AIP - Technically...

Aliens in Paradise #2 from Mr. Whippy.

RUN 1786 - Naval Base and Ali Bin Shaggin' at Alafua

Hi All

Naval Base and Ali Bin Shaggin' will be hosting this Monday's run from Alafua. Refer to the map below for directions and if you are slightly challenged in map reading then call 757 4250 :)

Apparently this is a "Divorce Themed Run"  Dont know what the heck that looks like so bring on your interpretation outfits :)

Bring hash cash and be on time as it gets dark early

ON ON

SassygirlBJ

Run 1785 - from MINI-GOLF Samoa

Hi Meres and Hashmen

This evening's trot will be from the Samoa Mini-golf Course inside the Turf Club at the Sports Complex, Faleata.

Captain Mortein & Pirate Princess will provide the venue and you can all bring some bangers to burn on the BBQ :)

Bring your hash cash as well and see you there pronto for the trot at 1730hrs.

ON ON

SassygirlBJ

Hash Trash 1784

The Hash was hosted by Nutcracker, Hot Nuts and Swinger at the Nuthouse in Vailima. A lovely day with just a bit of cloud, and off we went to the Cross Island Road, following minute dots of flour. In right past the Stevenson Museum, and on into the botanic gardens. There was a false trail laid up to the Tomb, but luckily Cockblocker was running fast ahead so many of us didn’t have to do the whole thing. Back into the gardens the trail led into the Forestry station and then into the bush again, all the way up to the steep trail, eventually ending up above Mynahs. After that it was on-home, where Godfather’s succulent nuts were awaiting.

POD returned to GM duties after a great performance the week before by Slim Shady. First she called the newbies forward – these were Red Light District, Bag Shag and Skidz from Christchurch Hash, and all took a down down.

Retreads were Flapper and Worker Shirker from ChCh (freezing tits off in NZ), Godfather (organ replacements), Ali bin Shaggin (taking care of mum) and Iapi (busy).

Shoe Inspector ProBoner failed miserably, having tried to pin Poumuli and one of our visitors. This Day in History Awards went to: Poumuli for Captain Mortein (1848 – Slaves are freed in the Danish West Indies (now U.S. Virgin Islands) by Peter von Scholten in the culmination of a year-long plot by enslaved Africans), Swinger (1892 – Western Samoa changes the International Date Line. Monday, July 4 occurs twice, resulting in a year with 367 days), Daz and Iapi (1933 – The first rugby union test match between the Wallabies of Australia and the Springboks of South Africa is played at Newlands Stadium in Cape Town) and Pussysnatcher and Worker Shirker (US Independence Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Gayboy for Elle McJr (in paper), Sunnyside Up (Cyclone Rachel named a freak) Murray for IRA (husband in the paper),  Pussysnatcher for Snatched (in the paper) and Hot Nuts (old photo reprinted in paper, with him looking like a frightened vole).

The GM had some special awards, starting with Most Expressive Italian on the Run Award to Claudia. This followed with a Non-Communicative Award to Ali bin Shaggin for wearing earplugs. After the run the GM has asked Godfather how his new organs were doing which elicited a response about susceptibility to moisture. During his down down Red Light District “played” the ukulele to vast amusement.

Opening up for nominations, Murray wanted Swinger to get a disrespecting the Manu by wearing a Samoa hat during his down down. This instead became a Not Listening to the GM Award to Murray, as the GM had already given special dispensation.

Sassygirl BJ nominated Sam for a Gratitude Award for renting his truck to the ChCh Ladies, who then serenaded Sam with a special song that ended with a “pile of cum”. Poumuli, noting that Mismanagement should be held to the highest standards of ethical behaviours, nominated POD for Corrupting A Public Official – she had tried to “give” a bottle of wine to a customs official.

Sassy nominated the ChCh Ladies for being late and making her miss the run, but she was also made to join them. The Ladies sang another one of their “songs”. Poumuli, noting that Godfather was renowned for his attention to medical and physical details, as well as his need to strengthen up his grip, presented him with a medical squeeze ball in the shape of a tit. Lewinsky joined in for to fondly fondling the medical equipment while Godfather drank.

Crime was nominated for not being able to break into a car, and Swinger nominated Gianluca for sneaking in and for Being Italian. On that note Sassy nominated Aaron, who had been going around saying he was French, but actually is from ChCh – Confusing Sassy Award.

