Hash Trash 1604

The Hash was hosted at Y-Not by Do Me Twice and Cockblocker. A trail had been set by DMT, using flour, so we were relieved the rain stayed off until the run started. We set out to the creek next to Aggies, following familiar paths. There were numerous looong false trails, which we were not sure were deliberate or as a result of the by now famous short attention span of DMT. We went through to the back streets of Leone and some followed a false trail that ended at the graveyard in Faatoia, causing injury by way of barbed wire to your Scribe. Back on the trail we were led a merry chase down to Apia Park and then on home to Y-Not. We need to set some rules for false trails! And we also forgot to congratulate Hot Nuts for his marksmanship with an incredibly accurate stone throw at one of the barking snapping mutts – hit the bugger right on the paw, to much intense yelping and celebratory hooting by Hot Nuts.

SOTB was out sick with some terminal social disease, so Hot Nuts stepped in as GM. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and they were Junior (brought by CB and DMT), Ben and Neil (brought by Spanky). The GM decreed that all should get a down-down. The rethreads were Hot Nuts, Ninja, Nutcracker, Spanky, 60, 9’er, Karaoke and Ladyfinger. Lame excuses all around.

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather for his photo in the va’a story, 60 and 9’er for being pictured at an art gallery opening – Godfather claimed being on medication and passed his award to Alan. On this day in history, in 871 King Alfred started repelling the Danish invaders (this one went to Pirate Princess who obviously has not been too good at repelling a Danish invasion), in 1835 the US national debt was zero for the only time ever (Spanky and Ben) and in 1999 the US Senate commenced impeachment hearings for Clinton (Lewinsky). It was also the Feast Day of Our Lady of Prompt Succour, which for some reason was awarded to Horny Ho.



Slippery was appointed Shoe Inspector for the day, but he failed epically in finding any, so he took the award. Opening up for nominations, Sassy nominated Alan and Mana for not even being aware of their relatives in Savaii – Implausible Denial Award. Sassy also nominated the last hasher to pay Hash Cash – Greenie – noting that at least this time he didn’t have to borrow money. Last Criminal to Pay Award to Greenie.

Karaoke nominated BB for going to zumba instead of hashing. In her defence BB complained of severe backache, so Swinger had to join her in the Cause And Effect Award. Sassy claimed that Vera had caused the accident for the Samoa A rugby players in Vaoala, so a Welsh Referee Award to Vera. Poumuli nominated CB for not being able to control DMT when it came to the hosting of the Hash.

Lewinsky then nominated Karaoke for being out partying with different men while Eveready was away. The actually plausible defence was that the margaritas at On the Rocks were so terrible that she forgot was not approved by the GM, so a Cats Away Award to Karaoke.



DMT noted that CB is normally such a peace loving person (choke, what?) but that he had finally come to her rescue to beat off a pestering stalker, so a Hero Award was given. Vai Vai, who had also been choking at the last explanation, testified how CB had refused to fill his cup last time Hash was at Y-Not. When CB didn’t want to take a large one, Vai Vai stepped up and got the big cup to CB’s teeny one in the Woos Award.

At this point a newcomer to Hash was identified and dragged into the circle. Rachael has recently started at SPREP and was brought by Poumuli. Chilindrina was also dragged in as a latecummer. Spanky, continuing on the woos theme, nominated Ben for being in Samoa 4 years and not once coming to Hash. But this was deemed an Epic Failure on behalf of Spanky, so both took the award.

The GM chimed in that since this was Spanky’s last run for a while, we should let her say a few words. She thanked the Hash family for being of great support to her, and that she was always happy when at Hash or with Hashers. Before the tears started cascading, the GM gave her another down-down, which did cause just that!
Poumuli nominated Witch Doctor for giving lip to the cop that he was trying to avoid getting a ticket from – a Schuzse Me Ossifer Award. Captain Mortein was spotted leaning. Sassy had heard a rumour about two hashers having to get married. But it was only a rumour, and the fabricant was SOTB so it had to be patently false. In any event CB joined Sassy in the National Enquirer Award.

BB noted that the va’a will be sailing with no beer on board allowed, and gave 60, 9’er, CB and Swinger the All Seriousness Aside Award. Proboner was spotted leaning on Horny Ho! Looked comfy, must try. The unstoppable Sassy informed the GM that Tooth Fairy had been in Savaii and had not replied to repeated calls and texts from Horny Ho, apparently from having no credit. Tooth Fairy got the Bluesky Digicell Incompetence Award.

The GM then launched into a long tirade about a certain Hasher that he had to put up with during a visit to Auckland, and no it wasn’t Steakman. Apparently Swinger had been complaining about accommodations, was constantly coughing and had left his stinky shoes in the shared room. Odor Eaters Needed Award to Swinger. Tallyho got an award for not warming Karaoke, but my notes got messed up on that one.
Poumuli nominated the Hasher who won the most at the horse races, er, himself. Tallyho launched into a long vitriol-filled tirade about the duties of the Front Running Bastards, replete with demonstrations of the appropriate sound level and origin of the On On, and demanded that the FRBs from last week join him in a down down – only CB stepped forth.

Sassy had done some investigations as to why Godfather was on medication, and had discovered that someone had been riding him too hard – step on down Titty Galore. Hot Nuts then nominated Nutcracker for finally getting her PhD, and Greenie was again leaning. A farewell award was given to BB and Spanky before we saluted the hosts and the hare, DMT, CB and Titty G standing in for Dumass.

Vai Vai made an announcement regarding the weekend Biathlon, which has been posted on the blog.

Next week, the run will be hosted by Wahoo, Witch Doctor and Poumuli at the Manumea Hotel.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit