Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Hash Trash 1517

Hash Trash 1517

The Hash was hosted us all in that it was a BYO, but was organized by Mismanagement and Ring Ring and Buzzer were the Hares. We met up at the fales over by Taumesina. It took people a while to get there, but we set off at a brisk pace out past the rugby fields, with Spanky swaying for attention. Poumuli was in the lead for a while, joined by Swinger, Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and BlowMe. The trail went down Matafagatele Street and led into the Moataa mangrove reserve. As we crossed the properties and onto the embankment it was not clear whether it was mangroves or trash that was being reserved, but the trail was gentle on the feet. No false trails had been set, but there were a number of necessary checks. CB was unusually attentive to the progress of the main pack due to their being some visiting ladies. Out of the swamp we entered the Vini and Faatoia dirt roads, where Poumuli got to try the taser on some surly canines, and the trail progressed down towards the Vaiala-Vini Road before veering off onto the track connecting to the bridge after Aggie Greys. Several Hashers took the shortcut on Vaiala-Vini, while the rest pressed on past the harbour around to Vaiala Beach and across the narrow river outlet at Vaipuna before getting back along the beach and track to the fales. Those with dry shoes should have been awarded for short-cutting, but this was forgotten. The weather was gentle enough, the track was totally flat, but total length was over 5k.

Princess of Darkness was present as GM and called the circle to order. There were two newcomers to Hash – Stephanie from Melbourne and Alex from Canada, but both were lawyers in Melbourne. One rethread, BlowMe, was welcomed back from Fiji and Tuvalu, but the hash song was done in a whisper as we were not sure if saa was over. We also honoured Shelley’s birthday which she assured us was not a biggie.

To the GM’s displeasure Lewinsky had been chariot riding, with the defence that he was lost in the area! Keeping it in the family Pro Boner had left Titty Galore alone and in the lurch on the seawall, but had to join in for conducting extra training. The GM was pleased that we could now finally see the BBQ due to the wonderful lighting provided by Snake who took his Fiat Lux Award with grumbles. The GM had much more to say, recounting how Captain Mortein had examined Pirate Princess post-run to see how much weight she had lost and then stealing her chips. This became a large Nina von Reiche Award. There being no celebrities this week, there was the revelation that a Genius Award needed to be given to not one but two hashers, for publishing a dry and weighty tome on conservation in Samoa – Swinger and PS.

Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli announced that this was Teacher Appreciation Day in the USA, and since our only teacher present – Spanky – had been defrocked by an inquisitive dog – in front of some kids – she brought a whole new meaning to this special day. Latecummer AC/DC brought with him Annalisa and Andrea from the US, who had been taught the proper Hash protocols this time. Snake had been reading the blog and was unable to understand the new signature that your Scribe is using (Poumuli, IKA Slit). Spanky who of course teaches 5th graders had the answer in a flash, but Poumuli and Spanky had to join Snake in his Not Smarter than a 5th Grader Award.

CB had been attending some high level function (how on earth could that have happened? Lax security?) and had been completely ignored by Swinger. Although he was backed up by PS, Swinger ensured that CB joined in his Snobbery Award for whingeing. This was quickly followed by an Accoutrement Award to CB who had left his hat on. Keeping up the spirit of victimization, Foxy told an unlikely tale (of FBI proportions) of how he had been crowded out of a beach fale by two hashers surrounded by ladies who then drank all the beer. Since he claimed that the perps were CB and PS, the GM decided that this could not possibly be true, and handed Foxy a Tall Tales Award.

Cellphonus Interruptus Award then went to TG, while Captain Mortein was bravely reported for leaning by Buzzer. Strictly enforcing the rules, the GM got CB for trying to chat up the ladies, which was doubled due to the un-CB like behaviour last hash and during this run. AC/DC tried to get away with a phonecall, but his award was doubled for wearing his sunnies. Our newcomer Alex nominated Stephanie and TG for talking, and this became a complicated issue of arguments on the proper award. The GM opted for a boat race with the two lawyers joined by Pro Boner, to compete with Spanky, Ring Ring and Wahoo. Even though Snake and Captain Mortein were appointed judges (about as organized as a dog’s breakfast), the race was fair and the shysters were beaten. Ring Ring celebrated the win with a repeat since she had her hat on during the boat race (not sure about the rule there though).

The recon to Nusafee had been a success, albeit with some automotive problems, and TG wanted to give Lewinsky an award for being so kind to drive the stranded ladies home, but then boring them to tears on the way back to the point that Spanky fell asleep. Trying to defend himself he slipped up on Pro Boners name, so it became a large Boring Old Gentlefart Award. Further tales of woe from the trip down, as Spanky described the vampire features of TG’s car (only active at night), and how they had been vacuously passed by Lewinsky and Crash (so that’s why he tried to be a gentleman – guilt!). She also dobbed in CB and PS for having whinged about the lateness of everyone, when in fact the recon all started in good time.

Lewinsky had complained to Poumuli that while he appreciated the BBQ chops brought to him on Sunday, he had only received one chop. POD was adamant that he had gotten all three chops, and that Lewinsky was stirring up domestic and workplace strife. Pirate Princess was dobbed in for not taking any chops, but under suspicion, and Poumuli for the confusion caused. The GM gave a Breach of Rules Award to Foxy and the visitors for talking.

Stephanie nominated the BBQ cookers for their slowness, which was narrowed down to Snake for being the BBQ owner, and was joined by Stephanie for complaining. In the midst of all of this the GM knocked over your Scribe’s beer, but she nominated Wahoo as her whipping girl. The final awards went to Captain Mortein for Child Endangerment (charging a taser in a child’s bedroom), while Spanky got CB to join in on an Acting like a Child Award (for complaining that he didn’t get to use the taser) – that’s more like our CB – well done!

The hares – Ring Ring and Buzzer – were saluted before we descended on the by now slow-cooked food. The rains erupted briefly but we had the fales for shelter. Check the blog for details on the Nusafee picnic and run, and make sure you sign up for either or both with SOTB or TG.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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