Hash Run 1833

Greetings Hashers
Monday's Hash will be hosted by AC/DC in the Tokelau compound, same as a few months ago.

Take the airport road from town, and turn left at the lights opposite AST Industries. This is the road to Chanel College. Its quite a long way to drive, over some ridges and fords. The last ford is quite a substantial dip in the road. When you get to the top after that ford, there is a green sign on the right for some sort of B&B or accommodation. Take that right turn, a few hundred metres, you will cross a small white bridge and the compound is just on the left, with the word Tokelau spelled out in white painted stones.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1832

Greetings Hashers
The run will be hosted by Cunning Linguist in Vaivase. A map can be found below. This is apparently the Queen's Birthday, so our host has requested that we dress in a queenly fashion. This would entail dresses for the male Hashers, and sundry cross-dressing by the Meres. This follows the long standing international Hash Tradition of the Red Dress Run which we have not done for a few years now.

Run starts at 5.30 PM, bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala and enjoy. If lost call Cunning Linguist on 7294913
 
Your Scribe will be absent so it is hoped an Assistant Trainee Scribe can be found.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1831

The Hash was hosted by ProBoner, POD, Lewinsky and the Happy girls at Taumeasina. We set off out the gate and ran down towards the new hotel entrance. Past the sportsfield we came to the small creek. A few intrepid runners crossed the water, while Godfather negotiated with the owner of the small house to use the bridge, which was successful. It was then unclear whether the route went towards the wharf or straight up to the UN office at 4 corners, but the majority chose the latter. After some further confusion the trail then took us down to Apia Park and past Crime’s place (Crime Scene?). Up into the village behind Apia Park we knew there was a short cut back to Beach Road, but were dissuaded by a local lady because of the saa. So up we ran towards NUS, but here there was a legitimate shortcut over towards Fagalii, which we all took except Pussysnatcher. Then it was on home past the corner church and the rugby field. By now it was getting pretty dark, so this should be kept in mind when setting such long runs. Godfather’s nuts were tastier than usual.

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM as POD was cooking. First there was a small ceremony to dress Firstcummer in a green lava lava and adorning her hair with a toilet paper tiara. Pusiapa had sought out some questions from her fiancée, and checked how well Firstcummer knows her betrothed – she got zero out of five, so a down down was awarded.

There were none new to Hash, and the retreads were Do Me Twice, Slim Shady, Nutcracker, Hornithologist and Poumuli. Shoe Inspector Il Capo found Vicki’s new shoes, which she ably drank from.

The GM then asked Titty Galore for the run number – she had been told it was 1829 but it is actually 1831. It was actually Slim Shady though who had read the numbers wrong so they shared the award.

Before the run, Crime had gone out to help carry the nuts over, but was told by Godfather that a Hash Mere had been asked for help, which she did, but was also exposed to Godfather’s costume change. The GM decided that this was a Indecent Exposure Award for Godfather.

Then on the run, one Hasher had taken the wrong turn and took all the walking Hash Meres with him. Chick Hogging Award to Shitbags. Just then a newcomer Bruce arrived. He’s a friend of Lewinsky’s parents, and took a rapid down down.

Also on the run there was some grumbling about the enforced swim, but since a little patience would have avoided it, and then bitching about it afterwards was not to the GM’s approbation. This went to Hot Nuts. It was Firstcummer’s last run for a while, and she had forgotten her running shoes, thus a further down down.

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (STA photo in the paper), Pussysnatcher (quoted in the paper about snakes) and Poumuli (spurious connection to recent climate change meetings).

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (363 – The Roman emperor Julian defeats the Sasanian army in the Battle of Ctesiphon, under the walls of the Sasanian capital, but is unable to take the city. And for 451 – Battle of Avarayr between Armenian rebels and the Sasanian Empire takes place. The Empire defeats the Armenians militarily but guarantees them freedom to openly practice Christianity), Prince (1120 – Richard III of Capua is anointed as Prince two weeks before his untimely death), Cunning Linguist (1932 – In the Netherlands, construction of the Afsluitdijk is completed and the Zuiderzee bay is converted to the freshwater Ijsselmeer), Witch Doctor (1940 – World War II: Norwegian, French, Polish and British forces recapture Narvik in Norway. This is the first allied infantry victory of the War), Do Me Twice (1967 – Australians vote in favor of a constitutional referendum granting the Australian government the power to make laws to benefit Indigenous Australians and to count them in the national census), Lewinsky (1997 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that Paula Jones can pursue her sexual harassment lawsuit against President Bill Clinton while he is in office), ProBoner (Feast Day of St Bona of Pisa), Poumuli (International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers) and Crime (Samoa Independence Day).

This led Hot Nuts to exclaim that this was the most thorough History awards ever, giving Poumuli yet another.

Opening up for nominations, Slim Shady had been disturbed by a performance of a new Hash song and dance by Poumuli. This he had picked up in Germany, and he was thus forced to perform the Chicken Action Dance. Deeming it highly un-disturbing, the GM gave both a down down.

Slim Shady then nominated Hot Nuts for the Prodigious Procreator Award for his vast success in planting pumpkins, which Hot Nuts commented was as a result of sowing your seeds far and wide. Pusiapa added that after the last Hash, Hot Nuts had run through four red lights.

Loose Lips had asked Lewinsky where the shower was so that she could freshen up after the run. He typically directed her to the outside shower, and asked her to tell him when so he could fetch the rest of the Hashers. Godfather was suitably proud of Lewinsky.

Il Capo had received a visit from Pussysnatcher who went to the beach with Angry Bird, which resulted in a locked gate debacle. Firstcummer then gave an oratorical performance to mimic Hot Nuts, the upshot of which was that he was peeved that no one flirts with him, and that he never flirts with intent. This went to both of them joined by Nutcracker.

The GM then organised a Boat Race, with Do Me Twice, Witch Doctor and Screamer on one side, and Phil, Crime and Bruce on the other, and then claimed that the male victory was really a draw. 

After Firstcummer thanked the Hash for being her favourite community in Samoa, the Hosts and the Hare (Crime) were saluted. We also sang the Hash Anthem for Firstcummer.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1829

The Hash will be hosted by Proboner, POD and Lewinsky as well as the Happies at Taumeasina. Run starts at 5.30 PM. Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala and swimgear if you want to jump in the sea after the run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1828

Hash 16 May 2016

Hosted by Ill Capo - no scripture seems to have eventuated, but we must surely record the naming of Black Swan, Firstcummer, Loose Lips, Pusiapa, Angry Bird and little Marco Polo.

Hash 23 May 2016

With Pumouli still overseas and yours truly just returned, it seemed the right thing to do to volunteer as the scribe – we couldn’t possibly have two more runs off the record!

This hash was at Eveready and Karaoke’s place, and the theme pink as usual there. What was unusual was the length of the run: 9km set! We started a bit late, and so most of us took a shorter route to return before dark when the nuts and keg were waiting.

The grand circle counted 33 heads, with newcomers Prue and Barry from EnZed, Screamer from Oz, and Ruby, Grace, Sarah and Connor from the YouKay, plus Wendy from the YouEsOfA? It proved worthwhile to have trained introducees in hash rules, as HotNuts had to take a double and ACDC a single for their non-hash names being used in vain by these newcomers.

Many retreads this month: ACDC, Godfather, Karaoke, Eveready, Mr Whippy and Prince – in all excuses their families played a big role as you would expect. Shoe inspector Firstcummer did not take long to point the finger at Cunning Linguists whose neon laces had already provoked much glee before. In the absence of Pomouli, any relevant historic events were simply ignored.

Sort-of celebrities were the Joseph Parker and referee lookalikes Prince and Godfather, a car crash pointed the finger at Crash, a suicide-by-??? to Swinger and TV appearance by Devine were all good for down-downs, as was Strapon for some obscure reason. Referring to the Rugby 7s, Sarah appeared most closely linked to Scotland and Godfather to Fiji, although ACDC got a downdown relating to “my history” whatever that item in my notes means.

Nominations from the floor came from Il Capo to Eveready for setting an impossibly long run which had however been set by Crash; yet-to-be-named Phil for being a bad artist (having his elei printing destroyed by the housekeeper rather than him ironing it himself); and for Swinger for ignoring the run-setter’s shout that he was going the wrong way.

Sassygirl nominated Firstcummer and GM for noisy wining and dining, which was reciprocated to Sassygirl for her liking the shapes of empty winebottles too much. What do we make of this, I wonder!

Firstcummer nominated a three musketeers award to Godfather, HotNuts and Swinger for rescuing some of her Marguerita that went flying, the glass with ¼ content caught by Godfather and some of the spilt juice being licked off thighs by HotNuts  - who gave an impressive theatrical impression of what had gone on in the public eye. And Swinger? He had gallantly footed the bill…

Sassygirl also nominated Black Swan as the longest person standing at a party and then wanting to take a taxi in pursuit of a friendly driver to go out with. Il Capo nominated Lewinsky for no longer wanting to drink beer, but his drinking of wine resulting in dangerous movements towards the loo – his effort to reciprocate with a “peeping Tom award” failed. Mr Whippy nominated Crime for the Good Samaritan award, ie for reminding of the all-important pink outfit. Lewinsly nominated Eveready and Karaoke for setting a bad example by leaving their weed out to dry – which is a Crime of course. Apparently “It was an experiment”! Well this was all going on a bit long but whatever.

Hops got a double downdown for firstly not stepping forward as a retread and secondly for forgetting his hash name when paying hash cash! Was it really that long ago (or Alzheimer’s)? - but at least he paid. Sassygirl nominated Screamer (from Oz) as an imposter for our own absent Screamer.

Eveready then took the floor to announce the birth of his granddaughter Maya (number four, plus a grandson but he admitted losing track of). A head-wetting toast was combined with that for the Hare (Crash) and both hosts (Eveready and Karaoke).

But it wasn’t over yet, as all those not wearing any pink (in honour of the hosts’ daughter Luanna, whose favourite colour this had been) got to do a few push-ups, another opportunity for HutNuts to show off while some others suffered. Upon complementing Delicious on looking deliciously slim, Godfather did a swash performance of our favourite “Wise men say..” in a tight circle of swinging singers. One to remember – if it wasn’t for all those down-downs!

On On

Cunning Linguist

Today's Run - Eveready & Karaeoke @ Lotopa

Talofa lava Hashmen and Meres

Today's run will be hosted by Eveready & Karaeoke from their home at Lotopa. Run will start promptly at 5.30pm. Bring your hash cash of SAT20.00 and your good sense of humor.

Theme is PINK!!! 

For the newbies - take the westbound road like you're heading to the airport. After the Mormon Temple at  Pesega, turn left at the next set of lights just before the blue roofed fales at Lepea. Approx 500meters on your left is Delicious Cakes with other shops. Turn left after this building and drive to the end  to the venue.

ON ON

Sassy

Hash Run 1828

The mothers day hash run will start at 4pm on Monday May 9th May at the new Malololelei reserve (see map below).

Take the Cross-Island Road past the Bahai temple and then turn off on Kelsey Lane (huge sign for a Catholic Church). Continue straight, past church compound and keep going as the road turns to dirt road. The compound is at the end of the road where it takes a sharp left turn. It is quite a ways in.

Hot Nuts and Swinger will be the hosts and will put on a wee BBQ so bring your hash cash and a change of clothes in case of rain…

This is a run not to be missed by nature lovers and lovers of birds and bees, flowers and trees…

ON ON

 Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1827

And verily it came to pass, that on the ordained day, at the ordained hour, or thereabouts, the Hash was to be hosted by Strapon at his place in Papauta, a village of holy souls. And as the host appeared, clad in only a loincloth that is called a lava lava, there were murmurings and admirative glances from the Hash Meres, wanton hussies all, and yeay, the call went forth for the Monty that is full to be shown. Being thus inconvenienced, he had entrusted his trusty yeoman Nom Nom to set the trail. An Nom Nom had verily done so, swearing upon it upon all that is holy, yet the trail had been washed away, Nom Nom not being familiar with the divining of the weather, or look out the window. To the accompaniment of much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the pack began commencing the parade of bruised toes. The trail that had been washed away led down the hill, over and into the halls of greater learning by the university that is national. On and on we ran until finally we went past a Hall of the Latter Days and a path was made to the river. As it was of Jordanian proportions, the crossing was as much fraught as it was invigorating. Finally we spotted the road to Strapon’s abode and all was good, with Godfather’s juicy nuts on display.

Hot Nuts had to step in as the GM. New to Hash were Alex from Austria and Sarah from Italy. Their inductees were given a down down as the rules for names usage had been ignored. The retreads were Kieran, Strapon, Godfather, Titty Galore and Gianluca, all joined by the GM for name usage.

There were no celebrities as Your Scribe had been overseas, but This Day in History Awards went to Il Capo and Sara (1945 – Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are executed by a firing squad consisting of members of the Italian resistance movement), Godfather (1947 – Thor Heyerdahl and five crew mates set out from Peru on the Kon-Tiki to prove that Peruvian natives could have settled Polynesia – GF was mates with him), Lewinsky (1998 – A federal judge in Sacramento, California, gives "Unabomber" Theodore Kaczynski four life sentences plus 30 years after Kaczynski accepts a plea agreement sparing him from the death penalty), Witch Doctor (2012 – A pastel version of The Scream, by Norwegian painter Edvard Munch, sells for $120 million in a New York City auction, setting a new world record for a work of art at auction), Swinger (Feast Day of St James the Less), Snake (World Day for Safety and Health at Work) and Poumuli (World Press Freedom Day).

Opening up for nominations, Kat nominated the GM for slamming into her at the river crossing. Poumuli had Nom Nom join her for Hashmanlike Behaviour for charging across the river with no heed for helping the females. This was added to in that he had been chatting up the female shop keepers along the route, trying to sell his nuts.

Godfather had been in Fiji and had a great meet up with Sexpot, Desperate Housewife and Screamer, none of whom run with Suva Hash after trying it once and finding it wanting. Cunning Linguist took this one.

Il Capo nominated the GM for surrounding himself with women, although he claimed that with a name like Hot Nuts it is hard to be irresistible. Gianluca nominated one of those women, Sara, for being in Samoa for 4 years and only coming to Hash now. On the subject of years, Poumuli nominated Snake for the Library Award, not returning his book for 6 years.

Alex nominated Swinger for his starring role in a recent movie, sporting a Selleck moustache. Titty G got a cellphonus interruptus and Crime was leaning. Strapon was brought into the centre so Godfather could express his pride in his accomplishment, which latecummers Pod and Lewinsky joined. Strapon called for ANZAC Day to be better celebrated by Hash, even though last week had seen to that. Nom Nom, Shitbags and Strapon took this one. Lewinsky had been desperately trying to get a military guy nominated but failed to account for the GM’s deafness. Thus Poumuli was able to get an Incompetent Dob Award to Lewinsky.