Sassy then nominated Wahoo for the Mother of the Year Award for the screaming child before the circle. Slim Shady nominated ProBoner for the Slacker Mother of the Year for postponing her birthday party – Lewinsky joined for Nieceal Neglect.

Poumuli nominated Slim Shady for the Chicken Award for not being willing to GM, and was joined by CB for losing the chicken hat. Swinger nominated Red Light District and Skidz for the All-NZ Super XV final.

Godfather asked to address the circle, telling of how his newly acquired hearing aid shouldn’t get wet, but he got all sweaty on the run and had taken it out when POD asked him the question. So for taking advantage of the deaf, he nominated the GM. Actually that is a summary of a ten-minute speech.

Hot Nuts nominated Diane for the Extraordinary Award, as it was her keys that they were trying to retrieve from the locked car, only to find the keys inside the kitchen. This down down was so fast, but requests for a repeat were denied.

ChCh Ladies sang a farewell song that went “may the Hash go in peace, may the Hash get a piece”, before we saluted the hosts and the hares, Hot Nuts, Nutcracker and Swinger. A lovely meal was prepared for us which we all enjoyed.

Watch the blog for next weeks run.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1784

Happy weekend Hashers
Next Monday 6 July the Hash will be hosted by Hot Nuts, Nutcracker and Swinger at the Nuthouse in Vailima. See map below. Apparently there is now some construction going on between the houses on the map. The hosts will kindly cater the event. Run starts at 5.30 PM, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash.

It is an important week, so all Hashers (and their guests) are requested to wear blue.

Go The Manu!!!!

Run 1783 - Palusami Restaurant & Bar, Matautu

Hi there meres and hashmen

Tomorrow's run will be hosted by Elle McJnr, Transporter and Lowrider from their bar and restaurant, PALUSAMI at Matautu-tai, next door to PFL. Be on time... run starts at 1730hrs.

Bring your hash cash and your drinking ability lol..

ON ON - GO THE MANU!!!!!

SassygirlBJ

Run #1781- 15th June

Hash run #1781 on 15th June will be co-hosted by Stiletto, Flash Gordon, Lewinsky and POD at Taumeasina. By popular request it will be another 'Bangers And Mash' night. The run will start at 5:30. Bring swimming gear if you wish to take a dip in the ocean

Independence Hash- 1st June - Hash 1779

Independence Day Hash will be hosted by Bogan Barbie at Sa'Moana Resort at Salamumu. Everyone is welcome to arrive from 11am onwards however the run will start at 2pm. See you South Side!

Hash Trash 1777

Do wot guvner, cor blimey, but writing this Hash Trash is well naff. Awrite, Ill giv it a crack. No fading daisy I aint. So the Hash was coming together over at Twin Peaks’s, ya know the geezer, Aussie fella, true blue, gets mistaken for some Kiwi tosser all the time. Don’t get me started on em an sheep an all. So there we wuz, hoping to get away from the ol ball an chain, but nah, she wanted to tag along. Keepin an eye or somethin. Anyways he lives over on that Bank street named after that rich wanker who owned the bank an all or sumthin. So Crime had been out an about, doin is old are and ounds stuff, but turns out he dun it wiv a car. So it was a well short one, bit like how long a skinhead would last in Brixton. We just went up the street, past some bloody vicious dogs, and I don’t mean the girls at on the rocks. Some farkin tosser had planted a bunch of green stuff in our way, but havin me noggin on I cottoned well fast that we better not step on any of it. When we got on to the mac again, we wuz well surprised that oi it was just straight back! Gave two fingers to them mormie buggers on the corner and stomped like a trooper down e ill. But mate, that crown china Godfather ad brought some of is nuts out, and that went down real well.

So POD called the circle to order and tried to sort out the by now bouncy circle. The only newbie Aaron was welcomed, while the plethora of retreads gave Lewinsky a headache. They were Moa, Vai Vai, Ozzie Osbourne, Ditch, Imelda da Welda, Witch Doctor, Gianluca, Prince and Chris.

Wahoo was appointed Shoe Inspector and she swooped on Poumuli, and even though he protested that he had drunk from the shoes at Hash 1775, it was to no avail. But at least Wahoo joined for false accusation. Yahoo was thrilled.

Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (in the Observer), Wahoo (for grandmum on front page, middle page all over) and Godfather (for Swinger’s mum).

