Hash Trash 1519
The hash was hosted by Poumuli, IKA Slit and Wahoo in Malololelei, and a big thanks to Norman Paul for letting us use the premises, and for cleaning it up for us! This was truly a day of hash miracles. It was a beautiful day to celebrate Norway’s Constitution Day, and because of the lack of streetlights up there most of the runners had turned up on time. It was a lovely cool evening as the run started out of the drive. Cockblocker was leading together with some visiting Peace Corps volunteers. The trail was set on finely shredded paper courtesy of Swinger, and your Hare/Scribe had some fun setting the trail as cunningly as possible. CB missed the first turn and was called back, and he then missed the turnoff into the bush and was again called back. He really needs glasses as well as a custodial sentence for his serial pilferage of other people’s shirts. The trail had been hacked through the bushes, and your Scribe valiantly directed runners away from the deep hole that he had found while setting the trail. That was the first miracle – fell in, arse over tit while holding the bag of paper and a sharp machete - only a scratch and managed to get out unaided. The trail then continued up a narrow access track past some cows and their pats, up on to the cross road, where a few false trails claimed our Peace Corps runners. As your Scribe was awaiting the last of the runners by the hole, short cutting cannot be completely verified, but some of you did! Tiger Woody had also been out messing with the trail and sent some people into the back woods – what was he planning? All returned safely to the house where unfortunately there was no running water or coconuts. But there was a keg! If your Scribe may modestly be so bold as to describe that as one of the better runs of recent vintage – and so it shall be recorded.
We were given a surprise visit by Eveready, convalescing after his Lotopa Chain Saw Massacre, but he declined to be GM as he was deliriously on drugs. SOTB took up the GM-ship once again, and welcomed those new to hash. Being quick off the mark, he made the males introduce themselves first. There was a whole bunch of Peace Corps teachers from Savaii brought over by Spanky – Dan from New York, Paul from Minnesota, AJ from Noo Joysey, and Jordan. The girls were then brought forward so that SOTB needn’t waste beer on the guys – Emily from Texas, Lisa from Seattle, Ally from Pittsburgh, Lily from New York, and then the fishergal Mia. Down downs were dispatched at quite varying speeds. There were no new shoes to be found by Deputy Shoe Inspector Snake, so he took that award.
Quite a lot of rethreads – Eveready had been flat on his back, with Karaoke playing doctors and nurses, Slim Shady had been a slacker, Tiger Woody had no real excuse, Blackadder had been visited by his wife and Trina had been in Savaii. As Eveready haltingly made it into the circle on his crutches he complained that the only hashers who had visited him were Lewinsky and someone called Shenene, so it was a double for him. Assisted by Slim Shady to hold the crutches and two glasses, he cast away the crutches after one. Its a miracle – he can walk!
Celebrity Awards went to Shelly (umpteen stories about her fishing prowess resulting in one per story), Titty Galore for hamming it up in the community pages (double), Cherelle for two page story, and FBI (photo in the Observer) which was taken by closest living relative – Snake!?
The GM had been told how one Hash Mere had been complaining of being too sick and tired and couldn’t go anywhere, yet here she was with a brand new Manu Samoa shirt, so an Obviously Scrumming Award to Spanky. The GM also proudly announced that it was a Samoan boat that won the fishing tournament, with Mia as the sole representative getting the Fish Fear Me Award, being joined by Spanky who was getting lippy. Reassembling his blurry mind from last week, the GM recalled the fine form that this one Hash Mere had exhibited as she was pissed off with her beau – an Ungentlemanly Award to Swinger, accompanied by the Hash Anthem.
Poumuli complained that someone had been screwing with his signs on the trail, but since Tiger Woody had left, his closest living relative was deemed to be CB. Once again forgetting his hat, it was made a double. Slim Shady nominated the Peace Corps people from New York and New Jersey – her other village – for leaving to come to Samoa. It was not clear whether she meant that either or neither place had been improved by the move, but Spanky was too boisterous for us to pursue that line, and she joined in the Village Improvement Award.
Shelly, emboldened, made her first nomination for a certain Hash Mere, late and last in the fishing tournament rushing to get her fish weighed in. The reeling walk of yes, Titty G, was described as DUI – drinking under the influence – too much laughter, especially when we got the re-enactment from both of them. CB nominated Karaoke for the Non-Caring Award for neglecting her lovely partner’s sickbed to stop off at the bar. In her defence Karaoke said she needed to get her strength in order to properly carry out the doctors and nurses gig referenced earlier. Eveready had no knowledge of this, so the GM put it to the vote, where not surprisingly CB joined in the award.
The GM had been helping himself to the keg, but in a rare moment of lucidity remembered that it was in fact World Plant Conservation Day, and handed an Environmentalist Award to Swinger (works for CI) and BlowMe (SPREP). Spanky tried her luck at nominating some of the fast guys with their revealing low cut shorts, exciting and/or revolting the Hash Meres on the run, but this became too much for the GM who told her to “put a sock in it woman!” Quite extraordinary. Nevertheless, Cherelle jumped in to the defence and nominated CB for indecent exposure and false advertising (apparently his pants were somewhat see-through – I wouldn’t know, don’t look at such), somehow CB accepted on behalf of King and Country.
Slim Shady, in near FBI form, had been having dinner with Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, the latter grabbing his mamoe bones off his plate as he “doesn’t know how to chew the bones”! This lengthy but rather funny delivery saved Slim Shady from joining Cherelle and PS for the Boner Award. Titty G accused SOTB for not turning up for an important meeting, but he was in fact installing wireless internet for Godfather. But since Spanky could do that in a few hours and not a whole day, the GM reluctantly took the Samoatel Efficiency Award.
Swinger nominated Captain Mortein for the Cranky Award, using an unlicensed taser (there is no license to be had). Poumuli nominated CB for disrespecting Norway Day by not only swiping his shirt at the last hash, but wearing it on the run and only handing it back after wiping his pits with the shirt! The GM also called forth the Chariot Riders – Snake, Swinger and Blackadder. A birthday award was given to Captain Mortein, while refusing to disclose his age, his crankiness made that exercise easy to deduce. Cherelle nominated all the Peace Corps teachers from Savaii for the Resource Depletion Award for threatening the resources of Upolu with their prolonged presence here (not sure which “resources” she felt was under threat?).
The Hare and the Host were honoured, with your Scribe being asked to sing the Norwegian National Anthem. As custom dictates we immediately downed the cup, so it had to be refilled for the actual Hare and Host Award.
The GM closed the circle, lucky for Chilindrina as a latecummer as 1519 was the year Cortez started his pillaging of Mexico. Poumuli had provided reindeer meatballs in gravy, homemade mashed potatoes and Norwegian pea soup (the latter had fermented a bit, sorry if any got upset stomachs), while Karaoke had brought chop suey and rice.
Next week’s run will be hosted by Bits and Pieces as a BYO, details will follow on the blog.
Poumuli, IKA Slit