The GM then wanted a Hanging Around Award – there had been no hare, no keg, no monk, so Alex and Jill took this one, with the GM joining for not acknowledging the substantially sized nuts brought by Godfather. Strapon had cellphonus, while Swinger wanted to have his service in defence of the tattooed noted – he was bitten by a dog while getting additional beer.

Sara nominated Il Capo and Gianluca for only dragging her to hash after 4 years, while Godfather gave a Recognition Award to Swinger and Strapon for BB’s hospitality in Suva. The GM nominated himself for Hashmanlike Behaviour for getting pissed last Hash when he had a late night skype call coming. Lewinsky gave a Heroes Award to Titty G for organising the beer, Witch Doctor for driving, and himself for screwing that up in the first place.

Sassy had of course been broken into recently, but the cops got the guy, so Crime took the Criminals Award. Witch Doctor nominated Poumuli for the Angry Award for yelling at her from Auckland. Kat nominated Nom Nom for laughing at her when she fell in the river. Sassy got Kieran one for being quiet, and Vicky for leaning.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1826

Talofa all
Monday's run will be hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their place in Lotopa. Take the Vaitele road towards the airport, turn left at the traffic light after the giant Mormon temple. You will see Adria's Cakes on the left after some 300 metres, take the immediate left after the shop and the house is at the end of the drive.

Your Scribe will be absent, so please we need a volunteer.

The theme will be PINK.

Run starts at 5.30 PM, bring your 20 tala Hash Cash

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1825

The Hash was hosted by Snake and Fang at Snakepit 1 in Saleufi on a rainy day, although by the time we were ready this had abated and we were in for a cool run. We were led straight out the gate – and into the parking lot. There awaited Vernon with a giant dump truck. We required a ladder to climb in. We drove about a bit aimlessly, then he suddenly turned and parked by the new hardware store opposite Mr Burger. While getting into the truck had been relatively easy, the ungainly procession that descended was anything but elegant. Covered with cement dust we gathered that the run was going up the road between Apoula and Palisi. This was basically straight up. Many fell behind, which was fortunate for them, as there was a false trail all the way up to the Prayer House. We set off back down the hill through the Palisi  Bronx, and as we crossed the Vaitele road, we were led on a path through the fales there. Numerous barking dogs attacked but Venom and Snakebite were vigilant defenders of the Hash Meres (apple, tree, don’t fall far etc). As we emerged from this urban semi-jungle it was opposite SMI and on home past the Market and Lucky’s. Some angel had procured nuts in Godfather’s absence which were heavenly.

POD as GM called the circle to order. There were no newbies, but several retreads. Snakebite and Venom had been to school, Soprano had no excuse, Karaoke and Eveready had been babysitting Crash, Kat had been doing something athletic, Mona was too lazy, Kuching Puti was stuck in front of a computer, while Lewinsky had been to a nunnery.

The Shoe Inspector quickly identified Kat and ProBoner as having new shoes, which were quickly filled but slowly drunk from. Hot Nuts opined that Hashers shouldn’t wear Nikes as these were too water/beer tight. This was deemed denigratory as neither wore Nikes, thus Hot Nuts was the first to get the Nipple Cup.

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1080 – The King of Denmark, Harald III dies and is succeeded by Canute IV, who would later be the first Dane to be canonized – and we know there aren’t too many saints there), Nom Nom (1770 – Captain James Cook, still holding the rank of lieutenant, sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia), Cunning Linguist (1782 – John Adams secures the Dutch Republic's recognition of the United States as an independent government. The house which he had purchased in The Hague, Netherlands becomes the first American embassy – indeed caused by cunning linguistics), Il Capo (International Day for Monuments and Sites) and POD (Feast Day of St Isabella).

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (photo with distinguished ladies), Nom Nom and Kat (athletic photo), Alex and Wahoo as closest living relatives, and Crime (crimeheadline).

The GM then gave the Extraordinary Woman Award to ProBoner for coming 3^rd in the recent ladies challenge. This prompted Poumuli to bring forward that fact that US newspaper the Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'. The requirements for the week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the  Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.

 Third place:

 There once was a girl named Lewinsky

Who played on a flute like Stravinsky

'Twas 'Hail to the Chief'

On this flute made of beef

That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

 Second place:

 Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,

We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,

Since you made such a mess,

Use the hem of your dress

And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.

And the winning entry:

 Lewinsky and Clinton have shown

What Kaczynski must surely have known,

That an intern is better

Than a bomb in a letter

When deciding how best to be blown.

Cunning Linguist nominated Kat for making an obscene gesture in the circle, and her down down was accompanied by a jello shot. Latecummers Dawn Raid and Marcus also got a shot.

Shitbags wanted to bring up the Sneaky Award, and requested that this be given to Witch Doctor for sneaking in with the runners and making it look like she had been on the run. She countered that she had been supporting the runners and giving them high fives, thus this boomeranged as a Full of Shitbags Award.

Alex, on the run had picked up a weird sort of cone, a sort of pine, of the genus pinus, and recounted how Il Capo, in front of her whole class, had pronounced pinus with an e. Dick Award to Il Capo but the shot went to Alex.

Slim Shady asked that we commemorate the passing of Black Box, and all those who went to his service did a down down. RIL Black Box, we will miss you.

Hot Nuts had been approached by Eveready at the service and been asked if he had been deputy GM at some stage, which he had, so Eveready had made him do the valedictory on behalf of the Hash. There was some back and forth on this, but in the end only Hot Nuts got the DPM Award for not even realising the DPM was present.

Slim Shady’s dad had told her that there had been a palagi man at the door with a book for her. When asking for more details, he said, he was palagi, and he was a man, and he had a book. This apparently was  Dawn Raid, and he still hasn’t given her the book. On this note Poumuli noted that he had lent a book to Snake 6 years ago, and he still hadn’t returned it.

Il Capo had been unable to open her coconut and had been assisted by Witch Doctor, who cracked it on her knee with such force that it flew everywhere. This award went to Shitbags for some reason.

Soprano had been enjoying the run, especially with 3 Hash Meres in front, chatting and blocking the road, totally oblivious to the fact that they made a taxi stop. POD pointed out that Kuching Puit is Bahasa for white pussy, and Samoan taxis will always stop for that. Poumuli added that they also would always stop for wet pussy. Thus Jill, Kat, Kuching Puti and Wet Pussy took this award.

Nom Nom nominated his friend James, who while preparing for ½ Marathon had been sleeping in a fale, and had stood up in such a fashion as to brain himself on the fale post. POD then nominated Hot Nuts for resisting the urge to wipe dust from various  butts, but since he is now 60 we gave him the Birthday Award instead.

Latecummers Crash and Cougar had some excuse, so Karaoke took this for them in the Crotch Glass which she drank from fondlingly. The GM got an award for getting her trip to Savaii wrong, joined by Eveready for his new effervescent running outfit.

Next week its at Lotopa at the Eveready and Karaoke place.

We saluted the hosts, and feasted on venison, rabbit, goat and a whole pig.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1825

Greetings Hashers
The Hash will be hosted by Snake and Fang at Snakepit 1 in town. From Beach Road turn left at the clock tower, go past the lights at McDonalds, then its in on the left after 100 meters, between Leung Wai Arcade and Rimoni store.
Run starts at 5.30 PM so bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala for this catered event

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1824

Our usual scribe Poumuli had gone AWOL but not before appointing yours truly as his deputy-assistant scribe – an undemocratic decision surely warranting a downdown next time, see below.

About 11 hardy pairs of soles turned up at Cocktails On The Rocks at the end of a very rainy day. Live hare Nom Nom took us to the lower slopes of Palisi for which among runners the term sado-masochism emerged: a topic in which P.O.D. showed a more than fleeting interest - inviting C.L. to display his encyclopaedic knowledge on the subject of pain (sados like to give and masos like to take it ;-). To his own relief, Swinger unsuccessfully tried to persuade the bunch to seek higher ground up Palisi. And so a lesser loop was completed in a total frontrunners’ time (less hash holds) of a mere (i.e. merely) 26 minutes and 25 seconds according to this cunning numerologist.

Our number was boosted by several non-running extras who helped attack the leftover keg of the previous day (at Godfather’s house, celebrating Lewinsky’s birthday and Snake’s survival of last week’s diesel tank disaster). Hash cash was successfully transmuted into pizza pieces at the suggestion of P.O.D. who hastily exited for good reason.

On forming the hash circle, C.L.’s status as scribe was disputed by Swinger and the yet-to-be-named Alex, both in an effort to duck out of being appointed G.M.: the latter did not succeed in this and our Grand Mistress took us very competently through the usual rituals. Swinger was on glass-filling duty but remained unfulfilled himself as he had a long drive ahead.

Newcomer James from Melbourne stated his intentions to run the Savaii half marathon on Saturday: this must have been on his mind when unwittingly overtaking the live hare at high speed, which of course earnt him a downdown. Retreads Octopussy, Swinger, Tom plus convinced non-runner David M paid their price for turning up again. Shoe inspector C.L. took the usual penalty for being unsuccessful in finding new shoes to be drunk from.

A day in history was dominated by the fact that Iowa was in 1921 the first entity (state) to raise a tax on smoking, which cost all the smokers present: Witchdoctor, WetPussy, Crime, Vicky (did DavidM escape this one I wonder). In 1814 Napoleon was sent in exile to Elba which island was proudly claimed by Il Capo as being Italian. 1721 saw the birth of Moravian missionary Zeisberger whose Dutch connection was claimed by C.L. for several valid reasons.

Noted celebrities were Nom Nom and P.O.D., the downdown for the latter taken by Snake who was perhaps not mentioned by name but surely featured extensively in the media as lucky survivor of the recent fire.

Shitbags reported back on his research on last week’s dispute between Cupless and C.L. He confirmed that drinking any 1 gram of alcohol results in an intake of 7 calories - thus busting the myth that there are none in whiskey. The good news about all this is that Shitbags’ source was a health magazine that stated you don’t have to give up booze if you want to live a healthy lives style, so we all took a sip to that. Penalty for Cupless unresolved, possibly a whiskey downdown next time? Unfairly C.L. was given a downdown instead, which visitor James gallantly took care of. It was noted that under some obscure hash rule only a mere was allowed to take a downdown for a hashman – C.L.’s  assurance that he would happily apply that immediately to a next round fell surprisingly flat.

Nominations from the floor resulted in a downdown to Snake – for fire survival – and to Tom for lack of telepathy as he had turned up at Palusami last week despite the area being evacuated. Illegible notes left unresolved whether Crime and/or anyone else got another downdown at this time: clearly your scribe was starting to be affected by some. This was not helped by the next round for all hashmen and meres who were to participate in Saturday’s half-marathon or 10km run in Savaii: Gill, Alex, Nom Nom, James and C.L. Barely legible notes (but by then who gives a s… anyway) record a geriatric award for Shitbags, for falling asleep in his chair with a beer on his lap at Godfather's the day before.

In the interest of “non-exclusion” (heaven knows why), further downdowns were had by Snake, Vicky, Nom Nom and Octopussy. The hosts and hare – G.M., Snake and Nom Nom - were thanked the usual way. Despite the absence of Godfather and his ukulele (Swinger, step up!) a valiant effort by the hash choir was made to out-noise the pub music with a short version of “Wise men say” and then it was pizza time.

The next hash is to be held at Snakepit (on the road leading from the town clock towards Mt Vaea, 100m past the first traffic light on your left). This is not for the vegetarians among us: venison, goat and rabbit promised to be on the menu!

Here you have it from Cunning Linguist: “Ein gutes Protokoll, ein genaues Protokoll” (as often heard in the excellent 1970s Werner Herzog movie The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser: still worth watching between runs :-).

Hash Run 1823 UPDATE

IMPORTANT UPDATE - NEW VENUE

The tanker on fire at the wharf is still blazing away and we have been told an evacuation of the wharf area has commenced. There will then be an evacuation along the route of the underground pipes to the tanks, which is along Beach road.

In light of this the new Hash venue is now at Cupless's house up by Palisi. Turn off the main road at turn facing Chicalicious, bear left at fork in road. The first house past the Our Lady of the Hill Church. My house is first on the left. Cupless will host and try and cater for the masses.

On On 

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1823

Today's Hash will be hosted by Elle McJr at Palusami Restaurant in the wharf area. Now that this silly daylight savings time is over, the run will start at 5.30 PM. Please bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala, and enjoy a nice run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1822

The Hash was hosted by Godfather at Tafatafa Beach on this Easter public holiday. The day at the beach was beautiful and many opted to stay and swim, especially those who have been on a GF set mid-day run. You bake! But the run went up to the main road, with some diversions along the way, with a final dash back to the beach again for a swim.

POD was back again and called the circle to order. New to Hash was David brought by Alex. Retreads were Shitbags, Jessica, Strapon. Shoe inspector Kieran failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (1980 Norwegian oil rig disaster), Gayboy (1998 Viagra gets FDA approval) and Shitbags (1986 Loscoe gas explosion). Celebrity Awards went to Cupless (for Rory in the paper) and Poumuli (also in the paper).

On the run apparently the pack came across some wild pigs, not having been alerted to this by Godfather, which resulted in an award for Transporter, Prince and Godfather. Gayboy and Poumuli got a down down for not running.

A Super Athlete Award went to ProbBoner for her efforts last week even while injured. Poumuli nominated Lewinsky for the bestowal of his new title – Asiata. Shitbags nominated Cockblocker for the Sneaky Award. At this point it started raining so the notes hereon are illegible.

We had a great feast and a lovely day at the beach.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1821

The Hash was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess the Samoa Mini Golf over at Faleata. A nice day for it, but the usual mismanagement meant that we made Nom Nom the live hare. He set off at a leisurely pace he thought, but soon left most behind. This led to a few stops to collect the pack. We basically ran around the back roads of Siusega, with short-cutters Godfather, Cupless, Ring Ring and Poumuli actually making it a much longer run for themselves. The nuts back at the golf were small again but very tasty.

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM and called the circle to order. New to Hash was Robin, a friend of Nom Nom. Retreads was only Captain Mortein.

Ring Ring was appointed Shoe Inspector and found Alex, but also joined in for getting Il Capo’s name wrong.

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (1963 – Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary, on an island in San Francisco Bay, closes), Poumuli (1978 – The first UNIFIL troops arrived in Lebanon for peacekeeping mission along the Blue Line), Kat (International Day of Happiness) and Poumuli for trying to get Marcus the (International Colour Day).