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (794 – King Æthelberht II of East Anglia visits the royal Mercian court at Sutton Walls, with a view to marrying princess Ælfthryth. He is taken captive and beheaded), Twin Peaks or Aunty Bruce (1990 – The General Assembly of the World Health Organization (WHO) eliminates homosexuality from the list of psychiatric diseases), Witch Doctor (Norway Constitution Day) and IRA for Slim Shady (International Museum Day (Slim Shady is now a landmark).

On the run, the GM had spotted Crime chariot riding, and this was doubled as he had also set the run on wheels. Lewinsky was also called for causing trouble, as he had taken off his wedding ring for some reason, misplaced it and proceeded to curse out his daughter for losing it. Well the ring was found where he had left it – Child Abuse Award.

Vai Vai was incensed to hear that Ditch hadn’t been coming to Hash as she “did her exercise elsewhere” – Hash is not exercise, we are not a sports club. But the GM decided that Vai Vai should join in this Unhasmanlike Behaviour Award for grasping at straws.

IRA nominated Aaron for joining the slim pickings of the cross-country run just after arriving in Samoa. Twin Peaks nominated Poumuli for being the only one in traditional costume, or dressed as a gay Viking as he put it, during the Norway Day Parade. Pointing out that this was sheer cultural confusion, Poumuli managed to get Twin Peaks to join him.

The GM suddenly recalled that there had been a historic win by Fiji in the 7s, and also that the US had won their first leg in London. Murray was called on behalf of Fiji and Eveready for the Yanks. Imelda was caught cellphonus interruptus, while Prince got the Racist Dog Award as Twin Peaks’ dog apparently dislikes Maoris more than Samoans.

Poumuli nominated Lewinsky for the Excessive Athleticism Award, joined by Aaron for his extra run with Speedhumper, and Twin Peaks and Crime for the very short run.

Godfather had been invited to Florence’s birthday but had been unable to attend, but was disappointed by reports that no mishaps had occurred, particularly one of those were assets and endowments could be put to good use by the Hash Meres. IRA took the Search and Rescue Award.

Poumuli gave a Hero Award to POD for running against doctors’ orders, while Witch Doctor gave him a Birthday Down Down. Godfather was surprised to see Moa and Vai Vai, as last time they had told him they were looking to settle in Tasmania – but it was too bloody cold.

Sassygirl BJ got a Latecummer Award.

We have no host for next week, and no Scribe for 4 weeks.

The Hare and the Host were saluted and on we went to chow.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1777

Talofa Hashers
Twin Peaks will host Monday's run at his place on Bank Street, Vaoala. Take Cross Island Road and take Bank Street, go all the way to the end where it forks, take the left past the pinky-orangey house and up to the top, last house on the right.
Run will be catered, bring 20 tala Hash Cash, and be ready to start run at 5.30 PM

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1776

The Hash was hosted by Godfather and Titty Galore this beautiful Mother’s Day at Sinalei. Hashers started arriving in the morning to watch the outrigger regatta, and we set off on the run around 2 PM. It was not as hot as some other times at this venue, and the pack followed the trail up to the main road. The trail appeared to go left and we set off on a long amble in that direction, but a cross was found. Poumuli went to check the road down to Lupe’s and was sure he had found the trail, and went on home. The rest of the pack went back reacquired the trail and went for a somewhat longer run.

The GM called the circle to some sort of order and invited the newbies to introduce themselves. These were Aude from SPC, Alex and Kelly, volunteers brought by Sassygirl BJ. The retreads were Crash Bandicoot, Wahoo, Cougar, Swinger, Sunny Side Up, Luaao, Wacko, Captain Mortein, Titty G and Dumass/Spellcheck.

Cockblocker was reminded that he needed to inform his guests of the rules – forget what it was but he got his first down down. Celebrity Awards went to Gayboy (SHA considers “gay tourism”), Godfather (picture in paper of Godsister and quote from GF) and Hornithologist (photo from the Samoa Jazz Night).

This Day in History Awards went to Alex (he’s a Pom - 1386 – England and Portugal formally ratify their alliance with the signing of the Treaty of Windsor, making it the oldest diplomatic alliance in the world which is still in force), Captain Mortein (1864 – Second War of Schleswig: The Danish navy defeats the Austrian and Prussian fleets in the Battle of Heligoland), Twin Peaks (1901 – Australia opens its first parliament in Melbourne, and 1927 – The Australian Parliament first convenes in Canberra), Poumuli (1940 – The Norway Debate in the British House of Commons begins, and leads to the replacement of Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain with Winston Churchill three days later) and Aude and Kelly (Europe Day).

Murray then unveiled a Tittygram that he had procured for Godfather in the form of a t-shirt, but a From Russia With Love Award went to Titty G, joined by the tittygiver.

Swinger was appointed Shoe Inspector, and failed. The GM then gave Poumuli a False Trail Award, joined by Wacko and Crime.

Opening up for nominations, Twin Peaks had been annoyed at reading that there was a Kiwi impersonating him as a disgruntled Ozzie, this lead to an Unacceptable Gruntled Award. Karaoke was nominated for taking part in the Kids Regatta and loosing the 1^st race.

Murray had overheard a disturbing conversation, and nominated Swinger for talking about kissing the Captain’s feet. Murray joined the Fetish Award for sharing  this grossness with the circle. Sassy nominated Slim Shady for nearly falling in the ditch, while Captain Mortein had a cellphonus interruptus moment.

While CB was awarded for calling Slim Shady by her real name, Sassy nominated for his No 1 Medal as offensive display on Mother’s Day. Godfather had been chatting with another proud father earlier, whose daughter had pood in the water. Poumuli got the CB Impersonator Award.

Bogun Barbie was awarded for dodging the retreads awards, while Murray failed to get IRA for dodging the EU Day. However Wahoo succeeded in getting an Indecent Bastard Award for Poumuli for leaving them that morning to go to a meeting in town.

Godfather was proud to welcome back Wacko and Luaao, since he had run with AH3 in the very early days, and it was their wedding anniversary. They had actually met at Hash. He also recounted how the name had been awarded, as Wacko had been lost on a run, the cops had to be called, and he only sauntered back at 5 AM the next day.

The Hash then sang Happy Birthday to Sassy, who was presented with a cake shaped as a blue penis.

The Hosts and Hare were saluted before a magnificent meal was consumed.

Next week’s run is at Twin Peaks on Bank Street in Vaoala.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1776 @ Sinalei

Talofa Hashers
The Mother's Day Hash on the holiday Monday will be hosted by Godfather and Titty Galore at Sinalei Resort on the south side. Take the Cross Island Road over the hill and turn right at the 4 corners. Please park over towards the right hand side and make your way down past the hotel on foot rather than go through the main entrance. You can see the path to the beach. Kids are welcome but need to stay in the beach area - loos are provided.
The hosts will cater the event. You can turn up from 11 AM onward and the run will start at 2 PM.
Dont forget your 20 tala Hash Cash

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1775

The Hash was hosted by Sassygirl BJ at the Eagle’s Nest in Letogo. Perched high above the hoi polloi, she sent Crime, a representative thereof, to do her bidding in setting a trail. Traffic coming out of town was not conducive to an orderly arrival, so it was a relatively modest sized pack that set out on the trail, marked with delightful swirls of gaily coloured shredded cellulose. As we observed the glorious clouds over the Pacific, perhaps pondering the futility of such passing beauty, we were confronted with the realization that the trail went straight up into a vertiginous verdant and luxuriant slope of grassland. Containing, we quickly surmised, a plethora of striking and keen edged plants known as Youfuckinbastard stickylongand cutyou samoensis grass. This spiteful lupus of the botanical muddle that makes up Samoan biodiversity quite literally cut us to pieces on the way up. The sole consolation was the fact that the pack stayed united in its misery and progressed upwards together, albeit only until Godfather spotted a shortcut familiar to him. This left Sam and Poumuli as lonely legionnaires in the fight to conquer this mordant prickly hill. Our pointed remarks were by no means indicative of any griping on the trail, soon to be made illegal once the provisional Hash Rules are adopted. Nevertheless, our relief at being relieved of the hellish foliage was terminated, as we realized it was soon to be replaced by a gooey combination of slime and gloopy detritus. Nevertheless the sun was shining bright upon our shoulders as we entered the leafy undergrowth and squelched through the ankle deep repositories of mire and muck. Sure footed we quickly caught up with the short cutters and walkers and ran the trail back. Inspired by the visualization of getting ones footwear removed and washed, Sam and Poumuli managed the final sprint up the zenith of a driveway. Thus exhausted and fragrantly malodorous, they watched from the balcony in sheer wonder – surely such speed in Lewinsky could only have been induced by speed? The pack was greeted warmly by the non-runners and decimated the succulent coco kernels, the sweet comestibles brought by Godfather.

Enough long words for you plebs?

The GM called the circle into sitting order as we were not that many and Sassy had enough chairs – well one was broken and she kept returning to it with much hilarity around. There were no newbies, and the retreads were Sam, Schumacher, who were joined by Gayboy for claiming he had attended a hash hosted by someone called Samm.

Murray was appointed Shoe Inspector, and as Poumuli was already volunteering his new shoe, this was deemed a failure so Murray had to join. Thank God that is out of the way now. Celebrity Awards went to the GM (photo in the paper for the ANZAC Challenge), Poumuli double (photo in full uniform at ANZAC – no those medals are real Lewinsky, and a SPREP one from Noumea), Slippery (his wife was in paper) and Eveready for managing to avoid a single photo on ANZAC Day.

This Day in History went to Sassy (1946 – The "Battle of Alcatraz" takes place; two guards and three inmates are killed, Lewinsky (1994 – Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones files a lawsuit against United States President Bill Clinton, alleging that he had sexually harassed her in 1991), Godfather for Swinger (Feast Day of St James the Less), Crime (Feast Day of St Monica of Hippo) and Gayboy (Lei Day in Hawaii).

The GM started her nominations with a breath of fresh air, not, nominating Lewinsky who during their training run for the challenge had gone up Palisi, and on the way down his bolu fell out of his shorts. We were too incredulous with laughter to decide whether this was a Janet Jackson Wardrobe Malfunction Award or Advertising Tiger Award, especially after the question was raised as to how far out the bolu had fallen.

She then called up Crime for the setting of the run, and that he should have taken a bush knife with him. Since he claimed he HAD taken a bush knife but it was blunt he was given the huge glass by Lewinsky. Karaoke was also called up for being the only smart one to wear tights – Lewinsky said he wished he had worn tights, but all and sundry were glad as no one wished to see his bolu.

In honour of their athletic achievement of being the only two that did the whole run, Sam and Poumuli were called forth. Since both are recovering from leg injuries this remarkable accomplishment was recognized by the huge glass being proffered on Poumuli.

Gayboy was asked where the Shrine was, as the GM wanted to add Sam’s commemorative shirt for the Manu Samoa-All Blacks game, and ignored his oft-repeated plea that he was on anti-biotics. Slippery was nominated for the official complaint from the US Vets that they had not been recognized in the ANZAC. Schumacher foolishly opined that Yanks never complain or litigate, and thus joined the accused in the dock.

A Commiseration Award was given to Manny Pacquiao, who unfortunately was not present, but his closest living resembler was given this instead – Sam – he does look a bit like him, but you’d need to break his nose, take away his vocabulary, add a few tasteless tattoos and make him speak more sing-songy.

The GM was made aware that Gayboy would have to leave, but needed to share the story of Tia having her car brake down and that he would have to drive her. Why not let her use your car? Because she lives in the village and someone will throw a car at my rock.

Opening up for nominations, Lewinsky called on the Ozzies for getting a hiding from the Kiwis in the ANZAC test – POD, Slippery and yes again Murray.

Godfather noted how proud he was of Lewinsky, who when he arrived had grabbed what looked like a heavy crate from POD and carried it up the slippery steep driveway. But apparently POD had seen the ogling wolf pack on the balcony and was ready to protect her husband. Murray interjected that normally expressions of pride from Godfather involved someone’s boobs, so Lewinsky jiggled it, just a little bit.

Poumuli nominated Murray for a Pre-emptive Strike Award, as he had explained the rationale for his being mislabelled the disgruntled Ozzie, and that said disgruntled Ozzie had replied – you’ve been impersonating me. As this would have been a perfect award, Murray had foiled the attempt. Since Poumuli, and Murray, were deemed guilty of using big words, they both got the award.

Gayboy, who had not left yet, nominated Lewinsky for telling the same old lie of the one that got away after the fishing tournament. He was forced to join for cellphonus interruptus, and POD doubled Lewinsky’s as he had for once come back safely, on the boat, and not on the esky.

Sam then nominated Godfather for initiating the shortcut. Sassy got Sam for the excellent service provided in getting her the pay-per-view sorted. Eveready congratulated and nominated the GM for the excellent roundtable setting of the circle. He was reminded that if he came to Hash more often he would have been familiar with this concept, but the vote gave it to both of them.

Poumuli, recalling that the Hash Rules had not yet been adopted, but noted the prohibition against training, and that he had seen Lewinsky doing just that. Lewinsky countered that he was just a lokoleaga and nominated Poumuli for the Discouraging A Hasher Award. Again the vote went to both.

Having noted that there was an accident at Sassy’s some days ago, Poumuli asked what would you do if you saw a serious accident outside – would you a) call the emergency services, b) go down and check all is allright or c) take a photo and post it on Facebook. Sassy did c) so got the Facebook Award, joined by Gayboy for driving skills and Karaoke for something related to potty training.

Next week’s run will be Mother’s Day Hash at Sinalei. Godfather’s request on parking and entrance will be relayed. He also noted that the Circus will be in Poutasi Thu-Sat and encouraged us all to attend.

We saluted the Hare and Host, Crime and Sassy, and went on to eat much more delicious food than we needed, but there was lots.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1775

Dear all
Hash will be hosted by Sassygirl BJ at her place in Letogo, see map below. It will be a BYO run so please bring something for the BBQ or for sharing. Run starts at 5.30 PM, and bring your 20 tala Hash Cash
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Run 1775 - Trotting from Sassy at Letogo

Mahalo Meres and hashmen

As we could not find a host, Sassy is offering her place for this evening's trot. This is a BYO banger lol so bring a sosisi or two to share. Will have a fire going so you can roast merrily to your heart's content.

Run to start at 5.30 sharp thereby avoiding losing any stray runner in the dark :)

Bring your self, hash cash and we are good to go

ON ON

Sassy

Hash Trash 1773

The Hash was hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at the Seyleck Motors compound in Vaitele. Traffic is getting bad on the main Vaitele Road so many hashers were late in arriving. Nevertheless we set out on a Crime Spree, that is a runabout set by Crime. It was basically a rectangle of road, with opportunities for the walkers to cut short. We set out left up the road and just kept going. The road curves around slightly until we crossed the famous Poumuli Road, eventually turning around to hit the top of the road that leads to Snakepit 2. The front runners POD, Lewinsky and Poumuli were at a bit of a loss here, and POD and Lewinsky continued down to Vaitele Road and a long slog back up while Poumuli short-cutted with the walkers. Apparently we should have taken a right and then through the grass behind Farmer Joe’s. We are all economically conscious, and any good baker will use the minimum of flour for purpose, but this was even less than that. You needed a Hubble telescope to spot the stuff. Anyway, good road run and succulent tasty nuts on display when we got back to the Ambulance cemetery.

POD called the circle to order, and new to Hash was Carlos, brought by Elle McJr. He was given a down down as he had been prepped on the rules. Retreads were Phil (back to show us how its done), Karaoke and Eveready (he wont let me come to Hash!).

ProBoner did the shoe inspection and found Prince and Carlos, who baptized their shoes, joined by Latecummer Sunny Side Up.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (photo in the paper), Lewinsky for SOTB (wedding photo in the paper), Crash for FBI (in paper), Slippery for Ozzy Osbourne (APTC in paper), Murray (in paper) and Transporter for the paddling team – doubled for glasses.

This day in history went to Crime (1770 – Captain James Cook, still holding the rank of lieutenant, sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia – for wearing an Oz shirt without having himself sighted Australia), Murray (1984 – Advance Australia Fair is proclaimed as Australia's national anthem, and green and gold as the national colours – picking up his role as disgruntled elderly Ozzie), Transporter (UN Chinese Language Day), Prince (FAO Day – in Iraq!) and POD (Feast Fay of St Isabella – ah a true mother of saints).

There had been a birthday celebration at the weekend and IRA had thrown a great party to the extent that she was pissed the whole weekend, thus an Irish Award was given. She added that Poumuli had ungracefully fallen out of a tree at the Sunday edition of the party, so he was given the Only Part Monkey Award. IRA stepped up for a Lifesaver Award for giving whiskey to Sassy.

Lewinsky and Titty Galore nominated Godfather for the Life Endangerment Award for taking the family to Nuusafe, and struggling with the waves, all hanging on for dear life, while Godfather looses his lavalava and does some advertising in the, eh, big swell.

Sassy nominated Poumuli for dragging Murdoch into the big swell, floundering and then had Murdoch swim back faster. The retort that he has twice as many legs and can thus swim twice as fast made no difference to the Attempted Dog De-Fleaing Award.

Elle McJr nominated Transporter for poor form in his down downs, but then again Lowrider is pregnant! Poumuli nominated Crime for the Economist Award for his microscopic use of flour on the trail. Sassy gave IRA a Bloody Fabulous Lifesaver Award for some other heroics on the weekend.

Lewinsky and Crash took the Amicable Divorce Award for splitting their company. Karaoke also nominated Crash for inviting them over for drinks and then had the cash power run out. There was then some repartee about naming Ronna, but this reverted to Sassy as the monk outfit was absent. Elle piped up that Carlos had come all the way from UK to help Samoa get rid of potholes, and when Sassy said he could fill the Monk’s pothole the house came down.

Lewinsky wanted to give the 100^th ANZAC Award to er, ex-veterinarians, and while he should have gotten one for his articulation, this went to Murray and Poumuli. Latecummer Gayboy finally received his award for the story in the paper about how he insisted on being called Ms Chi, thus reaffirming his enthusiastic catamite leanings, and of course there was the side bar story entitled “Wrong Hole”.

Lewinsky wanted an Unprepared Award for Transporter for bringing thimbles to be used, but this reverted when it was revealed that Lewinsky had himself brought the large vessels he was unscrupulously inflicting on the Hash. In the end both got the award.

Eveready noted that IRA had been wanting to make a Dirty Old Man contribution to the Hash Shrine, but where  was it? Gayboy!

Poumuli tried the true and tested “I nominate Lewinsky” and failed, which the GM added to as on the run they had been confronted by some aggressive dogs, and Poumuli had thrown a rock that one of the dogs promptly picked up and chomped on.

Latecummer Simon and friend were greeted before the Hare and Hosts were saluted. A great feed awaited, and Transporter thanked the Hash for a beautiful day and the Lord for his beautiful wife. Eveready explained the text on the birthday cake which read “Love Your Wife” when it should have read “Love, Your Wife”.

No venue or Scribe for next week as yet.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1773

Talofa lava hashmen and meres

Next week's run, 20th April will be hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at Middleman complex at Vaitele.  It is rumored that Transporter  will be another year younger and none the wiser lol..

Drive to Vaitele, go past the Holy Shrine of Vailima, turn left after the Vaitele Market, go up a bit and look for the sign to Seyleck Motors, or the abundance of dismantled ambulances and parking ticket machines.

So bring your hash cash and be there for a trot at 5.30pm to be followed by a session around the barrel of liquid goodness and some delicious cooking, most likely by Chef Elle McJunior

ON ON

Hash Trash 1772

Dear Hashers

Your Scribe has suffered a knock to the head, and has temporarily contracted Australopatheticus Syndrome, causing an inability to write in proper English. I recommend bed rest, plenty of fluids and a total ban on Neighbours.

Sincerely

Dr Sid Phelis

Riting in Aussie English is difficult so I will do what I can but struth mate you coulda given it to sum1 else but don’t nobody call me no whinger, that’s for those poms.

Crime set an ace trail, a true humdinger although a bit of hard yacka when it’s hotter than a shearer's armpit and the grog is in the esky ‘til the first Sheila finishes. But it’s always good to get out in the woop woop and a beaut of a location although well beyond the black stump. Sorta place you see a bunyip. We went straight down to Spellcheck’s piss up joint, around the Vaiala beach road, and over the drink and back to Lewinsky’s.

I stuck near Swinger the whole bush bash coz it stood out like a shag on a rock that where he went wernt the way. A bit shonky but Lewinsky was spewin from following POD.

B4 the walkabout the pack was all over the place like a mad woman's breakfast with Cockblocker flicking on bodgy shirts, a complete lurk.

Corker to see Crime set the trail. He must have some dosh coz when he hasn't got a brass razoo you wont see him for months. Drug running in Myanmar must be going gang busters.

Another cobber is that Swinger whose as busy as a cat burying shit but still joined.

Felt like a real dill coz with Cockblocker leading the pack in green thought that we were in for a real blue but fair dinkum it woz just he been away a while and dressed like a lair.

Fair suck of the sav! I couldn’t help but bogin to the tucker from POD.

The Circle consisted of the usual furphy wiv us all grinning like a shot fox, it was clear that everyone had had their Pommy shower and drove off like a hoon.

POD as GM called the circle to order, after assessing the number of chairs and impossibility of a seated circle. There were no newbies, but the rethreads were Slippery, Spellcheck, Crash Bandicoot and Cougar.

Shoe inspection was carried out by Hot Nuts who made a false accusation against Sassygirl BJ, and he was joined by ProBoner for her mismatched socks.

Celebrity Awards went to Spellcheck for Gayboy (picture of muumuu wearing rugby players), Cockblocker for AC/DC (photo in paper) and Lewinsky. Now the latter had a front page photo and a page 2 photo, but news of this had also reached as far as Australia. Thus Lewinsky was given a rare triple down-down.

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (240 – Shapur I is crowned as king of the Sasanian Empire), Crime for Tiger Woody/Kiwi (1997 – Tiger Woods becomes the youngest golfer to win the Masters Tournament), Lewinsky (1999 – US President Bill Clinton is cited for contempt of court for giving "intentionally false statements" in a sexual harassment civil lawsuit), Swinger (Feast Day of St James) and for uncouthness Murray (Universal Day of Culture).

Before the run the GM had been conversing with the pack when the subject of the LAPD came up including their predilection for shooting black people. Poumuli made the comment that it was probably illegal to be in possession of curly black hair and thick lips, to which Sassy remarked “upstairs or downstairs”. For Unsavoury Imagery Award – Sassy joined by Poumuli, who had only been loitering with the intent to cross the road.

On the run, ProBoner had been walking with Titty Galore when they walked in on the sa’ in the village. As a good citizen she promptly hid behind Titty G! Overcome with excitement Godfather had to sit down due to his sciatica.

Slim Shady now has a marvellous tattoo on her back, making her a cultural heritage site, while others opined that this was directions for access. Sassy accused Titty G of forgetting to bring Godfather’s pants, as she had stumbled upon him in flagrante delecto quite buck bare arsed. When asked by Poumuli how she came to recognize his arse, she said that it was attached to his face. For some reason the GM deemed that this be a joint award for all four. Lewinsky ran his revenge here by overfilling Poumuli’s cup.

Prince gave a Neglect of the Sick and Elderly Award to Sassy for forgetting to bring the promised pill box to hash, but he ended up having to provide assistance to her in a nice little irony. Swinger nominated a representative of UN Women for assisting Hillary in running for President. The GM denied Poumuli’s sensible suggestion that Lewinsky should also take this one.

Instead she gave Lewinsky a Gold Medal for their anniversary, and joined him for smooching in the circle. Slim Shady nominated the owner of the dumb gay dog for getting sand all over her stuff at the beach on the weekend, a charge Poumuli denied to no avail. Also on the same beach trip there were some lazy sods who had asked Slim Shady to carry a tray of ribs down to them in the water. Swinger took that one.

We then saluted the chefs – Crime and Crash, and wished happy birthday to Hot Nuts and Cougar. The hosts and hare were given an ovation before we settled down for the delicious bangers and mash.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at the Middleman complex in Vaitele also known as Seyleck Motors and Ambulance Dismantling.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1772

Dear all
the Hash will be hosted by POD and Lewinsky at their house in Taumeasina. It will be a "bangers and mash" run again. Run will start at 5.30 PM now that we are off daylight savings. Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala.
For those not familiar, take the coastal road out of Apia, go past Apia Park, then there is a sign on the left that says Taumeasina. Go past the playing fields, hang right and then turn left into the Lewinsky Banlieu.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

EASTER RUN 1771 - Hosted by Prince & Ronna Hadfield

Hello there Hashers

Hope you are having a restful and relaxing Easter break.

Next week's Easter run will be hosted by Prince & Ronna Hadfield and will commence from Screamers place at Siusega - get to big church at corner of sports center then go towards the dump, pass one tar sealed road, go down 2nd. Get there for 2 pm for festivities. Run will get under way at 3 pm.

It has been told that it is Prince's birthday so he and Ronna will be hosting the kaikai. Theme is royal colours - ROYAL  BLUE is in order plus all other princely accessories lol.. Godfather is excited that he has his blue speedos so look out for the bay watch guy.

Its gonna be hot so bring swim wear for after. We hope and pray for a keg

Onon

Poumuli, IKA Slit & Sassygirl