The Hash was hosted by Wahoo, Witch Doctor and Poumuli at Le Manumea Resort. It was a glorious day, after all the rain on the weekend, which necessitated that Pussysnatcher reset the run that he and Poumuli had scouted on Saturday, thankfully assisted by Cameron. The trail had been set on flour, so there was not that much left of it after the torrents. It was on out the drive at Manumea, up the hill past the Stevenson Museum, with some eager beavers testing out false trails down to Mt Vaea and past the Chinese Embassy. Please note – if no markers, no bloody trail going that way. We turned in past Ray’s Taxis and went down the hill to the water treatment plant – not really sure how they treat it as it looks murkier than before it gets into the tanks. Again, Captain Mortein dispatched Vai Vai to check for a non-existent falsie, as the trail led up the hill to the first waterfall. This was the first opportunity to get wet, most chose not to. Over the first rise was easy, then there was a sheer balancing act across some slippery logs over the second waterfall. A broad pool ringed with trees and flowering bushes drew us into the third waterfall – here you HAD to get wet. Unfortunately the photographic epic that had been expected was cut short when Slippery, insisting on braving the fall without assistance, er, well, slipped and dropped the camera. But quick intervention he saved the memory chip so we hope we have some evidence. There then followed an actual false trail that no one took, with the real trail moving at mountain goat steepness at first up the muddy and increasingly intractable hill through the trees. This went on and on on. Reaching what appeared to be the summit there was a slight dip that instead of returning us to firmer ground instead led us out onto a knife edge of a traverse, with equally deadly falls threatening on each side. Finally we levelled off in some fields next to what apparently was the former Head of State’s country retreat, replete with giant cactus and strangler figs. The trail followed the access road down to the reservoir by the old German aqueduct and on down to where we started. Technically not crossing the trail, more outlining a balloon, according to Tallyho. Well in the words of your Scribe this was indeed a hard run, but it was epic in the scenery and the continuing challenges it posed to the pack. We helped each other and we made it. Kudos to Pussysnatcher for the grand idea.
Back at the Manumea it took a while for breaths to be caught, but eventually SOTB our GM called the circle to order. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and they were Luigi from Italy (oh I really couldn’t tell that) invited by Ali, Diwai brought by Pussysnatcher, and Lucy and Phil who had been told by someone called Bolu that this was a great activity to bring their baby to – so Pussysnatcher took the child Endangerment Award. The rethreads were Wahoo, Strangler, Tickled, Ali, Zsa Zsa, Mrs Ninja and Leilani. All made lame excuses too farfetched to record (actually your Scribe was getting a refill, and couldn’t hear).
Celebrity Awards went to Karaoke (nice photo in Observer), Godfather (matai title bestowal), Sassygirl BJ (WTO story and photo), Tickled (Rock da Boat ad), Snatch (Mum in paper) and missing in action Sexpot (Westpac ad mascarading as a news story), Swinger, Cockblocker, 60 and 9’er for the audience with the current Head of State.
This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1814 Denmark callously ceded Norway to Sweden), Poumuli and Witch Doctor (1938 Norway callously annexed 1/5 of Antarctica through Queen Maud’s Land), Rachael (1919 US introduces prohibition – very unhasmanlike), Chilindrina (1811 6000 Spanish troops defeat 100,000 Mexican rebels), Lewinsky (1998 Drudge Report first breaks the news of the Lewinsky Scandal) and SOTB (1547 Ivan the Terrible becomes tsar – well SOTB is equally Terrible).
Lewinsky was appointed Shoe Inspector, but while he was initially unsuccessful in his quest, someone had spotted Luigi removing brand new shoes, and this was corroborated by Vai Vai. As the shoes had been removed from the scene Luigi got away with a regular down down.
The GM presented a heart warming story of dedication to duty, where by a medically inclined hasher had been called by the clinic, an emergency, and told the nurse to give the patient this and that medicine and he would see them in the morning. He then returned to his golfing! Tooth Fairy got the Take Two and Call Me in the Morning Award.
Then there was further gallantry from the Hashers, with Sam the Fireman helping damsels in distress over logs and other obstacles, so he got the Best Excuse for Gropage Award. Less gallant but equally thought provoking were the rather oddly shaped avocadoes brought by Horny Ho. Basically they were about as phallic as you could possibly get, veined and all. Your Scribe knows what you would like to call this award, but wont as this is a family hash! Suffice it to say that there was much ribald commentary, including a question from Tallyho to Tooth Fairy as to whether he would prescribe such avocadoes for anything. Possibly lockjaw….
A hasher had been seen destroying the trail, stomping on the fragile flour trail, and making it so much harder for the followers. Colm was identified, and Tallyho wanted the person who had brought him to Hash, which for some reason was deemed to be Vai Vai (I thought it was Hornithologist?). Anyway, Wilful Destruction of Hash Trail Award to the both of them.
Then there was the report from the run, where the group just after the FRBs had gotten lazy and while standing on the last mark had claimed an inability to see where the trail went. Just keep moving you dozy bugger – Ali got the award.
Then there was the unfortunate postal system delay that had caused Kiwi to get his thank you card from Poumuli and Wahoo over a year late – Going Postal Award to both of them. Strangler wanted a Littering Award to the Hasher who had left a water bottle on the trail, and the Hare for leaving a plastic flour bag on a branch – these went to Vai Vai and Poumuli respectively.
A further nomination came from Princess of Darkness, that Seismic should get the Know When To Ask Whether Someone is Pregnant Award. Apparently he had assumed that the rounded voluptuousness of one Hash Mere must be equivalent to that of POD.
Ali wanted to nominate PS and Poumuli for the best run ever, but he screwed up the whole nomination so quite comprehensively that a vote was taken, and surprise, it went back to him. Sassy then reminded the circle of certain Hash rules, no private circles and no staying in the pool – Zsa Zsa, Luigi and Ladyfinger.
The GM then made the fatal error of asking if there were any other nominations, and Luigi being new, and Italian, assumed that this musta be addressed to him, so he nominated someone called Tavita. But Seismic hadn’t even been on the run. In the linguistic chaos that ensued it was agreed that both should take a course in Hash Rules and get a Lost in Translation Award.
Greenie then described how he had been sweating up the hill, and seen Godfather come by in the back of a blue truck, and that this should trigger a Chariot Riding Award. Godfather in his defence said that while he had accepted a ride in the truck, it was because the offer had come from Greenie who was already on the truck! Greenie got a double as he was wearing a cap for the first verse. And your Scribe ran part of the way with Godfather, who was helping Diwai and Slippery and Rachel getting up the hill, so he quite deserved a ride out of the valley!
PS then nominated the Hasher who thought taking a baby on the run was a good idea – Phil took this with much humour, but note – you could have got him back for suggesting this crazy idea in the first place! Ask your hosts next time as to how lugubrious/slippery/steep/treacherous/idiotic the trail will be. Or just watch what Captain Mortein does with his offspring!
Sassy, in her new routine, nominated Greenie for being the last to pay Hash Cash, as he hadn’t event done it yet. Tooth Fairy had an amusing story of how he had been awakened by a phonecall from Horny Ho’s husband, complaining of a sore back and needing assistance. What about getting help from Horny Ho? No she is still sleeping. A Not Divulging Any More Secrets Award to Horny Ho.
Sassygirl and Wahoo were then accused of peeing in the pool. Well hello, what do you think fish do in the water? Anyhow, Strangler pointed out that Ladyfinger had been in the water for at least five beers, and was a much more likely and interesting target. Don’t Swim in My Toilet Award.
Snatch then gave a much belaboured tree-hugger description of Lewinsky’s hunting activities in Savaii. The bottom line was that this avowed pacifist and gun control advocate (who, he?) had a gun in his truck and had shot a pig. Lewinsky claimed that this was a community service action and that he thought Snatch would have appreciated the removal of a horny old pig trying to root, around her. This obviously wasn’t going to survive the vote, even with a bunch of braying horny old pigs supporting Lewinsky, so the GM gave him the Pig Terminator Award.
After saluting the Hosts and the Hares, we descended on what was planned to have been a sumptuous feats for all. Next time, wait to pack a take home plate until all have been served. Your Scribe had to give his meagre pickings up to feed Witch Doctor!
A great big thank you to Luna and Norman for letting us use Manumea.
Next weeks Hash will be hosted by POD and Lewinsky at Taumeasina. Watch the blog for details.
Announcements: multiple birthdays being celebrated on Sunday at the Ninja compound in Vaigaga. Please respond to his email if you are able to make it.
And, the Vai Vai Water Torture Method, or biathlon, is continuing this Saturday at Taumeasina. Come along for the 3.30 PM start if you enjoy running, nearly drowning, and generally improving your fitness through what could be described as inhaling battery acid! Just kidding, you can go at your own speed, and it’s a good way of getting balanced and varied exercise. And he brings Vailima for after as a consolation prize! See previous post for details. In the chat he mentions an option to do it as a team.
Finally, why Vailima is better than coke...
Poumuli, IKA Slit