce as he now responds more to the name Beyonce than his real name Ted. Beyonce also calls up Kats as they had recently got married. Kats took way too long with the down down so Sexpot finished it for her.
Vai Vai got a done for abusing a hashman’s trust and property by putting a hole in Lewinsky’s kayak. Then Snake got a down down for the exact thing he caught out Ben doing – although this time Snake was also fondling fruit.
Hare and hosts – Horny Ho, Sam, Toothfairy and GM all came up and proceeded to down down their vailimas.
After the Hash Circle, a lavish spread was put out for the hungry Hashmen and meres, including Oka, Poke, Chicken, Sosisi (minus the one Capt Mortein pinched) salad and taro. A great night.
Next week’s run is hosted by Kiwi and Slippery past the NUS. No need to bring food as the Hosts are supplying (even though it is the 1st Monday of the month). But bring a change of clothing as this run could get messy.
Sassygirl will be standing in for the GM over the next two weeks whilst he’s in LA LA LAND.