On the run the GM felt that the live hare hadn’t done a good job, as he only brought back 3 runners. He was joined by Poumuli who tried to dob in Ring Ring. Dawn Raid was then given a Gratitude Award for pledging not to drive anymore in Samoa.

Also on the run a Hash Mere had been followed by a car, revving and yelling about the sa. Apparently this was a new faifeau, so Captain Mortein took the Not Clearing Run With Neighbours Award.

Opening up for nominations, Witch Doctor immediately got the Not Paying Attention Award. Alex told the woe tale of Il Capo having a rough day after totalling her car. She was joined by Dawn Raid in the Best Drivers (Not) On the Island Award.

Nom Nom nominated Robin (Ozzie) for the Traitor Award as she was wearing a kiwi shirt, joined by Kat and also Ring Ring for leaning. There then followed some mass confusion in which Poumuli got three more down downs.

Finally recovered (the scribbles can be read again), Poumuli nominated Marcus for the Misrepresentation Award for stating that he was a Chef on his Samoa drivers license.

There was an attempt by Kat to make a nomination, but she failed because of hiccups. Robin and Snake then tried their remedy of neck back, Snake pouring beer and Robin rubbing Kat’s tummy. This failed miserably. Useless Implementation Award to Snake, Robin and Nom Nom.

Witch Doctor then leaned over, did something to Robin’s knee and fixed it. Living Up To Hash Name Award to Witch Doctor.

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted then we feasted.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Run 1821 - 21st March 2016 - Mini Golf Faleata

Talofa lava hashers and meres

Today's run will be from the Minigolf at Faleata sports complex.

If youre coming from town, head past the Aquatic center till you come to the end of the straightway and turn left towards the Fire Station. Take a left after the fire station to the next gate - entry to the Turf Club..turn in and look out for the mini golf course in the dip.. keep the gate closed after crossing the track.

This is a BYO gathering - so bring meats or something to throw on the bbq. Bring your 20 tala for the keg and ON ON>

Hash Trash 1820

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC and Dawn Raid at the Tokelau compound. It had been a rainy last few hours, and was still drizzling as we arrived. The run had been set in reverse from last time, which although it meant we knew where to go, we first had to slog down the long road to the bridge. To put this in perspective – have you ever felt the blast of a convection oven? The road was baked during the day and had now been soused with lots of water, causing some serious evaporation. The fug of moisture that enveloped us was as unpleasant as Murdoch’s armpits. Only a small group took the lead, but by trying to turn into the woods too early they actually allowed the slow pokes to catch up. And it was last placed Poumuli who found the right trail and blazed the way on home. In Godfather’s absence there were no nuts at the beginning, but POD showed up with a few bags to remedy the situation.

POD was GM again, no takers being found for her social experiment with sharing out that responsibility. New to Hash were Marcus from Norway, son of Dawn Raid. When asked what other family he had in the Hash he blustered through with Uncle, Aunty and Aunty Aunty. Then there was Kieran from Oz, here with CI for 12 months. Finally Aaron from NZ of 350.org fame. They all got a down down because of small numbers in the circle.

Retreads were Dawn Raid (been over, under and beside his motorcycle, twice). Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and found that Aaron’s shoes were new, but did in fact belong to AC/DC, who took the award.

Celebrity Awards were numerous, all for women of the Hash, but none were present. Thus the GM nominated Prince for his girlie laugh, Jill to represent Queen Beatch, Wahoo for Sassygirl BJ and Il Capo for Slim Shady.

This Day in History Awards went to Gayboy, but in his absence Cunning Linguist took the first (1781 – William Herschel discovers Uranus. Poumuli claimed he was Dutch), Nom Nom and Snake (1877 – First ever official cricket test match is played: Australia vs England at the MCG Stadium, in Melbourne, Australia) and Snake (Mass of St Gregory).

On the run there had been multiple reports of Crime being a gentleman – most uncommon. He was joined by Nom Nom and Aaron who had been squeamish about getting their shoes wet in the river.

Turning to the theme of the run – island style – the GM gave an On The Ball Award to co-host Dawn Raid for failing to heed this. He was joined by Prince, who upon arrival was, damned I have nothing, went to the car and comes back like an island queen.

Opening up, AC/DC nominated Snake who instead of running had said bugger it lets drink instead, which resulted in a double. AC/DC also nominated Lewinsky for his sexy over-dressing, not knowing that Lewinsky is on the wagon, thus whipping boy Poumuli had to take it.

Il Capo complained that on the run she had been the only female, and the front runners had abandoned her. This meant an Ungentlemanly Award to Mr Whippy who normally waits, Kieran for being too fast, and Wahoo as the third female on the run.

AC/DC’s uncles were introduced to the circle and given a down-down each. Cunning Linguist then accused Poumuli of poor research, as he had missed an article on Tokelau, written by, er, Cunning Linguist. Both of them took this award.

There was a brief birthday award for Milu, cousin of AC/DC, before Witch Doctor nominated Marcus for being so so worried about getting sunburn, then getting it anyway. He was joined by Dawn Raid and uncle Poumuli, who still gets burned after 9 years.

AC/DC nominate Aaron for being a stand up guy, who tried coconut climbing on his first visit, and also Marcus for honouring him with attending Hash. Poumuli nominated Lewinsky for being the only one who laughed at the suggested name for the GM’s car – the Podule, forgetting about the whipping boy arrangement.

The Hare and Hosts were saluted before we ate lots of island food, as well as Milu’s birthday cake.

Watch the blog for next week’s run.

On On

Poumuli

Hash Run 1820

Greetings Hashers
Monday's Hash will be hosted by AC/DC in the Tokelau compound, same as a few weeks ago.

Take the airport road from town, and turn left at the lights opposite AST Industries. This is the road to Chanel College. Its quite a long way to drive, over some ridges and fords. The last ford is quite a substantial dip in the road. When you get to the top after that ford, there is a green sign on the right for some sort of B&B or accommodation. Take that right turn, a few hundred metres, you will cross a small white bridge and the compound is just on the left, with the word Tokelau spelled out in white painted stones.

The theme is island style!

Run starts at 1800 hours or 6 PM. Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala and enjoy the afternoon.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1819

The Hash was hosted by the Lewinsky tribe at their seaside cyclone bait reserve in Taumeasina. The day had been hot, but the wind was blowing briskly by the water, and brisk blows were of course a Lewinsky specialty. But as soon as we ran out the gate, that blessed wind was blocked by houses and trees. We went out on the road east, and turned off where it runs up to Fagalii and NUS. Right so – we went all the way up to NUS past the cemetery and then down the Faatola Road to the 4 corners by the UN building. Then it was on home past Apia Park. Those who stayed on that side of the road had an uneventful return. Godfather, who did not, was mauled in the arse by a dog, right on his tattoo. So it was blissful to not only have the cold nuts to drink, but the ice to apply to said dog bite.

Hot Nuts stepped in as GM this week, and concluded that there were no newbies to Hash. There were a plethora of retreads though. These were: Prince, Gianluca, Eveready, Karaoke, Crash Bandicoot, Cougar and Alex.

This day in history awards went to: Sassygirl BJ (363 – Roman Emperor Julian moves from Antioch with an army of 90,000 to attack the Sassanian Empire, in a campaign which would bring about his own death – don’t mess with the Sassies!), Ring Ring (1876 – Alexander Graham Bell is granted a patent for an invention he calls the "telephone") and Gayboy (International Women’s Day).

Celebrity Awards went to ProBoner (huge photo in the Observer) and StrapOn for BB (pictured as part of the Forum Election Observer Group).

The GM then did something terrible and thanked Poumuli for his dedication to unearthing celebrities and historical nuggets with a down-down.

Opening up for nominations, Sassy congratulated ProBoner for taking part in the 8-week challenge, but noted that her brother had been completely unsupportive – Bastard Award to Lewinsky. POD also called for the Hash to note the momentous occasion of having the first female Deputy Leader of the ruling party and nominated Fiame’s closest living relative – Speedhumper.

Sassy noted that this was the first time two hashers sweated on the walk – Jill and Sunny Side Up, who were joined by one who didn’t sweat – Karaoke.

Latecummers Spellcheck and Witch Doctor were rewarded. POD had a nomination for the Unsupportive Male of the Month. Karaoke had been doing a weight loss programme and was looking great at a function; everyone said so, except Eveready who claimed it was just the dress. After an attempted right of reply, more like a dig the grave deeper, Eveready took the award.

Poumuli nominated Prince for answering to the name “Babe” when uttered by Lewinsky, while StrapOn nominated Gayboy for always leaving Hash early to avoid his down-downs and leaving them to him. Gayboy countered by also nominating Lewinsky for not trusting him with the BBQ, but the circle agreed that Gayboy was too fondly fondling the sausages.

Poumuli nominated Wahoo for her birthday. Sassy gave an Undue Athleticism Award to Kat. Slim Shady then nominated Godfather for the Inappropriate Contribution Award, as he had bought some stuff for Titty Galore that clearly had some personal benefits involved. Godfather also admitted that he was in fact wearing Titty G’s running shorts by mistake, which may have explained why his arse got mauled.

Poumuli nominated Lewinsky for doing a short-cut, which he countered by saying that Gayboy had threatened to beat him up. While this was not accepted, the question as to whether Gayboy had been running behind him brought both of them the Short Cutting Bastards Award.

Gayboy had been watching the 7’s in Vegas and wanted to congratulate Fiji for their great performance by nominating Slim Shady and Lewinsky, but for some reason this went to Alex instead.

Sassy again nominated Mr Whippy for the Gentleman Award for checking that all the female runners were doing alright. This was quickly repeated by Strap On who thought Mr Whippy must be sad that Peyton Manning was retiring (he named his son after him).

The Hare and the Hosts, Lewinsky, POD and Crime were saluted before we threw down some bangers and mash.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit